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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants
 

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Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants
Who is she keeping in shape for? That’s the question you should be asking.
My wife and I work out every day and we have sex every day too. If time was an issue we would ditch the workout.
 

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She’s getting fit for someone else. Either she’s already getting it from her OM or she’s working hard to attract a new guy that she’s flirting with but feels he’s out of her league, hence the all out effort. I lean towards her already having a new sex partner, hence the reduction to once a month duty sex. WWs do that when they want to be loyal to their man.

When you’re partner goes on a hard charging self improvement kick, it is critical that you go hard yourself. The imbalance caused by 1 partner dramatically upping their sex rank and getting attention from potential mates that were out of their league, almost always leads to emotional distance from their partner.

Read about it how when a woman gets a boob job, tummy tuck combo, she is soon in a new man’s bed. Seen it in real life. Long happy marriage with kids risked to be some exciting guy’s free prostitute.

You better do some serious digging. You have a serious problem on your hands. Also, get busy on your own self improvement. Do it for yourself, not for her. Not that she will notice for a while. Her heart and mind are too preoccupied.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants
Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants
To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. She has worked out her whole life as a runner. Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus my wife has always been very conservative.
 

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Wife has worked out for many years, mostly aerobic type. It never affected her sexual energy, if anything probably improved it. I started working out a decade ago, also aerobic. And my energy and stamina has vastly improved.

So, I would bet your wife has more than enough energy for sex ( which btw burns about 120 cal/hour ), probably more than if she didn't work out hard. She just doesn't want to (with you). Alternatively, she is using the workout to burn out sexual frustration.

Like others have said, especially if her workout dedication a recent development, she is working out for someone besides you. Does she go to a gym? Those are premier places for wives to become wayward.
 

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To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. She has worked out her whole life as a runner. Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus my wife has always been very conservative.
"She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing." That response to you mentioning the lack of sexual interest with you is a red flag isn't it? She told you get used to how things are, and she will do what she pleases whether you like it or not.

Where is she in the menopause progress?
 

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I don't think she's working out for someone else. It sounds like she's had a lifelong exercise addiction.

The problem is that she just doesn't want to have sex with you. And she's told you that straight out. You get to decide what to do with that information.
 

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the correlation you are drawing doesn't exist. Her work outs should be invigorating her & she probably feels sexy because she looks good. Your bedroom troubles are real but her workouts are not the cause. Being tired is an excuse. Dig deeper to find the real cause of the problem.

Are you intimate outside the bedroom ? Do you really talk? How about you get up & go downstairs to work out with her. You can left weights while she's on the peleton. A shared interest or you taking better care of your body might be a great jump start.
 

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My wife doesn’t want to have sex when she is tired/sleepy because it wakes her up.

I am an athlete myself and a bit older than you. I work out 7d/week, sometimes more than once a day, and I want to have sex all the time despite pain and chronic injuries.

Is it possible you can get to her before bed?
 

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Just address the too infrequent sexual relationship with her, not the exercise.

If she goes right to the exercise as an excuse be clear that's still not a good reason to have such a poor, and it is a poor sex life.

Keep it simple and to the point until she makes it not so simple. See what happens. I can't believe you've put up with such for as long as you have.
 

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To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. She has worked out her whole life as a runner. Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus my wife has always been very conservative.
Sure she’s worked out her whole life but now she’s upped her efforts and is doing a different type of workout at the same time that she’s sexually cutting you off. That is some seriously midlife crisis type of actions.

You would be blown away at the number of threads that we get on TAM that start off with your scenario that end up being an affair. you would also be surprised at the number of BHs that believe their shy, religious, conservative, etc wife are not capable of such a betrayal but turn out to be very wanton for their OM. I’m not talking about the vanilla duty sex that is doled out a few times a month.

The cliche about its always the quiet ones is sadly too often true. Check her phone, tablet, laptop, IG, FB, email, etc. look at the deleted files and search for pics in a privacy section. Yep, that’s right, little ms conservative wife are often sending nudes and videos showing off the new body.
 

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To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. She has worked out her whole life as a runner. Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus my wife has always been very conservative.
Lots of people work out for themselves. You are right it doesn't mean she is cheating. Also she is at an age where you either fight age or resign to it. Sounds like she is fighting it.

So your problem isn't the working. Why are you addressing it that way?

She isn't interested in not working out. Has she explained why she isn't interested in sex?
Have you approached her for sex in the morning when she isn't tired?
How about before bed time?
Do you ever go out without the kids? How is it then?

How is the marriage overall?
Usually there is some disconnection that creates space.
 
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