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(sorry if long and/or spelling mistakes! not my native tongue!)


We've been divorced for over two years now. We share custody, about 40/60 percent, my son[6y/o] is with me a little more often. The divorce was messy, but the court ordered mediation worked wonders, and now we are even able to throw our son a mutual bday party. Like a modern family, interact civil, even pleasently, for the benefiit of our son.
After the divorce, I was in a steady relationship with someone else[m25] for little over a year, but have been single (after a mutual split) for a few months now. My exhusband got into a steady relationship with another woman[23] too, around the same time as me, but they are still together.


THE CONFLICT:

So, I bought the kid a tablet a while back, he loves to watch netflix and play angry birds-like games on it. To buy some of these games, I logged in with my gmail-account to use the playstore. Unbeknownst to me, the tablet started synchronising with my phone, and my pictures where (apparently) accesible through Google Drive. On the tablet.

Because it is my sons tablet, I have, on several occasions, aloud him to take it to school(they have special days when you can bring something like an ipad), friends, and his dads house.
I got an awkward phone call little over a week back. My exhusband told me that he found the pictures (rather- his girlfriend did) by accident. But he was also very blunt about the fact that he went through all of it, and that besides all the nice pictures of our son, he was shocked by the other 'interesting content' that was there in great numbers. He looked at all the movie clips that where on there as well. He even made a joke about me looking great etc. He told me he had noticed it THREE WEEKS prior, and hoped I would find out on my own- so he wouldn't have to have this conversation with me. So he checked regularly if it was still there (and if there was new content, he looked at it.) These are no assumptions of mine: he straight out told me these things. A mutual friend of ours finally persuaded him to confront me.

So whats that juicy content on there? Honestly, loads and loads of nudies, selfies, even some movie clips of me masturbating etc. MOST of these where send to my bf at the time, it was a LDR. I had even deleted most of them from my phone, but not from the drive (apparently. I never payed attention to this entire Drive thing!). And a few that are more recent, I have been dating, have been texting, have had naughty conversations including pictures.
My reaction on the phone was basically feeling flustered and embarrassed. Obviously I wasn't aware the content was on there, and secondly, it came as a surprise to me that he and his girlfriend used it as well (since I don't even use, its my kids, but I have my own laptop).

Thank god, our son NEVER saw any of it, btw. It was just my ex-husband (and in part his gf) that looked at it.

In my somewhat overwhelmed state, I told him I would fix it a soon as I could, and agreed it was pretty embarrassing. He thanked me for going to fix the problem. But after a while, the whole situation sunk in, and I felt pretty violated. He could have known from even ONE thumbnail that the pictures where private, and he could have closed it, and immediately told me. Not look at EVERYTHING, wait three weeks, checking it every so often, talking about it with friends, before finally telling me.
I decided to be open and honest about my feelings, so I told him a few days later, in a pretty mild manner, that I did not feel comfortable with the way he handled the situation. He was surprised and offended. He thought I 'was going apologize a little more profusely for potentially burden our kid with the trauma of seeing all my smut- and potentially embarrassing myself, our kid and him, if anyone had found it instead of him.' I was flabbergasted that he did not see anything wrong with his behavior at all.

He feels I'm not aloud to feel violated in any way since;
1) he was protecting our kid from harm, it was out of concern. And, in that frame of mind: the ipad is our sons, so per default its also open for him.
2) the ipad sometimes went to school and friends' houses, so therefor he had to know what was on there, since it would be accesible to outsiders ass well.
3) Its human nature to be curious, so offcourse he looked at EVERYTHING, even after realising what it was, its to be expected.
4) I once did a nude shoot back when I did part time modeling. Nothing pornographic, more artsy. But since there are nude pictures of me allready on the internet, I can not now suddenly oppose someone looking at naked pictures of me.
5)He is worried for me, because I lead a lifestyle that is not only immoral, disrespectfull to myself and promiscious... Also I would never find a nice man, because if I was dating a nice guy and he would find out about my lifestyle, he would never stay with me.
The conversation got heated, so I decided to leave it there, hoping he would change his mind after calming down and thinking about it more rationally. The next time we saw eachother, he dropped off our son. My mother was there. I had told her about the situation, so she couldnt help but give her two cents (that it wasnt polite of him to snoop so shamelesly). This fired up into an argument almost simmilar to the one we had before, but with more frustration, voice raising and cursing (both sides). After a few minutes of escalating, when I wanted to walk away after he said 'you are ****ing crazy', he forcefully grabbed my arm. I ripped away from him and slammed the door. Even though our son was being held away from most of it by us distancing ourselfs, and my mom looking after him, he still was aware of what as happening.

