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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This isn't so much a question as it relates to me - Facebook had absolutely nothing to do with my husband's affair - so much as it is pure curiosity.

Do you think networking sites (like Facebook, twitter, or even Myspace) contribute to the percentage of affairs that happen? If so, how?


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Do you think networking sites (like Facebook, twitter, or even Myspace) contribute to the percentage of affairs that happen? If so, how?

I think they do to a degree, just because they make it easier to start an affair.

I don`t really "Facebook" but I have an account for business reasons and I now use it to keep an eye on what my kids doing on FB.

When I first got it for business I was contacted by a couple old girlfriends within the first month.

Women I would have never seen or heard from again if I hadn't had a FB account.

I don't blame FB for affairs though people are going to be people everything else is just a tool for their use.
 

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Considering there is a website called facebookcheating.com I would say yes.

Logically speaking, simply being able to be in contact with anyone who has a profile, that's all it takes is that one little step. Tell me you never Googled a high school boyfriend/girlfriend. I would dare say that most people have. Even if they don't do anything with what they find, there will always be that curiosity. It turns bad when someone with a broken moral compass does it.
 

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It was used but I don't blame Facebook. It was just a tool, just like her car , her credit cards and cell phone.
 

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Even if they don't do anything with what they find, there will always be that curiosity. It turns bad when someone with a broken moral compass does it.
Oh, it's happened WAY too many times to people that had moral compasses that couldn't be used as airplane propellers.....until they let that curiosity get the better of them.

It's that first step onto the slippery slope...that choice.

Once you take it.....
 

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Absolutely it does. People can flirt and carry on for weeks and months without any obvious signs of communication. You don't need to slip away in the night or take a secretive phone call in another part of the house. It can slide right in with your normal e-mail / online routine.

Also on Facebook it is the easy to create a fake version of you. Choose your best pictures, highlights moments that project a false image of who you really are. I'm sexy, mysterious, interesting etc... Teenagers are obsessed with their FB image and I'm sure grown adults looking for an EA exhibit the same exact behavior.

In some ways though I think it is a blessing in disguise. It's the hard cold truth but a lot of people are unhappy in their relationships. Facebook, porn, instant messaging, those are neutral objects. They are possible because of FANTASTIC technologies actually. What we choose to do with them does not define what they are, it defines WHO WE ARE.

I've always noted that celebrities, the rich, and the "beautiful" people cheated at a much higher rate that the general populace. It's not like they are wired any different. They just had easier access to act on their impulses. In a way, FB, cell phones, etc.. have brought infidelity to the masses. Now the average housewife or working stiff can cheat just as easily as the stars...

When I look at the infidelity rates of politicians, famous athletes, movie stars etc... it reveals what most people can really be like given access. If I had to guess I'd say slightly more than 50% of people would cheat under those circumstances. So is it better to find out you are married to a potential cheater or would you rather lock down technology and access to temptation and live a lie?
 

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This isn't so much a question as it relates to me - Facebook had absolutely nothing to do with my husband's affair - so much as it is pure curiosity.

Do you think networking sites (like Facebook, twitter, or even Myspace) contribute to the percentage of affairs that happen? If so, how?


-----------------------------------------------------------​

You can read my own story at my blog: My Journey to Self Discovery
Absolutely, social networking contributes to affairs. It's one more opportunity for people to hook up. I've lost track of how many posters are dealing with affairs after the affairees found each other again on Facebook. And these are people who are in their middle ages who are hooking up with people they dated in high school. WHAT???

Facebook would like us to think that it's just a 'nice, wholesome way to blog' to friends and family, but it's not. The Facebook 'corporation' works overtime to connect people because it makes them money in advertising. To their gain, to Facebookers loss. Facebook doesn't care about your family or your blogging: they exist to sell you merchandise.

I quit FB four years ago because I went online to my FB site and suddenly found that FB had made all of my photos public, after I'd made them private. I was done after that. I didn't need to have my personal stuff made available for the whole world to see - and make no mistake: the WHOLE WORLD can see your personal business on FB. forever and ever, in order to satisfy FB's greed for additional revenue opportunities.

And I haven't missed it for a minute. :)

And no, none of my pictures were interesting in any way - no skin, LOL! Although I was caught drinking wine in a few of them - for shame! :rofl:
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Ok, well, to those who haven't already answered. Is this really Facebook's fault?

I mean, the way I see it, a cheater that cheats for cheating's sake will utilize whatever tools are available to them, whether Facebook exists or not.
 

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Ok, well, to those who haven't already answered. Is this really Facebook's fault?

