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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
@DownByTheRiver , I'd love nothing more than to be mobile and deliver something. I had to sell my car last month. Yes, we still have one car, but we can't even afford the petrol anymore. next month, that one will have to go too. Perhaps the month after, but soon. Then there will be no more photography.

Let's put this into perspective. I have a tent and some weapons fit for hunting, some wire for snares and some knowledge the army was nice enough to teach me as to survival. We are very close to having to resort to the items in the last paragraph.

I wasn't being dramatic when I used the terms Check and Mate earlier. I'm just thinking that if I abandoned my family, perhaps they may have a month or two extra in which a miracle might save them with one less mouth to feed.
 

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This is South Africa, we are considered insects as compared to you in America. No, that's no insecurity talking, I've lived and worked in Manhattan and London. I had a nice little, cramped bachelor flat in Canary Whorf. We aren't even human in the international point of view anymore. She can work 24/7 and she won't be able to bring in 20% of what I was earning per hour, because I was a programmer and could earn in international terms. She earns in local insurance "money".

@DownByTheRiver , my work depended on high levels of confidence. Let me put it this way, if I apply for employment, the first thing, these days is a biometric scan of your thumb. The program, I wrote some modules of, has a database refreshed internationally from law-enforcement agencies. A positive is an immediate disqualification.

Yes, you read it right, I wrote some modules in the system. I doomed myself. I wrote the prayers to Satan, now I'm paying for the hymn.
Ah, regrets! You know, I don't know about your line of work, but as far as South Africans being insects, I don't think most people in the US pay much attention at all.

I'm likely in that database, by the way. I had a HSC at one time when I had to be at the international airport some on business. They deffo took my thumb print.
 

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What was her motivation behind getting you arrested on a false DV charge?

As far as staying with this woman, who had you falsely arrested, who had an EA, with a high probability that it was physical, who continues to lie to you- seems to me like if you don't even have enough money to feed yourself there's no way you can support a second household in the event of a divorce.
 

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@DownByTheRiver , I'd love nothing more than to be mobile and deliver something. I had to sell my car last month. Yes, we still have one car, but we can't even afford the petrol anymore. next month, that one will have to go too. Perhaps the month after, but soon. Then there will be no more photography.

Let's put this into perspective. I have a tent and some weapons fit for hunting, some wire for snares and some knowledge the army was nice enough to teach me as to survival. We are very close to having to resort to the items in the last paragraph.

I wasn't being dramatic when I used the terms Check and Mate earlier. I'm just thinking that if I abandoned my family, perhaps they may have a month or two extra in which a miracle might save them with one less mouth to feed.
You two just both need to be scrabbling for jobs, having 2 crap jobs that pay crap if necessary. I've had to do it more than once. I know it's not easy. No time for fighting. Time to spend all day looking for something that pays anything. Warehouse job, working at a pizza joint, whatever. Sorry to get off topic. I just don't want to see you give up.
 
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Discussion Starter · #45 ·
What was her motivation behind getting you arrested on a false DV charge?

As far as staying with this woman, who had you falsely arrested, who had an EA, with a high probability that it was physical, who continues to lie to you- seems to me like if you don't even have enough money to feed yourself there's no way you can support a second household in the event of a divorce.
Her motivation? She was caught in her EA, I got drunk, she grabbed my keys and locked me out. I wanted to pass out on my own bed, broke a window to get in. Yes, I was that low life who stood outside in the middle of winter, drunk because his wife was caught lovey dovey with another man and she grabbed my keys. My car keys too. I just wanted to pass out. I would have preferred my car, just reclining the seats, but she grabbed my keys and I wasn't all that rational anymore, so the next thought was my bed. I did, even in my drunken state calculate the cost of the window, sure, I could buy a new one in the morning, so I broke it. I just wanted my bed. I was hurt and drunk and just needed my sleep.

