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My wife, 9 years younger than me, I'm 31 now. Been married 6 months now and 1 year before this there were fights, disagreements, nothing like it is now.

I don't know how to really explain in detail whats going on. She sits in the house, mad at me because ''we never do anything'' '' you never want to do anything with me or your son''

I sit with my son while shes at the house and play with him and his trains, a lot of the time she will say '' I don't feel good'' and goes to bed, I watch him until 1-2AM and then she gets up and I tell her I'm tired and she will be nice, get up, watch him for 30 or so minutes, interact with him and then it's like she gets bored of him and me both. Doesn't really say much. At the same time comes off nice for a little bit. Than, I can see things start to change, she acts bitter but doesn't say anything, out of nowhere.

It can go right into an argument and it's like it starts without me knowing it. The next day she will wake me up knowing I have only had maybe 3-4 hours sleep from watching him the night before and tells me '' your son wont act right, hes crying, wont mind me, you need to get up and take care of him.

So I do, she sleeps or naps for a while, makes comments like '' I hate my life'' Even as far as saying '' I don't want you or him''

Than, the next day is lovey dove and wants to be right next to me and acts like the perfect wife. When her friend, her '' bestes''' buddy calls and tells her about the fight she had with her ''babies daddy'' all the sudden that throws her on defense, starts acting weird, I ask whats wrong and it's time to rinse and repeat, starts crying and telling me I treat her like crap for the last 2-3 days for no reason.

During that time is when she is off in her own world and doesn't interact with me, there is interaction but it's very weird and like shes zoned out and silent. Tells me ''do whatever you want''

I know shes not cheating and I know I have my issues too, I can be a little off at times. Like, maybe I don't take the trash out or I might complain because shes always on the phone and always acts numb. It's a turn off and just makes me want to take a break and get away from her when she acts weird.

When she acts like that with our son hes almost 3 and he picks up on the fact she really doesn't want to play with him and he gets his feelings hurt and starts acting out. As soon as I play with him and talk to him for a while his mood improves and hes the best kid on the planet. Really, he is a good kid.

She tries to force our son to goto bed and yells at him to be still and I can hear her from upstairs yelling. He has gotten to the point where he won't sleep with her and screams bloody murder for me. He is hard to deal with when he goes to sleep and doesn't want to lay in one spot, always wants to sleep with us. So, I know shes frustrated and I know why, some of it's valid.

Then, she gets mad at me and him because he wants to lay with me or she hurts his feelings.

Shes always ordering me around, while driving, everything.

JP, will finish the rest when I get home.
 

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If I had an infant that wouldn't go to bed before 2:00am, exhaustion would eventually make me act pretty strange, too. I'd try limiting his naps in the daytime and knocking off the trains and other stimulation at least an hour before a reasonable bedtime. Give him a calm bath, a story, and then it's bedtime. Your wife may have some depression issues, but who could behave like a normal human being without getting decent sleep? She's acting like a zombie at night (when she's exhausted) but then acts "lovey dovey" in the morning (after she's had some sleep). How much uninterrupted sleep did she get before the baby and how much is she getting now?
 

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Well, that's the thing. She goes to sleep at around 5pm for her nap, gets up at around 2am. Might get up for a few hours and than it's right back to bed at around 3-4 AM, back up at 9-10AM

She is on suboxone for drug treatment to get off pain pills. When she tries to resist taking the meds as often, she gets really cranky and I have caught her lying to me about how much she has. You go to the pharmacy and buy more when you run out, every 2 weeks.

Before the sub meds and the pain pills it was like this but not to this extreme. I used to have to work overtime to pay for her meds without insurance. I worked 55-60 hours some weeks.

That kep the rent, food, meds going.

She has only had one job in her life, never had a drivers license. Her mother is a gambler and a drunk, I love her mom so I really don't mean this in a mean or disrespectful way.

Her dad is plain crazy and on top of it he is dying of liver problems in his mid 50's. So, she has family issues.

Their family solves issues with one another by fighting, with their fist mostly. She used to run the streets at 14, I met her right after she turned 18. Very pretty, very calm, totally different person. I figured age would improve things and instead she went worse.

She blames me for not having ''her good years'' She claimed at one point one of my friends tried to rape her. Which, I have the details and it is possible, I tried to get her to file charges and it never happened.

I'm laid off right now so one issue is we are always around each other which I think is a bad thing here?

