[Taxman]

I actually have a story about an ex getting to understand that child support is a necessity. I had a relatively young woman, and her husband had flown the coop so to speak (man had to have his head examined, this was an exceedingly pretty and smart girl.) I am preparing her income taxes, and the question comes up as to whether child support is taxable. (It is not in my country) She says, oh what does it matter, he refuses to pay, or says he will pay if I sleep with him. I look at her and say, "Who is your attorney?" Turned out that he suggested a conciliatory divorce, and he did most of it online. NOPE NOPE NOPE. The decree is not final, and I walk her down the hall to one of our recommended guys. He immediately files for child support. She gets a phone call, "How dare you ask for support, now you get nothing!" She calls me in tears. She figures she screwed up big time. I tell her to calm down and let the lawyer do his work. The lawyer submits a request for child support in anticipation of a finalized divorce, and the petition is granted. We wait, determine that he is indeed working and has a modicum of job security. We go before a judge, and lo and behold we get an order to garnishee his wages. That Friday afternoon, I invite her to come to my office, as we know pay will be distributed at around 3:30. At 3:45 she gets a screaming call. YOU ****ING *****, YOU TOOK HALF MY PAY, GIVE IT BACK. I get on the phone, and identify myself as her accountant and counselor. I tell him point blank that I did not appreciate him trying to pull the wool over her eyes, that the divorce will proceed through the courts, and he had better get ready, because I have taken a personal interest in reaming him out. How am I going to live? I asked how did you think your exwife and child were going to live? Did you not think that you were responsible? What kind of man are you? Get this straight. Your ex Wife fell for your bullcrap, but now, we have set her up with a lawyer, and she has us representing her interests. I advise you to secure legal representation and get ready because your little game has been documented and we are putting a motion before a judge for back support. She is legally entitled, and you are on the hook, you son of a bi+ch.

 

[PaulB]

If you're still checking in, do NOT give any thought to taking her back. All she offers to you is something familiar. That will pass, and after awhile she will feel like a stranger you scratch your head as to how you ever wanted.

I divorced after my ex and I had been together 14 years. Two kids. She had cheated a year or so before. I tried to worked it out. May have been able to put the affair behind me, honestly, if it weren't for the other stuff. She would never want to talk about it directly, but she had some deep emotional or psychological issues that would flare up from time to time. Bad temper. Little things would trigger after spells of things going well. (This was the case the whole marriage.) When the beast was unleashed, name calling and sometimes she would punch or push me. I grew up with very calm parents. When we were younger, I felt like it was my duty as a husband to love her through whatever scars or whatever she was dealing with. As we got into our 30s, I realized this was how she was always going to be and that I couldn't spend the rest of my life in that environment.

We had a lot of good times during the in-between phases of her meltdowns or whatever they were. We had two great kids and memories. For most of the marriage we had a good sex life. You can't think about any of that stuff though. On the other side, you will see how much better your life is without her in it. You may not even realize at the moment how much damage her craziness has done to you, but you will after you heal and look back. If you miss anything about her, you are missing the idea of what you hoped you could have had with her. This woman is toxic. You need her to remain out of your life. You must hold onto that logical truth if at any time your emotions seem to pull you in her direction.

I also became a single dad when I divorced. I didn't have legal full custody but they lived with me full time. My ex thought I would stumble with the responsibility but I actually ended up being a really good single parent. Being a dad has been more fulfilling than any relationship. You'll go through some tough adjustments but you got this. You'll also get stronger as you distance yourself from relationship craziness with the ex.

 

[Hopeisgone]

Hello all... sorry, been so busy, keeping up doing work around the house and taking care of the kids. So here's an update:
I was seriously considering going back- until a mutual friend called me one day, told me how much shes praising the new guy online for supporting her through the hard times and how much she loves him for that. I called my ex, told her to please not consider me anymore, that I saw what she posted and it's time we both move on. I honestly feel a lot better. I've been working so much I've gone a month with no gym but still eating healthy. I'm overall feeling 1000% better about my situation. I do get lonely from time to time but ey, I'm only human. Friends that were originally mine that took her side, tried reaching out to me to reconcile but I told them I have zero interest in being friends with them-keeping the negative energy out of my life. As far as my ex- I mutually agreed that while the kids are on summer break, that she can have them 3.5 days a week and we split it right down the middle. So far, 2 weeks into it, she has bailed and she will still see them in the mornings but for whatever reason, she cant have them sleep over. No big deal to me, but I know every kids needs their mother just as much as they need their father.
As far as meeting someone, I've gone on a few dates, nothing that really sparks my interest- and some I didnt spark theirs. Lol. Who knows at this point. I appreciate everybody for all the advice cause it definitely helped me a lot

 

[SentHereForAReason]

