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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
Too much to write explaining arguments but it was something that really could have been solved if we actually sat and spoke and problems just worse as I lost my job due to covid so we were constantly together. My ex ended the relationship and I moved back to my parents house then I was going out with my friends all the time instead of trying to make things right then I met my new girlfriend. I don’t want to break up with new girlfriend now but I was about to end it before she found out she was pregnant,I don’t want to abandon her and my child but I just don’t love her and can’t see things changing, my girlfriend is a nice as a person but deep down she’s not the one for me. But no I couldn’t go back to my ex now and she wouldn’t take me back anyway now there’s a child involved. But yes I really did want my ex back that’s why I was about to end my relationship with new woman. My ex wouldn’t talk to me after we split as she was upset that I was out all the time when she was trying to fix our relationship and I stupidly chose my friends and just went out to parties after I lost my job and that’s why I ended up with someone new because I really thought it was over and I was in a bad place. Tbh I just thought my ex would always be there and eventually we’d be ok then I done what I did 😢
 

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Too much to write explaining arguments but it was something that really could have been solved if we actually sat and spoke and problems just worse as I lost my job due to covid so we were constantly together. My ex ended the relationship and I moved back to my parents house then I was going out with my friends all the time instead of trying to make things right then I met my new girlfriend. I don’t want to break up with new girlfriend now but I was about to end it before she found out she was pregnant,I don’t want to abandon her and my child but I just don’t love her and can’t see things changing, my girlfriend is a nice as a person but deep down she’s not the one for me. But no I couldn’t go back to my ex now and she wouldn’t take me back anyway now there’s a child involved. But yes I really did want my ex back that’s why I was about to end my relationship with new woman. My ex wouldn’t talk to me after we split as she was upset that I was out all the time when she was trying to fix our relationship and I stupidly chose my friends and just went out to parties after I lost my job and that’s why I ended up with someone new because I really thought it was over and I was in a bad place. Tbh I just thought my ex would always be there and eventually we’d be ok then I done what I did 😢
OK, so I'm trying to understand. Your previous girlfriend dumped you. You then, moved back to your parents house and began spending a lot of time going out with your buddies to help you forget about being dumped. Your ex, refused to talk to you (after she dumped you?) because she was angry that you were "out all of the time" and she was, at this point, trying to repair your relationship (the same one that she dumped)? Hmmmm. And now you have buyer's remorse with baby mama because, presumably, your ex wants you back? Are you sure that you and your ex are even going to work together? You wouldn't give any specifics of what the issues were that led to her dumping you so we have no idea how deep that rabbit hole is. Are you sure your ex is going to even want you after you dump baby mama? I mean, I get that you feel it would be a mistake to stay with baby mama if you feel there is no future. But, dumping her makes you look like a selfish, careless douche.... Are you currently talking to your ex? If so, you are having an emotional affair on your baby mama and that is NOT cool.
 

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You know how you say you don’t love her, did you also not love your ex at some point?

I’d say you should probably work out if you really love your ex as well. Feelings change all the time, so you might even grow to love this new woman. Because at some point, you didn’t love that woman and you found a new one.

See, feelings switch on and off all the time. I’m not berating you, this is a good thing that you’ve experienced real life and what happens.

So what happens next when you act on these new feelings and go back to your ex?

Great potential for growth here and to discover what love really means. If you love that ex, you have a long road ahead of you and make her know and feel this for the rest of her life, and take her punches with humility and grace. Or learn to love the new woman.
 

