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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
Here is what I am trying to understand: why, exactly, are you still with the pregnant girlfriend? Is it out of pitty? Sense of duty? Lack of options? What? You have stated that you do not love her and you regret the breakup with your ex (even though you were the one that was dumped). I'm asking you this because, I'm trying to understand your motive. Are you just trying not to hurt the girlfriend? Stringing her along when you know you will not be there long term, is cruel. Right now, in her head, she is thinking that you, her and baby are going to be a family from here on out. And I would hate to be here on TAM, a year or two down the road, reading her story of how the father of her children bailed on her for another woman. If you have already made up your mind that you do not want to be with this girl for the long haul, end it ASAP.
I’m with her because I don’t want to cause her any stress whilst she’s pregnant. We’ve totally drifted apart anyway since she’s been pregnant she comes over only once or twice a week now,her choice not to come although it doesn’t really affect me her not coming. As for my ex I regret jumping straight into this relationship instead of trying to solve the problems we had even though we split up we were occasionally talking via text but always ended up in a argument then I met the woman I’m with now on a night out through Mutual friends and I just got carried away with myself with something new and it soon wore off then the pregnancy happened
 

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I have taken responsibility for what’s happened and I know I should have used something myself but like always I didn’t think because she was on her pill.. well so I thought! I’ll take full responsibility for my child I’m just at a loss where this relationship will end
Co-parenting to the best of your ability.

You both deserve to be in a loving relationship.
 

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No, it’s very unlikely to get better, unfortunately — babies and children tend to put stress on a relationship and yours is already stressful because you don’t love her. Men are very frequently encouraged to find someone else immediately instead of taking a break for awhile. You are now a sad example of what can go wrong with jumping into a new relationship. Tell her that you can’t be with her and move on. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself with another child or two down the road and an even bigger mess than you have now.
Agree totally. It's mad to encourage other men to go out so quickly and meet someone else. This is what can happen.
You have to tell her the truth. Tell.her you will be a good dad but that you don't love her.
Please then leave it a long time before you date anyone else.
 

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I’m with her because I don’t want to cause her any stress whilst she’s pregnant. We’ve totally drifted apart anyway since she’s been pregnant she comes over only once or twice a week now,her choice not to come although it doesn’t really affect me her not coming.
Oh, I see. So, you are not wanting to rock the boat so as not to negatively affect the pregnancy. That is good reason and I understand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #45 ·
Oh, I see. So, you are not wanting to rock the boat so as not to negatively affect the pregnancy. That is good reason and I understand.
No I wouldn’t want to stress her out and cause any problems but I’ve just been hoping when the baby comes things will get better and that I’ll love her but I think it’s very slim chance of that after all this time and I don’t still with or without a baby
 

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No I wouldn’t want to stress her out and cause any problems but I’ve just been hoping when the baby comes things will get better and that I’ll love her but I think it’s very slim chance of that after all this time and I don’t still with or without a baby
Look, I understand the quandary that you are in. You seem pretty confident that this is not the woman for you but you are torn about leaving her because you do not want to adversely affect the pregnancy.
Being a Christian, my usual advice is (when big, life-changing decisions are on the table) to pray for wisdom as He has NEVER let me down. But, let's assume that you are not a Christian, and play this out. So, you have about 4 months until baby arrives. The closer that you get to delivery date, the more difficult it will be to end the relationship. Once baby arrives, you will be head over heals for him/her. Baby mama is probably going to want to discuss marriage at that point as well as living situation. At that point, you are probably going to have to make a decision.

If you do not love her, nor think that it is heading that direction, then you need to terminate the relationship as far as being "together". If you try to force yourself, when you do not love her, it will be a disaster for all involved. Having a baby is not easy. It requires a tremendous amount of selflessness, consideration and patience from both parents.

My wife and I have three children. I am head over heels in love with my wife. If I was not in love with her, I do not know how I would have handled it. She probably would have ended up hating my guts. And in your situation, you might end up hating her guts because, she is going to need to lean on you for help. That's a new daddy's job. Add on top of that, every time that you have sex with her, post delivery, you risk knocking her up again. Just food for thought.
 

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I’m with her because I don’t want to cause her any stress whilst she’s pregnant. We’ve totally drifted apart anyway since she’s been pregnant she comes over only once or twice a week now,her choice not to come although it doesn’t really affect me her not coming. As for my ex I regret jumping straight into this relationship instead of trying to solve the problems we had even though we split up we were occasionally talking via text but always ended up in a argument then I met the woman I’m with now on a night out through Mutual friends and I just got carried away with myself with something new and it soon wore off then the pregnancy happened
Why do you need to be in any relationship at all? Sounds even at the age of 31 that you are still quite childish and have not grown up.
Get out of this relationship. Ensure that kid is actually yours and if it is tell STBXGF that you will step up the the plate with financial support but that is it. it is not fair to her to continue to lie. She is young and will be fine. In fact she may have got pregnant on purpose.
Forget about Ex GF, leave her be and let her move on with her life. She dumped you remember and probably because you were being an immature jerk.
Then join a program of IC to focus on who you want to be as a man, as a person, in your career, what you want for your future. Grow to be a better and mature man. Your current circumstances arose due to a lack of maturity and common sense.
 

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Discussion Starter · #48 ·
having a baby will not make it better for either of you, you will both be much happier co-parenting and living apart and on your own then together. also please do not sign anything until you have a DNA in test done, some who would purposely stop taking birth control pills is some who can not be trusted
My girlfriend is happy though,I’m just pretending which I feel awful for but I’ve just been hoping the baby will bring us close together once it arrives.
 

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Apparently, you’ve decided that living on hope is the strategy you’re going with. Maybe she thinks the same — who knows. You’ll find out soon. Good luck.
 

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I know I’ve just got into my head I’ll eventually love her and things will be better once the baby arrives
The baby will not make things better, in fact it will make things worse. I was unfortunately in a situation where my husband and I got married relatively young and he started to question whether the marriage was for him but instead of being honest with me about his feelings he was very selfish and misleading. Dragged me along on this ride while cheating on me, and continued to do so even after we had a baby. So tell her how you are feeling!
 

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Apparently, you’ve decided that living on hope is the strategy you’re going with. Maybe she thinks the same — who knows. You’ll find out soon. Good luck.
Please do not pretend! It's unfair to both her and you. Be honest with yourself and her.
 
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