[freckledpinay]

Recently my husband had been acting different. I had noticed he had been wanting to go out to hookah bars a lot lately and I was left home with our 2 year old and I am 8 months pregnant.

At night I would notice his phone would light up and girls would be sending him facebook messages. I ignored them thinking well maybe im a paranoid girl. He can have girl friends. Well it got to me one day.

I woke up in the middle of the night grabbed his phone and found messages from a girl talking about lets hang out, and apparently one night when he was drunk she picked him up from the bar and he lied to me about who dropped him off to our house. Then she kept talking about being on him and stuff when and if they were to go to haunted houses. They just kept flirting and no where did he indicate the line of being married.

I confronted him and he apologized and we went on... well I went through his phone because something else didn't feel right.

I found he had been talking to ANOTHER girl. This time they talked about her being sexy and her getting a sexy tattoo in a sexy spot and then he said he still found her sexy. They also talked about how their past sex was great and she missed him. (also this girl has gotten in trouble for sleeping with a married military man.) she brought up won't your wife get mad and he said she wont know *winky face* and then he proceeded to send out his new phone number and also pointed out things aren't going how i want them in my marraige and they could possibly hook up.

He said the girl was sad and he was cheering her up and I took it the wrong way. and apologized for saying what he did and it wasn't right.

I can't get over this. My heart hurts and I am not allowed to talk to ANYONE about this. :'(

*also before all this he had been on a dating website as well.* I just am worried idk if he's still texting these girls or how many times he's done this to me before I found out. He deleted many of his messages off of his fb when I went through his phone after finding the last girl.

I just don't know what to do because its so hard for me to work this out of my mind.. I am now too worried and he's constantly making me feel like I need to trust him again. Because he trusted me again after finding porn on my phone. *which I had because he wasn't sexually paying attention to me and I just felt un-sexy.. I know its still wrong. I haven't watched any since the day he discovered that.*

Please anyone help me. I really am upset and hurt badly.. I love my husband but I am feeling I can't get over this.

 

[underwater2010]

watching porn vs chatting up and making plans. One is much worse than the other. If he cannot admit that he was in the wrong and own up to crap, then your marriage will not work.

Ask him if it is okay if you start chatting with other men. Bet you he gets the picture.

 

[freckledpinay]

He admitted that he was wrong but its like he made up b.s. excuses. He said that I was taking it all the wrong way.

One girl (that he had talked about sex with) She was sad from a breakup, which in the messages she clearly wasn't that upset, he was making her feel better. And she was a friend.

Girl number 2 he said was his friends ex and he never wanted to go hang with her although in the text he put I need to find an excuse to go out... and then he said he never wanted to go out with that girl.

 

[freckledpinay]

watching porn vs chatting up and making plans. One is much worse than the other. If he cannot admit that he was in the wrong and own up to crap, then your marriage will not work.

Ask him if it is okay if you start chatting with other men. Bet you he gets the picture.

Also he wouldn't care if I was talking because he's not a jealous guy. That's what he says.

 

[MattMatt]

He said the girl was sad and he was cheering her up and I took it the wrong way

Ehhh.... no, you took it the right way. He is acting very badly and must grow up.

 

[underwater2010]

He is lying to you!!!! And you are letting him. If he thinks he would truly not care, then here is what you do. Find a girlfriend you trust and start some text message's with winks and subtle flirting. Make sure she is saved under a common boy's name. Leave your phone lying around so he can see the random texts. Then see what happens.

Also, for him not being jealous....the porn should not have bothered him in the least.

 

[sandc]

Mabuhay, and I'm sorry you're here.

He WOULD get jealous if you were talking to other guys. He thinks you're safe because you're pregnant. You are not crazy. He is wrong. What are you willing to do to make him stop? Don't say anything if you don't mean... ANYTHING.

 

[freckledpinay]

Mabuhay, and I'm sorry you're here.

He WOULD get jealous if you were talking to other guys. He thinks you're safe because you're pregnant. You are not crazy. He is wrong. What are you willing to do to make him stop? Don't say anything if you don't mean... ANYTHING.