Like for instance, when my son is sleeping we get along fine. Very few arguments. She acts like it's a curse 85% of the time to take care of him. That's the only way I know to put it honestly? Like I said, she says sometimes, when she is really out of it that she ''wishes she could die and leave me to take care of him''

I will take them to the park once or twice a week if the weathers ok and everything seems fine but if were alone eventually she says I do something wrong and really goes off her rocker for 1 or two days. Normally when this happens I find out she either loaned some of her meds to her mom or family or ran out and thats 75% of the mood issues.

Like the other day she was cleaning house and in a great great mood, cooked us dinner and we joked and all was fine. The day after she starts getting in a weird mood, talking to all her friends with bad relationships and staying on the phone a lot.

Everyone of them have nothing good to say, they get mad at her because she ''hasn't been a good friend'' Than, tells me I need to start acting right? I dunno, I really don't get it. It's like being blind sided and I never understand why.

She puts off a vibe like ''leave me alone'' so I do, and, she gets more and more weird for 2 or 3 days and than blows up and raises her voice and tells me how I do this and that the wrong way and shes sick of it.

After that, normally she comes back and apologizes and gets cleaned up, wants to have sex. After the night of sex things start reverting and she doesn't want to have sex for almost 2 months.

it's weird because when we have sex and weeks go where we are really well connected and everything is better than great. Than the mood change starts and she goes silent. I really don't believe she wants to be a parent. She loves our son but she doesn't really want to interact with him a lot of the time, or, tells him to ''leave mommy alone, I'm doing something, go play''

When this is going on she acts the same towards me, the whole duration of the *event* as I call it, shes on the phone with people and family hearing nothing but bad news. How their boyfriends treat them bad, deadbeat dads.

It's really weird and I'm not sure how to explain it better. It's like she isn't consistently herself? It's like all the sudden she doesn't like who she is. Starts saying '' I have no friends cause you won't let me'' The whole time I'm telling her to GO, hang out with your friends.

I don't know how to be any more clear, it's so weird to me that I can't really explain what's going on.

If I think of a better way to explain it or can answer some questions I would sure be willing.

Lately I have gotten so sick of the up and down and I get wore out with it mentally and body. I just lay down and go to sleep. Sometimes she will realize how off it is and start acting nice for two or 3 days, than, it's back to Hades for half-month+
 

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You have a number of issues here. First your wife is an addict and is acting like an addict. If you love her, you'll have to continue to grin and bear it while she gets herself better. Your wife HAS TO get herself back onto a healthy sleep pattern. Aside from the withdrawals from the pain killers, she is not helping herself with this crazy sleep pattern. She needs to get regular sleep for a long, continuous block of time. Third, why are you playing with your son until 1 or 2 am? Your son is soon to be 3 years old. He needs to be going to bed at a set bed time (like 8 PM) and he needs to be sleeping through the night. My guess is that the two of you never trained your son to sleep through the night and to cut out the binkies and drinks at night in bed. Just a hunch but that's my guess. Your kid is overindulged IMO, and that is also contributing to this mess.
 

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Well, that's the thing. She goes to sleep at around 5pm for her nap, gets up at around 2am. Might get up for a few hours and than it's right back to bed at around 3-4 AM, back up at 9-10AM

She is on suboxone for drug treatment to get off pain pills. When she tries to resist taking the meds as often, she gets really cranky and I have caught her lying to me about how much she has. You go to the pharmacy and buy more when you run out, every 2 weeks.

Before the sub meds and the pain pills it was like this but not to this extreme. I used to have to work overtime to pay for her meds without insurance. I worked 55-60 hours some weeks.

That kep the rent, food, meds going.

She has only had one job in her life, never had a drivers license. Her mother is a gambler and a drunk, I love her mom so I really don't mean this in a mean or disrespectful way.

Her dad is plain crazy and on top of it he is dying of liver problems in his mid 50's. So, she has family issues.

Their family solves issues with one another by fighting, with their fist mostly. She used to run the streets at 14, I met her right after she turned 18. Very pretty, very calm, totally different person. I figured age would improve things and instead she went worse.

She blames me for not having ''her good years'' She claimed at one point one of my friends tried to rape her. Which, I have the details and it is possible, I tried to get her to file charges and it never happened.

I'm laid off right now so one issue is we are always around each other which I think is a bad thing here?

Like for instance, when my son is sleeping we get along fine. Very few arguments. She acts like it's a curse 85% of the time to take care of him. That's the only way I know to put it honestly? Like I said, she says sometimes, when she is really out of it that she ''wishes she could die and leave me to take care of him''

I will take them to the park once or twice a week if the weathers ok and everything seems fine but if were alone eventually she says I do something wrong and really goes off her rocker for 1 or two days. Normally when this happens I find out she either loaned some of her meds to her mom or family or ran out and thats 75% of the mood issues.