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Hi everyone... I’ve got myself in a right mess!!! I was with my ex for 12 years and we split due to arguments that couldn’t ever seem to be resolved because we are both stubborn to admit our faults. After 2 month I got into W relationship with another woman to take away my heart break. Things seemed ok the first 3 month and my ex was out of my head for a little while then reality started kicking in that this new woman wasn’t meant for me so I started distancing myself from her and she noticed then a few weeks later she announced she was pregnant and was keeping it just as I was about to end it all and make things back up with my ex !! She stopped taking her pill without telling me and I know I should have used something myself but I just didn’t think! She’s keeping the baby and now I feel obliged to stay in this relationship she’s 5 months pregnant now so in total we’ve been together 10months and the worst thing is I don’t love her or even want to be with her and it’s killing me inside. I’ll support the baby 100% but I’m struggling staying in this relationship with someone I don’t love when I’m in love with my ex still but I know things won’t work out with my ex now 😢 I’m hoping I will eventually love my new girlfriend but I just don’t know how I can when after 10 months together I don’t. Will a baby make things better? And maybe I’ll eventually love her?? My head is just so confused right now and I’m struggling I never ever thought any of this would happen but it’s happened. I’m scared to break things off with her because I don’t want to stress her out so I’m keeping everything to myself on how I feel. Is any guy on here ever been in a similar situation???
Could you clarify if she stopped taking the pill all together, she was lazy about taking the pill, or she missed pills several days in a row?
 

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Sorry, I’ve just caught up properly, yes I can understand why your ex ended it and doesn’t want you back - I see also that it’s you wanting her back.

This is a tough situation and it looks like you lost a good thing and I’m sorry that life turns out this way. It looks as though she saw it coming and no doubt spoke to you about this for a long time and nothing changed. It really is true, you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.

Work on your new relationship. At least be honest and tell her you don’t love her, but don’t want to abandon her and really open up your heart. Give that choice to her, don’t hide your true feelings, because she may actually be a good woman. Don’t paint her badly it may be that you withheld some things from her, not all women deliberately get pregnant. Were you 100% truthful with her when you first started seeing her?

I ask this because I was young once and fell deeply in love with a man who I thought I would marry. I didn’t find out til much later I was actually the OW. He was talking babies and all... turns out I was actually the third woman. He was separated, moving onto wife number two and then me in the middle. Thank
God I didn’t get pregnant but I was promised the world and had ZERO idea of his situation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #26 ·
Could you clarify if she stopped taking the pill all together, she was lazy about taking the pill, or she missed pills several days in a row?
She never took them for a whole month maybe longer I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just found one packet that hadn’t been touched
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
You know how you say you don’t love her, did you also not love your ex at some point?

I’d say you should probably work out if you really love your ex as well. Feelings change all the time, so you might even grow to love this new woman. Because at some point, you didn’t love that woman and you found a new one.

See, feelings switch on and off all the time. I’m not berating you, this is a good thing that you’ve experienced real life and what happens.

So what happens next when you act on these new feelings and go back to your ex?

Great potential for growth here and to discover what love really means. If you love that ex, you have a long road ahead of you and make her know and feel this for the rest of her life, and take her punches with humility and grace. Or learn to love the new woman.
I fell for my each within roughly 3months of meeting her
 

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
OK, so I'm trying to understand. Your previous girlfriend dumped you. You then, moved back to your parents house and began spending a lot of time going out with your buddies to help you forget about being dumped. Your ex, refused to talk to you (after she dumped you?) because she was angry that you were "out all of the time" and she was, at this point, trying to repair your relationship (the same one that she dumped)? Hmmmm. And now you have buyer's remorse with baby mama because, presumably, your ex wants you back? Are you sure that you and your ex are even going to work together? You wouldn't give any specifics of what the issues were that led to her dumping you so we have no idea how deep that rabbit hole is. Are you sure your ex is going to even want you after you dump baby mama? I mean, I get that you feel it would be a mistake to stay with baby mama if you feel there is no future. But, dumping her makes you look like a selfish, careless douche.... Are you currently talking to your ex? If so, you are having an emotional affair on your baby mama and that is NOT cool.
No I’m not talking to her now but I was until 4 weeks ago and I find it hard not talking to her anymore. It was always friendly messages but it was me who always messaged her first to see how she was,she would never text me ! it’s been really hard to not talk to her as she was all I’d ever known. The woman I’m with has had a few pregnancies before getting with me but sadly miscarried,she’s only 21 and I’m 31... I’ve stopped texting my ex now as it was really getting to me but I’m trying concentrating on my new girlfriend and baby
 

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I would make sure you do a DNA test when the baby arrives just to make sure the little one is yours.

