[Ikaika]

As parents we always wish so much for our children, like:

• They will have a better life than ours.
• They will have achieve success and happiness like ours.
• They will be more successful and will not have to struggle with finances as much as we have had to
• etc...

.

So I want to open this up to parents of young ones as well as the home where the nest is empty. But, I also want to keep the responses very open ended... Feel free to answer in terms of the personality, profession, etc...

So for those with young ones, what are you hopes, dreams, expectations for your children as they get old enough to fly on their own?

And, for the empty nest households, did your expectations pan out as you had hoped; better; about what you thought; worse etc?

I understand this may be a painful thread for some, I am not intending to pick anyone's scab, if you wish to share some painful experience, I ask all responders to treat each other gently and with a great deal of respect.

 

[Ikaika]

My oldest is 13, but since he was 3.5 years of age was diagnosed with a mental disability. We used to have to lock the doors to our house... he would run. Up till he was in the 4th grade he had to be schooled in a fully self contained classroom. He at times still functions like a 3 year old. To this day he still cannot be left completely unsupervised. We love him dearly, we would never ever have anyone else. Do not wish for any other son but him as our oldest. He has taught us what love really is all about.

But, having said that we also understand he will not graduate from HS like other kids. He will get a certificate of completion. Even now as he is about to enter HS, they are already looking at what kind of vocational training he will be able to do. This will mean he is likely to live with mom and dad for years to come. Our biggest fear is when we are too old. We know he will likely need to be part of an assisted living, but hope that it will also be one where he can still function close as possible like everyone else in society. We know we don't have it that bad. So many have it worst than us. We are financially able to manage, but it is just the long-term future that gives us the biggest worry.

Youngest who is 11... Another boy, but full of energy. All boy, but very affectionate and a softie (like dad) when it comes to others who are hurting. His only problem is he is dyslexic, but we pay to get him tutoring and it helps. He has made big progress. He makes up for it in his great math skills. His biggest asset in life, he is a very likable kid. I always try to teach him that all the smarts in the world will not make you successful, but rather to teach him that someday he will be a co-worker, spouse, and neighbor to someone.

He says he wants to be an inventor (dad of course is an academic scientist)... he spent some time in his younger years in my research lab when I used to be a bench scientist... hmmmmm. Anyway, I really don't care what profession he seeks just want him to be a person others will want to work with, someone will want marry and others will want to live next to. Everything I see I think he will meet these expectations.

 

[Hope1964]

I am quite happy with where all three of mine are at this point. Pretty much all I ever wanted for them was to be happy. Which they generally are. They've had their issues, and my daughter still battles anxiety, but none of them has ended up on the streets or run away from home or in jail or addicted to drugs or pregnant.

I can't say that I ever had 'expectations' of them like some parents do. Well, I guess I did, I expected them to get an education and to grow up to be a contributing member of society, but I never tried to tell them how they should do so. I never told them they had to go to college or university, or high school for that matter (all three graduated grade 12 and the boys both are in post secondary).

I expected that they would abide by most of the rules of the house as they grew up, and if they didn't like something and wanted it changed they should plead their case rather than just defy it.

And, someday, I do expect grandchildren. From at least one of them

 

[Mavash.]

My children are free to live their lives as they see fit. Free to succeed. Free to fail. Free to learn at their own pace the same way I did.

My job (aside from parenting to the best of my ability) is to have healthy boundaries as they grow up.

Experience: 4 years of therapy.

 

[Dollystanford]

My expectations are academic achievement (which she is more than capable of) and to be a decent, compassionate human being (which she is)

I think I've done a pretty f*cking awesome job so far

Once she is an adult she is free to do as she pleases, all I ask is that she lives life to the full

 

[the guy]

I never expected my son to be dating a cheerleader from state (my sons in Jr college, go figure). I hope I can get free tickets to the basketball games......the seasons sold out.

 

[Emerald]

My daughters' Father had very high expectations of our daughters. College was not an option. They were overloaded in extracurricular activities. I thought he was too strict, demanding, etc. They rebelled but interestingly not too bad. Maybe because I was a very laid back parent.

Something worked.

Both girls are college educated, career-focused & nice people.

 

[Emerald]

My oldest is 13, but since he was 3.5 years of age was diagnosed with a mental disability. We used to have to lock the doors to our house... he would run. Up till he was in the 4th grade he had to be schooled in a fully self contained classroom. He at times still functions like a 3 year old. To this day he still cannot be left completely unsupervised. We love him dearly, we would never ever have anyone else. Do not wish for any other son but him as our oldest. He has taught us what love really is all about.

But, having said that we also understand he will not graduate from HS like other kids. He will get a certificate of completion. Even now as he is about to enter HS, they are already looking at what kind of vocational training he will be able to do. This will mean he is likely to live with mom and dad for years to come. Our biggest fear is when we are too old. We know he will likely need to be part of an assisted living, but hope that it will also be one where he can still function close as possible like everyone else in society. We know we don't have it that bad. So many have it worst than us. We are financially able to manage, but it is just the long-term future that gives us the biggest worry.

