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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Would you do something you don't want to do just for the sake of having sex?
Let me start by saying me and my husband have sex once a month. I am unsatisfied but it's been like this for so long that I really have just gotten used to it.
But it seems like he can't just -have sex- with out doing something to turn him on.
I have noticed that he watches a lot of porn leading up to the point where we actually DO have sex. And we always need to include his fantasies.
For example, we have posted pictures online. That was fun for the both of us.
But the other things he's into, I am not into. He likes to talk about things I've done in the past. It doesn't turn me on to talk about them but I do it just for him.
There are some other things he's into, but I won't go into everything. Here is the problem.
He also talks about my sister A LOT. He will talk about her watching me give him a BJ, or the other way around. He keeps including her in our fantasies. I am not turned on by this AT ALL. But a lot of times I participate just for the sake of our marriage.
Today he asked me to ask her for her email account to see some nudes and maybe send her some of me.
I declined, and now he's upset.
He feels bad because he opened up to me and I said no.
He is telling me since he has needs and I'm not cooperating this isn't going to work out and we're going to basically have to get divorced or see other people.
I told him sorry if this is the only thing that gets your engine going then this isn't going to work out. It really isn't. I'm not going to include my sister in our fantasies just for the sake of getting it on anymore.

I've found several email accounts where he talks to strangers about his fantasies. Basically I can't give him what he needs (he's actually told me this before) so he goes out and finds it on the internet.

He is into things that I'm not into. I don't know if I should suck it up and let him talk to other people, or get divorced, or just participate in it.
 

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It's never ok for someone to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. He needs to respect you and your boundaries. And you need to respect yourself enough to keep your boundaries.
 

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Your husband has many characteristics of a sex addict. Forcing ones partner into acts they don't agree with is a huge red flag, and so is his use of porn to get aroused.

I would suggest you tell him to pack a bag and get the hell out ASAP. You have co dependent traits as well, and could benefit from some counseling.

I would also suggest you get yourself tested for STD's, because chances are that the things you know about are just the tip of the iceberg.
 

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pretty obvious he wants you and your sister for some threeway action
 

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well if they are TWIN sisters, isn't that pretty much every man's fantasy??

JUST KIDDING!

Seriously- that dude is messed up and lucky enough that you let him take you as far into the fantasies as you did. Stop it now. Nothing good can come from you letting him include your sister in his fantasies, much less in real life!

And he tells you that he will see other people and divorce?? My god, get the F out of there! He's mentally abusing you.
 

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Try this test.

Would you want your sister, mom, aunt, daughter, niece or best female friend to put up with that type of bull****?

If the answer is no then dont do it yourself because its ****ed up
 

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Guys, I see the problem here is that her husband watches WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much porn. He DESPERATELY needs a psychiatrist!!! It's been proven that watching porn over very long periods of time (especially porn that gets wilder and wilder) causes one's self to need more foreplay to get aroused. This dude is confusing real life and common sense with crazy fantasies. Just because in real life it's gross to think about "doing it" with your husband and sister doesn't mean that there are not thousands and thousands of porn flicks of this very nature! My advice to you is to sit him down and tell him you are genuinely concerned! This is unhealthy!!!! Even if you leave him, he's setting himself up for an EXTREMELY hard life with many a failed marriage. Remind him that marriage is a COMMITMENT to ONE person in our culture! Simple as that. This guy needs mental help for his own good (and yours)!
 

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He didn't "Open up" to you. He has decided he can do whatever he wants with regard to your sex life, and if you don't like it, he obviously says, I opened up to you, woe is me.

He's manipulating you.

You need to get some better boundaries, what he is doing is not OK. he is investing his sexual energy into porn, god knows what else online and now your own sister. he is making a choice to do those things. he does not have to.

You need to stop being a sexual doormat, and tell him that while you are no prude and you are sexually adventurous, his actions are destroying your marriage, and that he needs counseling ASAP. You also need marital counseling.

He does not need these things, he wants them, and he doesn't seem to care if he hurts you or loses you in the process.

The porn needs to stop now, and he need top focus on you. You deserve to feel sexy and desired by him. He also needs to NEVER fantasize about your sister again.

Those would be my conditions on staying with him.
 

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My husband heard me gasping as I read this. This is way out of line and very disrespectful to you. Your own sister of all people. Sounds like he wanted to go beyond fantasy by contacting her via email. DUMP HIM!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I'm sure it's not hard to figure out there's more issues in this marriage that I left out. This is really just scratching the surface.
I do believe he may have a mental illness, because of the way he treats me and talks to me sometimes. But I was aware of this before we even got married.
We discussed the sister thing last night and he is very well aware that I don't want to include my sister in our sex life. I totally understand that the sister thing is truly a common fantasy among men... But I have boundaries and I'm not going outside my comfort zone. I think he should be happy that I've participated as much as I have in his fantasies just for him.
He told me he isn't mad at me and "never was" He was just "embarrassed".
 

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I would never do anything I'm uncomfortable with, and I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who expected me to.

Your H sounds completely over the top (particularly regarding your sister!). My only suggestion is IC for him, MC for you both or divorce.
 

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I must confess, many years ago I was dating a woman with an attractive sister. And many times we would have sex while the sister was down the hall in her bedroom, and I would fantasize about the sister walking in, and joining in, in some capacity. But, I NEVER would have EVER verbalized this to my girlfriend, or her sister. That's why its called a fantasy.
 

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To the OP: I hope you can hear concern in my writing voice right now, and not judgment. Here goes...

I think you should check into some counseling to specifically explore why you would have allowed someone to push past all your boundaries in such a way. It is one thing to say "I did this for the sake of our marriage and sex life", but really, there is more to it than that. Explore what is behind the reasons you have not enforced boundaries. Maybe you already know? Possible child sex abuse in your history? Whatever it is, you are not going to have happy, fulfilling sex and relationships until you address it.
 
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