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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Based on advice in these forums, I've written my exposure letter to OW's H - just need to find the courage to mail it! I've used ***** for their names - just so it can't be traced back to me should OW see it here prior to her H getting it. I don't know that she's a member, but I want to do the blind siding this time instead of the other way around! Here it is ... any input???

I’m sure you’re surprised to hear from me after so many years, but there are some things about ***** relationship with ***** that you need to be aware of. I’d much rather leave things in the past where they belong, but unfortunately that isn’t possible now.

First of all, I know that ***** said they were “just friends” for a long time (***** did too), but it was much more than that. They had both an emotional and physical affair that, near as I can tell, lasted approximately three years. During that time I found gifts that she gave him including cologne, a keychain, a watch with 1999 engraved on the back of it – a one year anniversary gift I believe – and a photograph ***** had taken of her sitting on a blanket in what appeared to be the woods or a park somewhere. Sadly, the depth of their involvement was far greater than I think you or I imagined. ***** claimed he tried to end it at one point and she threatened suicide. Another time she told him if he didn’t want her there were at least 4 other men in town who did. She called our house and left a “F**k you and all your friends” message one night when we had guests because he wouldn’t take her calls. I could go on, but my point is that it was much more than just a friendship.

So, why am I sharing this now? Well, because I really have no choice. You see I was recently diagnosed with HPV and I did not have it prior to ***** involvement with *****. I know this for certain because I had an entire blood work up in late 1999 due to some sores that appeared on my side, back and upper thighs. They did a complete STD screening before diagnosing it as Pityriasis Rosea, and I had no STD’s of any kind at that time.

As a result of my HPV diagnosis, ***** has been forced to admit that he did in fact have a sexual relationship with ***** – but he also confessed that she wasn’t the only one. He was having sex with someone else around the same time that he was having sex with her, so the origination of the virus cannot be confirmed. This means that *****, if not the originator, has most likely been exposed – which means you may have been as well.

HPV can sort of “hibernate” in the body for a long time. In men it rarely results in symptoms, unless genital warts appear. In women however, there is also a greater risk of cervical cancer with some strains of the virus. I don’t believe there is a reliable method for testing men for the HPV virus at this time, but Diane should definitely have a complete STD screening. If she tests positive for HPV, she should never miss a gynecological exam. Regular pap tests can catch abnormal cells on the cervix, and there are procedures they can do to remove pre-cancerous cells so they don’t develop into full blown cervical cancer.

It would also be a good idea for ***** to inform any other men or women with whom she’s been sexually active and encourage them to inform their partners so they can be tested as well. Early detection is extremely important in treating cervical cancer – and those who carry HPV are at greater risk – knowing this risk exists gives these woman the opportunity to get regular exams to protect their health. Gone undetected, the results could be catastrophic – and not all women have yearly exams like they should.

I’m sincerely sorry to have to share this, but informing you is the responsible thing to do. I can’t knowingly withhold information that might prevent someone else’s suffering, even when that someone else is *****. Hopefully ***** will feel responsible enough to pass the word along to anyone else she may have put at risk.

I’m sure you realize how embarrassing this is for me and I trust you’ll keep this as confidential as possible. If you have any questions, feel free to give me a call (myphone#).
 

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Wow, I think that was well-written. I like that the tone was very distant, informative, professional, matter-of-fact.

To think, you are simply doing him a public service ;)

But sadly, perhaps it will persuade him to get a full STD panel, I hope he hasn't caught something worse from her.

So what is the blow-back? My husband's AP was a super private person who would have been terrified by this type of publicity.

She doesn't strike me that way....honestly, she seems like someone who could be very vengeful. She is far too narcissistic to take this lying down.

I guess if she confronts you, I'd tell her she's lucky you didn't take out an ad in the newspaper :rofl:
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
She'll likely be fuming - and frankly, I don't care. Who's going to look like the fool if she tries to make something of this? Like you said, I kept is informative and professional - and he does need to be aware.

I like your response if she confronts me - I think I'll use that if she does - LOL - and then I'll be the one smirking!
 

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The truth is, cheaters take advantage of the fact that spouses are ashamed of the cheaters. It's one of those profound ironies in life.

But you know her better than I do. You know whether she's going to set your house on fire, or slash your tires, or call everyone and tell horrific lies about you. I'm not trying to scare you, I just want to make sure you're ready, because what comes back your way may not be something you can predict.

As much as we're mocking her, this can't be about revenge on her. She is already the loser, the one who is living the empty life. You want to make sure her poison hasn't infected you. You must be the one who is taking the high road, she is not even worth the energy that it takes to breathe.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Don't think she'd do anything illegal (set fire or slash tires), but she might run her mouth. However, she doesn't have many friends - most people know what she's like and wouldn't believe anything she said anyway.

As for revenge ... maybe, but I think I'm more into letting her H know what went on and letting her know what I know. I haven't shared the information in my exposure letter with anyone else.

Plus there's the HPV factor. I really don't want someone to end up with cervical cancer because I withheld information - even if it's her. Couldn't live with myself if I did and something bad happened.

I have taken the high road ... for a lot of years - and really resisted doing things to get revenge. Always felt that things take care of themselves and I would only look like a vengeful betrayed wife if I did lash back.

But in some ways, yes I want her to suffer - I want her to squirm - so therein lies the revenge part I guess.

