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Also he wouldn't care if I was talking because he's not a jealous guy. That's what he says.
When does he say this? When guys are chatting with you, or ONLY when you ask him about his cheating? He is BSing you!

Why was porn on your phone an issue? Did he disapprove? Was he a jealous guy?
 
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Discussion Starter · #42 ·
Well here's an update:
this morning I had a feeling and followed it. Come to find out my husband has an account with benaughty.com and he paid for something. And he has couple other accounts like POF, click and flirt, Adult friend finder and stuff... I am not even upset or in shock. I am not even pissed. I have no idea how to feel. I guess I feel sick. Like he made the benaughty.com account this month! and its marked that he wants email, chat, swinging, nothing serious, private relationship and other.Idk how to even bring up that I looked at his phone again this morning. :confused:
 

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I'm so sorry.

Please make plans to kick him out. Maybe not right now, but gather your family and his family and prepare them that he will be gone. Go to your local community resources and get them to help you get him to financially support you when he leaves.
 

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Go talk to your parents. Tell them what's going on. Talk to his mom. He gets pissed? Big fvcking deal! He's been cheating on you, and trying to make you look insecure/crazy about it. Don't let him keep it hidden. Bring it out into the open. If he wants to reconcile, make it on YOUR terms, NOT HIS! Complete, and total transparency on everything...cell, social media, email, EVERYTHING. If he is unwilling to do so... kick him out! Look at it this way: would you rather be free to find someone who will truly respect you or constantly wonder if he's going to bring a disease home to you every time you have sex?
 

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Discussion Starter · #47 ·
Go talk to your parents. Tell them what's going on. Talk to his mom. He gets pissed? Big fvcking deal! He's been cheating on you, and trying to make you look insecure/crazy about it. Don't let him keep it hidden. Bring it out into the open. If he wants to reconcile, make it on YOUR terms, NOT HIS! Complete, and total transparency on everything...cell, social media, email, EVERYTHING. If he is unwilling to do so... kick him out! Look at it this way: would you rather be free to find someone who will truly respect you or constantly wonder if he's going to bring a disease home to you every time you have sex?
Thing is is that he made these accounts in the begging of October and hasn't used them since. I checked. And he has been telling me he wants to focus on his family etc. I want to bring it up because in my mind its like why do you have this? and what do you need it for? I don't have any of that... I just am a very passive person and I don't know how to bring this sort of thing up especially with his mom. Who his family thinks he's absolutely perfect. Like they always say he's a God sent. :/ I feel bad showing them what has been hurting me and bothering me. I know he loves me I really do and he stays with me ALL the time.
 

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The trauma of finding out infidelity is bad, but when you are 8 months pregnant? That is just horrible. No DECENT man would ever do such a thing. He doesn't deserve to have you or your child in his life. You want to be in denial, but soon you will realize you cannot live with a manipulative man that will not be faithful to you. I am so sorry you are hurting so badly especially at such an important time. My heart goes out to you. Please do not be silent about this. Expose him and lean on your friends and family for support.
 

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Thing is is that he made these accounts in the begging of October and hasn't used them since. I checked. And he has been telling me he wants to focus on his family etc. I want to bring it up because in my mind its like why do you have this? and what do you need it for? I don't have any of that... I just am a very passive person and I don't know how to bring this sort of thing up especially with his mom. Who his family thinks he's absolutely perfect. Like they always say he's a God sent. :/ I feel bad showing them what has been hurting me and bothering me. I know he loves me I really do and he stays with me ALL the time.
Stop making excuses for HIS behavior, it's almost as bad as his gaslighting you.
You're doing your own part of rug sweeeping his behavior.
What more do you need?
Do you actually need to see him having sex with another woman for you to get that he's actively seeking out other women while he's married to you?
Talk to someone, just get this out in the open!
Affairs/infidelity thrive in the dark, it's often part of the allure of them, it's pretty damn hard to cheat when everyone knows what you're doing.

He's not going to stop unless something drastic happens, looking through his phone won't make him stop, time to make an appt to see an attorney & a therapist.
Get your ducks in a row & make the change you want to see in your life.
 

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Thing is is that he made these accounts in the begging of October and hasn't used them since. I checked. And he has been telling me he wants to focus on his family etc. I want to bring it up because in my mind its like why do you have this? and what do you need it for? I don't have any of that... I just am a very passive person and I don't know how to bring this sort of thing up especially with his mom. Who his family thinks he's absolutely perfect. Like they always say he's a God sent. :/ I feel bad showing them what has been hurting me and bothering me. I know he loves me I really do and he stays with me ALL the time.
A Godsend who cheats on you?

You need to get some other perspectives on what a real husband is like, ok? Real husbands treat their wives with respect.