Also, I forgot to mention that he also looked at my emails etc, but they weren't as juicy, so that wasn't anything he was mad about. So that to me is also proof he was more 'snooping' then supervising our kids tablet.... And another anecdote during this argument: when I asked him: "If the case would have been that my younger sisters phone had accidentally synchronised with the tablet, and her nude selfies would have been accesible... Would he have looked so thoroughly as well?" His answer: "Offcouse not, that would have felt wrong!".... But because its ME, his ex-wife, its okay.... To me that added to feeling insulted by the lack of privacy....


Since then (besides me unsynchronising the tablet- AND never letting it leave my house again) my ex husband send an email to my parents (and a copy to me) stating that he was regretful of the way we argued in front of our kid (but nothing else) and wanted my apologies for that as well, as well as my parents cooperation in stopping him and me from ever doing that again. It was a sensible enough email. I did not reply though, it was to heated a situation for me to be going back and forth in this way, and I still wasn't over the whole 'shameless snooping' (IMHO) thing.

Today he refused to disclose when he was dropping our son of tomorrow, until I had adressed the email. I told him I agreed with him about not fighting in front of our kid. It was foolish, and common sense to not let it happen again. However, I did not approve of his way of using information about when he will drop off (if even) our son, as a bargaining chip to get me to discuss certain issues with him. He then finally told me what time he'd be here.

I dont know what to do now. I've been very lenient towards him in the past (swapping our days to meet HIS schedule, even though it conflicted with mine, to help him out, and countless other things) and tried to play nice, acting a bit like a pleaser. I just didn't want to go back to the ugly times during the divorce, and keep the peace, since our boy was thriving in the peaceful situation. But now, when I've tried to put up a boundary- the entire situation goes to hell.

And some other additional info:
I have asked a friend who works at our country's equivalent of child's protective services if this was in any way a concern for them. She told me that this was an honest mistake, and if they'd have to start to sanction every parent that had any form of sexual content, that could be accessed by a child (like pornmags under a bed, or even an unlocked phone with pics on it) a lot of children would be without loving and caring parents. And it my case, it was clearly an accident, and even more important, the child never saw anything, so no harm or faul- as far as they are concerned.


SO HOW DO I FIX THIS? Do I give in to keep the peace? Or am I just overreacting about feeling violated in my privacy? Is he rightfully outraged with me about the whole situation?

TL;DR- My ex-husband found lude pictures and videos of me on our sons tablet, that accidentally got on there. He was super indiscreet about it and that made me feel violated. But he feels I'm in the wrong here, since I've been morally irresponsible, not only in not knowing the pictures where on there- but for leading a promiscuous lifestyle altogether. Things have escalated and our fragile peace has been shattered, it feels
 

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My exhusband told me that he found the pictures (rather- his girlfriend did) by accident. But he was also very blunt about the fact that he went through all of it, and that besides all the nice pictures of our son, he was shocked by the other 'interesting content' that was there in great numbers. He looked at all the movie clips that where on there as well. He even made a joke about me looking great etc. He told me he had noticed it THREE WEEKS prior, and hoped I would find out on my own- so he wouldn't have to have this conversation with me. So he checked regularly if it was still there (and if there was new content, he looked at it.) These are no assumptions of mine: he straight out told me these things. A mutual friend of ours finally persuaded him to confront me.
And so you go off on him when he was giving you a chance to correct it on your own? Then you escalate things?

I guess you would feel better if your son had found the photos/videos.

Yes, you're way overreacting. JMHO.
 

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I think you should just thank your lucky stars that it was your ex who found these and not your son. Imagine the trauma and mess that would have caused. I am wondering why you didn't find them and you ex was able to so easily. Shouldn't you be checking your sons ipad and monitoring what he is seeing and doing on it? How old is he?

Let it go and thank your ex for being as discreet as he was. It could have been worse. Time to be humble.
 

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I think it's very bad that he went through your email, as there is no reason whatsoever to do that! Your son wouldn't be able to navigate through your email, so whatever was in there, your son was safe from it. So that doesn't excuse his violation of privacy regarding your email.

