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I've had at least one kid, usually two or more, in my bed for the last 12 years. Letting that get in the way of sex is just an excuse.

For the record, husband's can be okay with children in the bed too or be the ones to push for it.
I agree with this - I had my kids in our bed all the time in the night, because I needed my sleep!!! We had either already had sex by the time one of them came in, or we would have (GREAT!!) sex on the couch downstairs...or on a chair...or on the floor...it was exciting and NO problem at all!!!

I had sex because I WANTED to have sex (and so did he). When someone really wants sex, it's easy to find a way!
 

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If you been married 6 years in Florida, you better SERIOUSLY think about divorce BEFORE you hit that 7 year mark. Once you hit the 7 year mark in Florida, you're pretty much screwed.
Where do you get that? I assume you're talking about alimony, so....

I live in FL and have been divorced here twice. I never asked for any alimony but even 15 years ago with my kids father (I'd been a sahm, which is what HE wanted) my lawyer told me judges were frowning on alimony.

They had long term alimony because a lot of people come here to retire and they don't want a scenario where the bread winner (many of the elderly wives didn't work in their generation) ditches the spouse and she becomes destitute and dependent on the state. Its not that common for one to actually get lifetime alimony.
 

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Funny, I just posted basically these same thoughts on another thread. I agree completely.
I think there is a large percentage of people who are not cut out for marriage at all really. The sucky thing is it's almost impossible to know that without being married.

One thing that being on TAM has taught me is my wife and I got very lucky. We are both pretty committed to the others happiness. I would probably say my wife has more tendency to get lazy at times but it works because I really enjoy looking for different ways to spice things up and she will try anything. If all else fails I book a trip to Vegas.
 

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I think there is a large percentage of people who are not cut out for marriage at all really. The sucky thing is it's almost impossible to know that without being married.

One thing that being on TAM has taught me is my wife and I got very lucky. We are both pretty committed to the others happiness. I would probably say my wife has more tendency to get lazy at times but it works because I really enjoy looking for different ways to spice things up and she will try anything. If all else fails I book a trip to Vegas.
I am one of those people not cut out for marriage and I readily admit it. It took me too many years to realize that.

On a side note, I miss Vegas. I won’t go again until they fully reopen. My host has been sending offers nonstop. They must be hurting for business.
 

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For me it was kind of a boiling frog issue. Before kids there was sex a couple times a week and sometimes a couple times a day. After the first came along there were a couple months of no sex (internal tearing and stitches) and then it went back to nearly pre-child levels. I was deployed during the second pregnancy only getting back once they were 2 months old. She was premature and didn't feed properly and was colicky for about a month and on some level she resented that I didn't have to deal with any of that even though it wasn't really my fault. The Marines barely cared that I was having a kid and no one in my chain of command was terribly helpful when it came to checking out of my unit at the end of my active service until it became a paperwork headache for headquarters.

Sex was again roughly a couple times a week BUT the job I found getting out of the military was in Northern Virginia and she refused to move any closer than 2.5 hours (IE she didn't want to be more than a couple miles from our families). It was going to be work-from-home regularly but it took time for approval and I would have to go up occasionally even then. For a couple months I slept in the office regularly. When I was home, especially when I was coming from work, she was too tired. Before someone jumps on that to say I wasn't pulling my weight or something, if I was home she didn't cook a meal, change a diaper, do a bath, and rarely cleaned up messes. When the kids were toddlers sex was probably once and sometimes twice a week except for when she was ovulating when it was every day.

It was at about this point when I started the daydreams of better times ahead. Which I'll go into on a step by step basis.

When the kids were toddlers, the excuse of "I'm too tired" or "too frustrated with the kids" or whatever seemed to imply that once the kids were more independent things would improve. (they didn't)

After they were self sufficient enough to go to the bathroom by themselves and didn't destroy the kitchen every time they ate a meal and could pick up after themselves somewhat prompting them to do those things and dealing with their half done jobs was too much. Maybe once they go to school things will be more relaxed and there will be more affection. (there wasn't)

Once the kids were in school there was an existential crisis about life's purpose and a new job to start (and change and side jobs to start). These jobs (CNA nursing) were too demanding to allow for any physical activity other than a foot or back rub most of the time. This would mark the last time she did a load of laundry (not that she did all of the laundry before but she didn't do any after this point at all). Sex was Saturday night as much as 3 nights a month (IE every weekend that she wasn't menstruating and trust me I knew her cycle 10X better than she did at this point). I thought that once she got used to working and I helped just a little bit more the affection would return. (it didn't)