He stays with you, but does he meet your needs? Does he put you first? Or does he expect you to take care of him, when you're 8 months pregnant? WhenI was pregnant, my huband took me to work every day, he made me dinner, he cleaned the catbox, he did all the chores. Does that describe your husband? Or is he just staying in the same house as you?
 

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he needs to take ownership for what he did. And yes, your pregnant, and its safe to take you for granted at this time. And is he didnt like you watching porn-which is ok-means he is also jealous. Put him on his toes. he shouldnt be leaving you home alone pregnant with a toddler........he needs to be man up, be home with his family. It does sound like he needs to grow up
 

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He's gas lighting, blameshifting, & actively looking for an affair partner or **** buddy.

He has you manipulated into believing behavior that wouldn't be tolerated by any spouse is no big deal.
If my wife found on my phone what you've found I'd be getting divorced yet while you're upset you really don't seem to grasp the seriousness of his actions.

You need to come down hard on him with the possibility of divorce.

Demand all passwords to all communication devices.
If he balks, get a lawyer.
He's playing you for a fool

I bet if you put a VAR in his car you'd lose your mind over the things you discover.

He's a cheater and he's skilled at choosing his victim and skilled at manipulating her.
This tells me this isn't his first time. He's too practiced to be a beginner.

I'd bet a paycheck he has a history of infidelity in previous relationships as well as yours.
I bet he's rarely been caught as he's far to ****y about it.

Sadly, this level of deceit in a person can rarely be fixed.
I think you got a very bad man there
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The OP has not posted in 6 months since she started this thread !!?? God willing everything has turned out for the better between her and her husband ......... and that she gave birth to a healthy child !!?
 

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Hate to say I don't think the OP is responding anymore.

From original content last message from OP: 10-27-2012, 08:10 PM

Thread from the dead.
 

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Shyte I can't believe I fell for that. LOL where did I put that dunce cap again.....
 

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Recently my husband had been acting different. I had noticed he had been wanting to go out to hookah bars a lot lately and I was left home with our 2 year old and I am 8 months pregnant.

At night I would notice his phone would light up and girls would be sending him facebook messages. I ignored them thinking well maybe im a paranoid girl. He can have girl friends. Well it got to me one day.

I woke up in the middle of the night grabbed his phone and found messages from a girl talking about lets hang out, and apparently one night when he was drunk she picked him up from the bar and he lied to me about who dropped him off to our house. Then she kept talking about being on him and stuff when and if they were to go to haunted houses. They just kept flirting and no where did he indicate the line of being married.

I confronted him and he apologized and we went on... well I went through his phone because something else didn't feel right.

I found he had been talking to ANOTHER girl. This time they talked about her being sexy and her getting a sexy tattoo in a sexy spot and then he said he still found her sexy. They also talked about how their past sex was great and she missed him. (also this girl has gotten in trouble for sleeping with a married military man.) she brought up won't your wife get mad and he said she wont know *winky face* and then he proceeded to send out his new phone number and also pointed out things aren't going how i want them in my marraige and they could possibly hook up.

He said the girl was sad and he was cheering her up and I took it the wrong way. and apologized for saying what he did and it wasn't right.

I can't get over this. My heart hurts and I am not allowed to talk to ANYONE about this. :'(

*also before all this he had been on a dating website as well.* I just am worried idk if he's still texting these girls or how many times he's done this to me before I found out. He deleted many of his messages off of his fb when I went through his phone after finding the last girl.

I just don't know what to do because its so hard for me to work this out of my mind.. I am now too worried and he's constantly making me feel like I need to trust him again. Because he trusted me again after finding porn on my phone. *which I had because he wasn't sexually paying attention to me and I just felt un-sexy.. I know its still wrong. I haven't watched any since the day he discovered that.*

Please anyone help me. I really am upset and hurt badly.. I love my husband but I am feeling I can't get over this.
I wish I could get my wife to look at porn
 

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I have found out that for the last 2 years my wife (after 17 years of marriage and 2 children) was checking on regular basis on her ex boyfriend (from 20 years ago). i found only the searches nothing else. she sometimes was checking his profile several times /day . i confronted her and she was saying that it was nothing , just stupidity and a bit of curiosity. I am on the verge of separation because of that and i felt (still do) really hurt. any thoughts!! every little helps!
 

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I have found out that for the last 2 years my wife (after 17 years of marriage and 2 children) was checking on regular basis on her ex boyfriend (from 20 years ago). i found only the searches nothing else. she sometimes was checking his profile several times /day . i confronted her and she was saying that it was nothing , just stupidity and a bit of curiosity. I am on the verge of separation because of that and i felt (still do) really hurt. any thoughts!! every little helps!
You should make your own thread on the subject. Because brains.
 
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