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Discussion Starter #763
Hey guys, the rest of my week went pretty good. I think I've found an IC, I actually called this morning and left a message to try and get in for an appointment but havent heard back yet.

Also I went to a birthday party for my good friends 1 year old daughter Saturday. A family friend of theirs whome I've only met a few times was talking my ear off about someone she knows that she wants to hook me up with. This woman is a few years older than me but actually just finalized her divorce from her husband a few months ago. Sort of a similar story to mine, she wanted to start a family and he wasnt ready. Once he was ready they found out he couldnt have kids and also the guy was hiding a bunch of debt and other things from her. Anyway the mutual friend showed me a few pictures and told me all about this woman. I didnt refuse but also didnt make any plans. We'll see if that goes anywhere. I did tell her that I am not ready to jump into a relationship right now but also wouldnt mind spending some time with someone.

I kept myself busy this weekend. I only worked for a few hours this past friday so I spent the day doing some yard work and walking around the mall trying to figure out what gift to get a 1 year old...wasnt as easy as I thought it would be!

I hope all is well with you guys.
 

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The idea that you won't be able to find a new relationship is nutty. You are 32, unattached and with a good job. The wives of your married friends will fall all over themselves trying to play cupid and set you up. They live for such things. Quite frankly, women will find you. All you have to do is get yourself out into social situations even if you don't feel like it.
MrPack - my very first post on your thread...

Just sayin'...
 

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Discussion Starter #766
Stayed home from work today with what seems to be the flu. Luckily I am able to log in from home an do some work but just being home all day in the middle of the week sucks. Work has been a great escape from all the crap so today hasnt been the best but also I feel like I'm growing. Having a day all alone in my house during the week while being sick a few months ago would have been terrible. I've enjoyed my time alone in my house while the sale goes through but I am ready and looking forward to moving out of this house and taking the next step forward.

I need some advice though. I am getting very close to starting the divorce process and I want to let her know. Part of me thinks we need to talk face to face to ensure that we are still on teh same page with her debt is her debt and mine is mine. That is basically the only major thing lingering over this upcomming divorce since we have no children and we've already split up all of our stuff. Should I text her or email her telling her that we need to talk? Although I have a lot of anger towards her I'm still in the mindset that I want to keep this as civil as possible and avoid any drama/fighting therefore I dont want to just spring divorce paperwork on her without her knowing. Also I feel like she needs to pay for half of the fees, someone from work told me that if we can do it all on our own it will still cost around $1k. She needs to pay for half of that. Us talking face to face certainly wont be fun or easy but I beleive its the right thing to do.

What do you all think?
 

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Stayed home from work today with what seems to be the flu. Luckily I am able to log in from home an do some work but just being home all day in the middle of the week sucks. Work has been a great escape from all the crap so today hasnt been the best but also I feel like I'm growing. Having a day all alone in my house during the week while being sick a few months ago would have been terrible. I've enjoyed my time alone in my house while the sale goes through but I am ready and looking forward to moving out of this house and taking the next step forward.

I need some advice though. I am getting very close to starting the divorce process and I want to let her know. Part of me thinks we need to talk face to face to ensure that we are still on teh same page with her debt is her debt and mine is mine. That is basically the only major thing lingering over this upcomming divorce since we have no children and we've already split up all of our stuff. Should I text her or email her telling her that we need to talk? Although I have a lot of anger towards her I'm still in the mindset that I want to keep this as civil as possible and avoid any drama/fighting therefore I dont want to just spring divorce paperwork on her without her knowing. Also I feel like she needs to pay for half of the fees, someone from work told me that if we can do it all on our own it will still cost around $1k. She needs to pay for half of that. Us talking face to face certainly wont be fun or easy but I beleive its the right thing to do.

What do you all think?
It is progress to feel okay with being alone. You'll even start to enjoy it and look forward to it! I love coming home to my cozy little place at the end of the day. Once you find a new place that's yours, it will be even better.

I think you have to decide how much of a conversation needs to take place. I think it is civil to just give a heads up that the paperwork is coming. Does it need to be a sit down, face to face talk? Can you just email her and say "hey, I don't want you to be surprised, but I started the process. Unless you have any objections, we'll proceed with the arrangements we've already discussed. I'm anticipating that we will share the cost of approximately $1000."

Done.

The more simple your communication is from now on, the easier it will be on you.

I hope you're feeling better soon!
 

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I would probably say that you are giving her a head's up that you are going to start the process and per your prior discussions, you'll each going to be responsible for your own debts. I personally would not invite a discussion on the issue.

That lets her know she can expect the agreement and that it will be what you two had discussed, but doesn't encourage any unnecessary conversations, and doesn't give her an excuse to call you back and say she changed her mind. It might help just to get it done a bit faster.

Have you already found a new place? Rent/own?
 
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Meet her to talk? No.

Turnera is right. Present her with a package and give yourself more. Include fees for getting everything done, since she was lazy and wanted you to do it. As far as being nice. There is no point. If a bolt of lightning reduced you to a lump of charcoal, I don't it would bother her much. She would just tell her New Age quack friends so that they would feel sorry for her.

Your STBX fell out of love with you some time ago. She feels her sex ranking is higher than yours. And the distance between you grew when she started learning about the power of positive thinking while inhaling the acrid smoke of burning herbs. Bob the bartender told her she he had not met such a spiritual woman before when he gazed into her eyes. Once he finished banging her he cracked a beer and hoped she'd soon leave.

The sooner you see her for what she is the better.

Hit the gym Mr Pack. Take up boxing. Learn to have slightly mean streak, not to be an a hole but a guy who end conversations with jerks as if you were clicking off a light switch.

Read more TAM threads and you will ready to evaluate the women you date in the future.
 

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MrPack - as your ad hoc, ex-officio lawyer (I charge extra for the Latin stuff)... What everyone else has said. Do this in an email. Do not do it in a text or face to face.

"MrsPack

I have contacted an attorney and will be filing for divorce (or dissolution of marriage... whatever it is called in your state).

As we have previously agreed, you will pay and be solely responsible for X. I will pay and be solely responsible for Y. Alll of our assets have been divided. You have no claim to my 401K and I have no claim to yours.

The cost of the divorce is approximately X. You will be responsible for payment of half.

If you have any questions you may contact me."

/s/ MrPack"

Keep this crud simple and to the point.

Get a flu shot MrPack.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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I'll be in the minority here but I wouldn't even bring up or chase half the legal fees. If you can get it done for a grand eat the 500 bucks and call it a learning experience.

The goal is to keep this as easy as possible the less "debatable" items the better. She could view the whole pay half the lawyer fee as a control play on your part and she could go hire her own then expect you to pay for half and then the fun starts.....

The easier you make this whole process the better off your going to be and the likelihood she will just agree and go.
 

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I accept I am a mess and every supposedly mature relationship I've been in has been a disaster. Over it over. And that's it.
 

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Discussion Starter #777
I agree with almost all of you, an email is where I'm headed. A sit down could lead to other issues and possibly inturupt the progress I'm making.
 
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