Like the other day she was cleaning house and in a great great mood, cooked us dinner and we joked and all was fine. The day after she starts getting in a weird mood, talking to all her friends with bad relationships and staying on the phone a lot.

Everyone of them have nothing good to say, they get mad at her because she ''hasn't been a good friend'' Than, tells me I need to start acting right? I dunno, I really don't get it. It's like being blind sided and I never understand why.

She puts off a vibe like ''leave me alone'' so I do, and, she gets more and more weird for 2 or 3 days and than blows up and raises her voice and tells me how I do this and that the wrong way and shes sick of it.

After that, normally she comes back and apologizes and gets cleaned up, wants to have sex. After the night of sex things start reverting and she doesn't want to have sex for almost 2 months.

it's weird because when we have sex and weeks go where we are really well connected and everything is better than great. Than the mood change starts and she goes silent. I really don't believe she wants to be a parent. She loves our son but she doesn't really want to interact with him a lot of the time, or, tells him to ''leave mommy alone, I'm doing something, go play''

When this is going on she acts the same towards me, the whole duration of the *event* as I call it, shes on the phone with people and family hearing nothing but bad news. How their boyfriends treat them bad, deadbeat dads.

It's really weird and I'm not sure how to explain it better. It's like she isn't consistently herself? It's like all the sudden she doesn't like who she is. Starts saying '' I have no friends cause you won't let me'' The whole time I'm telling her to GO, hang out with your friends.

I don't know how to be any more clear, it's so weird to me that I can't really explain what's going on.

If I think of a better way to explain it or can answer some questions I would sure be willing.

Lately I have gotten so sick of the up and down and I get wore out with it mentally and body. I just lay down and go to sleep. Sometimes she will realize how off it is and start acting nice for two or 3 days, than, it's back to Hades for half-month+
You are 31 and your wife is obviously a young 22 year old (by that I mean immature). You are expecting your wife to act your age and she's not. I've seen this before. You want someone who is more mature and behaves responsibly, don't marry someone barely out of her teenage years. Especially true these days. :rolleyes:
 

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Crazy mood swings right?
Hard to figure her out - hot & cold?

She may be bipolar.

She needs to stop yelling at your son yesterday. It is your job to protect him.
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
You never know what you will get, I will be doing what I think is what I'm supposed to do, I even quit hobbies to devote more time for whatever it is she says she needs that day.

And for being bipolar she sure runs out to her friends house and puts on a good act for them.

She will watch a TV show series that has a point of the men doing the women wrong and come start an argument with me, I'm not kidding. The last few weeks she started watching a new show and I could swear it has affected her whole personality.

It's very weird, I'm very worried and when I tell her off about yelling at our son she just starts blaming me for random stuff. Like, well, you don't ever deal with him. The previous day to that argument I had been with him for a total of 17 hours out of 24, he had a cold and I was watching him sleep cause he has asthma.

Like tonight, she tells me I'm acting weird. Have no idea what the women is talking about. I say, weird how? her answer is to start telling me i do a bunch of stuff wrong and i have issues?

It's like she is oblivious to anything she does wrong?

Very frustrated, I just told her to goto her friends house and carve pumpkins.She wanted me to go but I don't like her ''bestes friend'' cause she puts a bunch of stuff in her head when they hang out, she is another story, very evil.

The ''best friend'' when me and my wife first met, she was in the house upset about her father and kept asking my wife where I was, she cam to the door and said '' shes upset and doesn't want to see you right now'' I left and my then girlfriend called me upset because I never came back that night?

And go figure right now the best friend is broke up with her boyfriend for the last 72 hours and that's the exact time the mood shes in now started, exactly 72 hours ago.

She found out about this, was mad at her for 2 days and than everything was fine. If I let them hang out for a few days they will be at each others throat for a week or two and in that time she will be the ''perfect wife'' and the other bi-polar? friend of hers will let her babies dad come home, they just had a newborn and she has been on dating websites 2 weeks after the birth of the child.

Like she tells me, we never go anywhere or do anything, and, I am telling you all this to give you an idea of what I'm working with so please bare with me....


I take them to the park, to the store, everywhere I go I make sure they go. I gave up all my hobbies so I could supply for her drugs that she ''really needs so she can keep clean''

Now, not 5 minutes later she will tell me, I'm going to my friends, why don't you go hang out with one of your friends, knowing I have none because they won't come around her. ALL of my friends can't stand the sight of her. This is not an overboard statement at all, 110% truth.

