I need some advice. I’m sorry if this is long. I’ve been married for almost 13 years, together for 15. We have two kids, 10 and 6. It has been a very rough marriage for most of the time. There were actually things that happened before we got married, some red flags I didn’t see until years later. A few years into the marriage, I noticed he was always in a bad mood. Griping about everything. My kids and I walked on eggshells just trying to keep the peace. My daughter told my mom that all her daddy does is yell. They didn’t want me to tell him anything that happened or things they did wrong because he would yell at them for everything. I couldn’t voice my opinions about anything or stand up for myself because it just ended up in a knock-down, drag out fight. He’d yell and cuss. It was easier to just keep my mouth shut and let him have his way. When we would fight, he wanted to win. To prove me wrong by any means possible. I always remembered situations incorrectly and he was always right. l give a few examples of things that happened with us. We’d been holding our freezer door shut for almost a year with a child lock because it wouldn’t stay shut. Fridge food was freezing and freezer food was thawing constantly. We had to replace the child lock every 3-4 weeks because it would break. I finally asked for a new $1200 fridge and was told we couldn’t afford it. Then, a week later, he told me he wanted a $1300 gun. I reminded him that he said we couldn’t afford a new fridge and he got mad and started a huge fight. He bought the gun, then told me we could get the new fridge. Like we could afford both. I put an $80 mug that he got me for Christmas in my desk at work, because I didn’t have a locking cabinet and didn’t want to take it in the bathroom. Yuck. It got stolen and he yelled at me and told me it was all my fault and how pissed he was that I let it get stolen. I wanted to get a new used car because my 9 year old car had cost us almost $6,000 in repairs for head gaskets ($2800 two separate times), transmission went out at 65,000 miles, it flooded through the sunroof drains every time it rained which shorted out my fuse box twice, kept overheating with my kids in the car and causing me to have to pull over, etc. I asked to trade it in and was looking for used cars around $17,000. He told me we didn’t need to get a different car and told me I was acting like a spoiled brat. He freaked out and started yelling and cleaning the house one night, which was the only time he cleaned about once a month. I was cooking dinner and washing dishes, after working full time. He told me that he was embarrassed about how the house looked, as always. I started crying and said I couldn’t work full time, do everything for the kids, and keep it clean all by myself. He said, “Why not? Single moms do it all the time.” After telling him that the waitress at our usual restaurant charged us for an extra 2 drinks, he asked, in front of her and our kids, if I was sure I wasn’t wrong because she didn’t usually make those kinds of mistakes and was I sure I didn’t have more than I thought and that she wouldn’t make that kind of mistake. She wouldn’t make that mistake, but the wife and mother of your children is more likely to be wrong than the waitress?! He always talked bad about my parents and the rest of my family. How stupid their decisions were, how he didn’t want to hang around them, etc. The list goes on, and on, and on. I was ready to leave. I was done. I’d been asking for a year and a half to go to marriage counseling. He wouldn’t. He realized I was going to leave him. Now all of a sudden he wanted to get help, like that day. He was frantically trying to get an appointment with a therapist. He was told he needed individual therapy. He went and almost immediately started acting nicer, helping around the house, etc. He would get frustrated when I didn’t start responding right away. I’d been treated like crap for over 9 years. I just felt nothing. I was emotionally numb. Anyway, it’s been almost 2 years later, he’s quit helping around the house as much, quit doing as much for the kids, and is in a bad mood a lot, again. I still feel nothing, like I just don’t care. We haven’t had sex in over three years (the first 1 1/2 years was him turning me down and the past two has been because I don’t feel any desire to), we don’t hold hands, kiss, etc. He’s tried the past 2 years, but I just don’t feel comfortable with it. It feels awkward, like kissing my brother. My daughter has started has started telling my mom that all her dad does is yell, how she wished he would move in with husband newly divorced friend, that she doesn’t know why he even bothers coming home because he’s always mad, etc. Am I just being stubborn by not being able to “just get over it”, as he stated? Did too much happen before he decided to help and I was already done for good? What is wrong with me. He became everything I’d wanted for over 9 years and it just didn’t seem to matter anymore. I struggle with my emotions and conflicted feelings on a daily basis. I don’t feel anything for him, but I don’t want to leave and mess my kids up. Can my marriage be saved? Do I want to save it? Ugh! I’m so confused! I need help, advice, something. Again, sorry it’s so long!