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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When I was 15 I moved out due to a very abusive home life. My father tried to kill me when I was a baby so he was not around. My mother was a feminist and viewed me as an anchor weighing her down. She tried to self abort a few times when she found out she was pregnant, and told me about it whenever she was in a foul mood.

I continued going to school after moving out, and otherwise appeared to be living a normal life.

By the time I was 17 I had a large number of girlfriends on rotation, and a steady 19 year old sex addicted girlfriend. I was still going to school and had my own apartment. No furniture, but it was mine. I met my future wife at this time but kept her in the friend zone.

At 18 the best way to put it is I got lonely. I had all the sex I wanted, my own place etc, but I felt very alone. I knew the relationships I had weren't going anywhere. I wanted to have something better. I would see the family specials on TV with everyone sharing family get togethers etc and I wanted to love and be loved like that.

That was when I moved my wife to be out of the friend zone. She was a "good girl" and had been a good friend. I worried about losing her as a friend if things didn't work out, but I thought she was the best choice for a more meaningful relationship because she was my friend first.

Things progressed and after a couple of years she moved in with me. Sex was limited to variations of the missionary position but I took it as a trade off for having a "good girl" as a wife. About this time I resumed contact with my mother.

A couple of years later my wife and I married.

Three years later we had our first child.

Another three years later our second child was born and my wife got cancer. I took care of her and the baby and worked at night. My mother and her sister took care of her and the baby at night.

She survived cancer but we were wiped out financially. After three years of struggling we moved to another state for the lower cost of living. We were both able to transfer our jobs.

A month after moving my youngest child was diagnosed with a terminal condition. They told us our options and none of them were good. We selected experimental treatment. In the end it was the most chance for him to have a normal life.

Another five years go by and everything is better than expected. We have a house dog and happy kids. My son is still undergoing medical treatment but it's going better than expected and he's living a fairly normal life. I gained weight at this time; 80 pounds actually. That's when things start to go south. My mother was out of work for two years, gone through her savings, and now in bankruptcy. I agreed to let her move in for a year to get through her bankruptcy, find a job and get back on her feet.

Things went along ok for about six months but then my wife and mother had a fight. Neither one was willing to let it go, and blow the fight up bigger than it was.

I talked to them both seperately and asked them to get along until my mother moves out.

My wife starts telling me my mother has to move immediately. I told her I didn't think she was ready to yet and I didn't want to send her off too early and have her go right back to where she was when she moved in.

After this my wife kept herself locked in ourbedroom and started playing a game on her phone. Three months in she started dieting and even working out. She also started wearing a lot of makeup. Sex becomes what I call museum sex. Don't touch anything just make your donation and leave. I tell her when I've seen women acting like that they are usually looking for a new boyfriend. She tells me I'm being insecure and she would never leave me.

Six weeks later she's playing the game a lot, and really dieting. She starts buying new clothes. She also starts calling me mommas boy. I tell her I don't like her p[laying the game so much and I realy don't like being called mamas boy. She says it's a distraction that she needs and she doesn't mean anything bad by calling me mommas boy.

After three weeks we're talking. She tells me if we ever broke up she'd like to remain friends with me. Itell her if she was messing with another guy while were married i'd kill the guy. She says I would think you would want me to be happy. That's when I knew she was interested in someone else. At the same time I go into denial. She's the only person I ever trusted so I try to keep my trust in her.

For the next two weeks things continue to spiral downhill. I keep trying to win her over. Spoil her. Make her happy. Trying to get her back but she keeps drifting further and further away. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I decide there is no way I can continue lying to myself. I know there is something going on.

I buy her a new phone and use looking at the new phone as an excuse to log into her game account. There is a new message for her in the game from some guy titled "french kissing". All other messages have been deleted. I ask her about it. She lies and says she doesn't know why he sent that. She says she would ask but hes not online. I had already checked and he was online.

The next day I log into her gmail account. There's nothing in it. I look in the trash. It's full of deleted conversations. She's telling him all kinds of stories about me, and sexting with him. She tells him she doesn't want me anymore but wants him. Then I see she's sexting another guy on the side. Then I find conversations with a third guy talking about her affair.

