Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Feel like I lost my Wife Last Night,

I'm the WS and thought we was in R and doing ok (ish) but we went to a concert last night to see a band we both wanted to see for along time, things had been strained for last 48 hours or so and i'm not sure what trigger was for this.

Whilst at concert it was all very surreal but felt her detach from me, not in a physical way as we werent touching at the time but more spiritual, I can always sense when she is near me but last night she disappeared, I could not sense her even though she was next to me... cant remember much of the concert just a feeling of emptiness.

then she handed me the wedding ring and said divorce... i could have collapsed there and then..

we didnt speak on the way home but again she left the wedding ring in the car and went to bed..

I slept on the couch ,, although sleep is not something i did I lay there till 5 in the morning staring at the ceiling wondering why i was such a sh!t and still cant answer myself I have no excuses for what i did other than detaching myself from my W and Kids when i was doing the things I did, I did not get any satisfaction from any of my betrayals (in fact they made me feel worse and increased my drinking, drug taking)

I went into our room at 5 just to lie next to her whilst she slept and watch her and stroke her hair whilst she was asleep, I miss the touch and smell of her when i'm not with her.

When she awoke she said she cant live with me anymore.. I broke (literally) I have broke down before and cried and begged but this time it was different it was depair , I could not breath I had no words and i literally sobbed as i realised i had finally killed us.

I love you so much and know nothing i can do can ever take it back no matter how much i want to go back and make different choices even if it was just to talk to you about how i feel and how i should have made changes to what we were doing rather than letting you make all the decisions and do all the work.

I want to be strong for us and dont want to be the snivelling little sh!t who breaks down because he was found out to be a cheat but i had no control when that despair hit me, you seem so much stronger than me emotionally and have always been so.

but what is strong? i can be the organised person who sorts out the practical things but that makes me feel like i'm detaching from you when i think you need me to be there emotionally.

I want you back and know that your feelings will never be the same

I just want to hold you and tell you everything will be alright as i think it can be, i will never ever betray you in any way again, I know what i did was so wrong in so many ways and the lies and deceit afterwards made it 100 times worse , whilst i thought i was trying to protect us as i did not want to lose you i was hammering the nails into the coffin by my actions , well i want to prise them nails out , open that lid and give you back our life and see you smile again.

I want to grow old with you, i want to see the sun set a 1000 times with you, I miss you, I love you and I want you.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
31,576 Posts
Crying over what you did is not weak. Hiding it with false bravado? That would be weak.

And that stiff upper lip stuff? Doesn't apply in your situation.

Affair, drink, drugs, distancing yourself from your wife and children? You have probably killed your marriage.

However! All is not yet lost. Reconciliation might still be possible. But don't cut down on the drugs... cut them out 100%! NOW!

What next? If your wife doesn't want to reconcile (and there's no reason why she should, is there?) you must then be the best father to your children that you can be. No ifs, no buts.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
523 Posts
Feel like I lost my Wife Last Night,

I'm the WS and thought we was in R and doing ok (ish) but we went to a concert last night to see a band we both wanted to see for along time, things had been strained for last 48 hours or so and i'm not sure what trigger was for this.

Whilst at concert it was all very surreal but felt her detach from me, not in a physical way as we werent touching at the time but more spiritual, I can always sense when she is near me but last night she disappeared, I could not sense her even though she was next to me... cant remember much of the concert just a feeling of emptiness.

then she handed me the wedding ring and said divorce... i could have collapsed there and then..

we didnt speak on the way home but again she left the wedding ring in the car and went to bed..

I slept on the couch ,, although sleep is not something i did I lay there till 5 in the morning staring at the ceiling wondering why i was such a sh!t and still cant answer myself I have no excuses for what i did other than detaching myself from my W and Kids when i was doing the things I did, I did not get any satisfaction from any of my betrayals (in fact they made me feel worse and increased my drinking, drug taking)

I went into our room at 5 just to lie next to her whilst she slept and watch her and stroke her hair whilst she was asleep, I miss the touch and smell of her when i'm not with her.

When she awoke she said she cant live with me anymore.. I broke (literally) I have broke down before and cried and begged but this time it was different it was depair , I could not breath I had no words and i literally sobbed as i realised i had finally killed us.

I love you so much and know nothing i can do can ever take it back no matter how much i want to go back and make different choices even if it was just to talk to you about how i feel and how i should have made changes to what we were doing rather than letting you make all the decisions and do all the work.

I want to be strong for us and dont want to be the snivelling little sh!t who breaks down because he was found out to be a cheat but i had no control when that despair hit me, you seem so much stronger than me emotionally and have always been so.

but what is strong? i can be the organised person who sorts out the practical things but that makes me feel like i'm detaching from you when i think you need me to be there emotionally.

I want you back and know that your feelings will never be the same

I just want to hold you and tell you everything will be alright as i think it can be, i will never ever betray you in any way again, I know what i did was so wrong in so many ways and the lies and deceit afterwards made it 100 times worse , whilst i thought i was trying to protect us as i did not want to lose you i was hammering the nails into the coffin by my actions , well i want to prise them nails out , open that lid and give you back our life and see you smile again.

I want to grow old with you, i want to see the sun set a 1000 times with you, I miss you, I love you and I want you.
Sorry, matey. I think we both are learning a hard lesson. I understand your plight.

All we can do, if they don't take us back, is be better husbands, the next go 'round.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,273 Posts
Neo... Welcome to the real world.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
Her trigger is that you went to a place which is big on drugs and hook ups with a lot of young bimbettes running around the stage maybe shaking their money makers at the stage.

She sees that you haven't changed the core 'You'.

Everything you like doing: Drinking, drugs, loud music, fast girls...that has to go. Because she's tired of waiting for the next disappointment.

You need a New You.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MattMatt

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,262 Posts
You have to work on yourself so she can see you change. Have you been to MC? If not you go even if she is not willing. If you are moving out then make sure she knows where you are and what you are doing. No drugs,sex or rock and roll.

You have killed your marriage if you do R with her it is because you have built something new. Make sure she knows how sorry you are and walk the straing and narrow. It takes a long time to build new trust.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top