[farside]

My wife and I have been married for seven years and over the course of our relationship I have kept something from her: I have a fetish for women that smoke. We are both non-smokers and she is very anti-smoking and has nagged her father to quit for years.

I hate that I have a fetish and have no idea where it comes from, but it's there. I have no desire for my wife to become a smoker (she smoked socially before we were together) but I can't escape a desire to see her smoke as a part of foreplay.

That said, I know it is insanely unhealthy and selfish of me. Also, I'm not sure how she would react. The closest I have gotten is telling that I want to see her act like a "bad girl" and go to a bar and see her act "naughty" (which I have described as including her smoking). She has played along with it but we have never taken the next step. I have also never flat out told her that the kink is for smoking.

Its insanely gross, but it is what it is. I have indulged the fetish online (there is an extensive online community for this fetish) but 99% of the stuff out there is flat out disgusting. I'm not into porn and there are some sick folks.

I have thought about the option of having her indulge this fetish without smoking (prop/unlit) cigarettes but, if I was her, upon hearing this, I would think that its insane. Also, I know one of the rules in kink is that the activity needs to be "safe". Smoking clearly is not.

So do I continue to keep this in the shadows or do I come out to her with it? Even without it being in the open our sex lives our generally healthy. Any advice?

 

[Lon]

That's a weird one, but that is kinda what fetishes are about.

I think it would be ok to talk about this with her, but not with the intent of having her do this, more as a matter of discussion, sharing something personal and coming closer together. So is keep the conversation light and don't put any expectations on her, never be manipulative.

She may also find subtle unconscious ways to incorporate aspects that mimic smoking in some ways - would seeing her suck a lollipop do anything for you, say the kind with the white paper stem? Or the way she holds a pen?

 

[MattMatt]

What about E-cigarettes? Would that be OK as a part of your fantasy?

 

[TiggyBlue]

yh you can just have the vapor and no nicotine

 

[LearninAsWeGo]

Make the bar pickup fantasy happen... it's fun.

Be careful what you wish for, though... I think it's a big turnoff kissing a smoker if you don't smoke. Heck, it probably is a turnoff even if you smoke, but smoking deadens your sense of smell and taste so you probably just don't notice.

 

[barcafan]

I would just explain to her that you've had this fetish for a long time and you finally feel comfortable sharing it with her as you are more confident about your sexuality...etc...make sure you don't sound like you are pressuring her and make her feel as if this will strengthen the bond between you too...

Don't worry about her judging you negatively and make sure that you explain to her that you want this as foreplay and have no desire for her to become a regular smoker.

I'll say this again as it's the most important thing to take into consideration...the less pressure she feels the more likely she will be to indulge you with your fetish....

Also, if smoking a fake cigarette will be just as enjoyable for you then mention this...she won't think you are a weirdo!

 

[Adex]

You should just tell her straight up to start smoking while you're having sex if that's what you're into. It's not even a disgusting fetish to me in my opinion.

I've been straight forward with my wife about my foot fetish and she has done things for me that have been a big turn on, but stuff that people might think was weird. If you're happy, and it's no sweat off her back, I don't see why she can't indulge in it a little.

 

[YinPrincess]

I have heard of capnolagnia before... Most notably the late Peter Steele (of the band Type O Negative) who was very vocal about this.

I say if your relationship is good, strong and trusting, then tell her what you've told us and come up with a compromise together. She may be turned off at first, but this could be both fun and safe for the both of you.

If she is completely against the idea, then at least you tried.

Also, I am assuming that, since your wife no longer smokes, that this hasn't become a full-on "fetish" for you. If she is willing to play along and indulge you I think it most certainly WILL become a full-on fetish. In other words, you may get to the point where you can't function sexually without the fetish. Tread carefully with that one. If she decides to indulge you, be sure it is an occasional thing.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Lon]

To be clear in this, it is my opinion that the point of telling your W your fetish/fantasy should have no bearing on whether she chooses to actually smoke or not. In fact, she has already quit smoking, meaning she is choosing not to, so absolutely do not let her smoke a cigarette just to appease your fetish. You should certainly be supporting her in her efforts to stay quit smoking, it is an unhealthy and addictive thing to do.

It seems a couple commenters suggested that she smoke, even only if occassionally, for the benefit of the relationship and your sex life - I personally think that is entirely wrong. The point of talking with your W is to bring you closer, not to get your fetishes met.

 

[YinPrincess]

I also want to be clear that by "compromise" I am not at all saying she should really smoke.

I like the eCig idea using vapor only, or perhaps an unlit cig - if the actual smoke isn't a part of the fetish. If it is, the vapor should be a sufficient prop.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[TiggyBlue]

I also want to be clear that by "compromise" I am not at all saying she should really smoke.

I like the eCig idea using vapor only, or perhaps an unlit cig - if the actual smoke isn't a part of the fetish. If it is, the vapor should be a sufficient prop.
Posted via Mobile Device

:iagree:
Plus you can get ecigs that look just like cigarettes and have the end light up too, can get juice with no nicotin aswell.