After the kids had been in school for a while (2nd and 4th grade) she decided that she needed to back to nursing school to get an LPN degree to get a more fulfilling job (actually its just easier supporting yourself as an LPN than a CNA but I digress). This was a stressful time in her life since she was going to school and working part time so sex obviously had to be cut back to Ovulation Weekend (should be a national holiday). But its going to get better when she is out of school and has the job she wants, right? (NO)

I don't know if I should count the last 3 years of our marriage as real. She was paying off debts and saving her money separately so that splitting would be easier. She was working out budgets and going furniture shopping with her friends so she'd be ready to move into an apartment. Of course there was no motivation on her part to change the once a month pattern. It actually got worse. Sex on Ovulation Weekend required at least a babysitter, going out to eat, and watching a 'romantic' movie. It was a full day of effort and everything had to go perfectly or she'd never be in the mood at the end. She was often sleeping (or possibly pretending to sleep) before the movie was over. A stay at a B&B was almost a guarantee but not always. At the time, I was mostly just sad. I had done my best to be a supportive husband, good father, and capable lover and it was obviously not enough.
 

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I am one of those people not cut out for marriage and I readily admit it. It took me too many years to realize that.

On a side note, I miss Vegas. I won’t go again until they fully reopen. My host has been sending offers nonstop. They must be hurting for business.
Lifes most important lessons are often the ones that require pain to learn. The good thing for you is if you hadn't gone through it you wouldn't have the same level of certainty you have now. So you will be happy in your non-married life without wondering if you missed something.

I'm supposed to be going to Vegas for an annual real estate convention in May. It's the same week every year and coincides with our anniversary, so my wife comes and we have a blast. The Billboard music awards are the weekend before most years so we go to that, we see a couple of shows, do a spa day, hang at the pool, depending on the wife's mood we might hit a strip club or get private strippers to the room (that is very hit and miss). I get invited to a lot of corporate parties related to the convention so we will party hop or just pick the best one. It's always insanity.
 

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I miss Vegas. I normally only go for events like a fight or concert but it’s a short flight for me and I normally stay at Four Seasons which is right by the airport, super easy!
 

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I have been reading mostly in the surviving infidelity forum but took a look in the sex in marriage forum. I was genuinely shocked by how many marriages are sexless. People saying they go months without sex. Some even years. I will preface this by saying as someone whose husband cheated, I wonder why some of these clearly tortured souls don’t cheat. My husband had a regular stream of sex. Normal ups and downs over the years...But never did he go longer than 2 weeks without physical intimacy. I knew very early on how much it meant to him. I always tried to satisfy him even when I was angry or hurt. To see the complete disregard that some people endure under the guise of a “good marriage” was eye opening. I’m not sure if I have a question or this is simply musings but the expression that so many people live lives of quiet desperation comes to mind...
The pain that resonates off the pages is palpable and on more than a few threads I thought if only these poor souls spouses could really see the pain they are causing the person they love and realize how insanely lucky they are that they are not being cheated on.
IMHO, the majority people who stay in sexless marriages year after year do so because they have other needs that are being met in the relationship. They are not willing to gamble the known positives of the relationship (maybe financial security, or companionship, or an intact family, or [fill the need here]) for the potential to maybe, possibly find someone who wants to have sex AND can meet a good number of their most important other needs. It's basically an episode of "Let's Make A Deal" where Monty Hall offers the contestant $500 and tells them they can choose to keep the money or trade it in for what's behind the large/huge curtain on stage. About half the time, the contents behind the curtain was not worth $20 and the contestants went home disappointed that they hadn't taken the money.

I was told after my divorce that some people may find their special someone and other's may not but being alone is the absolute worse I could do as a single person. It scared the crap out of me and took a while to really accept. "Alone" IS scary but then again it provides vast opportunities to grow as a person. It also provides opportunities to meet someone else but it's icing on a cake, not the cake.
 

