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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Right now I don't know if it's possible, so tell me, has anyone fallen out of love, yet fallen back in love? How did it happen? How can one fall back in love with someone after much resentment?
 

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Friend of mine's story. IS still ongoing at the moment still.

Him and his ex wife M was married a while. She felt empty after a while and although they had a few kids, she left for OM. SHe told him the ILYBNILWY speech and said she didnt' think she ever loved him. etc etc.

She left, moved out of state. One day about a year or so later, she was on FB and saw him with the kids and she instantly felt the complete opposite.

She moved back. Buddy was already married to another beautiful woman. Has a kid with her now. Ironicly a few months after she moved back... she was still around wanting my buddy back. She didn't pry into their marriage, none at all. She made "the call" , the apology call etc. Said she hopes he's happy etc.

A short bit after that his current wife "had been fighting off and on" and she kicked him out. Knowing the Ex is back in town, he still fought for his marriage.

Papers got filed and the D is happening. He's not back with his ex.. and they're completely in love again.

"M", the ex wife has wanted to talk to me at the haunt, they said that EVERYTHING my stbxw is doing, is the SAME... EXACT.. SH.T she pulled just over a year ago. Now she's back. She left her man she was with in the other state because of how bad she felt for leaving the family. She said she was "content" and loved the man, but knew she wasn't where she was suppose to be.
 

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It probably depends on the situation. People can change a lot, especially before they're 30. Perhaps if two people underwent a breakup, then udnerwent a lot of life-changing (or at least viewpoint changing) events, they may be in different places next time they meet. I think it's possible.

As per my own personal experiences, no. I always knew what I wanted in a man, and it more about realizing that guys fit or didn't fit that. For the two guys I dated before my husband, in both cases I realized they were either horribly wrong for me or just not what I wanted.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
Thanks for that

One day about a year or so later, she was on FB and saw him with the kids and she instantly felt the complete opposite.
... so, it just happens? =/
Like randomly? :scratchhead:

It's strange, years ago before marriage my STBX and I broke up a few times, each time I knew I still loved her. This time, I know I don't...
 

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Hi RandomDude,

So sorry you are separating but I strongly believe love can change and love is a choice.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to love the person we found ". So try and love the person you found and married.


I believe love is a choice and it represents a commitment. Choose to show your spouse love, even if you don't feel like it. The feelings will come!

As someone said, "being “in love” and “love” are not the same things. True love is based on a choice, unconditional expression, and not simply on emotions. Being “In love” is based on emotions, how you feel, what you expect, what people do for you, sex, what people don’t do for you, looks, status, and euphoria.Being in love is not true love."

I found a good book about this, it's written from a Christian perspective but also very true: " Love and Respect : The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs ", by Dr Emerson Eggerichs

I also would like to make my husband fall back in love with me, he is hurt and says that I lost my place in his heart....so I want to win him back and make my marriage work because he is a good man, I love him and we have 3 kids that deserve to have both of us and live in a happy family...
I have always thought that love is eternal and once you marry and have kids you work at your marriage and make it work...
We have been apart for 1 year now and we've seen each other only on skype...it's tough, he is coming for Christmas and I hope and pray for miracles ....

Try reading books, go to counselling toghether and don't give up because there is NO perfect relationship or perfect spouse.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Well I dunno, she was perfect for 2 years 5-7 years ago... well, almost perfect. I used to believe what you just mentioned but when I realised I've been doing nothing but trying to convince myself that I love her when I didn't... I don't know =/
 

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So do you want to fall back in love with her? Or are you hoping she falls back in love with you?

It can happen. I've had experience on both sides. I think people have to genuinely change and do a lot of self reflection for it to happen though.
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Well I dunno, she was perfect for 2 years 5-7 years ago... well, almost perfect. I used to believe what you just mentioned but when I realised I've been doing nothing but trying to convince myself that I love her when I didn't... I don't know =/
Nobody is perfect though Random. Maybe you put her on a pedestal and it was in achievable for her. Maybe she felt too much pressure to live up to your expectations? I don't know!
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
That's what she said, still, she did a 180 for the worse 5 years ago with her fundamentalism, it was a painful process that damaged us to this day. When I first joined this forum, it was due to our inter-religious issues, and for two years I've examined everything trying to solve/understand our sex frequency issues, only to find out in the end after seperation that all this comes back to our inter-religious issues.

She already achieved living up to MORE than my expectations once, then she got brainwashed, and then we had problems, and then we kept fighting, spiraling further and further downhill slowly for 5 years -> and now we're at this point.

I don't know, I no longer recognise her anymore really. Still, I'm curious, and if I can fall back in love, and if she even does love me still, and if we somehow solve our bloody problems, then getting back together would be the best for our daughter. I just don't know how that's going to happen in 3-6 months time.
 

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Are you still in contact? On friendly terms?
How about just taking it slow and going on a few dates to see how you feel?
Sometimes though, as hard as it is, maybe we really do just need to move on!
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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
Yes we are, and we are on co-operative terms. She's was acting out recently and seems to be having difficulty dealing with the loss and professes to still love me but I don't believe it, it means sh-t to me now and it is sh-t. Still, instead of going past the point of no return by stepping out on her I'm giving us this small little chance, if I don't feel sh-t by the end of it, then I'm moving on and pulling the plug on us, regardless of whether or not she changes or not.

