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I'm just going to be brutally honest here.

The reason why everyone you have been with cheats on you is because you are the kind of guy who won't divorce your wife now. They all knew you will put up with it, that you will facilitate their lifestyle. You are the perfect mark for women like this. Hell she admits to an EA and you stay. They are the parasite and you act as their host. Unless this changes the next women will cheat on you too.

That probably wasn't fun to read, but that's the reality of the situation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
But you do have evidence that she filed DV charges.
Which is a much more important reason to leave.
This woman can't be trusted.
You are right. Now what? I mean I am so broke that I am contemplating leaving my family just to ensure that they have more food because I wont be another mouth to feed. Justice has long passed here. The choices facing us now is that I stay and use my military knowledge to keep them alive or leave and let the decaying civilization sustain them for another couple of months.

If it weren't for my two girls, the answer would have been easy. I'd take that tent and no-one would have ever known if I were dead or alive hence forth. Now if I have to take that route, at least I need to teach them to survive in Africa Proper.

This sounds so melodramatic and I am even shaking my head at my own words, while simultaneously knowing the unadulterated truth of what I am stating.
 

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I think you said that W and possible OM traveled together for 2 weeks? If so then 99% it went physical during that time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #64 ·
I'm just going to be brutally honest here.

The reason why everyone you have been with cheats on you is because you are the kind of guy who won't divorce your wife now. They all knew you will put up with it, that you will facilitate their lifestyle. You are the perfect mark for women like this. Hell she admits to an EA and you stay. They are the parasite and you act as their host. Unless this changes the next women will cheat on you too.

That probably wasn't fun to read, but that's the reality of the situation.
You know what, you are 100% correct and I wish I had a friend like you or someone who could set me straight before I met my wife. You see my dad was a good man, a good provider, a good.... But he didn't teach me the first thing about women. I don't blame him because he didn't know the first thing about women either. His dad was my grandmother's servant. He didn't know any better, he couldn't teach any better, thus I didn't know any better.

I know better now, but I'm 51. What can I do with the knowledge? Seriously. For all my sins, I am in a house full of women. My daughters, my wife, my mother, no seriously, even the dog is a *****. I know better now and so does my wife.

I have dealt with my exes swiftly. I'm just too old and tired now. I know it's my fault. My picker is broken or something. I'm just so, so tired. Younger guys, don't be me. Just get rid of them if they have a wondering eye and don't ever take another one like them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #65 ·
I think you said that W and possible OM traveled together for 2 weeks? If so then 99% it went physical during that time.
I know. and I'm 99.99% certain I'll find the smoking gun and then I'll 100% tell her to go F herself. I just need that proof to put under my kids noses one day. I know it's F'd, but it is what it is. Save for fights like tonight, I don't totally hate my life. I'm too tired to really care. At least for the moment.
 

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This is Africa, it's not that easy, but I am working towards it on Africa time (meaning, my business went to pot due to COVID) and I haven't had the money to do so yet. Plus she made sure my reputation in the IT community is shot by having me arrested on a false DV, now I can't go back to earning real money (internationally) due to the sensitive nature of my precious, previous field.

Does anyone have any idea how I can prove the DV charge was false? She told me she was willing to clear my name, but we don't have the money it will take to do so. It's easy to put a man's name in the toilet, but even the person who did it has to pay to get it out.

I realize that this sounds very much like people from the wrong side of the tracks. I assure you that is where I ended up because of all this, not where I started out.
Tell HER to get another job to earn the money to clear your name (AND DNA the kids) -- this was HER fault.
 

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She already works from 8 in the morning till 21:00 at night. I am with you as to make her come up with the money, but the economy is shot here and I think even without our complications, it's just a matter of months before the rest of the middle class may be just as much in dire straights. Yes, If I could still be in IT, I would have been able to postpone the inevitable, but South-Africa is very much done for. If at all possible, I would have done exactly what you suggested.
Look online for IT jobs -- it may not be in a job that requires clearance, but there are a LOT of "REMOTE ONLY" IT jobs out there right now....
 

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I studied law, I lost touch with my fellow students who completed their studies years ago, but I'll put feelers out if one of them would be able to help me. It's just not easy for me. Pride stands in my way. I guess it's dire enough at this stage for me to forgo that luxury though.
We are social creatures for a reason - to help each other achieve more, to help when the load is simply too big for just one to carry.

If the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn't you gladly help your friend carry that load for just a mile or two?

It is a relatively small request no?

How would you feel if you found a friend of yours passed up an opportunity to rebuild his life because he simply wouldn't call you out of pride?

