[Too-late]

Here's the history. My husband and I recently got married 6 months ago after dating for 13 years. (now in my 30s). we have no children.

For 13 years I lived with my parents, and once married we moved into his parents house whilst saving to buy a house.

Before we got married, I felt things were fantastic, I felt he used to give me all he attention I wanted alough we only used to see each other once a week but there was a spark and passion. I couldnt wait to get married ( delays were nhim studying) most per marrage arguments were abut wanting to spend more time with him.

Now married, for the first month, things were great bt now I feel almost like an extension to his mother.cleaning cooking etc.

He rarely wants to spend time with me and if he does it's never alone. Hasnt told me he loves me in about a year. And isn't intimate unless in bed prob once every other week, initiated by a quick whip off cloths and once done, roll over and sleep.- a massive turn off.

He does no cookin or cleaning as his mum I I do it. ( if Irefuse to cook/clean) his mum will step in or he will ask her, making me feel bad. If I ask him, blatantly disespects me and says I should do it, it's my job ( dispute working just as hard during the week)

He doesn't spntainiusly want to do anything with me, buys food and drink only for him self. I feel like if I wasn't there it wldnt really matter.

I've tried to talk to him but he only gets angry and says I'm over reacting. I feel depressed most evenings and lonley, and can't really talk to anyone.

If I wold have known he would have behaved this way I wold have never wanted to marry him.

Help

 

[tryingtobebetter]

Read the Five Languages of Love and His Needs Her Needs.

You are going to have to get your husband to realise that he needs to work on himself if your marriage is going to work but I think you know that already. Handle this carefully.

Others may have wiser thoughts still.

Good luck

 

[Too-late]

Yeah... Problem is he behaves like a child! Prob cause his mum still runs arond after him.

Yes we don need to move out but scared if we do, problems will get worse.

 

[Benevolence]

Its time for him to grow up and behave like a married man. Talk to him about going to marriage counseling, if he refuses you may have to give him an ultimatum.

 

[Too-late]

Im scared to talk to him...how can I approach him and speak to him about these things.


Is he just a room mate who I share a bed with?

 

[tryingtobebetter]

One technique for entering into a subject where you are planning to make some criticisms of your spouse is to find a way of including yourself in the criticism - so something along the lines of 'you know I think there are some areas we both need to work on how we

Most find it easy to recognise others have faults, have difficulty recognising our own but also see it is difficult to claim that we are perfect in every respect.

Best to think these things out carefully first though so you have identified potential elephant traps -where it becomes obvious you can only see his faults not any you might have.

 

[Emerald]

Hasnt told me he loves me in about a year.

You DID know how he is - you married 6 months ago but he didn't tell you he loved you in the 6 months prior to marrying him.

You also said your disagreements were about him not spending enough time with you - same thing that is happening now.

I think you had high expectations that marriage would change a man you dated for 13 years. It's not fun anymore for you because he doesn't have to "date" you. Seeing him only once a week kept the spark alive for him.

Your story is not uncommon. I'm sorry that marriage has not turned out the way you hoped it would. I don't think you can magically change him.

Learn to love & accept the man he is or leave the marriage.

 

[venuslove]

Hi, My husband is immature and gets angry when I ask him to help with anything, too. His mom always did everything for him. Turns out he has psychological problems as well. Anger problems are a real issue and you shouldn't have to be afraid to talk to your husband. Good thing you don't have nay kids. We have a son and now I have to face getting a divorce and ruining my little boys family.