It just keeps getting worse. Pictures of her neked body. Him saying what he wants to do to her. Picture in her new clothes she asked me to take of her. Then I find she has a second email account. I break into that account and find nothing except that she has emailed the guy from there. She has deleted the emails.

I went home and started drinking. I don't know how much I drank but it was a ton. She called me on her way home from work. Asked me to make myself and the kids a sandwich for dinner so she could right to bed.

I told her I know about your affairs. She said what are you talking about. I said I know about *******. She said I'll be right home.

We have a big fight. I tell her to get out. She begs and pleads. I tell her to tell me everything. She agrees. She tells me everything I already knew. At that point we wind up having sex initiated by her. I'm so confused at this point I give in, but I'm wondering the entire time who shes thinking of while we have sex. It lasts the entire night. She does things she claimed she couldn't do. To shy etc...

The next day I continue my search through her email. I find even more. It's actually worse than I thought. I find so much I start obsessing and just digging through it all. It just goes on and on. That night I get drunk and confront her again. I tell her about all of the new things I learned. Ask her again for the whole truth. She goes down the list and tells me a lot of stuff including some things I didn't tell her I knew. We have another round of reduculous sex.

For the next two weeks we talk about the affair then have sex all night until we pass out.

When It's all said and done I'm a confused mess. For the sexting with the friend she says she didn't do anything with him and got irritated. I can only read his half of the conversation so it could be true, but I really don't know.

The other guy she says she didn't do much it was mostly him. The examples she gives is she said things like "i want to kiss you from head to toe".

I really feel like I've only scratched the surface. Both of these guys are 1000 miles away. I have no way to get anymore information from them. I don't want to give my kids a broken home I want the TV family specials for their childhood. I want my happy family. I want my wife to love me faithfully. I want the affairs to never have happened.

It's now been four months. I feel like I'm in the dark but she won't confess to any more than she has. Maybe there is no more to confess to. I don't actually know. She is being such a great wife now, and the sex is no longer just simple sex like it was, but then again. Where did she learn to give great blow jobs. She says she looked online so she could spoil me. Damn it. Four months in and I'm confused as hell.
 

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I told her I know about your affairs. She said what are you talking about. I said I know about *******. She said I'll be right home.

We have a big fight. I tell her to get out. She begs and pleads. I tell her to tell me everything. She agrees. She tells me everything I already knew. At that point we wind up having sex initiated by her. I'm so confused at this point I give in, but I'm wondering the entire time who shes thinking of while we have sex. It lasts the entire night. She does things she claimed she couldn't do. To shy etc...

The next day I continue my search through her email. I find even more. It's actually worse than I thought. I find so much I start obsessing and just digging through it all. It just goes on and on. That night I get drunk and confront her again. I tell her about all of the new things I learned. Ask her again for the whole truth. She goes down the list and tells me a lot of stuff including some things I didn't tell her I knew. We have another round of reduculous sex.

For the next two weeks we talk about the affair then have sex all night until we pass out.

When It's all said and done I'm a confused mess. For the sexting with the friend she says she didn't do anything with him and got irritated. I can only read his half of the conversation so it could be true, but I really don't know.

The other guy she says she didn't do much it was mostly him. The examples she gives is she said things like "i want to kiss you from head to toe".

I really feel like I've only scratched the surface. Both of these guys are 1000 miles away. I have no way to get anymore information from them. I don't want to give my kids a broken home I want the TV family specials for their childhood. I want my happy family. I want my wife to love me faithfully. I want the affairs to never have happened.

It's now been four months. I feel like I'm in the dark but she won't confess to any more than she has. Maybe there is no more to confess to. I don't actually know. She is being such a great wife now, and the sex is no longer just simple sex like it was, but then again. Where did she learn to give great blow jobs. She says she looked online so she could spoil me. Damn it. Four months in and I'm confused as hell.
The sex is called "hysterical bonding" and it's common after a betrayal.

Also there is likely trauma bonding going on on your part.

It sadly sounds as if this women uses sex to calm men down or manipulate them based on the fact she is doing things she claimed to be too shy to do.