I cant hang out with them or even my own brother because she gets offended and than comes the weird moods and her telling me I'm a ''selfish ****'' or ''stupid mother******''

I'm really at a loss and BTW, I am working on getting her in to see a doctor. The main thing that scares me there is the fact she really believes everyone else is at fault for her problems, she refuses any responsibility, she will tell me to tell her the issues I have in the relationship, I do in a calm manner.

After this, if I tell her how she acts and what that does to me emotionally, she gets mad and starts screaming at me within 15 minutes. Very VERY crafty and making points to show I'm the total wrong, never in the wrong.

I told her, which was true, that I was posting here and I was going to consult a psych about her and she immediately shut up and withdrew. She hasn't said much to me since.


Here is my day, since the lay off I get up, fix my breakfest and sit at the computer to check email and relax before all hell breaks loose, like it does every single day. Knowing whats coming I try to relax and get to myself before it starts so I don't knee jerk react to any of the total wacky crap she is about to spew. OR, I can be a doormat and just agree with everything she says and take blame for all the problems in her life and MAYBE, within a week or two I'm not the enemy any more.

I have done the latter for a long time, and, the last 6 months after we got married had been GREAT, perfect wife. Than, this happened and slowly she reverted to how she was before getting married.

I thought we had talked, we were actually spending time together getting better, TOGETHER. She was on sub to get her off drugs and it was working. Than, slowly I could see it reverting in that mixed storm of a brain she has.

BTW while shes on these meds to ''help'' her it's like she isn't there, no soul. Just a happy person taking care of her son and me like it's a game she is enjoying? It's very weird and hard to explain.

We go for up to two months without sex, I will come to her and plead with here as to why that affects me and this will start the downturn into bi-polar is it?

I don't know if all this sounds like a bunch of banter but it's the only way my brain will make sense of it to explain it.

Right now I'm home alone playing video games of all things, sitting in limbo trying to figure out what my next move will be when she finally gets home and this stuff starts up all over again. Or, she will magically snap out of it and be fine for 6 months again, no joke, it really works like that sometimes.

When it does I forget it, say well, I love you so it's ok, I will help all I can. Lets work it out.

Although, I must admit this time feels different because I actually went and found someone to tell this stuff so I can know exactly how other people see or think. I'm also finding it impossible to avoid arguments with her, she will call me and create one over the phone, its like she is built to argue.

She refuses to live in peace. Everything has to be a fight, there is NEVER peace. Yet swears she cries over me every day, which is a lie I have never seen a tear unless she is putting on a show for her mother or family or close friends.

I'm starting to believe she has no feelings, no love, no hate, like she is really really mixed up crazy. Something I had not noticed before we got married, seriously. Like she was hiding it and it's like she knows no one else would deal with it. I noticed she was a little off, but, here the last few months it has been utter madness.

She has never said I just want to be loved and I said ok no problem, never happens like that. It's like she will hate me until I give in and say, its ok its all my fault, I'm a sorry POS. Than and only than, will she move on. Like I'm making HER excuses for HERSELF in an argument shes having with herself over whether or not she is a crappy person?

I know that sounds completely ignorant but I promise you it's exactly like I'm saying. I have even considered making hidden videos and just going to the psych myself and letting him see a whole week of how it is and than give me an opinion on what to do next, I know this seems horrible but I don't think she will consent to a doctor because I think she knows they will pick up on how crazy she is and get her on some meds.
 

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You can't fix her; stop trying. Her crazy is making you crazier.

I'm worried about your son.

Stop trying to rationalize with the irrational. Stop arguing with her. Ignore all bad behaviors. Once she realizes her tantrums don't benefit her, she may stop.

She is acting like a child so treat her like one.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Yeah, well, maybe that is the answer for some of it. Thank's for the concern about my son, hes ok.

Most of the time him and me are together anyways. He doesn't even want to sleep with her. It just wears me out because hes latching onto me now that he gets she is off her rocker a bit or something is weird.

Hes always calling for me or trying to get me to do stuff with him, I enjoy my son a great deal it's just dealing with her and him constantly. He wants me to play with him every second and be there every second and she doesn't put much effort in SOME days.

Not saying she doesn't help but it is what it is. She does alot FOR him, she is not a horrid mother, don't take me saying what I did as her being a bad mom.

She just doesn't need to be raising her voice at him, AT ALL. That's IMHO a form of her taking her own problems out on him.
 
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