Furthermore, does him waiting for 3 weeks mean that he left those images on the iPad for three weeks? He should have either deleted them immediately or talked to you immediately, and thus prevent any chances of your son accidentally stumbling upon them. At least you had no idea they were there, but he knowingly left them on.
 

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However, he has no business judging you. You two aren't a couple any more, and its none of his business how many men you are having sex with, sending nude photos to, or making video clips of yourself acting like a camgirl, for.
The thing is, this came out only after she escalated things and playing the victim card. Instead of saying Sorry and quickly deleting the images/videos and letting things settle down, she had to feel violated and start things with him. I too would feel angry. "What? You're the one getting angry with me? Who's the one who messed up leaving those kinds of images on the tablet?", etc, etc.

And if the situation were reversed, she'd probably say the same things.
 

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Also, this

" He could have known from even ONE thumbnail that the pictures where private, and he could have closed it, and immediately told me. Not look at EVERYTHING, wait three weeks, checking it every so often, talking about it with friends, before finally telling me."

I completely agree with you! It wasn't his to browse! What he should have done was to hold on the iPad, contact you immediately and address this issue immediately. If he was concerned about what his son might have seen, he could have and should have approached that in a much better way, without continuing to observe pictures of you etc.

So I agree with you, you have the right to be upset at him!

I hope you contacted your lawyer just to make sure how to protect yourself and to make sure he hasn't retained any copies of it etc., that he won't be able to use that against you.

But I also agree with others that you should do a daily check of your sons iPad in the future, and make sure it's disabled to synchronize with any other devices, and make sure it has parental safeguards on it against nudity, violent content etc.

Best wishes
 

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I'd make very clear to him that while you'll be more careful in the future regarding what gets to your son's phone, what you do is absolutely none of his business.

In the future be very careful; once you put pictures and videos out there they will stay for all time.
 

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Also, I recommend you post a link to this thread in the ladies lounge - The Ladies' Lounge , so the ladies can come give their advice on this issue.

I'm a guy, but I imagine if I were a woman, I'd be angry at my ex husband continuing to ogle my pictures and videos instead of closing it immediately and talking to me.

Best wishes
How about taking some personal responsibility and being angry at yourself for accidentally leaving that stuff in the tablet in the first place?

If I lost a tablet/iPad that had compromising pictures, then it's a given that the person who found it would look through it. Who's fault is that? But since it's the ex-husband who found it, then its alright to be angry, huh?
 

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Discussion Starter #10
someone advised me to x-post to this forum (originally posted on relationship discussion) to get the perspective of fellow females... so here it is:

(sorry if long and/or spelling mistakes! not my native tongue!)


We've been divorced for over two years now. We share custody, about 40/60 percent, my son[6y/o] is with me a little more often. The divorce was messy, but the court ordered mediation worked wonders, and now we are even able to throw our son a mutual bday party. Like a modern family, interact civil, even pleasently, for the benefiit of our son.
After the divorce, I was in a steady relationship with someone else[m25] for little over a year, but have been single (after a mutual split) for a few months now. My exhusband got into a steady relationship with another woman[23] too, around the same time as me, but they are still together.


THE CONFLICT:

So, I bought the kid a tablet a while back, he loves to watch netflix and play angry birds-like games on it. To buy some of these games, I logged in with my gmail-account to use the playstore. Unbeknownst to me, the tablet started synchronising with my phone, and my pictures where (apparently) accesible through Google Drive. On the tablet.

Because it is my sons tablet, I have, on several occasions, aloud him to take it to school(they have special days when you can bring something like an ipad), friends, and his dads house.
I got an awkward phone call little over a week back. My exhusband told me that he found the pictures (rather- his girlfriend did) by accident. But he was also very blunt about the fact that he went through all of it, and that besides all the nice pictures of our son, he was shocked by the other 'interesting content' that was there in great numbers. He looked at all the movie clips that where on there as well. He even made a joke about me looking great etc. He told me he had noticed it THREE WEEKS prior, and hoped I would find out on my own- so he wouldn't have to have this conversation with me. So he checked regularly if it was still there (and if there was new content, he looked at it.) These are no assumptions of mine: he straight out told me these things. A mutual friend of ours finally persuaded him to confront me.