Yes, you are right, I didn't consider my children just then. I didn't think that the sound of smashing glass would cause them trauma, then... No I wasn't a good father at that moment. I had been before, but I just found out my wife was chasing after another man. Couple that to my growing resentment of my work, writing prayers to Satan, some would call code, I was a mess. Yes, I broke a window. I bought that window, actually my parents bought that window in 1973, I just took it over. That was not her window, I inherited that window and I apologize to my diseased father for breaking what he worked so hard for. I never even threatened her nor did anything violent but break that window to get back into my home to sleep. Like I said, I'd have slept in my car had she not taken my keys.

Well, the moment the window was broken, that was it. I have seen murders taking the police hours to respond, but a man breaking his own window, it was minutes. I have not even had a chance to enter the home and then...

She gave them permission to search through everything I had. I mean if I were in the least a dope head or anything, they would have had me locked down for everything. They searched everything I had. How could they, was nothing private? These smug bastards? I am no criminal, but I owned nothing and she gave them access to everything yet she payed for nothing. They tore everything I owned apart.

I swear, the next time a law enforcement officer comes to my door, I'd rather die than submit. They will never take me away again like they did, hands behind my back for breaking my own window. I will never submit again.

Why did I get a DV charge? For breaking a window I helped install in 1973 when we built this home to go sleep in my own bed because I was drunk because my wife stuffed around with another man. That's why.

You got me, I deserved it. I shouldn't have been drunk and I shouldn't have broken the window. Yes, I know, I should have been the adult. I failed. All I can say is that I failed in pain and I never threatened violence. there was no V in the V charge except if you were a window and even then, it was only to make a passage to my bed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #46 ·
You two just both need to be scrabbling for jobs, having 2 crap jobs that pay crap if necessary. I've had to do it more than once. I know it's not easy. No time for fighting. Time to spend all day looking for something that pays anything. Warehouse job, working at a pizza joint, whatever. Sorry to get off topic. I just don't want to see you give up.
There is nothing left, we are doing the best we can financially. The country has collapsed. A Pizza job let's run the numbers.

R 25 / h

Transport to nearest Pizza Place R 120... back R 120 .. = R 240

That's 9.5 hours worth of work just to break even for transport. @DownByTheRiver , I'm not pessimistic, I'm a realist. Stick a fork in this economy, it's done.
 

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Okay, not to argue because I know you know best, but when I was that broke, I moved across the street from my minimum-wage job so I could walk there. I had a car but couldn't afford daily gas (it was a 75 Impala -- huge gas guzzler). Just an idea to consider. I moved into a horrific apartment for that first year. Then I moved 2 blocks away to a better one and got a roommate to split rent with. Still walking to work. Had a job on my days off riding escort motorcycles for funerals at $10 a pop.
 

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Discussion Starter · #49 ·
Why would you stay with her after a false DV charge, let alone an EA?
After my previous 3 relationships ended in PA's one involving an abortion where I had a private ceremony crying for the death of my child, burying him/her, where I only later found out might not have been mine (still wondering to this day); I thought an EA was nothing. The DV? Purely for my girls. I mean I did break that window... They needed to know I was not this monster I was made out to be.

They do know it now. Even good men can be driven to break windows.
 

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Discussion Starter · #50 ·
Okay, not to argue because I know you know best, but when I was that broke, I moved across the street from my minimum-wage job so I could walk there. I had a car but couldn't afford daily gas (it was a 75 Impala -- huge gas guzzler). Just an idea to consider. I moved into a horrific apartment for that first year. Then I moved 2 blocks away to a better one and got a roommate to split rent with. Still walking to work. Had a job on my days off riding escort motorcycles for funerals at $10 a pop.
I will make more money working 3 days next month on my own terms than a minimum wage job for the whole month. I did the math. It's still not enough, but it's more than I'll make working the whole month for someone else. Still, I get your point; but no. I am really really good at math. 3 days of photography will equate to R 30,000 plus or minus. Take away about 20,000 in cost of business and I am left with 10,000.