I mean, the way I see it, a cheater that cheats for cheating's sake will utilize whatever tools are available to them, whether Facebook exists or not.
Without Facebook, I'd probably still be married. She might've cheated eventually but FB sped up the process because it made it possible for an old boyfriend to contact my ex.

What used to take a great deal of digging, now only takes a few seconds.

The only reason I still have a FB account is to keep an eye on my kids.
 

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Ok, well, to those who haven't already answered. Is this really Facebook's fault?

I mean, the way I see it, a cheater that cheats for cheating's sake will utilize whatever tools are available to them, whether Facebook exists or not.
Exactly, it`s not the technologies fault it makes things easier in negative as well as positive ways.
 
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My DS would have cheated without Facebook. Her POSOM was a student, they were together all the time and she had epically horrible boundaries and a unconscious(?) lust for this guy for a long while. They did use FB to communicate a LOT more than was strictly necessary prior to the affair, although to be fair she did that with many of her students male and female. Very, very unprofessional.

Facebook was instrumental in her getting caught, at least the first time. That was the main way she could communicate with her POSOM since we were out of town and she could FB message on her laptop, even while I was in the same room or at her job. 10k messages, many forever etched into my mind.

Facebook lends its own unique flavor to the world of affairs, there's no doubt about it.
 

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Social networking and texting absolutely increase the opportunities to start an affair. It is easy and virtually risk-free. This opens up infidelity to many people who would shy away from a face to face flirt.

My stbxw is a classic example. Started out with an innocent text. Became a gmail EA. Morphed into sexting. Then became a PA. We're now separated and you don't want to know what she's now doing with the POSOM. And it all began with social networking.
 

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It is a tool, nothing more. If it were Facebook's fault, then it would be AT&T's fault, or Sprint, or Verizon, or any other wireless provider. Or gmail, yahoo, hotmail, etc. Or, it would be the fault of the game developers (MMORPG come to mind). It isn't the fault of the tool that was used. It is the fault of the person using the tool. Plain and simple.
 

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I don't know if anybody was blaming the technology for cheating. The technology just allows cheating to be more widespread. eg - a shy person who would want to cheat but would never venture to flirt face to face NOW can easily send a text without a lot of fear.

Here's an analogy: A bad carpenter doesn't blame the tools. But a nailgun lets him screw up a lot faster and easier.

The propensity to cheat MUST exist. The technology just allows this propensity to be acted out.
 

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I know that FB enabled me in my EA when I was with my ex-boyfriend.. I should write out that story sometime, as it's not what brought me here, but being here has given me MUCH more insight to it all. Honestly, if it wasn't for FB I doubt I would have cheated, but I would have ended the relationship, so, there you go. I wasn't in a place where I could bring myself to have a PA, and I didn't even know I was vulnerable to such a thing when my ex contacted me (this was via phone, but it went to strictly FB after that initial call). Heck, it took me years after breaking up with my boyfriend and since even marrying my husband before I even realized I really had indeed cheated. I thought since there was no physical contact that I wasn't doing anything wrong. What goes around comes around I guess. Maybe I should go post in the karma thread. Anyway, I don't want to hijack the thread so ignore me if I am, but what are your thoughts on sites that are dedicated to enabling cheating specifically? Are those in a different class of blame or are they just the same?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Anyway, I don't want to hijack the thread so ignore me if I am, but what are your thoughts on sites that are dedicated to enabling cheating specifically? Are those in a different class of blame or are they just the same?
I am of the opinion that they are different, but the same. Those are a double-edged sword. Not only do they promote and glamorize an affair - they provide the necessary means of securing it. I still feel, though, that it is just a tool. A highly evolved tool, but a tool, nonetheless. I think that someone who is not truly looking to cheat will never find themselves at those sites. If there is one thing I have seen more often than not is that cheaters often find themselves as victims of circumstance - not someone looking for it. Victim is not really the word I would like to use - I just don't know how else to explain it.
 

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I have a love/hate perspective about Facebook though I've never had a page for myself.

There's no doubt Facebook gave my WW and POSOM expanded avenues to communicate and they used it to full advantage for almost two years. Sex talk, love talk, arranging meeting times, the POSOM disparaging me and bragging about his conquest, WW complaining about me. It was also much easier for WW to hide her activity just by clicking on the screen if I walked in, as apposed to texting.

But, since Facebook was obliging enough to send a copy of all his PM's to her e-mail, I was able to collect almost 4000 FB messages from him to her, after I recovered her deleted e-mails - since she deleted her Facebook threads. I wouldn't have found out about her PA without them and I now have permanent documentation to use as I see fit.

I can only wonder how many cheating spouses have been caught by using Facebook.
 
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