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9 Posts
Hello – I’m new here and am hoping to gain some good and solid advice like I’ve read you providing to others. Now this is long so bear with me. I’m trying to condense it as much as possible but don’t want to leave out any important details:
I’ve been with my live in boyfriend for four years now. In the beginning things were wonderful. He was an amazing and wonderful man. Things progressed rather quickly because we were so “into” each other. He is recently divorced and has two younger daughters with his ex wife. I have one daughter who is in college.
About a year into our relationship he started showing “signs” of infidelity. I’ve been cheated on in the past so I sort of know what to look for and I always seem to have my guard up. Well, I decided to check our cell phone records and found that he had been calling and texting his ex girlfriend. This is the girl he dated before me and right after he separated from his wife. Well when I called her and confronted her she said that she didn’t know who he was, etc. etc. When I confronted him about the number he said it was his boss’s wife. Well, it turns out that I find out it wasn’t his bosses wife. I found out that he called his ex and told her that if I called again for her to say that it in fact was his boss’s wife. So he actually took the time to call her to tell her that and then she lied for him when I called her again.
Anyway, there have been a number of situations in where he was contacting ex girlfriend through text behind my back. He works with one of them so I attributed it to maybe working issues.
I decided to move on from that. From that point though it was always in the back of my head so I would question things and whenever I did he would lose it on me. Never took the time to reassure. That made the situation even worse. He would make me feel that I was crazy for asking questions.
Well about two years ago I was working (I bartend) and I got a call from a friend of mine asking where I was because he just saw my guy at the bar with another woman. Now, that day I had a strange eerie feeling in my gut. Just like I knew that something bad was going on or going to happen. My boyfriend told me that my friend was lying. That he just wanted to be with me and break us up. My friend wasn’t lying. He called my daughter at around 11:30 at night to get my number. Then my friend said that he saw my boyfriend at the bar that my boyfriend actually said he was. I asked my friend who she was and he said some new woman who transferred to their company. They all work together. My friend, my boyfriend and this chick. Of course, it was a lie and he made me believe that it could possibly be so what did I do? I let it go..sort of.
A year after he was acting strange again, I was noticing white semen stains and sex stains on his underwear from days that we weren’t together all day and I got suspicious again. Checked the cell phone records and saw a number that he was texting like crazy. Did a reverse cell look up and found out that this is the woman that he was seen with at the bar. They had been texting constantly all day long until 5:00 when I got off of worked. The texting stopped. Of course I confronted him about it and they were just “friends”. A female friend (who is 12 years older than him) that my boyfriend decided to never tell me about. When I called her to confront her and ask her who she was she wouldn’t tell me. Got really defensive and said that I needed to ask my boyfriend who she was and that they’re just friends. Hung up on me. Defensive I’m assuming because she was caught. Anyway, he said he never told me about her because it was nothing serious, etc. etc. and nothing for me to be concerned about. Guess what? I let it go because he made me feel like “hmmmm…well maybe? What if I’m over reacting?”
I let it go. A few months down the road I was praying on it because of all of the signs and I wasn’t strong enough to leave. Well, after I dropped him off to the airport for a business trip I came home and he accidentally left his personal email up. To me, it was sign from God and I had to check. Well I found an email exchange between the two of them. It was her saying how she was sorry that she couldn’t talk long. That her phone was dying and that he’s going to have to call her from another phone because she knows that I check the records and he can’t or he’ll get caught. She said how she seemed so happy because she wasn’t as messed up over him like she was before. That she’s hoping he can know the REAL her now and that if he ever needs a friend that she could be a good one to him if he wanted to let her in. She said it was nice seeing you today. You still look handsome.
Well I called him while he was out of town and confronted him and he hung up on me. Wouldn’t talk to me about it. Kept texting me though on how much he loved me and it’s not what it seems, etc. etc. Well, when I finally did talk to him he told me that she had a major crush on him which is why she was so “messed” up over him. That he loved me and that he would never hurt me, etc. I told him so after I found out that you guys were texting you told her to stop texting because I was on to you and you decided to give her your personal email address to keep in touch?! How deceitful is that?!
I decided at that point to move out from our home. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had had enough. Well guess what? I found I was pregnant the week after I moved out and decided to forgive because of my “situation”. Well, I had a miscarriage about a month later.