Low wage job will actually cost me about R 10 a day. That it -R300 - R310 a month. Please follow the math.

Any positive kills a negative.

R 10,000 is about $770
 

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I will make more money working 3 days next month on my own terms than a minimum wage job for the whole month. I did the math. It's still not enough, but it's more than I'll make working the whole month for someone else. Still, I get your point; but no. I am really really good at math. 3 days of photography will equate to R 30,000 plus or minus. Take away about 20,000 in cost of business and I am left with 10,000.

Low wage job will actually cost me about R 10 a day. That it -R300 - R310 a month. Please follow the math.

Any positive kills a negative.

R 10,000 is about $770
Well I'm glad you have some income stream at least. In my experience it's never enough.
 

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Discussion Starter · #53 ·
@DownByTheRiver ... That being said, I'll take anything that will actually make me money the rest of the time and I am looking and thinking. If you have an idea. Please, please... I wasn't being facetious, just desperate.
 

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This is South Africa, we are considered insects as compared to you in America. No, that's no insecurity talking, I've lived and worked in Manhattan and London. I had a nice little, cramped bachelor flat in Canary Wharf. We aren't even human in the international point of view anymore. She can work 24/7 and she won't be able to bring in 20% of what I was earning per hour, because I was a programmer and could earn in international terms. She earns in local insurance "money".

@DownByTheRiver , my work depended on high levels of confidence. Let me put it this way, if I apply for employment, the first thing, these days is a biometric scan of your thumb. The program, I wrote some modules of, has a database refreshed internationally from law-enforcement agencies. A positive is an immediate disqualification.

Yes, you read it right, I wrote some modules in the system. I doomed myself. I wrote the prayers to Satan, now I'm paying for the hymn.
Would it be possible for you to do some online work for entities outside SA?
 

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If your partner is filing DV charges (true or false) it's time to leave her.
She wants to harm you, nothing else matters.
 
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Discussion Starter · #57 ·
I


Would it be possible for you to do some online work for entities outside SA?
Intellectually, yes. I have not lost the ability to program. Security wise, every time I have to put down my thumb (which is always) the arrest record for the DV comes up and they go for the next candidate. I'm good at what I do, I'm just not unique and at my level of programming I'm either over-qualified or a security risk.
 

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Discussion Starter · #58 ·
If your partner is filing DV charges (true or false) it's time to leave her.
She wants to harm you, nothing else matters.
Tonight, she was sitting in a pile of her own spit and bile when I brought it up. She stated that she was cursed and that she ****s up everything in her own life.

Should I leave her? I have no proof that another penis was in her since we were together, That's my hard line. I stayed with my ex who beat the snot out of me with a stone ashtray while I was sleeping on more than one occasion. I only left her the moment I knew she was an adulteress. I really don't know anymore. I'm 51, life has chosen to show me it's underbelly. Perhaps she's worth staying with until my 5 year old is out of school? Perhaps she's show me she's worth it after that. Perhaps I just get nauseous and take her to her mother's tomorrow.

The older I get, the more I know how little I know about life, but one thing I stick to. If I find out this thing went physical, I won't even waste my breath to explain to her why she is history.
 

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I had very little to confront with but a gut feeling and I got a confession of an EA with numbers exchanged. I retrieved her entire Facebook history and found that she searched for him a day after she met him. None of their conversations proved a PA. As far as I can read, the only reason it never went that far is that he was just not that into her. I can't say the same for her, but then again, I am a man and I know that it's quite possible to take free vagina without feelings if offered and he was single, so 10 minutes at the back of the bus terminus keeps chewing at the back of my mind.



Easier said than done, if you run out of everything else, your pride may be all you have left. It's not easy to give up.
Even with this being true, you have to feed your family. Get the help you need to get the job you need. Reaching out to a friend for help isn’t a sin. Especially when it’s not your fault that you’re in this position.
 
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