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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Since my H left I've been coping quite well, so I thought. But these past two weeks have been so hard. I guess I finally stopped believing my own bull****. I've been recently diagnosed with depression and even told the dr after completing an assessment form, that I knew it looked bad, but really I was coping well! Dissociation much? Finally feeling everything for the first time, no sugar coating, no delusional hope, and it has hit me like a ton of bricks.

Am struggling big time now, have to wait up to six months to see a counsellor as I'm too broke to pay.

Anyway, I wanted your advice. Do I hide this from H, and put out signals I'm doing great, moving on etc? I imagine this will push him further away, although he's pretty far away now. He left me six weeks ago. Ive got to hide it don't I? I think he still cares because he asks others about me, checks up on me on Facebook (which I've now deactivated as I can't stand all the happy people on there.) What should I do? I'm thinking of going dark and only coming out (ie going to events where I'll be photographed, or talked about) when I can be strong happy and confident, or at least fake it.
 

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It's ok to give yourself to time to grieve. And it's normal to feel depressed for a while. Most depressions clear up on their own in less than six months. Did your doctor prescribe an antidepressant at all?

I don't think you should withdraw socially, though. Force yourself to do at least some of the things you've always done socially if you don't want your depression to get worse!

As far as your H, if he left you, he is no longer privy to what happens in your life. He cares perhaps, but he isn't committed to you at the moment and you would benefit from keeping in mind that stalking your FB page is not commitment.
 

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Since my H left I've been coping quite well, so I thought. But these past two weeks have been so hard. I guess I finally stopped believing my own bull****. I've been recently diagnosed with depression and even told the dr after completing an assessment form, that I knew it looked bad, but really I was coping well! Dissociation much? Finally feeling everything for the first time, no sugar coating, no delusional hope, and it has hit me like a ton of bricks.

Am struggling big time now, have to wait up to six months to see a counsellor as I'm too broke to pay.

Anyway, I wanted your advice. Do I hide this from H, and put out signals I'm doing great, moving on etc? I imagine this will push him further away, although he's pretty far away now. He left me six weeks ago. Ive got to hide it don't I? I think he still cares because he asks others about me, checks up on me on Facebook (which I've now deactivated as I can't stand all the happy people on there.) What should I do? I'm thinking of going dark and only coming out (ie going to events where I'll be photographed, or talked about) when I can be strong happy and confident, or at least fake it.
I can't tell you what's best because I think it's going to be a different answer for everyone.I can tell you that I faked it when I left.I pasted on a smile and played zen-girl for months in public until it became real to me. I grieved silently at home in my own way.I think my struggles would have been magnified had I shown even the slightest sign of stress at work or anywhere other than in my own home.

My exH thought this was the easiest decision I've ever made.I could tell my lack of obvious grief was hurtful to him.He wanted to see me fall on my face and crawl back with open arms full of forgiveness for him.

It made me feel stronger to deny him the pleasure of seeing me fall.
 

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I'd delete him from FB personally. I wouldn't want to know anything about what he was doing and vice versa. He left. That means he's given away the privaledge of knowing what I was doing or how I was coping. He would have to actually TALK to me face to face to know what I was doing. He would see face to face I wasn't OK.

In the meantime, just take care of yourself. All you have is self reliance right now.
 

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I say don't share. He gave up that right when he left. I do wonder, though, why you'd even ask.... Are you hoping if you tell him, he'll care enough to come back to you? If so, is that what you really want is his pity?

I say try what scarletbegonias idea and to the best you can to fake it in public....this would give him the idea that you don't really NEED him to be there. Not saying you don't but why give him the impression you've not moved on!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It's ok to give yourself to time to grieve. And it's normal to feel depressed for a while. Most depressions clear up on their own in less than six months. Did your doctor prescribe an antidepressant at all?

I don't think you should withdraw socially, though. Force yourself to do at least some of the things you've always done socially if you don't want your depression to get worse!

As far as your H, if he left you, he is no longer privy to what happens in your life. He cares perhaps, but he isn't committed to you at the moment and you would benefit from keeping in mind that stalking your FB page is not commitment.
Thanks Kath for the excellent advice. And you're right stalking mt FB isn't a commitment! I shall keep that in mind!
 
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