Not in a position for dating her, at least not until the pain on both sides have subsided enough and we've had enough time for reflection

Still, I need some reassurance that I'm not wasting both our times with this... hence I'm hoping to read some "falling in love all over again" stories
 

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I think you are doing the right thing. Just take it slow and see how it goes, that's all you can do I suppose. Again, it is possible to fall back in love with someone but only if there is still some there in the first place I suppose!
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Again, it is possible to fall back in love with someone but only if there is still some there in the first place I suppose!
Does loving the woman she USED to be, not the woman she is now, count for much in this case?
 

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Exactly a year ago, I was sitting here in my house all alone. She was done and saw no way to continue. This morning we made love.

If one really wants it, the odds are much better. I really wanted to save the marriage and she was going through a faze...MLC. So I became a better me. It all comes down to attraction in the end.

Your additude in the last post does not sound like you are the example she needs to see to reconcile. Not very attractive to her or any others who would be looking for a lasting relationship.

"I'm giving us this small little chance..."

"then I'm moving on and pulling the plug on us"

Not exactly meat for a Falling back in love story.

IMHO
 

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Hmm! Tough one! I suppose it doesn't really, because you love the thought of her, and the way she used to be, if she is no longer that person and you don't like the changes then I guess it doesn't count!
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Exactly a year ago, I was sitting here in my house all alone. She was done and saw no way to continue. This morning we made love.

If one really wants it, the odds are much better. I really wanted to save the marriage and she was going through a faze...MLC. So I became a better me. It all comes down to attraction in the end.

Your additude in the last post does not sound like you are the example she needs to see to reconcile. Not very attractive to her or any others who would be looking for a lasting relationship.

"I'm giving us this small little chance..."

"then I'm moving on and pulling the plug on us"

Not exactly meat for a Falling back in love story.

IMHO
You're right, it isn't. Guess a part of me doesn't really want anything to do with her anymore, I was going to pull the plug already but she broke down, said she wants to do anything to save our marriage, decided to do IC, says she can't move on unless she truly feels there's no hope for us. So ok...

Though, for the first time in 7 years too, she now has competition as well. I'm not stepping out, but there is some serious temptation right now. Oh well, even if this doesnt work, I guess in time she'll realise there's no hope and she can move on content instead of me pulling the plug straight away which she doesn't seem to be able to handle.

Hmm! Tough one! I suppose it doesn't really, because you love the thought of her, and the way she used to be, if she is no longer that person and you don't like the changes then I guess it doesn't count!
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=/
Then we're pretty much fked
 

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But deep down she must be the same person you fell in love with in the first place...

I felt the same, that I did not care anymore and that we were toxic, in our last year toghether we could not have 1 day without fighting...I was fed up and decided to leave.

Still, I now came to see more clearly and I started to remind myself of his qualities and his good parts. I know there is no perfect relationship and we better work on the one we have. So I decided to love him again for who he used to be and who he is, for all that was beautiful during our 13 years of marriage. Maybe I am an eternal optimistic but I want to believe in us toghether and I want to be happy toghether..

I guess is his turn now to do the same...
And then I'll come back and let you know if we managed to fall back in love...
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Only 4 years of marriage for us, 7 year relationship, honeymoon for 2, spiralled downhill for 5.

Please do tell if it happens, I find it curious
We did have some fun times over the 7 years, not just the 2, but they are rather painful to remember in the midst of all this

Strange, there is less pain remembering who she was 5 years ago, than remembering the good times we had during marriage for some weird reason
 

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I don’t know if my experience will help or not but I fell back in love with my wife and she with me several years ago. There were years of resentment built up over kids, work and the house. We had even talked about divorce.

One day when my parents were visiting, I noticed how they interacted. My dad made some comment that if anyone else had made would have been anything significant. But in the context of my parents it invoked anger in my mom. Then over the duration of their visit I noticed it again and again. Each statement made by either spouse was interpreted in the most negative way possible with an assumed context providing fuel for the anger which strengthened the resentment. It was obvious to me that this was an entirely dysfunctional disrespectful relationship.

Upon reflection I realized that my wife and I did the same thing to a lesser extent. Many questions and comments were mapped back to our underlying disputes thereby fueling further resentment when most really had nothing to do with our disputes. This, I decided to change. I started to break the pattern by assuming the best motives for each statement and or question responding accordingly. I let my actions speak for me and after a while she noticed. It wasn’t immediate but it built up gradually (like trust) until she finally trusted that my motives were positive and questions legitimate and not meant as a personal jabs. When she was jabbing me, I would calmly explain the reason for asking/saying something to relate it back to the real motive and not the one she imagined.

As this was going on we had put aside time each weekend to have breakfast together on the fine china to go over the weeks activities. We started to communicate better. Our date nights went better as well and it was clear we were still attracted to each other. I fell in love with her again, with that great feeling that I had when we were first dating.

Anyway that is what worked for me and is my falling in love again story. Your mileage may vary. We still had/have issues but that dysfunctional interplay was a wedge driving us apart more than the issues themselves were. The rebuilt respect also enabled us to more adequately address those issues.
 

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Most relationship failures are just a reflection of ourselves. We improve, they improve. You increase your sex ranking, they do.

If we pull the plug, throw in the towel, give up, it is a reflection on us and the odds your next relationship will fail goes way up. Its a fact.

Love is work and like any job, you can make it more enjoyable by what you put into it, rather than what you take from it or how you treat it.
 
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