Him and I met for ****tails one night and I could tell he didn’t really want to be there. He was acting very strange and started arguing with me. Told me that things were feeling “heavy” and that he just wanted me to take him home. Well I asked him why he was acting so suspicious and he started calling me crazy. To leave him alone, etc. etc. He threw me out of the house that we once lived in. I had a horrible feeling all night. I couldn’t sleep and woke up in panic and anxiety. I decided to drive by his house at about 7:00 am and there was a car in the driveway that I never saw. Well, I got out of the car and looked into the window and there was a girl standing there. Buttoning her shirt up! I was so traumatized and shocked..I didn’t know what to do. I walked around the back and he left the key in the door. So I walked in and on the living room floor there was a bed made and wine glasses, etc. I heard him upstairs saying to her “so are you just going to stay here?” and I started to walk upstairs and he walked down..he said what the hell are you doing here!? I said what the hell is going on and proceeded to go upstairs. Well, I walked into the room and guess who it was? It was his ex girlfriend. The one that he was with before me. I asked who she was because I couldn’t recognize her at first and she said “why don’t you ask everyone else?” Not sure what that meant. Doesn’t even matter…
I went downstairs and I seriously went to lose it on him and he grabbed me by the arm and threw me out of the house..didn’t say a word to me..said “come on, you gotta go”. This is the man that I had spent years of my life with. A week exactly after I had a miscarriage. I was so torn and traumatized. I left feeling like a zombie.
I was hysterical. Called friends and family. He called me about thirty minutes after I left and said he didn’t touch her. That he happened to run into her at a bar in the area and she needed a place to stay because she was too drunk. I know that she lives about an hour away. I guess that explains the bed made on the floor and the wine glasses, right?
Well guess what? Out of fear of losing him for some reason I made myself believe his lies…
I’ve never let it go…he moved back in with me into the apartment that I moved to. He shaped up a lot. Got really sweet. Talked about marriage and for some sick twisted reason I believed him.
Well, as of late. Things have been really rocky again. I don’t trust him so I question everything he does. The thing is though whenever something comes up he will not reassure me. He’ll say that I need to let it go because it’s the past and I need to stop acting crazy. I decided to check the cell records and he texted the older lady that he was seen out with that wasn’t so “messed up over him anymore” and of course when I confronted him it’s all work related. I asked him to let me see the texts and he deleted them. I told him that it looks horrible and like he’s up to something and he said it’s not a conspiracy. You’re crazy and make up all these conspiracies in your head. I told him that after all that’s happened of course I’m going to feel that way! Why can’t he just reassure me. He said I didn’t deserve it because I question him on everything. He said that he doesn’t know what I do because he can’t check my cell records. I told him he has no reason to not trust me! I’ve never done anything to him!
So yesterday we got into a huge argument because I wanted to talk about why he’s distant, etc. I sent him a long email expressing how I’m feeling and of course he tells me that I’m crazy, I’m a b*tch and c*unt and crazy and he doesn’t know why he’s with me, etc. etc.
I told him you’re with me because you’re using me. You have no car, a place to live and I’m wonderful to your daughter. I act like your wife and take care of you when I shouldn’t be, etc. etc. and all I’m doing is asking for reassurance after all that’s happened. He doesn’t understand how it looks bad to me. He won’t reassure though.
He made me feel so bad. I’m just at a point that I know that things are not looking good. I’m so afraid to leave and “lose” him to someone else because I know the good he has in him and he’s made me feel like if I would just shut up then things would be good. He said he would respect me when I earned it.
I’d like to mention that he has also been physically abusive at times and has threatened as well. Of course he makes me feel that I MADE him do it because I bother him so much and that if I’d just keep my mouth shut, etc. etc.
Am I wrong in any of this? I don’t know what to do? I feel like this is all my fault. That I’ve pushed him into the arms of another woman because I’m not normal.
I really am sorry for the long thread but I’m not sure who else to reach out to for advice. If my family knew about this they would be traumatized and I don’t ever want them hurt.
I look forward to hearing from some of you on whether it’s me? Am I wrong? What can I do to fix it? Should I just make him leave? My heart is breaking because I keep thinking that maybe if I just “live” like he wants me to and take things day by day that things would change. I love him. This is killing me.
I know I should be stronger as I’m an attractive woman with a great job, am so good to him and his daughters, etc. I’m torn though. Because I feel as if I’m to blame for the demise of our relationship. Because I’m obsessive and crazy.