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I have been reading mostly in the surviving infidelity forum but took a look in the sex in marriage forum. I was genuinely shocked by how many marriages are sexless. People saying they go months without sex. Some even years. I will preface this by saying as someone whose husband cheated, I wonder why some of these clearly tortured souls don’t cheat. My husband had a regular stream of sex. Normal ups and downs over the years...But never did he go longer than 2 weeks without physical intimacy. I knew very early on how much it meant to him. I always tried to satisfy him even when I was angry or hurt. To see the complete disregard that some people endure under the guise of a “good marriage” was eye opening. I’m not sure if I have a question or this is simply musings but the expression that so many people live lives of quiet desperation comes to mind...
The pain that resonates off the pages is palpable and on more than a few threads I thought if only these poor souls spouses could really see the pain they are causing the person they love and realize how insanely lucky they are that they are not being cheated on.
I was married 25 years, the last eight or so being sexless. The years before being sexless were pretty bad as far as quality of sex goes. No passion or adventure and no fun or excitement. The reason why is total incompatibility in most areas and I didn’t leave sooner because I was worried about my kids and what it would do to them. They did fine after the initial shock.

Now that I’m out of the marriage I will admit to having some issues surrounding sex which may cause problems for me. I’ve already experienced an issue with it with my BF. I’m super high drive, always have been and now that I’m free to have sex I find that I may make men nervous, like they won’t be able to keep up.

It sounds funny on the one hand because what guy would complain about a horny GF right? But on the other hand it’s not funny at all. BF sometimes feels like sex means more to me than he does but for me sex is how I feel closest to him and I can’t get enough of him.

I’m 48, sex starved and have a pathetic sexual history and he’s 49 and has had so much sex over his lifetime that he can’t relate to how important sex is to me or why.

My point in sharing all of this is that these sexless marriages can have long lasting affects that cause unexpected issues later on in life.
 

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How old are y’all? 😳😂
After 24 years together, old enough that daily is well into the tails of the distribution and should not be confused with the typical population.
 
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I was married 25 years, the last eight or so being sexless. The years before being sexless were pretty bad as far as quality of sex goes. No passion or adventure and no fun or excitement. The reason why is total incompatibility in most areas and I didn’t leave sooner because I was worried about my kids and what it would do to them. They did fine after the initial shock.

Now that I’m out of the marriage I will admit to having some issues surrounding sex which may cause problems for me. I’ve already experienced an issue with it with my BF. I’m super high drive, always have been and now that I’m free to have sex I find that I may make men nervous, like they won’t be able to keep up.

It sounds funny on the one hand because what guy would complain about a horny GF right? But on the other hand it’s not funny at all. BF sometimes feels like sex means more to me than he does but for me sex is how I feel closest to him and I can’t get enough of him.

I’m 48, sex starved and have a pathetic sexual history and he’s 49 and has had so much sex over his lifetime that he can’t relate to how important sex is to me or why.

My point in sharing all of this is that these sexless marriages can have long lasting affects that cause unexpected issues later on in life.
I can imagine the issues could be numerous. Can I ask why you are still with your boyfriend?
 

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After 24 years together, old enough that daily is well into the tails of the distribution and should not be confused with the typical population.
Use to be 3× week. She was hesitant for more because she thought i would get bored and loose interrest in her. Once i reassured her i would not she was like a wild little vixen and i thought she was thinking Oh yeah we will see. But my desire and hers have continued to increase for each other.

Told her i wanted to make love daily unless one of us is hurt or ill. (When we skip days we usually double up to make up for missed day.) She smiled and said Ok! I talked to her before we fell asleep one night and said i wanted to try something new. The next day she said what ever i want because she trusts me.

She is as into it as i am. I keep her very sassified though. Our time is usually 1.5hrs and she is very, very well taken care of so she usually comes to bed ready.
 

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Impressive. 😁
I have been on HRT for Low T since 37. Pretty well shot quickies to hell. A quickie for us is 45 min. I am more like the Energizer Bunny. Thankfully she can orgasm via PIV intercorse. She will climax multiple times and i may not at all.

She felt bad about it until i made her understand the sex is awesome but sometimes i.can not climax, its hormone related. But i greatly enjoy the physical and pleasing her immensely.
 

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I can imagine the issues could be numerous. Can I ask why you are still with your boyfriend?
He’s a great partner but can go weeks without sex and I end up frustrated. Once in bed he rocks my world but his job drains him and he’s got a lot on his plate outside of work. I can’t knock him for things that are out of his control. I just have a lot of trouble dealing with the long stretches in between.
 
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