It may also indicate she already had physical affairs.

Get her to marriage counseling. The counselor may be able to get her to tell you the whole truth.
 

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Already read some about hysterical bonding, and I agree. What is trauma bonding?
It's similar to Stockholme syndrome. People often bond with their abuser as a way to survive, physically or mentally.

THIS IS FROM WIKIPEDIA "Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other."[4] One commonly used hypothesis to explain the effect of Stockholm Syndrome is based on Freudian theory. It suggests that the bonding is the individual's response to trauma in becoming a victim. Identifying with the aggressor is one way that the ego defends itself. When a victim believes the same values as the aggressor, they no longer become a threat. [5]"
 

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they are 1000 miles away. That is good. Is there anyone nearby that she could have fooled around with??? Anyone at all?

If not then it could just be the fantasy online world affair.

She should no longer be playing that game or be on any chat rooms. She's proven herself incapable of conducting herself appropriately online.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
they are 1000 miles away. That is good. Is there anyone nearby that she could have fooled around with??? Anyone at all?

If not then it could just be the fantasy online world affair.

She should no longer be playing that game or be on any chat rooms. She's proven herself incapable of conducting herself appropriately online.
There is noone I know of near by.

She's not online at all now. I told her she's proven she can't be trusted with social media.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
How did she justify her fantasy world? How did she apologize to you (other than the sex) ? What was her side of it?
She said she was unhappy, and didn't intend to cheat.

She's been very appolgetic. She claims to have told me everything. She says she couldn't tell me more than I knew because I dug up everything. She has been very nice since then. Actually shes been an ideal wife. She cut off all contact with anyone online. She keeps in constant contact and always makes sure I know where she is. I believe her remorse is real. I just don't know if she really gave me the entire truth like she claims.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
How did she justify her fantasy world? How did she apologize to you (other than the sex) ? What was her side of it?
Then again at one point she tried telling me she thought I didn't want her anymore... It was a crazy thing to say. I made my family my everything.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Also the dieting and makeup make me think she was looking to cheat. She says she just was trying to feel better because she was depressed.
 

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Also the dieting and makeup make me think she was looking to cheat. She says she just was trying to feel better because she was depressed.
Dieting, weight lose, change in make-up, sexy clothes are all red flags of an affair - and not an on-line affair.

Where does she work? Any unexplained "working late" or "go for a drink with the folks after work" nights.

Your detective work may not be over.
 

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You may never know if you got the entire truth or not.

One way to find out is ask her to take a polygraph. If she's told you everything and is truly worried about your recovery, she will see it as a golden opportunity to prove to you once and for all she's in it for the long haul. If she's still hiding stuff, she'll balk. I know you say money is tight, but this could be the only way you will really know what's going and whether to waste any more time with her or not. You may not even have to actually get it, just tell her you've booked one for her and see what she says/does.
 

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Dieting, weight lose, change in make-up, sexy clothes are all red flags of an affair - and not an on-line affair.

Where does she work? Any unexplained "working late" or "go for a drink with the folks after work" nights.

Your detective work may not be over.
:iagree:
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
No missing time that I know of. She works in retail so she had lunch time opportunity etc. I know she sent the one guy all of the pictures of herself in the new clothes, and started sending the body pictures once she had slimmed down. If she cheated in the real world I don't have anything that shows it.

She's not acting distant like she was. Actually shes been really close, so I believe there is no affair going on right now. If there was a real world affair I have no way to track it down.
 

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You've had a rough life, But you NEED TO STOP having SEX with this VULTURE you are attached to. Think of all the diseases she could be putting on your private parts. Who really knows what she has done? TAKE A STAND for yourself, and stop it. Once she sees she cant shut you up with sex, once you confront her, then she's going to get nervous, yah the insults will start again, but you know what, who cares? You don't have a real relationship with her. She's a liar, a cheater, and who knows what else. So stop getting so weak when her legs open up. She is the enemy, treat her as one. What if one day, she tells you goodbye and all this time you were dizzy with sex, and she was planning her escape, after using and abusing you. She's not loving you.
 
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