You will not all of a sudden love your girlfriend.

You need to break it off and get 50/50 custody of the baby if it turns out to be yours.
 

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WTF. She’s only 21? How is her family feeling about a man 10 years older than her dating and impregnating their daughter?

She’s had miscarriages already?
 

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Look you screwed up by getting her pregnant (not like she didn’t know what she was doing either) so now you are going to be a father, you do not have to follow one mistake with another...this is where you grow up and act like a mature person, you coparent, but you move on, and give it time with the ex...it’s honestly time to work on you.
 

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She never took them for a whole month maybe longer I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just found one packet that hadn’t been touched
Well, considering the numerous other pregnancies, she was definitely looking to make one stick.

I’ve never once heard of a man that said “I’ll stay with her because she’s pregnant” and go on to have a good or happy relationship with said woman. Maybe someone here can say they did... but I’ve never seen it. So I’d say, if you don’t love her like a man should love his woman... let her go! Be a co-parent and a great dad and think with the head on your shoulders from now on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
WTF. She’s only 21? How is her family feeling about a man 10 years older than her dating and impregnating their daughter?

She’s had miscarriages already?
Her family are quite happy about the whole thing and can’t do enough for her but they’ve never said anything about the age gap
 

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Age gap has nothing to do with anything. There is a 12 year difference with my aunt and uncle. They have a great marriage.

The problem with OP’s relationship is that he doesn’t love his girlfriend.
 

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Discussion Starter · #36 ·
Age gap has nothing to do with anything. There is a 12 year difference with my aunt and uncle. They have a great marriage.

The problem with OP’s relationship is that he doesn’t love his girlfriend.
No your right age has nothing to do with it! I just made a mistake getting into a new relationship and once the rose tinted glasses came off I realised it wasn’t for me but now im about to become a first timer father with a woman I don’t love. I never once thought something like this would happen
 

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Paternity testing ASAP, and if it’s not yours walk away.

And hopefully you’ve learned your lesson re: condoms.
 
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Yeah but her excuse was “she forgot” but a few of her tablets hadn’t been taking when I looked at the packets that were in my house at the time so it hasn’t just been a one off forgot,she was practically living with me at the time so her pill was at mine, we barely see each other now since she’s become pregnant also
How old are you? You don’t seem to take any responsibility for the situation you are in. The best appraoch is honesty. dont have a relationship with either one and sort yourself out. Get IC. Don’t lie to current GF and your old GF won’t want you back after you impregnated another woman. Grow up first and become a man worthy of a good woman.
 

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Discussion Starter · #39 ·
How old are you? You don’t seem to take any responsibility for the situation you are in. The best appraoch is honesty. dont have a relationship with either one and sort yourself out. Get IC. Don’t lie to current GF and your old GF won’t want you back after you impregnated another woman. Grow up first and become a man worthy of a good woman.
I have taken responsibility for what’s happened and I know I should have used something myself but like always I didn’t think because she was on her pill.. well so I thought! I’ll take full responsibility for my child I’m just at a loss where this relationship will end
 

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I have taken responsibility for what’s happened and I know I should have used something myself but like always I didn’t think because she was on her pill.. well so I thought! I’ll take full responsibility for my child I’m just at a loss where this relationship will end
Here is what I am trying to understand: why, exactly, are you still with the pregnant girlfriend? Is it out of pitty? Sense of duty? Lack of options? What? You have stated that you do not love her and you regret the breakup with your ex (even though you were the one that was dumped). I'm asking you this because, I'm trying to understand your motive. Are you just trying not to hurt the girlfriend? Stringing her along when you know you will not be there long term, is cruel. Right now, in her head, she is thinking that you, her and baby are going to be a family from here on out. And I would hate to be here on TAM, a year or two down the road, reading her story of how the father of her children bailed on her for another woman. If you have already made up your mind that you do not want to be with this girl for the long haul, end it ASAP.
 
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