So whats that juicy content on there? Honestly, loads and loads of nudies, selfies, even some movie clips of me masturbating etc. MOST of these where send to my bf at the time, it was a LDR. I had even deleted most of them from my phone, but not from the drive (apparently. I never payed attention to this entire Drive thing!). And a few that are more recent, I have been dating, have been texting, have had naughty conversations including pictures.
My reaction on the phone was basically feeling flustered and embarrassed. Obviously I wasn't aware the content was on there, and secondly, it came as a surprise to me that he and his girlfriend used it as well (since I don't even use, its my kids, but I have my own laptop).

Thank god, our son NEVER saw any of it, btw. It was just my ex-husband (and in part his gf) that looked at it.

In my somewhat overwhelmed state, I told him I would fix it a soon as I could, and agreed it was pretty embarrassing. He thanked me for going to fix the problem. But after a while, the whole situation sunk in, and I felt pretty violated. He could have known from even ONE thumbnail that the pictures where private, and he could have closed it, and immediately told me. Not look at EVERYTHING, wait three weeks, checking it every so often, talking about it with friends, before finally telling me.
I decided to be open and honest about my feelings, so I told him a few days later, in a pretty mild manner, that I did not feel comfortable with the way he handled the situation. He was surprised and offended. He thought I 'was going apologize a little more profusely for potentially burden our kid with the trauma of seeing all my smut- and potentially embarrassing myself, our kid and him, if anyone had found it instead of him.' I was flabbergasted that he did not see anything wrong with his behavior at all.

He feels I'm not aloud to feel violated in any way since;
1) he was protecting our kid from harm, it was out of concern. And, in that frame of mind: the ipad is our sons, so per default its also open for him.
2) the ipad sometimes went to school and friends' houses, so therefor he had to know what was on there, since it would be accesible to outsiders ass well.
3) Its human nature to be curious, so offcourse he looked at EVERYTHING, even after realising what it was, its to be expected.
4) I once did a nude shoot back when I did part time modeling. Nothing pornographic, more artsy. But since there are nude pictures of me allready on the internet, I can not now suddenly oppose someone looking at naked pictures of me.
5)He is worried for me, because I lead a lifestyle that is not only immoral, disrespectfull to myself and promiscious... Also I would never find a nice man, because if I was dating a nice guy and he would find out about my lifestyle, he would never stay with me.
The conversation got heated, so I decided to leave it there, hoping he would change his mind after calming down and thinking about it more rationally. The next time we saw eachother, he dropped off our son. My mother was there. I had told her about the situation, so she couldnt help but give her two cents (that it wasnt polite of him to snoop so shamelesly). This fired up into an argument almost simmilar to the one we had before, but with more frustration, voice raising and cursing (both sides). After a few minutes of escalating, when I wanted to walk away after he said 'you are ****ing crazy', he forcefully grabbed my arm. I ripped away from him and slammed the door. Even though our son was being held away from most of it by us distancing ourselfs, and my mom looking after him, he still was aware of what as happening.

Also, I forgot to mention that he also looked at my emails etc, but they weren't as juicy, so that wasn't anything he was mad about. So that to me is also proof he was more 'snooping' then supervising our kids tablet.... And another anecdote during this argument: when I asked him: "If the case would have been that my younger sisters phone had accidentally synchronised with the tablet, and her nude selfies would have been accesible... Would he have looked so thoroughly as well?" His answer: "Offcouse not, that would have felt wrong!".... But because its ME, his ex-wife, its okay.... To me that added to feeling insulted by the lack of privacy....


Since then (besides me unsynchronising the tablet- AND never letting it leave my house again) my ex husband send an email to my parents (and a copy to me) stating that he was regretful of the way we argued in front of our kid (but nothing else) and wanted my apologies for that as well, as well as my parents cooperation in stopping him and me from ever doing that again. It was a sensible enough email. I did not reply though, it was to heated a situation for me to be going back and forth in this way, and I still wasn't over the whole 'shameless snooping' (IMHO) thing.

Today he refused to disclose when he was dropping our son of tomorrow, until I had adressed the email. I told him I agreed with him about not fighting in front of our kid. It was foolish, and common sense to not let it happen again. However, I did not approve of his way of using information about when he will drop off (if even) our son, as a bargaining chip to get me to discuss certain issues with him. He then finally told me what time he'd be here.

