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Hi everyone. I have been reading posts here the past month. This place is a great treasure trove of information and advice. I just want to talk and get all this off my chest, maybe get some feedback too since many people have probably gone through or are going through the same thing.

About one month ago my husband (age 29) told me (also age 29) that he didnt love me anymore, he never loved me, he felt pressured to marry me and wanted a divorce after 3 years. He told me this right after I got back from a 3 week vacation to the USA. We both live in Tokyo, he is Japanese and we dated 3 years in Seattle before we got married and moved to Japan. He told me this also right after our 3 year anniversary.

I didnt expect it at all. I never knew he felt that way, he never told me and I never suspected any of it. I knew he had some depression problems but he didnt and doesnt want to go to a doctor for it or do any sort of therapy. I knew we had problems but they were not serious, we never fought or name called each other. But he told me that his depression is my fault because I am grumpy and unhappy all the time. One day were were kissing and saying I love yous and the next day this.

I admit I havent been the happiest person since i moved here but I did make some progress, I got my own job, I made friends, I have hobbies and then this happened.

I have no money to go back home or move out because i only get paid once a month and i only work part time. I am an english teacher here and my schedule varies depending on demand. I have been looking for a full time job but most places here only hire in April and thats a long ways away.

What can I do to make my living situation more well...liveable? My husband is still here and he continually says he is done with the relationship and he has no interest in therapy. He also will not move out since the apartment is owned by his family, he says is anyone should go its me.

This is not my home country, i have no family here other than his and they have asked to remain out of this conflict so I cant stay with them.

Is there some sort of at home seperation that can be worked out? What can I do to stay out of his way, heal my self and prepare for ultimately a Divorce that is unwanted?

I have also thought of going back to the USA but I have two cats who mean the world to me and it would be hard to relocate with them. I also worry about my personal belongings left here. I feel so stuck and trapped and I only want to run and be free but cant.

I have tried hard to stay out of my husbands way, we can still eat meals together and generally get along but he refuses to share the bed with me now and wont have any physical contact with me. He has mentally/emotionally checked out of the relationship.On a side note, I thought at first he may have had an affair of some sort but all evidence that I have found or lack there of shows otherwise and to be fair, he is always broke and sleeps all day so he has no real opportunity to cheat on me even when I was away on vacation.
 

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wow it's like reading my own post. Now Im more convinced my H is depressed as well... It's really hard being alone in husband's country and this happens. I'm in your shoes except I'm in US and none of my family isn't.

First of all, taking cats back to US is possible. I had a cat who I rescued here, brought her back to Japan and brought her back here again when we got married and now living with us. Check all the latest quarantines requirements. If you miss one requirement, the customs can hold your cat for weeks or months and you'd have to pay for her "lodging" at the airport. In the meantime though, can you look for somebody who will temporarily look after your kitties? There are so many cat lovers there you might be able to find a nice no-kill shelter or some sort?

As for going back to US, can't you ask your family members to loan you some money for relocating yourself back home? Going back home is not an option for me but if it were I'd be asking my parents to help me any way they could. I can pay them back when I settle back home.

Even if this divorce gets finalized, the hardest part for me would be that I don't have my family here. My H family and friends adore and support me but if we do get a divorce, how long is it gonna last? Just the thought of it almost crashes me

I'd start asking people for help, you'd be surprised what people who care about you would offer.
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