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Was interested in some feedback on what others on the forum think about fantasizing during partnered sex? Had a very interesting conversation with my wife last night, and it made me curious what others thought about this. For me, I cannot fantasize during partnered sex. I do not think my mind can go there, of if it did, it would not be able to be maintained. I find that I am mentally focused on what is happening, and could not have both that and a fantasy going at the same time (I did try once, and it went nowhere). My SO says that fantasizing during sex is a regular thing for her, especially when receiving oral, getting touched, during mutual masturbation, but not so much during intercourse. I have read online, that it is fairly common, but I have to admit, being someone who does not do this, it took me a bit off guard to realize how often she was. At first, I took it a bit personally as her need to visualize something more appealing, but then after a lot of internet research, seems it is so common, that it may be more linked to how a persons brain is wired to reach orgasm.

I know I fantasize for masturbation, and SO does as well, but for some reason, that seems so different to me then partnered sex.

It made me question, if some of the lack of intimacy I perceive is related to this?
 

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Some do, some don't. Some are bothered by it, some are not. Either way, there can be a lot of judgment about what other people do, especially a partner. I think if YOU are enjoying sex your way, and they are enjoying sex their way, it's all good. But I think you're onto something with the idea that different people's brains may be wired differently in how they reach orgasm.
 
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