[Lillie]

Hello, I'm very new here & glad I found this forum. Ok going to give a few details so this will sort- all make sense. Please bare with me.
Me & DH (Matthew) has been married 17 yrs. We also have worked together at the same place for 9 yrs. We only have one car so it works out having to share 1 vehicle. We have an hour commute to & from work. Positive:? take turns driving at 5 am. Matthew's parent's live about 20 min. from our work so sometime we would stop by. We have a friendly loving relationship, they have always accepted me welcomed me w/open arms & spend main holidays & b-days with them. Okay, since we just have the 1 car if Matthew & his brother or dad decide they want to hang out just the guys I would usually ride there with him but stay at the house & I would bring my laptop to entertain myself. For yrs. that's worked for us Now the Heart of the story: DH's dad calls & wants Matthew & his brother to come to their house to talk about their "WILL" but asked if they wouldn't bring the wives they just wanted it to be private. Ok, my foolish part. I had no interest in being in the family meeting but I did want to go because they were going to make a full day (Saturday). With golf & dinner. What I got upset about was the fact that I was going to be stranded all day no way to go no one to take me to do errands. My feelings were hurt, DH says I'm over reacting, it's just one day I was being selfish but in my mind all I wanted was just to go so I wouldn't be totally without a way to get around. Anyways, I called the dad & asked if I could possibly just come drop Matthew off then go do other things he said well I'd rather not have no one but the immediate family here & Debra's not coming either Sis N Law. My response, she lives in town & has a way to get around. So anyway I got really angry & just said ok, & hung up. Later on after sulking for hours I realized that they knew what they needed & wanted & wasn't even thinking about me which they shouldn't have. So I did apologize & explained my problem & now it's just awkward when we go to their house. Ok that's it....just wandering if anyone at all sees why I felt the way I did & how I could eventually be welcomed again.

 

[SunnyT]

I think you were too pissy for no reason. But that's just my opinion. I have no idea how your inlaws see it.

If it's awkward.... bring a big ol' chocolate cake next time you go, and apologize for being a brat that day. If it's still awkward after that... just suck it up, it's your own fault.

 

[EntirelyDifferent]

Ok, you just asked if you could drop your hubby off at their house so you could use the car, correct?

Honestly, I feel like your in-law's response was kind of... well, insensitive. If you only have one vehicle, I think it is a bit unrealistic for you to not be able to get around to do your errands, especially since it was the weekend AND an all day thing.
If you weren't expecting to even go in the house, I don't see what his problem would be with your husband being dropped off?

You joined this family when you married your husband. I can sort of understand that they might not want the wives at the inheritance discussion, but they SHOULD be taking some of your needs into account, like tying up your only vehicle all day.
I don't think you have any reason to feel foolish here.

 

[Lillie]

EXACTLY! @EntirelyDifferent. I already had a list as I do every week & we compromise with the car & chores, errands etc. We live an hour away from his parents & our work but at least I could do some basic shopping & get the oil changed. The way they see it is "Well she's mad cause she didn't get her way" Honestly it bothered me that Matthew didn't say well u can drop me off anyway & I will call u when we are done. It's been a few weeks since their meeting He left that Saturday at 10:30am Got back at 10 pm. Sat.night. It's just now there's this huge cloud in the room whenever we visit. Thanks for seeing my side. It's a relief knowing that I wasn't being ridiculous with my request. =)

 

[TRy]

What does you dropping him off without going in, and picking him up later have to do with them having a conversation about his will? Also, please tell me what playing golf has to do with the will. Obviously the will part would take up only part of the 12 hours that he was going to spend with them. If they were thoughtful, they would have encouraged you to drop him off and come in for some tea, with you leaving once they wanted to talk about the will. The awkwardness is because they were rude and insensitive, and you would not let them ground you for no reason at all. Not only would I take back any apology, I would ask your husband why he is not standing up for you. You did nothing wrong. I for one would be pissed at my husband for letting this happen. You are too nice, and they see this as a weakness to be taken advantage of.

 

[EleGirl]

I agree that there is something odd in what the FIL wanted. How would your just dropping your husband off interfere with their day alone? It makes no sense.

