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Me and my partner have been together 3 years minus a few month split up engaged till the split up which occurred through the first half of my pregnancy, (he left me for someone younger, smoked pot nonstop, drank,etc) which I do believe was solely because when he realized we were going to have a baby he got scared and didn't want to grow up and take the responsibility. But he came around and we got an apartment together and prepared for our son, after that we lived there a few months till we had to go to another state for a month for me to have my son which he had to have a 3 part open heart surgery at 3 days old. (he's doing great, almost 3 months old now) and my partner used to look at me like i was the world, we had so many good times and still do but he doesn't look at me the same anymore, whenever i try to take care of the bills and go to find he spent his check on his car(which has happened every check since july still) he snaps and says it's his money and he'll do what the hell he wants, he works full time all I do is take care of our son day and night and when he comes home I expect him to come sit with us cuddle etc and he just goes straight to his car and whenever I go out and ask him to come spend time with us/cuddle for atleast 30 min he does (which the whole time I can tell all he's doing is thinking about going back out to work on his car) and he whenever the show were watching/ time I asked is up he jumps up and goes back out. and if it's not that he's on his phone(which when we were in the other state his iphone got stolen out of the hospital room, so 2 months ago he bought the new evo 4g android WHICH we fought over of coarse cause he put that before bills and his speeding ticket which still arent paid and now he has a 220 dollar phone bill that we can't pay either cause he spends all his money on working on the car, WHICH the carseat wont even fit in without the front passengers seat being flipped down( yes he owns a 2 door 5 speed 93 dodge stealth.. and just bought another.. which luckily is automatic so I can learn to drive.. but as of now doesn't run.. but regardless I am at a loss, when I show him how what he's doing upsets me he just blows up and says im trying to control him. which i'm not, his spending all his time on his phone and on the car after i wait 9 hours for him to come home instead of spending time with me and his perfect son hurts me more than he can imagine, him thinking I don't want him to have a social life whenever I get upset that he jumps and runs to his phone when he gets a text/notification but not when his son is crying or I spent forever on a meal and want him to eat with me. theres just so much and me and his mom both are at a loss, he never listens, he always thinks people are after him or against him, he lies about the stupidest ****.. but i'm so in love with him.. sometimes I really don't see all he does wrong. I just wish I knew how to get through to him, its always accusations or let me just finish this(which goes on to this and that then its hours later) and just so much I feel like i'm losing my mind.
 

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SB, you may love this man but he is obvioulsy very self absorbed. I'm not sure how old either of you are but he has much growing up to do. He doesn't have the mental maturity to take responsibility for a family. Truthfully, would you feel comfortable leaving him with your son to go to the store even for 30 minutes...especially if he is still smoking pot and drinking?? I feel for you but am at a loss here. You can't force him to grow up.
One question...did he spend time with you before the baby arrived?
 

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I had a man like this before. It was hard, but I left him and have never looked back or regretted it. He was never going to change. He is still drinking, smoking pot and spending all his money on selfish persuits. He doesn´t support his child now, doesn´t even bother to see him or call him. He was a good guy in a lot of ways, but I wasn´t willing to live with these things. It´s up to you to decie whether you are. It depends on your personality whether you can accept it and carry on, or whether it will only make you angry / frustrated / hurt. I will tell you one thing, which is that you are a better parent alone than if you are with someone who makes you feel bad. I think the best parents are happy ones. I´m so glad your son is ok too. What a thing to go through.
 

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SB, you may love this man but he is obvioulsy very self absorbed. I'm not sure how old either of you are but he has much growing up to do. He doesn't have the mental maturity to take responsibility for a family. Truthfully, would you feel comfortable leaving him with your son to go to the store even for 30 minutes...especially if he is still smoking pot and drinking?? I feel for you but am at a loss here. You can't force him to grow up.
One question...did he spend time with you before the baby arrived?

He would always sit beside me but he would be on his iphone looking up things on craigslist and youtube, calling people, trading and pawning everything he has... then he'd go to sleep lol. And he considers as long as he's in the same room it's spending time anymore, he used to be the sweetest, most thoughtful guy ever until he started hanging out with his old buddies from high school. Same now except he hasn't been around them since i've had the baby but his work buddies are even worse.
 

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I had a man like this before. It was hard, but I left him and have never looked back or regretted it. He was never going to change. He is still drinking, smoking pot and spending all his money on selfish persuits. He doesn´t support his child now, doesn´t even bother to see him or call him. He was a good guy in a lot of ways, but I wasn´t willing to live with these things. It´s up to you to decie whether you are. It depends on your personality whether you can accept it and carry on, or whether it will only make you angry / frustrated / hurt. I will tell you one thing, which is that you are a better parent alone than if you are with someone who makes you feel bad. I think the best parents are happy ones. I´m so glad your son is ok too. What a thing to go through.
Well see I pretty much am parenting alone already, since he hardly holds him or changes him and has only gotten up in the night maybe 4 times in one night total since babys been born which is almost 3 months. I just have so much faith and hope in him, which he has came a very long way, it's just while he's at work I sit and think about everything and await his arrival home and to see him first thing get into unimportant clothes and go to the garage instead of holding his son and kissing me hurts. You'd think he'd be anxious to get to hold his son especially since it's a miracle he's even alive today. And I mean I could understand him spending so much time on the car if he already had the part he needs to fix it for me but he doesn't he just goes out there and piddles on the interior and side pannels and ****. I may be hurting but I can't just give up now, holding on gives hope for change and we still get to be a family. I mean it's not that i'm afraid of being on my own but he has been the only thing i've known since I was 15, It has to do a lot with comfort and stability. I guess i'm just another one of those girls with the dream of having a family that stays together, but the roads in life are never shy of hard times and struggles, that's why getting to the end makes it all worth while. Granted things are just as rough but in different ways, but I feel we're getting closer each and every day.
 

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It is said that the death of our dreams is one of the worst types of grieving we will ever experience. We tenaciously hang onto hope, even when all evidence points to the fact that our dreams are shattered.

You partner is what he is. This may be as good as it ever gets. At the end of your last post you say the two of you are getting closer every day. How? Are you going out to the garage to work on his car with him? Is he coming into the house and holding his son more? Can the two of you have a discussion without him fiddling with his iphone?

This doesn't sound like a relationship that is going to make it for the long haul, but by all means I think you should give it 100%. If he doesn't reciprocate after a certain period of time, you may want to revisit moving out.

I'm sorry, but your partner just doesn't sound like he has grown up enough, at this point, to be the kind of guy you can rely on. Who knows? In time, he may get there, but it may be quite some time.

We become accustomed and comfortable with what is familiar, even when what is familiar isn't particularly good for us.
 
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