Hello all... sorry, been so busy, keeping up doing work around the house and taking care of the kids. So here's an update:
I was seriously considering going back- until a mutual friend called me one day, told me how much shes praising the new guy online for supporting her through the hard times and how much she loves him for that. I called my ex, told her to please not consider me anymore, that I saw what she posted and it's time we both move on. I honestly feel a lot better. I've been working so much I've gone a month with no gym but still eating healthy. I'm overall feeling 1000% better about my situation. I do get lonely from time to time but ey, I'm only human. Friends that were originally mine that took her side, tried reaching out to me to reconcile but I told them I have zero interest in being friends with them-keeping the negative energy out of my life. As far as my ex- I mutually agreed that while the kids are on summer break, that she can have them 3.5 days a week and we split it right down the middle. So far, 2 weeks into it, she has bailed and she will still see them in the mornings but for whatever reason, she cant have them sleep over. No big deal to me, but I know every kids needs their mother just as much as they need their father.
As far as meeting someone, I've gone on a few dates, nothing that really sparks my interest- and some I didnt spark theirs. Lol. Who knows at this point. I appreciate everybody for all the advice cause it definitely helped me a lot

Good to hear and obviously, not good. Good for your actions will eventually be followed by your mental state and emotions but fake it til you make it, one foot forward, all the cliches, till it all feels right. Not good because, well the ending of a marriage sucks, it's like a death you need to grieve and it sucks that the kids have a virtually non-existent mother. That's not your concern now and you are doing a great job with the kids but I hope for their sake, that one day their mother realizes how important it is, she be in their lives (for their sake).

Not even from a moral standpoint but from a mental/emotional one, I would hold off on the dating. You have a lot going on and people in our situation don't have our heads on straight when it comes to this because of the issues we are dealing with. I would get past the divorce, get settled fully into your new and eventually better life and then start to dabble. Right now the risk is further damaging your self esteem or worse, bringing someone into the picture that is a good person but you aren't ready and making it miserable or not fair to them. Good Luck to you sir!

 

[VermiciousKnid]

You're out free and clear with everything. Your wife is a cheating nutjob. You won the lottery in divorce. You'd be the chump of the century to even consider for 1 second taking her back. Please don't be the chump of the century.

 

[Marc878]

Cut the contact. Being the “bigger man” doesn’t mean allowing yourself to get played or treated as a doormat plan B.

The only one keeping yourself in this is you.

Your ex wife has no business calling you up and telling you what to do.

Wake up and cut that **** off. You will be fine long term

 

[Lostinthought61]

Keep a notebook on everything she has bailed on the kids it might be needed in the future.

PS what did she say when you told her that?

 

[Malaise]

Good job on dumping those so called friends.

 

[Taxman]

Given your custody schedule and her lack of interest in keeping to same, please document everything that is occurring. That will play a very important role in putting this matter before a judge. To be frank, people are idiots and do not understand the ramifications of their actions on a long term basis. Let alone that this schedule will negatively impact her relationship with her children, but she is of the class of women that think that they can carry on and ignore the kids and miraculously they will still consider her to be a loving and doting mother. Nope, she will be like a few women of my acquaintance who are tolerated in short bursts by their children. They are given absolutely no consideration other than from the standpoint of societal obligation. (One I know, has tried for nearly twenty years to reconcile with her daughter, who will have little to do with her due to the abysmal way she treated their dad during her affair and remarriage to the AP.) The courts will deal with your wife, just keep records of everything. They really do not think that people (ex spouses) will go the extra mile and take note of their actions. Keep a VAR on you when you talk to her, and when the kids stay with her, I want them questioned gently to determine what is going on in her house. (Like for example the AP is staying over.) Judges take a dim view of the affair being conducted in the presence of minors. My favorite story is of a wife who was dim enough to do everything wrong during the separation leading up to the divorce. The AP moved in not 24 hours after she kicked her husband out. Then the kids started spending more days a week with dad, than with mom. She started travelling with the AP, and dumping her kids on her ex. We documented the shlt out of this. We had dates, and things said. She came to court expecting that since he made more than her, she could expect child support and spousal support. We got spousal support off the table as the AP was a superior at her company and we were going to take his career away from him. She had a minor diarrhea episode in our offices when she saw the intended email to the CEO of his company. He would have been blacklisted. Period. BUT she was all smiles when her petition for child support was brought forward. The judge was afforded a timeline from separation to several days before court. It showed that he had the kids more than they had agreed. It showed the times that she did not arrive at all to pick up the kids. It had a list of her excuses ranging from: "I overslept, and now I have to go to work" to "AP and I have reservations at a resort this weekend, and he doesn't want the kids to come" The judge smiled at her and denied her petition, and then GAVE the kids to my client, with limited visitation from their mother. The kids were fine with it. Her relationship with the AP came to an abrupt end, when she blamed losing her kids on him. (Yeah, she is that screwed up, blamed her AP for her actions. She will end up old and alone as far as I can see)

 

[MovingForward]

You will have no issue finding someone new and better, just dont rush, you are in shock and the loneliness is tough at first but keep active with the kids, find new outlets and establish a new normal and you will be better than you ever dreamed and wondering why you let her treat you like this and accepted it.