I mean we have talked about it and I almost left him. He apologized, deleted his facebook and made a new one but still you can message people on there without being friends and they can still text him. I am always on edge and hurting. I feel betrayed. I want to talk to his mom about it but I don't know if that's a good idea and the old me is tempted to confront both of the girls but I feel that would create more issues. because to me I know its his fault but its theirs as well because they did mention what about your wife and he went around it like I was nothing. I would do anything to make him stop but I know its ultimately up to him to stop. If he doesn't then i will leave. I am about to have my second girl and I think if I left him it would be almost a smack in the face and hopefully a fire lit under his a** to fix himself.

 

[freckledpinay]

He is lying to you!!!! And you are letting him. If he thinks he would truly not care, then here is what you do. Find a girlfriend you trust and start some text message's with winks and subtle flirting. Make sure she is saved under a common boy's name. Leave your phone lying around so he can see the random texts. Then see what happens.

Also, for him not being jealous....the porn should not have bothered him in the least.

I agree. I mean for me the porn was there yea but I also felt the need to watch it to help with our sex life. I felt un-sexy and that I couldn't do anything. I mean i'm 8 months pregnant. The texts he really wouldn't care at all. Its hard for me to get over this because I can't talk to my family, his family or my best friend about it. If I bring up how I feel he says I should trust him and give him a chance to prove himself to me. I just feel I need someone to confide in and help me get through this with wise advice. The young girl in me wants to confront both of the other girls because they did know I was there and it wasn't just his fault it was theirs too. They could have stopped and so could have he.

 

[MattMatt]

Whenever I see a pregnant woman (ANY pregnant woman!) I immediately go into "serve and protect" mode. "Can I get you a cup of tea? Is there anything I can do for you?" etc.

How any man can disrespect his own pregnant wife... I just don't know.:scratchhead:

 

[freckledpinay]

Whenever I see a pregnant woman (ANY pregnant woman!) I immediately go into "serve and protect" mode. "Can I get you a cup of tea? Is there anything I can do for you?" etc.

How any man can disrespect his own pregnant wife... I just don't know.:scratchhead:

I have no idea either! And these girls were not cute. I don't mean to toot my own horn but I think I am a pretty attractive filipino mixed girl. And these were girls from his past.. Like why reconnect. I mean we had been fighting on and off during this time but still never did I refer back to any of my past. I never ran to my old best guy friend. I just don't understand what I did wrong to deserve this. And I don't understand why I can't talk to my mother-in law who is here about what has happened. I mean I ran out crying in front of her trying to leave my house in the middle of the night. He lied to her and told her he was being mean and made me cry. he didn't tell her the truth.

 

[Maricha75]

You know, my husband's EA was caught via texting. She was (supposedly) a friend of both of us, from World of Warcraft. I read texts where he called her beautiful and sexy. Sometimes, I still see those words in my mind...Anyway, when I asked him about it, his response was "I was just making her feel better. SOmeone has to do it. Her bf doesn't."... I looked him right in the eye and said "someone has to do it... but not MY HUSBAND!".... She had also sent him pics where she was just wearing a bra. He, at first, tried to say there was nothing wrong with it...and then I suggested that maybe I could send pics in the exact same pose to some male friends. Ya know, he changed his tune REALLY fast!

My point in telling you that last part is that no matter how much we think our spouses wouldn't be the jealous type, if they truly love us, they WILL have a problem if/when we mimic the inappropriate behaviors. I know all too well... I never thought HE would have an affair. I had 2 EAs and he had an EA after them. So, never underestimate how your spouse will feel about certain behaviors.

 

[KirkSpock]

I had a good friend who f'ed around on his (soon to be) wife. He did the exact same crap your husband is doing: facebooking and sneaking off. I always assumed he was just being foolish and immature: certainly nothing would ever come from his harlmess flirting. Imagine my surprise when I walked in on him f'ing some girl I had never seen before in a jacuzzi during his bachelor party (his soon to be wife wasn't pregnant then). I was much younger back then and decided to keep the information to myself, although even at that age it bothered me to the point that we were never good friends after that.
Flash forward a few years after that, and his pregnant wife is tossing him out of the house....because she caught him banging an 18 year old girl he met/communicated through facebook.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck: chances are it's a duck :-(

 

[MattMatt]

So he cheats on his pregnant wife (his drop dead gorgeous babe of a pregnant wife, it must be said!) and he lies to his own mother.

Gosh. He sounds like the perfect gentleman. He thinks he is a dashing lothario, but in reality he is more **** Dastardly. Who is cheating on you with a woman who looks like Muttley.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****_Dastardly

Betcha din't know your hubby was a TV star, huh?:rofl:

 

[ladybird]

"They also talked about how their past sex was great and she missed him."

