[PAmale]

My wife and I started to expand our horizons earlier this year and agreed to explore some SM stuff. I told her I wanted to be tied up and be flogged. She was great about it and purchased a flog and straps for the bed. A couple of times she really got into it and put a mask over my face and while tied down she flogged me lightly. It was initially a huge turn on that I shot my load all over myself way before I wanted to but could hold it back. The issue is that I am quite physically fit and want her to really flog me - I even told her it wound be a turn on to leave marks so that I would think of her when I travelled during the week. She just is so afraid of hurting me but doesn't come close. We don't do SM often so when we do I try to suggest that she really take some aggression out on me and would know I liked it by how hard my hard on was but each time she just can't take it to the next level. We have watched some SM movies together and I show her what turns me on but I am looking for advice on how to explain how she can really flog me.

This is always a special occasion when she gets the restraints out so I want to really enjoy the moment when she can control me completely - I even let her put a ball gag on my so I can't guide her through the activity. It is all great stuff but I just crave more force behind the flogger- for those of you who enjoy this I think you will understand what I mean.

Btw- my wife has a harder time expressing herself so at the moment we are still working on her secret desires. She does get turned on when she can take control over me though when I can hold back my cum she gets frustrated at me but she is learning slowly.

 

[PAmale]

To clarify the question - how do you get your SO more comfortable that as a man you can take more of this type of play than what your SO thinks. I have tried to explain this to my wife Many times but she is just being too gentle and this really defeats the purpose. But I don't want her to get discouraged as this is such a huge turn on for me.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

it sounds like you're trying to make a dominant out of a submissive.

difficult task...

 

[wiigirl]

it sounds like you're trying to make a dominant out of a submissive.

difficult task...

Exactly what I was thinking. Not that she cant learn or get the confidence to take total control.

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[PAmale]

I don't know if my wife ever classified or thought about this. She does push my limits- without getting into too much detail- in other ways that are pretty aggressive. I just don't think she realizes how much a guy can take and on top of that how much I enjoy it. It is all about what we enjoy.

 

[bribrius]

My wife is a submissive. We have been in a exclusive 24/7 for years. Not just sexual but also psychological. She is actually on a chattel contract and a sub contract. She loves to be owned. Natural submissive, how we were both raised, religion. It is a combination of many things. We live it. So it is more than a fetish it is our life. I actually tried to back out of it a little before, push her toward more independence and she flipped out. There was a time i couldnt really figure out what our relationship was, i just knew it was different but i didnt recognize why. It happened so naturally and it took some research to understand it. Im still figuring it out. She wants no part of the dominant side. This is how she sees her role and place in life and some of her identity seems to be wrapped in it. She has a key ring she carries that shows her position, a collar (necklace) and of course a wedding band. She has a lot of pride in it.
Not a bad thing, but from a dom perspective it can be some headache and work since all the responsibility goes to my side.
Her level of submission continues to astound me however. It is beautiful. But if i push her to take on independence or any dominant role there is hell to pay. Nothing more troublesome than a insecure sub on the loose. The hardest part seems to be living normally with children. As in not having them pick up the mentality though they kind of notice all the decisions seem to go to dad. Soon as the children aren't around her actions change and she reverts back to sub. And others, in the friend or public arena. She doesnt exactly hide her place because she prides herself in it. She has some submissive wives she has as friends. But on other fronts people seem a little perplexed and with us it is pretty obvious. Especially if you spend five minutes or more talking to her. She sees this as her role and security blanket in life, her purpose. All she wants to do in life is be a mother, wife , and submissive. Though she is probably closer to slave class. She has been called my puppy dog before. Seems people from the outside dont quite grasp the situation.
Not a fetish here though, ours runs REAL deep.
I had attempted involvment in the s&m community at one point. But there are some real freaks out there, and i am very protective of her. i kept having people ask for sessions with her. Which she wanted no part of and i sure wasnt going to tell her to (she would have if i told her) i couldnt imagine even giving her out for sessions. Our relationship is exclusive. We both grew up in the church we arent your average s/m couple. It is fine however, she really wanted no part of the community thing. And we didnt really fit in their though i gave it a try, looking for answers i suppose. Ours isnt just sexual by nature that is only a small piece of it. Christian domestic discipline is probably the closest to your relationship. She just wants to be owned by me and im perfectly happy with that. She is my pride and joy. But it took me years, to understand us, and im still learning.

 

[PAmale]

I have never spoken about this to other people so this is all helpful. We did agree that we enjoyed this part of our relationship together and since we have not been doing much of anything lately this has become my fantasy. Just want her to go crazy on me. We are both dominant during the day so I would have thought this would not be an issue at night - if anything it would have been me being strapped to the bed with a hood and gag on. I could even figure out what was coming next.

 

[PAmale]

I have always been so dominant in the day that somehow this is what balances me. I am not looking for total lifestyle because I still like other sexual activities and with my hormones raging I just want someone to take dominance from me occasionally. I think she wants to bit is trying to figure it out. Couple times I was just so turned on when she showed me all of this stuff she ordered to restrain me that I shot my load all over myself and unfortunately it ended right there. So I have work to do to sustain myself

 

[bribrius]

I have always been so dominant in the day that somehow this is what balances me. I am not looking for total lifestyle because I still like other sexual activities and with my hormones raging I just want someone to take dominance from me occasionally. I think she wants to bit is trying to figure it out. Couple times I was just so turned on when she showed me all of this stuff she ordered to restrain me that I shot my load all over myself and unfortunately it ended right there. So I have work to do to sustain myself

well we arent one sided sexually all the time. Or one sided in anything all the time. It is underlying where the transfer takes place at times, it isnt always so obvious. It isnt like she is always under lock and key and i have the whip out. It is formed in love. But we are in a total power transfer. There are times i get tired of pulling the dom role 24/7. In pulling that role im actually putting her first, not myself, and taking all the responsibility basically all day, work, and her entire life.. She comes first, children second in whatever decision making, my needs come last. Between me and her she is allowed to be herself and her way because she has total trust in me. That is how she is able to let go and be how she is. She knows im protective of her. Total transfer isnt for everyone. But over all, i really cant imagine a more committed or happier relationship that is any better than what we have. This isn't meant for everyone however.
Other poster had it right though, you cant make a sub a dom, or a dom a sub. If you try it usually doesnt end well. People cant be what they arent. In your case, if this is a occasional thing, you might get away with it though. On a limited scale of role playing.

 

[johnnycomelately]

To clarify the question - how do you get your SO more comfortable that as a man you can take more of this type of play than what your SO thinks. I have tried to explain this to my wife Many times but she is just being too gentle and this really defeats the purpose. But I don't want her to get discouraged as this is such a huge turn on for me.

Time. She will get into with time, I reckon. Just show her how much it turns you on each time and it should get harder.