 

[MaiChi]

If you think she was bad then, let her back into your life now and see how much worse your life will be.

How does a mother walk away from three children? I have two and if I fell out with their dad, I would have to stay or move out with the children. I could not walk away from them.

 

[bandit.45]

You're 25? Wow...you've lived more of a life than most guys twice your age and you're still a pup. You have your whole life ahead of you.

The best thing that has probably come out of this fiasco is that you have gained a lot of wisdom. Use that wisdom to pick your next mate wisely.

 

[BarbedFenceRider]

Right?!.....25yo and you got everything in the divorce. While the pain of losing a partner sucks. Please let me tell you. I ENVY you. You have kids, your retirement pension and a stable life in view of everything. You are going to find women lining up quick. Keep in shape and take care of yourself. While you do have some stress with the split and the harpy like attitude from your ex. Do not let it faze you. You can do better. You are worth more and deserve it!

All that and wisdom to boot. Yup, I envy you indeed.

 

[GusPolinski]

There’s no upside to taking her back, at least not if you spend more than 10 seconds thinking about it. So just let her go.

Talk with her about NOTHING that doesn’t directly involve the kids.

If she expresses any interest in getting back together tell her you’re not interested.

As someone has already said, read up on and implement the 180.

 

[Dawghoused]

I think you should give her a chance if she really wants to come back. You are young and lonely with the responsibility of 3 kids. So you definitely need a partner and she is the best option.

 

[Marc878]

Hello all... sorry, been so busy, keeping up doing work around the house and taking care of the kids. So here's an update:
I was seriously considering going back- until a mutual friend called me one day, told me how much shes praising the new guy online for supporting her through the hard times and how much she loves him for that. I called my ex, told her to please not consider me anymore, that I saw what she posted and it's time we both move on. I honestly feel a lot better. I've been working so much I've gone a month with no gym but still eating healthy. I'm overall feeling 1000% better about my situation. I do get lonely from time to time but ey, I'm only human. Friends that were originally mine that took her side, tried reaching out to me to reconcile but I told them I have zero interest in being friends with them-keeping the negative energy out of my life. As far as my ex- I mutually agreed that while the kids are on summer break, that she can have them 3.5 days a week and we split it right down the middle. So far, 2 weeks into it, she has bailed and she will still see them in the mornings but for whatever reason, she cant have them sleep over. No big deal to me, but I know every kids needs their mother just as much as they need their father.
As far as meeting someone, I've gone on a few dates, nothing that really sparks my interest- and some I didnt spark theirs. Lol. Who knows at this point. I appreciate everybody for all the advice cause it definitely helped me a lot

They don't need a mother like that. You are totally wrong here.

 

[Rubix Cubed]

I think you should give her a chance if she really wants to come back. You are young and lonely with the responsibility of 3 kids. So you definitely need a partner and she is the best option.

Best option? You're a funny guy.

 

[Rob_1]

@Dawghoused: are you that lame. You must have a cuckold fetish or something. This is the worst advice given to anyone.
I wonder if your partner would do that to you, what your reaction would be?? Probably that of an acceptant weak doormat.

 

[Cynthia]

When your ex-wife had an affair, divorced you, and took off with another man, that ended any responsibility you have to her. She left you with the children, which is where to appear to be safe. Now you are considering taking her back when she isn't even repentant for her harmful behavior towards you and the children.

Why? Why on earth would you give it a moment of consideration?

The point of marriage is to intertwine your life with someone. In order to make this a positive thing it's important that you have each other's backs 100%. Your ex doesn't have you back at all. Not only did she not protect you. She actually stabbed you in the back with no thought whatsoever for the pain it would cause you and the children.

And now you are considering taking her back. She has not changed. She has not shown in any way, shape, or form that she has made radical and lasting changes in her life that would make her safe for you to be with for more than 30 seconds. Even your limited interactions with her have been with her not showing concern for you in the present and certainly not showing any contrition for her terrible betrayal capped off with her irresponsible behavior that shows a lack of concern for anything or anyone.

This woman is not marriage material. If you are looking for a wife there are much better choices out there. However, due to the fact that you have not fully recovered from her actions and that you are thinking about taking her back, I do not recommend that you look for someone else until you have made substantial progress in healing and are able to spot a poor quality woman and a high quality woman.

 

[Tatsuhiko]

I'm 25, 3 kids, make a great living and all, but who wants a man that young with such "baggage"?

Ooh, ooh, I can answer this one. It's the divorced young beauty who is sitting alone now at home with her two kids, wondering who would put up with her baggage. Need some more examples? Maybe the widowed young sweetheart? Let me know if you need more. There are plenty.