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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everybody,

The kids and I have been doing really well with all the tragedies that we faced lately. Within a 6 month period, my husband left, my FIL passed away, and our favorite dog was forced to leave the house and move in with my friend. Our dog then got hit by a car and died.

As a broken family, the kids and I were doing okay, staying strong and moving forward with our lives. That's until up to two days ago. It seems like all of a sudden, we fell and took a couple of steps back. All the anger and resentment that my kids held in, came out. I feel terrible that my kids have to go through this. I held them, talked to them and let them cry it out. I told them that they needed to grieve for all the losses we had.

After talking to my kids, I started to 'think' and wondered if I made a mistake by filing for divorce. I started to think, what if i stuck it out longer, waited longer, or tried harder to make the marriage work...for the kids. I know in my heart, it is not what I want and I can't make him change his mind. I (and the kids) do not deserve a man who didn't value me or his family and put all of us second for his MOW. I just feel so lost and confused right now. It feels like I'm back at square one and have to start all over again. :(
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I know ultimately I can always stop the D anytime. He was cheating on me and when found out, he told me he was leaving "because our 20 years of marriage was miserable". I tried to work it out, started the 180, and with the 180, I realized that I didn't need a person who kept treating me like scum anymore. I didn't file while emotional. I felt that I was at peace and was ready to move on when I went to court and turned in those papers.

I was okay until 2 days ago when it hit me. Once the judge signs off on the divorce, this is the END. I guess I'm just being emotional now. I need to focus and keep working on me, the kids, and our future.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Cheater is always a cheater !

Do you want to be cheated on til the rest of your live ?

Do you want to leave with cheater til the rest of your live ?

Do you want to be treated like crap til the rest of your live ?

If you answer YES to all the questions then yeah , take him back !
BigMac: This is the kick in the butt that i needed. I just put all that onto a piece of paper and stuck it on my vanity to see everyday. It's true and I believe it...a cheater will always be a cheater... Thank you. :)
 

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I was okay until 2 days ago when it hit me. Once the judge signs off on the divorce, this is the END. I guess I'm just being emotional now. I need to focus and keep working on me, the kids, and our future.
It's like a trigger, darlin'. And we all get emotional from time to time - just let it out and keep your chin up!

Reading what you've wrote - it seems to me that you know you're better off without him. And we both know that staying in an unhappy marriage is damaging to not just yourself but your children as well.

Don't think of it as an "END" - instead approach it as a new beginning. One where you can be at peace, find the things/people in life that make you happy and finally be treated the way you deserve.
 

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BigMac: This is the kick in the butt that i needed. I just put all that onto a piece of paper and stuck it on my vanity to see everyday. It's true and I believe it...a cheater will always be a cheater... Thank you. :)

You very welcome :)

Hope you take it serious and don't bother with him.

I bet he'll try to get you back down the road and he'll use the kids to soften you. DON'T buy it !

Good luck and stay strong !
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
You very welcome :)

Hope you take it serious and don't bother with him.

I bet he'll try to get you back down the road and he'll use the kids to soften you. DON'T buy it !

Good luck and stay strong !
I've been pretty good with not falling for any of his crap. I'm just mad at myself for feeling weak and letting this get to me recently. I do know better, all thanks to reading everyone's threads and posts here on TAM. I would honestly take any advice here over my friend's advice. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It's like a trigger, darlin'. And we all get emotional from time to time - just let it out and keep your chin up!

Reading what you've wrote - it seems to me that you know you're better off without him. And we both know that staying in an unhappy marriage is damaging to not just yourself but your children as well.

Don't think of it as an "END" - instead approach it as a new beginning. One where you can be at peace, find the things/people in life that make you happy and finally be treated the way you deserve.
I like that thinking, Eternal. I'm not going to think of it as the END, but a New Beginning. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
You guys will be proud of me. My almost ex husband just called complaining that he will have to pay for the Notary ($165) on Thursday. (I'm having one come to the house when he comes over to pick up the kids.) He complained that he doesn't have that money etc etc. and how he's been seeing a therapist every couple of weeks and how some days he doesn't get up from bed, only to take a shot of tequila. Blah blah blah

I DIDN'T FALL FOR IT! I just told him, see you on Thursday and hung up.