You have apologized enough. Over time things will settle out. Hopefully they will think twice before doing something like that to you again.

Also, I think that you should have a talk with your husband. He should have stuck up for you and worked things so that you could have the car.

 

[Lillie]

EleGirl & TrY: Apparently his dad had this day all planned out. The sons would come over they would all sit down to discuss the parent's will, sign documents, & differnt stuff like that. Then they grilled out, sat around chatted for a bit then they went golfing. So that's where the golfing came in. He spent about 4 hours golfing with his dad. I was very upset with Matthew that's when I called his dad to ask about just dropping him off. I just couldn't get Matt to see why I was upset. I've had to learn this over the years that men think a lot differently than women. In his mind he's going by what his father wanted & he wanted to spend quality time with him. He didn't see what the big deal was like he kept telling me, it's just 1 day, we can do the errands later. Oh he did say that the parents had boxes of stuff out everywhere cleaning out rooms & stuff. So like you guys suggested, I will just give it time & maybe it will get better. Thank you both.

 

[TRy]

Apparently his dad had this day all planned out.

Your father in-law's rights end at your nose. He has no right in making his plans to strand you stuck at home with no car for no reason.

According to dictionary.com, the definition of being inconsiderate are:
1. without due regard for the rights or feelings of others
2. acting without consideration

This fits your father in-law's actions to a tee. Without due regard to your rights or feelings, he acted without consideration of you. He was inconsiderate and your husband let him get away with it. He owes you an apology, not the other way around.

 

[talk123]

Agree. with TRy.

Just be aware with children in the future. Hate to have to say it but from personal experience, be sure to share holidays with both sets of parents equally. My mistake , spent most holidays and vacations with his family. His parents were financially better off and took us on vacations etc. Sometimes feel like they bought us. Now that the kids are older his parents are less friendly to me.

Just be careful your kids and H don't get in the habit of spending the day with his family leaving you out. Unless of course that is what you want.

 

[Openminded]

It wasn't like you were going in their house. You were just going to drop him off at the front door.

He and his family were wrong. You were right. However, they aren't likely going to apologize so if you want a smooth relationship with them I'm afraid it will be up to you to put the effort in.

 

[Hicks]

Perhaps you should get a 2nd car.
But at any rate, you don't need anyone's permission to drop off your husband and pick him up.

 

[Lillie]

To Hicks: That being true, we live an hour away, so if I would have ran out of stuff to do for the whole 8- 10 hours that they were bonding, I would have to drive all the way back home then all the way back to get him because their whole point was they didn't want me to have to hang around the house.
To OpenMinded: Yeah I'm pretty sure that's what I will have to do it's soo awkward & strange because we always got along. We're supposed to go by their house tomorrow to drop off some stuff so we'll see how that goes.
To TrY: Yeah, that does fit FIL to a t. So out of character for him though.
To talk123: I know what ya mean. Now that you said that when I was growing up my mom actually went through that until eventually like you said, families started growing apart. Hopefully things will go good tomorrow. We are supposed to go by the in-laws so I think I'll talk to the step-mom. She's a little easier to talk to especially when it's just me & her. You guys actually made me feel better. Thank you all. I just kept beating myself up with guilt that I was being selfish & like someone mentioned earlier being bratty. Ok, I have a plan in motion. Thanks. =)

 

[garykmjp]

I have no idea how your inlaws see it.

 

[Forest]

I ran across this old post after responding to a recent post of your's in the Men's clubhouse, but had an idea that I wanted to pass on. I expect this is all water under the bridge by now, but possible the big deal was that you in-laws had other things in mind that day. Who knows what, medical, family, financial, who-knows-what type sensitive issues that wanted to discuss with their boys. Maybe some local travel needed, even.

Explaining it away as a will was a way to set things up. When you offered the alternate plan it might have thrown a curveball, and everyone got caught off guard.

Anyway, hopefully everything's back to normal.

 

[frusdil]

I too would be pissed at my husband.

If I were in your shoes, I would have said "Fine, I will drop you off but your dad will have to bring you home because I need the car."