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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not gonna bore u, so heres a quick overview, but I really need to sort my head out, and get some perspective from someone else.

2 yrs ago split from my hubby of 16 yrs, have 2 kids 2getha, 1 yr ago got 2getha with a guy. I never got wined and dined, just sort of fell into relationship by talkin 2 him online of a night.

This guy is 35 yr old, born disabled (only one hand) and has only worked prob. 2yrs in his life.

Generally in a week, we see each other 3 nights, in between there is no communication, he never compliments me, calls me wierd all the time, criticises my clothes, my music taste, constantly swears and puts other people down and is not very tactful with other people, unless they are his pals then he is all smiles.

He gets in my car and changes the music to his liking, laughs one day when I do something, but tells me to f*ck o*f about it the next time I do the same thing. He never accepts responsibility for anything, like the other day he dented my new car, but turned around and said it was my fault.

He constantly digs me in the ribs, flicks my nose/ear or flicks me across the head, and feels me up at the most inappropriate times, and I have told him to stop cos it bugs me, but he just does it more. I never get a cuddle without him diggin me. He says its all just jokin and I am no fun, but I have a sense of humour.

I have approached him about the up/down nature of his ways, but he just ignores me, or tells me to f off, or says that he is no good with talkin. So I tell him to f off, and he says I will for good, and I dont even let him get down the drive before I chase after him in a blind panic.

I know he has a disability but it doesnt stop him from playing online shootin games 8 hrs a day, or dj-ing on his decks, cooking or anything, so that in itself is not an obstacle.

My friends have told me he is a 14 yr old in a 35 yr old body, and will never change, so why do I let him control my choices and emotions like I do, how can I pull away without feelin like I do.

I feel like I have turned into a begging, submissive person, and find it difficult to concentrate on anything else but what he wants/needs.....I certainly feel he has a lack of respect for me, even though he says he does respect me.

This was longer than I thought it would be, but I really need some advice.
 

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what a jerk. why would you let yourself tolerate that treatment?
 

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That's scary! And I thought I had found some real winners on the on-line dating (if you read my posts under the dating section titled "Confused"). I may e-mail these jerks or even go out with them once, but I don't keep them! You deserve much better than this!
 

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He probably has some seroius issues of his own that are unresolved due to his disability. Has he ever gone through counseling, anger therapy? Sounds to me like what he needs.
 

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Not gonna bore u, so heres a quick overview, but I really need to sort my head out, and get some perspective from someone else.

2 yrs ago split from my hubby of 16 yrs, have 2 kids 2getha, 1 yr ago got 2getha with a guy. I never got wined and dined, just sort of fell into relationship by talkin 2 him online of a night.

This guy is 35 yr old, born disabled (only one hand) and has only worked prob. 2yrs in his life.

Generally in a week, we see each other 3 nights, in between there is no communication, he never compliments me, calls me wierd all the time, criticises my clothes, my music taste, constantly swears and puts other people down and is not very tactful with other people, unless they are his pals then he is all smiles.

He gets in my car and changes the music to his liking, laughs one day when I do something, but tells me to f*ck o*f about it the next time I do the same thing. He never accepts responsibility for anything, like the other day he dented my new car, but turned around and said it was my fault.

He constantly digs me in the ribs, flicks my nose/ear or flicks me across the head, and feels me up at the most inappropriate times, and I have told him to stop cos it bugs me, but he just does it more. I never get a cuddle without him diggin me. He says its all just jokin and I am no fun, but I have a sense of humour.

I have approached him about the up/down nature of his ways, but he just ignores me, or tells me to f off, or says that he is no good with talkin. So I tell him to f off, and he says I will for good, and I dont even let him get down the drive before I chase after him in a blind panic.

I know he has a disability but it doesnt stop him from playing online shootin games 8 hrs a day, or dj-ing on his decks, cooking or anything, so that in itself is not an obstacle.

My friends have told me he is a 14 yr old in a 35 yr old body, and will never change, so why do I let him control my choices and emotions like I do, how can I pull away without feelin like I do.

I feel like I have turned into a begging, submissive person, and find it difficult to concentrate on anything else but what he wants/needs.....I certainly feel he has a lack of respect for me, even though he says he does respect me.

This was longer than I thought it would be, but I really need some advice.

what? why are you even around this person?
tell him goodbye and cut off all communication. He is worthless to you in your life and will not do anything but bring you misery. Tell him goodbye, the sooner the better and you do not need to explain anything to him, just tell him you are moving on and do not wish to continue in anyway.
He sounds like a complete wack job and man-child. Get him away from you.
why do you even ask if this is normal? and why have you not severed all strings with him yet???
 

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My friends have told me he is a 14 yr old in a 35 yr old body, and will never change, so why do I let him control my choices and emotions like I do, how can I pull away without feelin like I do.
They are right, dump him and move on. Even if you don’t find some one else for a while (even if never) you will be happier in the long run. Soon you’ll be looking back asking yourself why did you ever stay. Your self esteem will likely return once you get away from this controlling, insulting and immature representation of a man.
 

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what? why are you even around this person?
tell him goodbye and cut off all communication. He is worthless to you in your life and will not do anything but bring you misery. Tell him goodbye, the sooner the better and you do not need to explain anything to him, just tell him you are moving on and do not wish to continue in anyway.
He sounds like a complete wack job and man-child. Get him away from you.
why do you even ask if this is normal? and why have you not severed all strings with him yet???
lols, this is good advice right here. Love the brutal honesty hahah
 

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Look Twiggy when it comes to a point wherein you only notice the negative aspects of a person, it is time to go. He is not even worth your time. Honestly as soon as I read the line "He has only worked 2 years in his life..." I was like...oh here we go... LOL Disability aside, if a man really wants to succeed he would do everything he can.

So bottom line like everyone said...Tell him to kiss your sweet as$ and say goodbye!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks for all your advice, makes me realize that its not me, its him. Quick update, he hung up on me 4 days ago after telling me it was over, then saying he wanted time to think about things, so I havent ran after him, like I usually would have done. Its killing me and he seems to be just getting on with his life as usual, but that just proves he isn't that bothered. My friends made me delete his no. from my phone, which has made things easier, but altho my head knows whats right, my heart really misses him. I know its for the best for me and my children, but it is so hard. Really appreciate your comments. :(
 

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I havent ran after him, like I usually would have done. Its killing me and he seems to be just getting on with his life as usual
I know this feeling. My h used to just flat out ignore me and it absolutely drove me nuts. i always had to make him respond, i always chased after him. i know its not exactly the same as what you are going through, but i know the torture of sitting around and having it eat at your head. it really is the worst feeling.
 

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The guy has problems is quite obvious.
But you should really be asking the question: is something wrong with you? The answer to this question will benefit you more.
Do not get into any relationship until your self-esteem is balanced! You will end-up (God-Willing) with "your-match"!
 
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