I dont know what to do now. I've been very lenient towards him in the past (swapping our days to meet HIS schedule, even though it conflicted with mine, to help him out, and countless other things) and tried to play nice, acting a bit like a pleaser. I just didn't want to go back to the ugly times during the divorce, and keep the peace, since our boy was thriving in the peaceful situation. But now, when I've tried to put up a boundary- the entire situation goes to hell.

And some other additional info:
I have asked a friend who works at our country's equivalent of child's protective services if this was in any way a concern for them. She told me that this was an honest mistake, and if they'd have to start to sanction every parent that had any form of sexual content, that could be accessed by a child (like pornmags under a bed, or even an unlocked phone with pics on it) a lot of children would be without loving and caring parents. And it my case, it was clearly an accident, and even more important, the child never saw anything, so no harm or faul- as far as they are concerned.


SO HOW DO I FIX THIS? Do I give in to keep the peace? Or am I just overreacting about feeling violated in my privacy? Is he rightfully outraged with me about the whole situation?

TL;DR- My ex-husband found lude pictures and videos of me on our sons tablet, that accidentally got on there. He was super indiscreet about it and that made me feel violated. But he feels I'm in the wrong here, since I've been morally irresponsible, not only in not knowing the pictures where on there- but for leading a promiscuous lifestyle altogether. Things have escalated and our fragile peace has been shattered, it feels
 

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Both you and your ex-husband are at fault. Those photos should never have been on your son's device in the first place. Your ex-husband finding them is not a problem. The fact that he went through all of them, shared them, and left them for your son to find is terrible. However, there is nothing you can do about that. If you weren't doing those things in the first place, this never would have happened. That should be enough reason to not take naked photos of yourself. They seem private at the time, but any time you take a photo of yourself, you should assume it could become public. I recommend you stop and never do that again.
As far as your ex-husband, forgive him and move on. You cannot change him or control him. Your son is the most important part of this situation and every effort must be made to be cordial and respectful to set a good example for him about how people are to treat each other and to make his life better overall.
 

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I agree, you both have done things less than correctly.

I would apologize to him just to end this mess. Have a civil relationship for the sake of your son is more important than a piss fight about who was more wrong.

What you seem to not realize that that once you have put photos and videos of that nature out on the web or over a cell phone you have ZERO control over who sees them. There is a good chance that a lot of your photos are already all over the internet. A lot of ex boyfriends and ex spouses do this. Some don't even wait until they are ex's.

Here is something to do:

Go to this webpage https://www.tineye.com/ browse one by one for those photos. You can find out if they are already on the web as this is a search engine that searches out photos.

If none of your photos are on the web, you are lucky. But don't be surprised if you find out that they are.

In the future, when you send these types of photos and videos out, make sure that they are ones that you are comfortable with everyone on the web seeing.
 

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I agree, you both have done things less than correctly.

I would apologize to him just to end this mess. Have a civil relationship for the sake of your son is more important than a piss fight about who was more wrong.

What you seem to not realize that that once you have put photos and videos of that nature out on the web or over a cell phone you have ZERO control over who sees them. There is a good chance that a lot of your photos are already all over the internet. A lot of ex boyfriends and ex spouses do this. Some don't even wait until they are ex's.

Here is something to do:

Go to this webpage https://www.tineye.com/ browse one by one for those photos. You can find out if they are already on the web as this is a search engine that searches out photos.

If none of your photos are on the web, you are lucky. But don't be surprised if you find out that they are.

In the future, when you send these types of photos and videos out, make sure that they are ones that you are comfortable with everyone on the web seeing.
 

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How about taking some personal responsibility and being angry at yourself for accidentally leaving that stuff in the tablet in the first place?

If I lost a tablet/iPad that had compromising pictures, then it's a given that the person who found it would look through it. Who's fault is that? But since it's the ex-husband who found it, then its alright to be angry, huh?
She had the pictures taken with cell that sync'd with tab via Google Drive...something she admits she hadn't a full grasp that something like that would happen.

OP, I don't think you are going to get the response you are looking for from ex-husband that can make this right or undo your embarrassment. He should have told you sooner, and probably looked at the photos more than he will admit...yet probably felt it was prudent to tell you because of the breadth of material and/or his GF saw the pics and twisted his arm to tell you about it as she obviously don't do for him what you do for LDR. Okay, that's all conjecture...but overall...it probably is best to try to let this go and keep the peace.

It is worth communicating too him to please delete any copied images for *ahem* his personal files....as they weren't for his viewing and for now on, he can provide a tablet for son and GF's use while in his custody. I think it is appropriate that you thank him for telling you, but reiterate how you wished he had told you the instant of his discovery of he was SO concerned for the son.
 