What past sex??? This to me says EVERYTHING! They had sex. Am I the only one that caught this??

He has cheated on you once (or more) and is lying about everything. He is covering his own ass, you need to find out more about this.

 

[freckledpinay]

"They also talked about how their past sex was great and she missed him."

What past sex??? This to me says EVERYTHING! They had sex. Am I the only one that caught this??

He has cheated on you once (or more) and is lying about everything. He is covering his own ass, you need to find out more about this.

I want to find out more but he deleted his facebook to start over. The girl he had sex with also got a married military man in trouble for having sex with him. I mean shes a hefer. She even asked what about your wife? And asked is texting a no no? My husband said no my wife doesnt go through my phone. Dumb ass doesnt know but i took pictures of the messages and emailed them to myself. He keeps saying the same thing over and over that they are friends n he was trying to make her feel better. Hes more lovey to me but like i have no idea about texting because he can easily delete the messages and etc. its so hard im having our first baby together on monday. If he doenst pull his head out of his ass im leaving.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[freckledpinay]

You know, my husband's EA was caught via texting. She was (supposedly) a friend of both of us, from World of Warcraft. I read texts where he called her beautiful and sexy. Sometimes, I still see those words in my mind...Anyway, when I asked him about it, his response was "I was just making her feel better. SOmeone has to do it. Her bf doesn't."... I looked him right in the eye and said "someone has to do it... but not MY HUSBAND!".... She had also sent him pics where she was just wearing a bra. He, at first, tried to say there was nothing wrong with it...and then I suggested that maybe I could send pics in the exact same pose to some male friends. Ya know, he changed his tune REALLY fast!

My point in telling you that last part is that no matter how much we think our spouses wouldn't be the jealous type, if they truly love us, they WILL have a problem if/when we mimic the inappropriate behaviors. I know all too well... I never thought HE would have an affair. I had 2 EAs and he had an EA after them. So, never underestimate how your spouse will feel about certain behaviors.

I dont want to stoop to his level or mimic what he did to me. I mean he knows he was wrong but im just worried now that he is talking to these girls still n stuff. I feel like i cant trust him anymore. And im due to have our first child on monday. :/ And i feel like talking to his mom would help. Shes a wonderful and understanding woman. But i had to promise not to tell anyone we know.. Family friends :/ no one. So im stuck alone.. Feeling like i cant trust him.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[alphaomega]

This saddens me. Not only because you know, deep down what's going on, even though you try so hard to listen to his excuses and rationalize everything, but also for your child your growing.

I know the stress your experiencing. It's the worst stress you will ever experience in your life. But that stress is also affecting your baby.

This should be a time when he's sitting next to you each and every night. Rubbing your feet and waiting on you hand and foot. . Making both you and the child in you feel comfortable and secure.

Instead, he's causing the worst stress to both of you.

This is despicable to me. He's not acting like a real man at all but a spoiled entitled child.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[NextTimeAround]

Whenever I see a pregnant woman (ANY pregnant woman!) I immediately go into "serve and protect" mode. "Can I get you a cup of tea? Is there anything I can do for you?" etc.

How any man can disrespect his own pregnant wife... I just don't know.:scratchhead:

Oprah did a whole show on it.

 

[Maricha75]

I dont want to stoop to his level or mimic what he did to me. I mean he knows he was wrong but im just worried now that he is talking to these girls still n stuff. I feel like i cant trust him anymore. And im due to have our first child on monday. :/ And i feel like talking to his mom would help. Shes a wonderful and understanding woman. But i had to promise not to tell anyone we know.. Family friends :/ no one. So im stuck alone.. Feeling like i cant trust him.
Posted via Mobile Device

Uhhhh... no. This was his way of saying he wants to rug sweep the whole thing. I think he knows that if family/friends know about it, he will HAVE to stop. Right now, he can (try to) blame it on your pregnancy hormones, etc. If family/friends are told about it, and shown what evidence you already have, that means it is out in the open and he has to face the fact that he has been cheating on you with these women, at least emotionally. He is trying to avoid this, so he told you NOT to tell people you know.

Oh, as for stooping to his level, I wasn't suggesting that you do that lol. I was only saying that he could say NOW that he would be ok with it. But if ever IN that position, he would change his tune.