Thank you so much in advance!!!
I’ve been with my live in boyfriend for four years now. In the beginning things were wonderful. He was an amazing and wonderful man. Things progressed rather quickly because we were so “into” each other. He is recently divorced and has two younger daughters with his ex wife. I have one daughter who is in college.
About a year into our relationship he started showing “signs” of infidelity. I’ve been cheated on in the past so I sort of know what to look for and I always seem to have my guard up. Well, I decided to check our cell phone records and found that he had been calling and texting his ex girlfriend. This is the girl he dated before me and right after he separated from his wife. Well when I called her and confronted her she said that she didn’t know who he was, etc. etc. When I confronted him about the number he said it was his boss’s wife. Well, it turns out that I find out it wasn’t his bosses wife. I found out that he called his ex and told her that if I called again for her to say that it in fact was his boss’s wife. So he actually took the time to call her to tell her that and then she lied for him when I called her again.
Anyway, there have been a number of situations in where he was contacting ex girlfriend through text behind my back. He works with one of them so I attributed it to maybe working issues.
I decided to move on from that. From that point though it was always in the back of my head so I would question things and whenever I did he would lose it on me. Never took the time to reassure. That made the situation even worse. He would make me feel that I was crazy for asking questions.
Well about two years ago I was working (I bartend) and I got a call from a friend of mine asking where I was because he just saw my guy at the bar with another woman. Now, that day I had a strange eerie feeling in my gut. Just like I knew that something bad was going on or going to happen. My boyfriend told me that my friend was lying. That he just wanted to be with me and break us up. My friend wasn’t lying. He called my daughter at around 11:30 at night to get my number. Then my friend said that he saw my boyfriend at the bar that my boyfriend actually said he was. I asked my friend who she was and he said some new woman who transferred to their company. They all work together. My friend, my boyfriend and this chick. Of course, it was a lie and he made me believe that it could possibly be so what did I do? I let it go..sort of.
A year after he was acting strange again, I was noticing white semen stains and sex stains on his underwear from days that we weren’t together all day and I got suspicious again. Checked the cell phone records and saw a number that he was texting like crazy. Did a reverse cell look up and found out that this is the woman that he was seen with at the bar. They had been texting constantly all day long until 5:00 when I got off of worked. The texting stopped. Of course I confronted him about it and they were just “friends”. A female friend (who is 12 years older than him) that my boyfriend decided to never tell me about. When I called her to confront her and ask her who she was she wouldn’t tell me. Got really defensive and said that I needed to ask my boyfriend who she was and that they’re just friends. Hung up on me. Defensive I’m assuming because she was caught. Anyway, he said he never told me about her because it was nothing serious, etc. etc. and nothing for me to be concerned about. Guess what? I let it go because he made me feel like “hmmmm…well maybe? What if I’m over reacting?”
I let it go. A few months down the road I was praying on it because of all of the signs and I wasn’t strong enough to leave. Well, after I dropped him off to the airport for a business trip I came home and he accidentally left his personal email up. To me, it was sign from God and I had to check. Well I found an email exchange between the two of them. It was her saying how she was sorry that she couldn’t talk long. That her phone was dying and that he’s going to have to call her from another phone because she knows that I check the records and he can’t or he’ll get caught. She said how she seemed so happy because she wasn’t as messed up over him like she was before. That she’s hoping he can know the REAL her now and that if he ever needs a friend that she could be a good one to him if he wanted to let her in. She said it was nice seeing you today. You still look handsome.
Well I called him while he was out of town and confronted him and he hung up on me. Wouldn’t talk to me about it. Kept texting me though on how much he loved me and it’s not what it seems, etc. etc. Well, when I finally did talk to him he told me that she had a major crush on him which is why she was so “messed” up over him. That he loved me and that he would never hurt me, etc. I told him so after I found out that you guys were texting you told her to stop texting because I was on to you and you decided to give her your personal email address to keep in touch?! How deceitful is that?!
I decided at that point to move out from our home. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had had enough. Well guess what? I found I was pregnant the week after I moved out and decided to forgive because of my “situation”. Well, I had a miscarriage about a month later.
