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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi All,

Married man coming 6 years now, with 2 young children!
To cuts this short, To me my wife is the best woman in the world, we have been through the worst times and good times together and rate each other as soul mates.
To me sex is the ultimate way of expressing my desire for her and as you ladies know, once having a couple of kids they seem to go a little off the sex side and I feel that it has gone down a "scheduled" basis.

I recently talked about trying spice it up in regards to her own sexual desire and talked about trying swinging, as long as both agree and then yes this sounded a good idea.

Now I have been wrong on a couple of fronts here as previously I admit to speaking to other girls online and she didnt agree with that, she has also done some things in the past but after talking about that swinging subject I thought it would be a good idea to try and get speaking to some girls which one was really interested in my wife, now i came out with the truth about it yesterday and I wish this conversation about swinging never brought up! I know i was wrong to go behind her back but I was not interding to keep it away from her.

She is now really confused and keeps asking me what I really want, thing is no other girl would compare to her and thats not really what I wanted but because I got chatting to a girl about her she feels that I am maybe bored of her/wants freedom that sort of stuff.

I only wanted to excite her again and hopefully get that sexual connection we both had in the younger days.

Sorry to knock on about my story but I would appreciate some advise as I dont fell too good about myself.

LV
 

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Before my marriage to my wonderful husband I was married to my first husband. He was into porn and swinging. Watching porn or viewing it in magazines didn't offend me but I found the swinging made me feel insecure and a like a peice of meat. I do not recommend it to spice up your sex life unless your wife is totally not the jealous type. If you are adding just another guy, it again did nothing for me but push me farther away from my husband. I was around 21-22 when this occurred. I was all for trying knew things but I don't think that it is a wonderful way to improve your marriage. It did quite the opposite. It had great impact on me with anorexia and bulemia just not feeling good enough for my husband He wanted to spice it up outside the marriage. Becareful With my husband now, we have 4 wonderful kids and great sex life. We keep it spiced ourselves with date nights, overnights, and great sex night, but I believe it really should be a man and wife only. You need to really discuss this and if she has any reservations at all you need to not forces this issue and seeks some guidance in spicing up your relationship as a couple. Be very careful. I think I might have felt just life your wife. I battled my eating disorder for years and years after thatl. It is not a pleasant memory for me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you for the advice! seems like you have had your problems, I just find that she is so turned off sex with me though, like she has to do it cause we are married, dont get me we have a really good sex life but as you know her "urges" for it are not as great as since we first met, its not easy having 2 lil kids too!

Sometimes I just get the vibes, even when I have to come back late from work(which is rare on occassions) I get the cold shoulder/a feeling that she is thinking im cheating on her, trust me i tell otherwise all the time but when I have to do certain things like ie pop out to my mates for a little while then I always get questioned?
 

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All I can say is reassure her and be very open with e-mail, phone calls friends etc. She is feeling concerned that the idea of swinging is just a glorified way of cheating without the guilt. She probably feels that since her sex drive is lower than yours than you will probably want to go and find someone with a higher sex drive. Add the kids, she is probably exhausted. For us with kids we have had to figure out when is the best time for us to play together. It is in the morning for my hubby and at night for me, so we compromise and cover both times, I get up earlier sometimes and he gets to sleep later. But when you want to add another couple or person in your bedroom she is feeling like she is losing you. You have got to work on you guys as a couple and let her know that it was an idea that you thought she might like. She feels like she is letting you down as a partner. My self esteem would be dropping down to zero. I have got to run. Lots of things to do, I will write some more thoughts on this later.

PS. This was a great book that I found at the library to give you some ideas.

Amazon.com: 52 Saturday Nights: Heat Up Your Sex Life Even More with a Year of Creative Lovemaking: Joan Elizabeth Lloyd: Books
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you! and as for exhausted! I do as much as possible to help around the house and the kids, I rarely sleep in as I am the main worker!
Sometimes I feel exhausted and the fact that I find something in my reserve tank must show her some signals about my love to her.

I know that my wife seems to be nice, but she has thoughts about becoming a escort(just for the money) I put it down to her being depressed about finances and she was just looking for a quick fire way of earning some easy money which I refused because I know what happens in that environment. But yeh i would feel jealous/insecure if she did it and also that losing feeling you mentioned.