Youngest who is 11... Another boy, but full of energy. All boy, but very affectionate and a softie (like dad) when it comes to others who are hurting. His only problem is he is dyslexic, but we pay to get him tutoring and it helps. He has made big progress. He makes up for it in his great math skills. His biggest asset in life, he is a very likable kid. I always try to teach him that all the smarts in the world will not make you successful, but rather to teach him that someday he will be a co-worker, spouse, and neighbor to someone.

He says he wants to be an inventor (dad of course is an academic scientist)... he spent some time in his younger years in my research lab when I used to be a bench scientist... hmmmmm. Anyway, I really don't care what profession he seeks just want him to be a person others will want to work with, someone will want marry and others will want to live next to. Everything I see I think he will meet these expectations.

What is your oldest's illness?

 

[that_girl]

I expect my children to be self-sufficient.
I expect my children to follow their hearts, but also to be responsible.
I expect my children to make mistakes and learn from them.
I expect my children to pay it forward.
I expect my children to be the people they were born to be.

 

[RandomDude]

I expect my daughter to give my wife hell, which she does and it amuses me hehe

But on a serious note: I'm happy with how she is right now, she's sweet, doesn't cause problems, fun and curious, obedient (at least to me hehe), and follows after daddy annoying mummy!

 

[Omgitsjoe]

I want my boys to achieve the highest education possible. This will allow them to get ahead in the future.

I want them to be repectful and polite saying " yes sir or yes ma'am "

The most important thing i want them to be is simply ....... happy

 

[that_girl]

I expect my daughter to give my wife hell, which she does and it amuses me hehe

But on a serious note: I'm happy with how she is right now, she's sweet, doesn't cause problems, fun and curious, obedient (at least to me hehe), and follows after daddy annoying mummy!

If my husband took such delight in making my kids treat me like that, I would hate being at home. It would be hell and I would have to distant myself from my husband and kids. I'd probably resent and hate him a whole lot.

Home should be peaceful. dang. But that's another thread.

 

[Anonymous07]

I am pregnant with our first child and while I have many hopes and dreams for this baby, I don't necessarily expect our child to accomplish everything. My mother had huge expectations for me and the pressure from her was overwhelming, which I hated. I was always bound to fail in one way or another. I don't want to be like that with my own child and honestly, just want him or her to be happy with what he or she decides to do in life, as long as he or she is a good person.

Can I ask you what your son's illness is drerio?

I think kids are very resilient and he may surprise you. I have a couple health problems that have resulted in me having many surgeries(I lost count) and so many people told me that I would never be able to do this or that. Well, I liked to prove people wrong and played soccer for many years, got off pain medication not that long after starting it, and regained my flexibility in that part of my body. I'm not sure if you use facebook, but there is a page on there called "shut up about your perfect kid" that is a fun way to connect with other parents who are going through similar things.

 

[RandomDude]

Darn it that_girl, I wasn't serious lol

Still I do find it amusing how much of a smart-ass she can be with her mum
I don't make her treat my wife like that, and she doesn't most of the time, I just find it cute when she does heh

Now her kissing boys at school, I'm not happy with it, but I admit, that's still cute

 

[Ikaika]

What is your oldest's illness?

He is on the autism spectrum. He is verbal, but has enough serious deficits that keep him from being able to function in a normal classroom setting. We had him assessed a few years back at Yale... the 35 page report was very sobering, but we love and accept him the way he is.

Edit: a bit perspective. If you were to talk to my son, his response would be to repeat back what you said word for word... Even if it was 500 words in length. He could not comprehend it, but he could repeat it. Not a good social skill for the work place.

 

[Ikaika]

I don't actually want to make this about my son... Want hear from others... But you have to understand we were overjoyed when my son was finally toilet trained at 11. No matter what we love him but have simple expectations.

 

[Michael A. Brown]

As a parent, I do always make sure that I could guide my kids as they grow up. Good environment is one helpful aspect in which they could adapt good values.

 

[Lyris]

I want my girls to be happy, healthy and whole. Whatever that means for them

I want them to be their authentic selves, not hiding parts to try and be more acceptable.

I hope to be strong and trustworthy enough for them to be open with me about who they are and what they need.

 

[Bellavista]

I have raised my children to be able to think & act independently.
To understand that there are consequences for their actions & that they cannot blame others for their mistakes.
My kids all joke that I never miss an opportunity to make something a learning experiece. I taught them reading, maths & budgeting in the supermarket. They have all been avid news watchers since they were little & thus know a lot of world news.

Where they are now: DS24 - aspergers, pregnant girlfriend when he was 18, works for my MIL, drinks too much & I suspect smoes pot. We had bigger hopes for him.
DS22 - married to a lovely girl, working, studying, the most laid back & calm person I know.
DS20 - started his own web & graphic design business, Australian karate champ, very focused. From birth he has been driven (& driven us mad some times)
DD18 - was a bit wild from 13-15(sneaking out etc), settled down at 16, found out today she was successful in her audition to tudy flute at the music conervatorium. She is stoked
DD15 - strange child, always has been her own person. She has decided she wants to be an author, she does write very well. She has also decided she will study child care so she has an income while writing.

We have always encouraged them to follow their dreams, ie music, art, writing. They get to chose what subjects they want to do at school & if they want to study after school, they can choose their own career path.

 

[Ikaika]

Thank you Bellavista for sharing.