Him and I met for ****tails one night and I could tell he didn’t really want to be there. He was acting very strange and started arguing with me. Told me that things were feeling “heavy” and that he just wanted me to take him home. Well I asked him why he was acting so suspicious and he started calling me crazy. To leave him alone, etc. etc. He threw me out of the house that we once lived in. I had a horrible feeling all night. I couldn’t sleep and woke up in panic and anxiety. I decided to drive by his house at about 7:00 am and there was a car in the driveway that I never saw. Well, I got out of the car and looked into the window and there was a girl standing there. Buttoning her shirt up! I was so traumatized and shocked..I didn’t know what to do. I walked around the back and he left the key in the door. So I walked in and on the living room floor there was a bed made and wine glasses, etc. I heard him upstairs saying to her “so are you just going to stay here?” and I started to walk upstairs and he walked down..he said what the hell are you doing here!? I said what the hell is going on and proceeded to go upstairs. Well, I walked into the room and guess who it was? It was his ex girlfriend. The one that he was with before me. I asked who she was because I couldn’t recognize her at first and she said “why don’t you ask everyone else?” Not sure what that meant. Doesn’t even matter…
I went downstairs and I seriously went to lose it on him and he grabbed me by the arm and threw me out of the house..didn’t say a word to me..said “come on, you gotta go”. This is the man that I had spent years of my life with. A week exactly after I had a miscarriage. I was so torn and traumatized. I left feeling like a zombie.
I was hysterical. Called friends and family. He called me about thirty minutes after I left and said he didn’t touch her. That he happened to run into her at a bar in the area and she needed a place to stay because she was too drunk. I know that she lives about an hour away. I guess that explains the bed made on the floor and the wine glasses, right?
Well guess what? Out of fear of losing him for some reason I made myself believe his lies…
I’ve never let it go…he moved back in with me into the apartment that I moved to. He shaped up a lot. Got really sweet. Talked about marriage and for some sick twisted reason I believed him.
Well, as of late. Things have been really rocky again. I don’t trust him so I question everything he does. The thing is though whenever something comes up he will not reassure me. He’ll say that I need to let it go because it’s the past and I need to stop acting crazy. I decided to check the cell records and he texted the older lady that he was seen out with that wasn’t so “messed up over him anymore” and of course when I confronted him it’s all work related. I asked him to let me see the texts and he deleted them. I told him that it looks horrible and like he’s up to something and he said it’s not a conspiracy. You’re crazy and make up all these conspiracies in your head. I told him that after all that’s happened of course I’m going to feel that way! Why can’t he just reassure me. He said I didn’t deserve it because I question him on everything. He said that he doesn’t know what I do because he can’t check my cell records. I told him he has no reason to not trust me! I’ve never done anything to him!
So yesterday we got into a huge argument because I wanted to talk about why he’s distant, etc. I sent him a long email expressing how I’m feeling and of course he tells me that I’m crazy, I’m a b*tch and c*unt and crazy and he doesn’t know why he’s with me, etc. etc.
I told him you’re with me because you’re using me. You have no car, a place to live and I’m wonderful to your daughter. I act like your wife and take care of you when I shouldn’t be, etc. etc. and all I’m doing is asking for reassurance after all that’s happened. He doesn’t understand how it looks bad to me. He won’t reassure though.
He made me feel so bad. I’m just at a point that I know that things are not looking good. I’m so afraid to leave and “lose” him to someone else because I know the good he has in him and he’s made me feel like if I would just shut up then things would be good. He said he would respect me when I earned it.
I’d like to mention that he has also been physically abusive at times and has threatened as well. Of course he makes me feel that I MADE him do it because I bother him so much and that if I’d just keep my mouth shut, etc. etc.
Am I wrong in any of this? I don’t know what to do? I feel like this is all my fault. That I’ve pushed him into the arms of another woman because I’m not normal.
I really am sorry for the long thread but I’m not sure who else to reach out to for advice. If my family knew about this they would be traumatized and I don’t ever want them hurt.
I look forward to hearing from some of you on whether it’s me? Am I wrong? What can I do to fix it? Should I just make him leave? My heart is breaking because I keep thinking that maybe if I just “live” like he wants me to and take things day by day that things would change. I love him. This is killing me.
I know I should be stronger as I’m an attractive woman with a great job, am so good to him and his daughters, etc. I’m torn though. Because I feel as if I’m to blame for the demise of our relationship. Because I’m obsessive and crazy.
Thank you so much in advance!!!