This was sort of an idea about swinging as both discussed but I just seem to keep going the wrong way about it!

Have fun I will take up your offer and have a good old read!
 

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Although swinging is a big thing for people more often then not it really is for just a small handful. I had a friend that did it for years (his gf got him into it.) They worked well, however, I have heard many more people tell of relationships going down the tubes because of the swinging. There are so many other things to do to spice things up and keep it the two of you.

draconis
 

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It sounds like (sorry if this is wrong) that some things happened in the past that have caused some mistrust. You said something about chatting with women online... Maybe some of that is coming up again. Try to be as open and honest about everything with her even if you feel you shouldn't have to. That would go a long way in helping trust issues.

Regardless it doesn't sound like she is into the swinging idea. As a mom with a 18m old I know what it is like being tired. I don't think swinging would help that. I think we do ok in our love life....sometimes are better then others so maybe she is just going through a low period right now and will get out of it. Also sounds like there might be some communication issues. I know people bring it up a lot but the book about the 5 love languages by chapman is great. If you figure out what her language is and can made her feel loved that could help.

My only other piece of advise is I don't know if she stays at home or what with the kids but if she does maybe she can join a moms group to get out of the house. I did that through meetup.com and it helped me be a happier wife and mother. My daughter really enjoying playing with the other kids too. Through the group I go on mom's night out once in awhile and that helps a lot. Getting a break refreshes me and my husband loves it when I get home from them. Maybe a little fun time would help her out and in turn help our your sex life.
 

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Ok, interesting stuff here. You need to work on your communication with your wife, and do more stuff geared towards her, like a Buuble bath with rose peddles, Massages, send her flowers, highly romantic stuff is needed.

Now my wife and I have also discussed the swinging lifestyle We been married 10 years, 3 kids. What we ahve discovered, is while we like the idea, we lack the execution part of it, we just can't find anyone else we are interested in as a couple.

But we have discovered a swinger's club here in Atlanta that we ahve gone to several times, when it is 'Couples only' this way no men are lusting after her or hanging out like a pack of dogs. When coupls only it is alot nicer. Anyway, we have found out the "atmosphere is a HUGE turn on for us. Plenty of Couples being naughty, watching others, others watching us, lots of dancing, and a ton of sexual overtones that really turns my wife on.

So we concluded while we LOVE the atmosphere, we are not "true swingers" we are more vouyers (sp?) which is fine with us, My wife can get all made up, wears some really sexy revealing clothes, but in the end we only have sex with each other, we will talk to people, but that is all. We been asked numerous times to join in, and declined, we know our boundries.

While it has opened a whole new world for us, we also remained solid in our relationship, we communicated our true feelings, and we were also able to take some risk in adventure, then came to realization of what we wanted and enjoyed. I would say we go to teh swinger club only 1 or 2 times a year. It's just something different for us.

We also belong to another organization that is for couples only, they are swingers as well, but what they do is have theme parties at different clubs around Atlanta, which allows us to get into some really great clubs and check them out, while the place is practically empty then watch them fill up with people, then leave when we had enough. Like every September we have a "school girl" party, the Women dress up in hot sexy school girl outfits, we get into a "top" Atlanta club at 8PM we have the club to our group (200-300) people and we have a wild crazy dance party, plenty of Hot sexy couples, the club opens at midnight, and we end up filtering out at that time, But again we keep to ourselves mainly, have a fun night with each other, My wife get's to be a little naughty in public, and I get a thrill of watching her being naughty, but still my wife..

The whole escort thing blows my mind.....Such a bad Idea.

I think you reall need to sit down and have a discussion with her and set some boundries, maybe go our route. Find a swinger club that has couples Only...check it out, BUT do not do anything with anyone else, just focus on your wife, when she see's how much attention you give her there, it just may enhance your sex life.

I know I won HUGE brownie points one night at the club, when a Georgous ewll build blonde came up to me and asked if I wanted to join her for some fun, I said, "only if my wife wishes to join us, and my wife said "no" then I politely declined saying, I only play with my wife and if she says no, then I must say no as well.......My wife knew right there and then she was the only women I would be with.. Just for the record, she has declined multiple offers by some really good looking guys. So basically we came to the realization, we would not play with others, just ourselves in the "setting"....It really has made us more comfortable in our sexuality, plus has strengthen our relationship.
 
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