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I am an Indian, staying in India and work in Mumbai (Say City A). . My Wife was till now staying in Bangalore with her parents (Say City B) which is 1000 Miles away.My parents stay in another city 300 Miles away Nagpur (Say City C). Both of us are software engineers.

I was staying with her in City B. As soon as we got married, I got a job and moved to City A. She never stayed with me citing that she doesn't wants to give up her job. All this while she kept on persuading me to move back to City B. In reality, she did not like my family members and felt that moving to City A will get her in close proximity to my parents, who live in adjacent city.

We spent one year staying alone and barely used to meet. The distance and rituals associated with new marriage in India made things from bad to worse. At the end of first year, the situation was close to divorce. She agreed to come for Anniversary. In the party after everything got over, she was sitting tired in one corner. My father approached her out of concern; and kissed her. By mistake the kiss landed on her lips and she made a big issue out of it. In India kissing on cheeks is still acceptable though kissing on lips is a big deal.

She went back to her original city. Swore that she will never come to my city and will NEVER EVER talk to my mum, dad, sis bro and classified everyone as unworthy family. She was clear that even if we have kids, she will not allow anyone in my family to ever see or touch them. It took me one year and multiple trips for her to convince her that she should stay with me and that we won't get my parents or bro or sis ever to my house . So finally after 2 years she agreed to join me under these stern conditions.

After 2 months of staying with me, she started to crib that she is not getting a good job. By the third month she had pressurized me so much that my city A is worthless because she couldn't find a job and that we should move back to her city B. She started to become increasingly irritated and was pushing me every day to drop my job and move back to city B. I asked her if she wants to take a break for 2-3 weeks and visit her parents in City B. She agreed and left for a 2-3 week trip.

I had not met my parents for these 4 months. In the meanwhile, they have been wanting to see the new house in which we shifted, and came for a day in her absence to my house. Somehow she came to know about it from the neighbors. Same day she called me up and fought big time why my parents came. In the fit of rage she broke my camera and smartphone which she was carrying and i ended up becoming poorer by a $1500 at least. And then she said she is not coming back at any cost. She found a job in her city B. I tried to find a job in city B fora few months but couldn't. After a few months, she filed for a divorce.

I think she has hyped her reaction a bit too much. I tried to convince her that even though my parents came for a day in her absence, it didn't harm her. And if she didn't like it, they won't come again. But she won't listen. As if she was in any case pressurizing me to leave my city; and got an excuse.

Now she tells me that i am a man with no balls; who couldn't keep his promise. I went over a few times to meet her and convince her that even if i did a mistake; to err is to human; and we should give a chance. But she wouldn't listen. She wanted me to move to her city, buy a flat a car and set up a house. Basically settle far away from my family. When i couldn't get a job in 2-3 months, she filed for a divorce.

She tells me that i am a woman in a man's body; someone who can't be trusted and is a weak person. My father called up her father to explain and apologize, but they won't listen. She has decided that she doesn't want to spend anytime with me. I just don't know what to do. Could someone suggest.

I have gone twice to help her and her parents convince; they dont listen. My parents have also talked on phone but no help. As a last resort, I am thinking of taking my parents to her house (where she stays with her parents) and beg to be together.
 

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I agree with her on one thing, you do need to man up but to tell HER off and take some control of your life! She sounds completely crazy and irrational. I don't know how taboo divorce is in your country but I would seriously consider divorcing. Do you really want to live a life with her at the expense of seeing your own family? That is just crazy. Stop letting her push you around.
 

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Why would you take your parents (who she hates) to try to convince her to do something? You'll only make her angrier. Honestly, I think a divorce might be better for you. She certainly does not sound like she likes you.
Hi Kathy,
The repeats many a times that she doesn't trust me; and that my words have no significance. I met her twice and it didn't work. I called up a few common friends and requested them to convince her. When they talked to her, she unfriended them from facebook. The only time she wanted my parents to come in picture was while filing for a divorce, because she felt that it will make things formal. So i thought that if i take them with me; ask for forgiveness and make my parents promise that they won't ever visit our house again, probably she will believe me.
Frankly i have tried every trick in the book and it didn't work. I just don't know how can i get her back.
 

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She doesn't want you. There's nothing to get back. She's made it clear she has no interest in being in a relationship with you by all her crazy expectations and demands. She set it up that way so that you may NEVER make her happy.

Divorce her.
 

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She doesn't want you. There's nothing to get back. She's made it clear she has no interest in being in a relationship with you by all her crazy expectations and demands. She set it up that way so that you may NEVER make her happy.

Divorce her.
>>She set it up that way so that you may NEVER make her happy<<
Thanks for your advice. I tend to agree with you. No matter what solution i come up with, she keeps on digging out skeletons of everything we've ever argued about in the past.
Actually we knew each other before marriage. Its just that when i moved from the city where she and her parents were reciding to my city, her behviour changed drastically.
Just that I am trying to give a last try before giving up; for sake of all the years we've been trying to live this relationship.
 

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Her filing for divorce nips any trying you do in the bud. She's not interested in trying. You'd be doing it all on your own.

I know it's not what you want, but to make marriage work it takes two people willing to work on it. If she hadn't filed, and you two at least lived together, things *might be different. That's not the case. She's consulted her family and they're more than on board with her decision. I'm sorry but there's not much more you can do, other than bow out.

And BTW, why would you want a woman that looks at you as a weak man... a woman in a mans body? She doesn't respect you. That's not wife material. She is supposed to be the person you would trust above all with everything you have, and she thinks you're a female.
 

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Your wife is just a unhappy person...She won't change. One of my friends has wife like this women.

So i thought that if i take them with me; ask for forgiveness and make my parents promise that they won't ever visit our house again, probably she will believe me.
You should be ashamed of yourself to treat your parents like this if that is all to the story. But I do think kissing your daughter in law is still weird. Do you think there is more to the story ?
 

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Well, I hope you like the disrepect she is giving you. Yes, I know there are no more women in India...NOT one! I could tell you what to do but, the people here at TAM would disown me. Maybe I could give you some words as a hint......Spanking.... tied with silk scarves to a cross upside down for a very long time........the bottom of her feet....I did not say waterboarding, did not say it, so get that right out of you head! Hey!(Montey Python squeel right now) you heard me, get that out of you head! I kidd I kidd. Just leave the Bitck. David
 

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hi ITguy

Did you have an arranged marriage? it seems to me that you guys have not spent much of your married life together. so do you have a good sex life. apart from her problems with your parents and her need to be in bangalore, would you consider that you have a good working marriage with her. for eg. when you guys are in different cities, do you talk frequently?

I think she never wanted to get married or never wanted to get married to you? she seems to be very keen not to begin a married life (with you)

personally, i would cut your losses. get divorced and start anew. next time choose someone who is enthusiastic about marriage and excited about it. not someone who is looking for reasons and excuses to run away. good luck
 
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