Patting my own back. :)
 

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Well done.
I know how hard it is for your kids. Always try to remember you are doing the right thing for them. They should grieve the end of the family they knew. But you guys can build a stronger, more loving family built on respect-something you weren't receiving. I share your feelings of fear. Remember, if you ever take him back it will be because you want the family you thought you had before he cheated-not the family you actually had.
 

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You guys will be proud of me. My almost ex husband just called complaining that he will have to pay for the Notary ($165) on Thursday. (I'm having one come to the house when he comes over to pick up the kids.) He complained that he doesn't have that money etc etc. and how he's been seeing a therapist every couple of weeks and how some days he doesn't get up from bed, only to take a shot of tequila. Blah blah blah

I DIDN'T FALL FOR IT! I just told him, see you on Thursday and hung up.

Patting my own back. :)

Very proud of you !

Right now he'll play the victim card , DON"T buy it please !

Leave him stink in his own s!!t . He cheated , he was " miserable for 20 years " , he left you !

If he ask you for R you should remind him those things and end up with " this is what you wanted , enjoy " !

Please continue the great job :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Very proud of you !

Right now he'll play the victim card , DON"T buy it please !

Leave him stink in his own s!!t . He cheated , he was " miserable for 20 years " , he left you !

If he ask you for R you should remind him those things and end up with " this is what you wanted , enjoy " !

Please continue the great job :)
He sure did play the victim card.

I'm going to really need a lot of support because the next couple of months will be the hardest for me. As soon as our paperwork gets to the judge and he signs it, I can then Breathe.
 

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I agree with Pluto. Remember the kids are most important. Build a better life for them. If you guys do get back together like Pluto said, make sure it's because you want for your kids to have the family you used to have before all the bs. I'm in the same situation but my wife is the same as your husband. I felt the same about stopping the D and reconciling also. But then I contemplate if its worth it now.
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sooo the notary was for him signing D papers?

If so, I didn't realize I'd have to pay to have that done.

So yeah. She knows I don't have any money. Hmm.
 
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Just remember, LW4.5, it wasn't just up to you to 'work harder.' If he was done, he was done. That pretty much took your options away. Don't feel guilty.
 

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He sure did play the victim card.

I'm going to really need a lot of support because the next couple of months will be the hardest for me. As soon as our paperwork gets to the judge and he signs it, I can then Breathe.

We're here to support each other , everyone is on your side so please write all your though here , we're with you !

BTW at TD bank notarial is for FREE ! Don't give him any money !

Tell him to put his big boy pants beside the cheating ones !
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
sooo the notary was for him signing D papers?

If so, I didn't realize I'd have to pay to have that done.

So yeah. She knows I don't have any money. Hmm.
Dewayne- Yes, the notary is for him to sign. He never responded to any of my papers, so this is his last chance. I'm having a notary come to the house, that way, I can be sure he does it. He can also take it to the bank and do it for free, but right now, I don't trust him with the papers....he may lose it or something. It's my only copy.

California is a no fault state and the divorce can go on without him. It's already on Default, so if he doesn't sign, it will still go through, but it will take longer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
He signed and notarized the final papers today, but not without him accusing me of being manipulative, scheming, trying to take everything from him etc etc. I told him that his mother served him the petition over 3 months ago and he had a chance to read over and respond with what he thought was fair. He NEVER did that. Even after I reminded him to respond before I filed for default. And after all that yelling, he SIGNED it! As soon as i bring it to court, the judge will get to it and sign off on it.

i can't help but feel sad that he didn't try and stop it. I knew better, but it was just a little hope.
 
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