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How about this. Use some common sense. Take a selfie of you bare assed and send it to you BF and through electronics it winds up on h your kids tablet.

First of all, what if your kid saw them, what if his friends would have seen them, how do you explain that to your kid? Then how does you kid make it through the day being blasted from sun up to sun down by the kids in school making all kinds of comments to him about his mother.

Then the boyfriend. What if the relationship goes south and you two break up and just for the sake of the conversation he decides to get a bit mean and posts the pictures on some porn site.

How about using common sense and try acting like a responsible parent and keep your bare ass and other private parts clothed and by doing that keeping your dignity and your kid from some real serious damage.

Common sense. It's what a parent is supposed to have and use to raise a child. So far you dodged a huge problem so learn from it and stop blaming your ex for your stupidity
 

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The dynamic would be completely different if her mom, dad, or other close relative/friend had found them instead. But since its the ex, then its an invasion of privacy. :rolleyes: A stranger would have had those forwarded all over the internet by now. Just saying.
 

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It was not the ex-husband who found the photos, it was his GF. Why was this woman going through the son's tablet? She is not a parent, she is not even a step-parent. Boundaries need to be set up for this GF with a strong reminder she is not the parent. Where else is she overstepping her boundaries?

As for the ex-husband, you are right, one thumbnail would have alerted him to the content but he chose to view every one of the photos as well as go through your email. I wonder if his GF knows, and how would she feel, if she knew your ex-husband went through every single photo, and then the emails, to look at nude photos of you. He couldn't claim he was protecting his son because one photo would have been enough.

Tell ex-husband you are not apologizing to him and for him to let it go. If he refuses, remind him he committed battery, in front of a witness as well as your child. You could press charges. If he starts in about the nude photos, let him know you already checked it out (but ONLY if he brings it up).

Just in case, speak with your divorce attorney and get some solid legal advice.

IamSomebody
 

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You put nudies, artistic or not (the masturbation movies ARE porn), on your SON'S device... the "automatically synced" doesn't fly with me, since between my home and office we have apple, samsung, windows, and every brand of phone, tablet and laptop that anyone might own (even yotaphone!) and all of them actually make you use your fingers to sync it!

Come on, you let your kid walk around town and country with this thing, using any free McWifi or whatever was "convenient", kind of like the "convenience" of probably using the cam, too.

Don't balme your husband for looking, even "rubbernecking" with his partner over several weeks at what's been going down... it's like slowing down to check out a wreck or incident on the side of the highway. Brutal, but succinct, I hope.

How to "fix it"? Start at home! Get yourself together, realize where we ALL are at, technologically speaking, and ASSUME it is 1984!

Step up! Get off the cam, respect yourself! If your ex said you look good, take it as a compliment, not as a backhanded joke. Just turn off the tablet with a password, as far as wifi and connectivity goes, and don't use it for your (self-questionable) personal "business".

From now on, just ASSUME that everything you put online or on digital storage with internet access is being viewed by THOUSANDS of people... because IT IS.
 

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If your son was his primary concern he would've told you or deleted them himself right away. So, definitely an element of snooping and getting one over on you for some hard to garner reason.

I kept up with PC technology until about 2005. I, too have been surprised by the 'progress' of sites linking and sharing stuff. Thankfully, nothing embarassing in my case.

So, while I have some sympathy for you, I'd like to think that if I were uploading homemade nudies and pornos, I'd first check that I understood the technology I'm using.

You can film and upload whatever you like,, that's your choice as an adult. But, you have to acknowledge that your pix and vids became available to third parties due to your ignorance of the technology you were using. That is 100% your fault.

Your ex is wrong for not telling you immediately. You are wrong for allowing them to become available to him in the first place.

Your son's welfare should be the priority for both of you. Your ineptitude could've embarassed and shocked him,, as could your ex's failure to act immediately upon discovery.

BOTH of you have turned this into a petty, point-scoring blame-game,, making it all about you two rather than the potential embarassment of your child.

The crisis is over. The files are deleted. Make sure it doesn't happen again. Stop bickering like teenagers and move on with your seperate lives. Your son is your only shared interest and your immature squabbling taking precedence over his interests is lax parenting. It's also needless drama for others in your lives.

Wake up and quit it.
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