Much to think about before I mail the letter I guess. Part of me still says it's the right thing to do - her H needs to be aware, and so does she because of the HPV. But is suffering her potential wrath worth it???
 

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I still think the letter is well-written. I totally agree, HPV isn't something that you can just get treated over the counter and then be on your merry way.

It sounds like it took you a long time to reach this point, so you have probably considered more angles than I can come up with over the Internet.

And her husband does, in the end, deserve to know.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Yes, he does - and only God knows what other diseases she might be carrying. I think it's time someone informed him of her adulterous behavior - maybe somehow he can put a stop to it before someone else is hurt or suffers what I'm going through.

Thanks for your support and for being a sounding board for me - I apprciate it!
 

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Based on advice in these forums, I've written my exposure letter to OW's H - just need to find the courage to mail it! I've used ***** for their names - just so it can't be traced back to me should OW see it here prior to her H getting it. I don't know that she's a member, but I want to do the blind siding this time instead of the other way around! Here it is ... any input???

I’m sure you’re surprised to hear from me after so many years, but there are some things about ***** relationship with ***** that you need to be aware of. I’d much rather leave things in the past where they belong, but unfortunately that isn’t possible now.

First of all, I know that ***** said they were “just friends” for a long time (***** did too), but it was much more than that. They had both an emotional and physical affair that, near as I can tell, lasted approximately three years. During that time I found gifts that she gave him including cologne, a keychain, a watch with 1999 engraved on the back of it – a one year anniversary gift I believe – and a photograph ***** had taken of her sitting on a blanket in what appeared to be the woods or a park somewhere. Sadly, the depth of their involvement was far greater than I think you or I imagined. ***** claimed he tried to end it at one point and she threatened suicide. Another time she told him if he didn’t want her there were at least 4 other men in town who did. She called our house and left a “F**k you and all your friends” message one night when we had guests because he wouldn’t take her calls. I could go on, but my point is that it was much more than just a friendship.

So, why am I sharing this now? Well, because I really have no choice. You see I was recently diagnosed with HPV and I did not have it prior to ***** involvement with *****. I know this for certain because I had an entire blood work up in late 1999 due to some sores that appeared on my side, back and upper thighs. They did a complete STD screening before diagnosing it as Pityriasis Rosea, and I had no STD’s of any kind at that time.

As a result of my HPV diagnosis, ***** has been forced to admit that he did in fact have a sexual relationship with ***** – but he also confessed that she wasn’t the only one. He was having sex with someone else around the same time that he was having sex with her, so the origination of the virus cannot be confirmed. This means that *****, if not the originator, has most likely been exposed – which means you may have been as well.

HPV can sort of “hibernate” in the body for a long time. In men it rarely results in symptoms, unless genital warts appear. In women however, there is also a greater risk of cervical cancer with some strains of the virus. I don’t believe there is a reliable method for testing men for the HPV virus at this time, but Diane should definitely have a complete STD screening. If she tests positive for HPV, she should never miss a gynecological exam. Regular pap tests can catch abnormal cells on the cervix, and there are procedures they can do to remove pre-cancerous cells so they don’t develop into full blown cervical cancer.

It would also be a good idea for ***** to inform any other men or women with whom she’s been sexually active and encourage them to inform their partners so they can be tested as well. Early detection is extremely important in treating cervical cancer – and those who carry HPV are at greater risk – knowing this risk exists gives these woman the opportunity to get regular exams to protect their health. Gone undetected, the results could be catastrophic – and not all women have yearly exams like they should.

I’m sincerely sorry to have to share this, but informing you is the responsible thing to do. I can’t knowingly withhold information that might prevent someone else’s suffering, even when that someone else is *****. Hopefully ***** will feel responsible enough to pass the word along to anyone else she may have put at risk.

I’m sure you realize how embarrassing this is for me and I trust you’ll keep this as confidential as possible. If you have any questions, feel free to give me a call (myphone#).
It is very well written. If I were you I would not share your diagnosis of Pityriasis Rosea with them, they have no right to know. I would just refer to it as a different diagnosis unrelated to an STD. You have a right to as much privacy as you can manage to salvage after this woman's intrusion into your life. Just saying. Good luck to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Pityriasis Rosea is a common skin rash caused by a virus. I didn't want to leave that diagnosis to the imagination - certain she'd make up something much worse.

I mailed the letter to her H's office yesterday. No chance of her intercepting it that way. So ... now I wait.

I haven't told my H about the letter - and I feel a bit deceitful -but I'm afraid he might try and warn her that it's coming. Is this wrong of me? It's not that I don't want my H to know, I just don't want the OW to have time to fabricate another lie.

Again - thanks to all of you - it's so nice to finally have some support and encouragement.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Not ever? Or should I only tell him if I have to? I'm concerned that the OW is going to call him to complain about it and he won't have a clue as to what she's talking about - or should I even care?

Or should I just keep it to myself and see if he asks about it? If he does, I'll know he talked to her ... which is a betrayal in and of itself as it violates NC.
 

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Not ever? Or should I only tell him if I have to? I'm concerned that the OW is going to call him to complain about it and he won't have a clue as to what she's talking about - or should I even care?

Or should I just keep it to myself and see if he asks about it? If he does, I'll know he talked to her ... which is a betrayal in and of itself as it violates NC.

I would just reiterate that NC means he ignores any attempts by her to contact him and he tells you if she tries to call or email right away.

Then wait and see if he breaks it.
 
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