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My husband is an alcoholic, though he doesn’t admit it. He says he drinks every night to fall asleep, and he cannot fall asleep any other way. For a while I let it happen without too much complaint. But his drinking has stirred up some trouble in our home. Physically, he has hurt me twice in our three years of marriage. But emotionally it’s a constant source of yelling at me and putting me down. Aside from that, lately it feels like there isn’t much other reason of why I should stay. He doesn’t bring much to the table other than when he is sober, we get along great and have good companionship. But financially, and with helping around the house, there isn’t much brought. Even after bringing those factors up.
The only thing really holding me back is I can’t afford to leave and find my own apartment right now because I need to save up money for all the moving expenses. But even then, I still feel Like I would hold back and not make a change. Like I would be too scared, since being alone seems so terrifying after having someone around for so long.
I need some strength and advice from anyone that may have gone through this?
 

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There are people here that will help guide you and give you great advice. I don't think I am one of them except to say that you have to do what will you keep you healthy and safe. You should never be subjected to physical or emotional abuse. I think you should stay with a friend or family member until you can afford to get an apartment. I never had anyone I could rely on in this way so I hid money in other accounts in my name only but you are right, I never felt like I had enough money and I was apprehensive about taking action. Things would get better and I'd back off my plan but I should note that my situation was not physically abusive. Alcoholics should not be trusted.

My son is an alcoholic so I can relate to the fact that there is always an excuse and they won't seek help. Watching him deteriorate and continue make bad choices because of his drinking makes me feel helpless and defeated. I say this to point out that unless. your husband seeks help, he will not get better and you will look back and realize you stayed way too long and could have moved on with your life and past the sadness already.

I'm sorry I don't have great advice for you. Best wishes. Stay safe.
 

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Just think about this rationally. If you had a friend or daughter who was staying with an abuser through fear of being alone what woud you say? Its a terrible reason to stay and be abused. Could you stay with a friend or family member for a time? Or rent a room in a house share situation?
 

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If he can't sleep without alcohol, he should go to the doctor. They have medications for sleep that would get the alcohol out of the house. I doubt you could get him to go to the doctor and fess up. If he won't change what he is doing, you need to. There are ways to get out, but you need your friends and family to know the truth about what is going on and see how they can help. You can also consult an attorney and discuss your options because it may not be as difficult as you think. A consultation shouldn't cost too much and can help you determine your options.
 

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First off, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I was also with an alcoholic for over 10 years, and it only got worse and worse as time went on. At the beginning of our relationship I also had no money so I stayed for "safety" - oh the irony. Many years later I went on to have a successful career with the ability to move out. I still didn't want to do it. I was terrified because I was majorly codependent. I still am, and I've now been on my own for 4 months. I never thought I could do it, and the truth is, I still have a little bit of credit card debt because of the moving costs, down payments, etc, but I will continue to move up in life without him and I will figure it out. You don't need to have everything figured out - and I'm saying this as a perfectionist. You just need to give yourself the ability to have some peace to think. When I lived with him, I didn't really have that. I was always worrying about him and not myself. It's not a walk in the park regardless, but please choose you.
 

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Please get help for YOU! And start the process!! I stayed for 8 years of unhappiness, hurt, disappointment and so so many lies. I thought I was doing the right things because my kids were so young. Those 8 yrs I cant ever get back. I am now starting the process and separated. I could be so much further, so much stronger,and so much happier by now! The marriage was over 8 yrs ago at the very least 7 yrs ago. Push forward, do it for you, you deserve to be happy!!!
 

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If he physically attacks you CALL THE POLICE. DO NOT let him get away with this abuse.
Then get a restraining order. You get to stay in the house until you can make other plans without him around.

There are abuse hotlines in every state -- CALL ONE. They can help you get moved and safe.
You don't mention kids (I HOPE there aren't any in this environment) -- they need to be kept safe also and not see this "example" of what marriage should be.
 
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