[EmilyL]

I'm 26 and gave birth to my only child 3yrs ago, Two years after our daughters birth my ex fiance bailed on us. He is 32 and although we had been together for 3yrs before, I loved him so so much he had trust issues with me as when we met i was seeing someone else and we had began an affair before i left my partner to be with him, i always felt he expected me to do the same to him. He was very intense and possessive with me and hated when guys would talk to me. He always wanted to have sex and constantly told me he loved me and begged me to never hurt him. Although we always had a pretty fiery relationship we loved each other so much that the fights didn't matter. When i became pregnant he was so happy but the nearer i got to giving birth he became more possessive and would come home from work at lunch time to make love to me. He would be very hot tempered and my best friend always said that she thinks be believes that if he can wear me out with a lot of sex then i would stray on him & that although we love each other we never belonged together. When our daughter turned 2 my fiance started saying that she didn't look like him and he didn't believe she was his, Long story short after lots of serious fighting he left us.

Last week after a year of no contact he came by my job at my lunch break, I was shocked when i found out my friend told him where i worked, He begged me to give him a second chance with being a dad and that he regrets every second he hasn't been with us. Our daughter doesn't know who he is and when i really needed him he hasn't there for us, I cant forgive him but he keeps calling me pleading for me to forgive him and give him a second chance. He told me he never stopped thinking about us, that he still loves me to death and just needed to clear his head. I know from friends that he has been single since he left. Im still so angry with him and i cant easily forgive him for leaving us when we needed him, He missed out on a year of her life, Although i know i still love him i still feel so much hate for him, He told me he wants his family back and wont let us go without a fight. Is there any advice you could offer me?

 

[Tikii]

My advice, don'tlet him back in. What's to stop him from bailing again? Do you want to put your daughter through that?
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[Couleur]

I think you've got to let your child's dad back in her life. BUT, you can set some boundaries terms on how this process happen.

It sounds like you were engaged, not married. Does that mean you do not have a custody sharing arrangment/ child support agreement?

If not, get to a lawyer (or a mediator) and try to work one out.

Don't be afraid to ask for what you want -- limited visits, supervised visits, no overnights, etc. You can protect your daughter from emotional distress. But, in the long run, your daughter will probably want to know who her dad is.

 

[Tinkerbell24]

Wow snap! this is exactly what i'm going through except my daughter is only 18 months old. I'm trying to get some advice on this one too.

 

[EleGirl]

Yep, you have to let him back into his daughter's life. for one thing he can go to court and get court ordered visition and you would not have a say in it. So it's better if you cooperate.

You daughter will not benefit from the two of you fighting... anohter reason to cooperate.

Get a paternity test done so that the question can never be raised again. Get child support and visitiation worked out. As young as she is ask for a visitation schedule that allows her to slowly build a relationship with him. This way if he bails again she won't be very attached to him.

As for you. If you think that there is any chance at all with him and you want to consider it... go to MC with him. Make it mandatory. Give it a year or two of dating before you decide to go back to him permanently. See if he's man enough to do what needs to be done to win his family back.