 

[farside]

Also, I am assuming that, since your wife no longer smokes, that this hasn't become a full-on "fetish" for you. If she is willing to play along and indulge you I think it most certainly WILL become a full-on fetish. In other words, you may get to the point where you can't function sexually without the fetish. Tread carefully with that one. If she decides to indulge you, be sure it is an occasional thing.
Posted via Mobile Device

Thank you everyone so much for your thoughts. As I said, I do not want her to actually start smoking and know that even one cigarette is too much to ask or consider.

I never really considered an e-cigarette because I always thought the thing with them was pure nicotine. The other idea I have considered was a hookah bar. I would need to get the guts to talk to her about it first,

If I can ask the person that posted the above comment, can you elaborate on this. My goal is to indulge this fetish and put it behind me. It sounds like your comment is that it can escalate (which I really don't want).

 

[farside]

You should just tell her straight up to start smoking while you're having sex if that's what you're into. It's not even a disgusting fetish to me in my opinion.

I've been straight forward with my wife about my foot fetish and she has done things for me that have been a big turn on, but stuff that people might think was weird. If you're happy, and it's no sweat off her back, I don't see why she can't indulge in it a little.

If I can ask, how did you tell your wife? How long had you been together?

 

[johnrq3]

I totally get it. The first girl I had a long term sexual affair with was older than I was (18/24) and was a smoker. My wife has occasionally smoked and it was a major turn-on for me. I guess there is a lot to be said for earlier experiences.

 

[gbrad]

Wow, that is the quickest way for a hot woman to turn me off.

 

[YinPrincess]

FarSide - It most certainly escalate if you keep focusing on it. Some may say one indulgence is one too many - I think if it's just curiosity and a one-time thing, it probably won't hurt to indulge.

Indulging even once, however, may tempt you to persist with the fetish, so be very careful in you mind how you look at this.

If I were you, I would try focusing on and indulging in the other things about your wife that turn you on and make that your fetish.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Lon]

farside, hookah bar is an awesome idea, atleast if she doesn't think it would lead to temptation, they often use herbs that have no medicinal qualities at all, no nicotine or tobacco. and even though I don't really understand your cigarette fetish, I shared a hookah with a lady once and it was kind of sexy.

 

[missymrs80]

My wife and I have been married for seven years and over the course of our relationship I have kept something from her: I have a fetish for women that smoke. We are both non-smokers and she is very anti-smoking and has nagged her father to quit for years.

I hate that I have a fetish and have no idea where it comes from, but it's there. I have no desire for my wife to become a smoker (she smoked socially before we were together) but I can't escape a desire to see her smoke as a part of foreplay.

That said, I know it is insanely unhealthy and selfish of me. Also, I'm not sure how she would react. The closest I have gotten is telling that I want to see her act like a "bad girl" and go to a bar and see her act "naughty" (which I have described as including her smoking). She has played along with it but we have never taken the next step. I have also never flat out told her that the kink is for smoking.

Its insanely gross, but it is what it is. I have indulged the fetish online (there is an extensive online community for this fetish) but 99% of the stuff out there is flat out disgusting. I'm not into porn and there are some sick folks.

I have thought about the option of having her indulge this fetish without smoking (prop/unlit) cigarettes but, if I was her, upon hearing this, I would think that its insane. Also, I know one of the rules in kink is that the activity needs to be "safe". Smoking clearly is not.

So do I continue to keep this in the shadows or do I come out to her with it? Even without it being in the open our sex lives our generally healthy. Any advice?

Do your parents smoke? Have they ever? How did you feel about smoking when you were younger.

 

[farside]

This played out in a very interesting way. Last night my wife and I went to a family wedding. About two hours into the wedding most of the "direct" family had left and I found my wife at the bar smashing back drinks with her cousin's wife.

As the DD I settle in and let them get their "drink on". At one point the cousin's wife disappears to find her husband. She returns to us holding....an e-cigarette. Her husband is quitting smoking and (being drunk) she explained that as an ex smoker she was "having a little fun".

My wife asks about the thing and gets the explanation that there is no tar or nicotine. As the cousin's wife drifts on and off of the dance floor, I tell my wife (who had been touchy the whole night) that I think it would be hot if she tries the e-cigarette. She initially says she is hesitant because there are still some of the distant relatives around. I tell her there is no pressure and she shouldn't do anything she's not cool with.

A few minutes later, she is puffing on the thing. So I got my fetish indulged (using some of the ideas from this Board). On the way home she tells me when she does my "bad girls night" she will have to get one of those. She said that since there were still some relatives there she "couldn't do too much with it" but may try it again for me sometime.

I think it played out as well as I could hope as I think explaining the idea of a smoking fetish to her would be tough. Also, it was safe and done in a way that doesn't present a health issue for her.

By the way how much does an e-cig cost?

 

[farside]

Do your parents smoke? Have they ever? How did you feel about smoking when you were younger.

Dad smoked a pipe; Mother never smoked a day in her life. As a child I didn't like the smell.