If it helps you recover, you can always repay that friend 100 fold in the future in any way you see fit.
 

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You know what, you are 100% correct and I wish I had a friend like you or someone who could set me straight before I met my wife. You see my dad was a good man, a good provider, a good.... But he didn't teach me the first thing about women. I don't blame him because he didn't know the first thing about women either. His dad was my grandmother's servant. He didn't know any better, he couldn't teach any better, thus I didn't know any better.

I know better now, but I'm 51. What can I do with the knowledge? Seriously. For all my sins, I am in a house full of women. My daughters, my wife, my mother, no seriously, even the dog is a *. I know better now and so does my wife.

I have dealt with my exes swiftly. I'm just too old and tired now. I know it's my fault. My picker is broken or something. I'm just so, so tired. Younger guys, don't be me. Just get rid of them if they have a wondering eye and don't ever take another one like them.
OK if you are not going to leave, then look up gray rock technique. Instead of threatening her and stuff, go cold. That will work a lot better. Detach and act like you no longer care, trust me that will work a lot better.

51 is too you to except this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #70 ·
We are social creatures for a reason - to help each other achieve more, to help when the load is simply too big for just one to carry.

If the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn't you gladly help your friend carry that load for just a mile or two?

It is a relatively small request no?

How would you feel if you found a friend of yours passed up an opportunity to rebuild his life because he simply wouldn't call you out of pride?

If it helps you recover, you can always repay that friend 100 fold in the future in any way you see fit.
I wouldn't think twice to roll a stone out of the path of someone else, I'm just weary to ask. I guess that's my flaw and I can't attribute my problems because of it to anyone else but myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
Look online for IT jobs -- it may not be in a job that requires clearance, but there are a LOT of "REMOTE ONLY" IT jobs out there right now....
I have written some smaller modules for people, but I have yet to find anything paying close to the money I used to earn. But thank you. I suppose I am just feeling defeated right now. A little pity party for one. It passes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #72 ·
OK if you are not going to leave, then look up gray rock technique. Instead of threatening her and stuff, go cold. That will work a lot better. Detach and act like you no longer care, trust me that will work a lot better.

51 is too you to except this.
I respect your posts, since we have always been of a similar mind as far as PAs are concerned. I have done exactly that in the past. I guess I'm just in the final round and I didn't expect another fist to the face. Give me a moment to collect myself.

As soon as I can, the kids will be DNA tested.
I will schedule a polygraph.

If anything is off, I will take my tent and wander into Africa proper on my own, mourning the death of them all. Alas, they will all still breath, but I shall tear my robes and mourn them none the less.
 

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I have written some smaller modules for people, but I have yet to find anything paying close to the money I used to earn. But thank you. I suppose I am just feeling defeated right now. A little pity party for one. It passes.
You may not earn the same money, but it IS money. Sounds like you were looking into the gig economy -- doing piece meal jobs? I'm talking about full-time jobs that allow you to be remote-only.
 

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Discussion Starter · #74 ·
You may not earn the same money, but it IS money. Sounds like you were looking into the gig economy -- doing piece meal jobs? I'm talking about full-time jobs that allow you to be remote-only.
If you can point me in the direction, I'm happy to try. I have been programming in one fashion or another since 1982. I can say with confidence that I've been there, done that and can easily master the next thing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #78 ·
Both has the same issues that precludes me from work due to the false DV, both refers to systems running code I had a hand in, code that will bite me because of what my wife did. This is not 100% guaranteed, but playing the odds, I have killed my own career following those paths.
 

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The kids and it's not a PA that I can prove. I guess nowhere to go and a fast way to get there.
Howzit :) Im also in South Africa (George to be exact). Sorry to see you here, but there is very decent support. I was a wayward wife (exit affair reversal mess a decade ago now), the people here are correct, she will not admit to more than you can prove. I confessed (I wasnt bust) and gave my husband the choice of what he wanted to do. He chose to make me pay for the next 10 years. Dont do it to yourself. If there is no trust there is nothing.
 

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There is nothing left, we are doing the best we can financially. The country has collapsed. A Pizza job let's run the numbers.

R 25 / h

Transport to nearest Pizza Place R 120... back R 120 .. = R 240

That's 9.5 hours worth of work just to break even for transport. @DownByTheRiver , I'm not pessimistic, I'm a realist. Stick a fork in this economy, it's done.
United Independent Movement my man. We can still save our country but we need your vote. Do the research, Neil De Beer is a truth speaker. Please dont give up. Ive earned btw R2 and R5k the last two months, my hubby has brought in nothing. So grateful no kids, praying for you.
 
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