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My wife had told me I would not be having sex with her at all,as those of you who have read my threads know.Things have gotten better between us in the last 24 hours,through discussions that we had....But she was still denying me of sex.I apologized for the way I behaved but I have a hunch she believes I only apologized so I could get sex.Well I pretty much begged my wife for sex....I felt pitiful,defeated,stupid...etc....Well we were washing the dishes today,and I brought it up again and she said maybe later.She was talking about other things afterwards while we were in our room.It was obvious to me sex wasn't a priority.It looked like she might have been about to call it a night,so I asked for sex again,and she got irritated.I felt so pitiful and whiny....I've never had to beg my wife for sex..Anyway she finally obliged.I enjoyed it,but I actually felt worse afterwards.I felt guilty for enjoying a session of "emotionally detached sex".The whole thing reminded me of a lovemaking scene in a film called "Drool"where the husband gets on top of his wife and grunts and moans in pleasure while the wife lays there without saying a word...Just looking for some advice and are my feelings of guilt justified?
 

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Ugh that whole thing makes me cringe.

Dude, I want you to go find a chalkboard, and write 100 times:

"I will never beg for sex for any reason."

What you are doing is seeking sex for the purposes of validation.

You want to have sex to feel like the relationship is ok.

But the relationship is not ok and having sex cannot make it ok.

Just forget about sex.

Don't talk about sex with your wife.

Act like you completely forgot about it.

Don't have sex with her again until she initiates it.

Get your act together outside the bedroom. I don't know whether that's physical, emotional or financial for you.

But whatever you can do to improve yourself and your situation. Do it.

Make yourself confident in who you are regardless of how things are going with your wife.
 

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If you are begging your wife for sex then you have a major issues and it sounds like she is either just laying there or going through the motions but hoping in her head that you just hurry up and finish ,so have you tried MC and if that went no where or she did not want it then you need to decide how long you are going to take her behavior.
Your choice comes down to either get ready to live out your life this way or get the divorce papers started [which may shock her into acton]and go find somebody else who wants you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
If you are begging your wife for sex then you have a major issues and it sounds like she is either just laying there or going through the motions but hoping in her head that you just hurry up and finish ,so have you tried MC and if that went no where or she did not want it then you need to decide how long you are going to take her behavior.
Your choice comes down to either get ready to live out your life this way or get the divorce papers started [which may shock her into acton]and go find somebody else who wants you.
No,we haven't been to marriage counseling.I really don't want a divorce.We have been married six years and this our first real"rough patch".I would love to be able to settle this matter between just me and my wife.
 

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Jack, you really p!ssed her off the other day. She's still acting up about it. Seems that it will take her a few days to get beyond the hurt.

Good for you for appologizing. Now she has to come around.

This is where it gets tricky. If she has not come around in 1 week get the two of you to MC.
 

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NEVER beg for sex!!!!!

I agree with Elegirl..
 

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When you went directly from an apology, which she suspected was only to get sex, to begging for sex, you confirmed her belief that it was an insincere apology. She probably felt like your masturbatory device. Yes, you should feel guilty. Go back and read what everyone's been saying through your several threads and do some thinking about the advice you've been given.
 

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If she's always been like this even before the incident (after her weight loss) then I do feel for you...but if it's only lately after your fights that she's being like this then I totally understand where she's coming from...

I had an issue with my husband too - my hubby had been taking out his frustrations on me quite a bit lately and had a big blow-up with mean words a week ago...it took me nearly a week of apologies and a very un-involved session of love-making to overcome it...I've never taken so long to forgive him in the past for such episodes but this time I just felt it was too much...possibly she feels the same way too... but, now we're both totally on the same page now though...
 

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Never beg for anything mate, never be on your knees.

You're feeling horrible now because you've just destroyed your own esteem, your stature, your self-respect. You need to do a 180 asap because chances are your wife has just lost alot of respect for you.
 

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Ok, that was weird.... PM asking me to reply. Are you SURE you want my $0.02??? Well, here goes....

Jack, you pissed her off. Yes, you apologized, but really, I have to agree with her. It seems you apologized just to get sex. Why? Because you started hounding her for it right after the apology! "I'm sorry honey.... Can we have sex now?!?!" Dude, it takes longer than a few minutes to get over something like that. Not everyone can turn around right away.

And to make matters worse...you begged. Begging? Seriously, Jack? Sigh... it begging makes you look weak and pathetic. Could you do me a favor? Stop going from one extreme to the other? First you behave like an ass and now a whiny, pathetic wimp. How difficult is it to act like a normal human being? Why can't you stop vacillating between wimp and jerk?

I told you in one of your other threads that being assertive is fine, but don't cross over into a$$hole... Same applies to crossing into pathetic. You can be understanding without being a milksop. Dude... knock it off!!
 

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Just looking for some advice and are my feelings of guilt justified?
Only you can decide whether badgering your wife into giving you some pity sex is worthy of feeling guilty. Some men would feel guilty and others wouldn't. As for my advice, I think you just need to make a decision and go with that.

If pity sex is for you, then keep begging and try not to feel bad. If you want a mutually satisfying sex life, then maybe you should start acting like a grown up and stop begging your wife for sex.
 

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I agree with everything Maricha75 said.

Jack, you need to SLOW down. Everything you've been doing lately, in a very short time I might add, is way too much for her to handle. My advice, forget about sex, slow WAY down and start communicating with her about her needs, not yours (That can come later) When you find out what she wants pick one or two issues at a time and talk about it weekly, not daily. It's way too much to take in and she won't be able to process it all. I guarantee, she's confused as hell right now. None of these issues are a "quick fix" Think about how you would feel if she was bringing all of this to your attention in such a short period of time. It's time to put her first my friend.

Best,

T
 

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No,we haven't been to marriage counseling.I really don't want a divorce.We have been married six years and this our first real"rough patch".I would love to be able to settle this matter between just me and my wife.
I really don't know why so many people have an aversion to counseling. I hear so often, "I would rather settle this between the two of us." This can often be impossible because we do not see in our self the issues that an independent third party can see. So may couples have had no premarital counseling. We often lack the necessary tools to resolve conflict. A trained counselor can help give us those tools.
 

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Hello Jack,

I've read all of your threads. I've come to the conclusion that all of the action you took so far was to make you feel secure in your marriage. Your wife just went from morbidly obese to losing most of her weight. She's starting to look attrative now, and you are becoming insecure. You married her when she was obese, maybe because that would assure you that no other man would want her. Maybe not.

Anyway, your recent actions is telling her that her weight loss is making you insecure. She lost the weight for her health, and she probably had low self esteem. Now her self esteem is improving and you can't handle it. Your talk of "rules" and whatnot proves this.

My advice to you is to stop all of this bs and chill. Your marriage is slowly coming apart because you are making issues out of nonsense. Just stop.
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