[RandomDude]

I had no idea we actually had some ex-working girls on this forum. This topic is to be 100% non-judgemental, I don't want anyone come here just to try to prove they are high and mighty, nor to ridicule anyone who responds and admits to their past. I need help from those who have been there, and done that - so I can understand my wife.

As some of you know my wife and I have been having sexual frequency issues, and her nymphomania has been inconsistent throughout the years I've known her. Here's a simplified history...

1) She was an escort for 2 years, was very selective and admitted to enjoying some of her experiences. She admitted recently that she has suffered severe self esteem issues early in life and after losing her virginity.
2) She decided that it was not the life for her, felt guilty about what she did, started going to church, became a different woman, and she claims to have held off sex during her 'conversion'.
3) She met me, we had a yearlong friendship before we got together as I was with someone else, I have never judged her, for that one year, she held off sex and although she dated, never put out.
4) We got together... and our sex life at first was rather... 'fake', it was not intimate, I could tell straight away she was trying too hard to impress me. However, after showing her that I love her for more then what she can do, she opened up alot and the lovemaking was more mutually satisfying for both of us.
5) Marriage, her sex drive increased exponentially, it's like something happened, she just went berserk, started demanding sex 3x a day, and to this day, that's what she wants
6) She's better now, after alot of dramas, still wants the sex 3x a day however, just far less demanding.

To this day we do not have a clear answer that can possibly explain what the hell happened since marriage... please, if you share a similar past to my wife, please help me understand her

She has no clear pattern to read =/

 

[*LittleDeer*]

I'm not nor have I ever been a working girl, but I'd guess to say you cheated and continue to make her feel insecure through your flirting and other actions.

You also continually push her by quizzing her about being bisexual and about threesomes etc.

I'm just guessing but as a hunch I'd say your behaviour is the cause of a lot of your problems.

Just saying.

 

[RandomDude]

Ok how many times do I have to post it?
Is it because everyone is following old news?

Alright, November 2012 update:

- We're BOTH OVER the O.N.S. that I had years ago BEFORE marriage that may not even have happened, I was drunk, everyone assumed I cheated, snitched on by a jealous "friend", and I believed it, and that was that.
- I've already stopped the bloody flirting with others it's old news.
- Her insecurity does not contribute to her sex drive - high or low, this is a tested fact from last year's AND this year's experiences and trials.
- I've already allowed myself to become more vulnerable with her
- I am no longer a rollercoaster ride, I have quit alcohol completely and no longer endeavour to drive my wife up the wall

- What the hell does her being bisexual have anything to do with this?
- I do NOT push her into threesomes I have repeated myself again and again that she won't have anything to do with it and although it remains a fantasy I respect and even applaud her decision. It will however, always be a fantasy of mine and she knows it, depending on her mood she even teases me with it

*sigh*
I'm getting tired of explaining myself to folks who think I, or in fact - WE stayed the same since Dec 2010 when I first joined, sorry for my tone but I need up to date responses now, not something years ago.

 

[wiigirl]

I'm not nor have I ever been a working girl, but I'd guess to say you cheated and continue to make her feel insecure through your flirting and other actions.

You also continually push her by quizzing her about being bisexual and about threesomes etc.

I'm just guessing but as a hunch I'd say your behaviour is the cause of a lot of your problems.

Just saying.

:iagree:

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[RandomDude]

:slap:

Bah, forget it

 

[CandieGirl]

Random Dude...what did you expect posting such a thing? I'm not even sure what the topic is...it starts of being about ex-escorts (and sorry, but that in itself is a touchy subject) and then you go off on all kinds of other stuff. What is it you had hoped to discuss?

 

[RandomDude]

I'm trying to figure my wife out, and yes this subject is touchy for me as well posting a full-on thread that my wife has a past like this but that's how desperate I am right now when it comes to trying to understand her

For years now we've been fighting about sex, even though we've made a few breakthroughs here and there (she's no longer demanding it, but nor is she happy with current sexual 'limits'), her needs remained a CONSTANT. No matter how much I've changed for her benefit over the last 2 years it's still a CONSTANT.

I'm just getting extremely frustrated at not being able to provide for her needs because I'm NOT 18 any fking more

 

[EnjoliWoman]

I think it DOES come down to self esteem even though you think it doesn't. MANY women, even those with a "normal" past, feel their only value is sexual. Our society even encourages that - pretty, sexy women have value and those who aren't, don't.

So to be very sexual is a way to prove she's worthy - of you, of love, of ... everything. I think the more insecure she is feeling, she 'fakes' confidence via sexuality and it's when she's least sexual that she is actually OK with herself.

My .02

 

[CandieGirl]

I'm not convinced that this is the place to figure your wife out...I've learned that the long and hard way. I came here for my own problems with my husband, and I never really did figure him out, but I sure figured myself out!

Once I did that, and stopped trying to decipher my husband's ways, things got a little simpler, and they continue to get simpler with each passing day.

Maybe you need to figure out...you.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

Oh, and don't think just because things have been put behind by a certain # of years that it's forgotten. I've been away from ex for 9 years last month and I can tell you there are things that STILL affect me. I can still hear his voice in my head. Our past is always there so don't think just because there was closure on a topic that it's aftermath is gone. It's not.

 

[Maricha75]

The only thing I can think of regarding before marriage and now is that she is open more to you because you are showing (or trying to show) that you love her, that she is your one and only. She feels safe, comfortable with you. She feels she can show you the "real her"...

As for the other stuff...well, some of it wasn't brought up years ago. Some was just a couple months ago. I've only been here since May and you HAVE started threads on the above subjects since then.

Anyway, my guess is that she is secure in the marriage (now) and is willing to show you the REAL Mrs. RD.

 

[RandomDude]

@Enjoli

If that's the case then she's been lying to me, to herself, and to our current MC in regards to this issue and all that she made me do and made me change was for NOTHING...

I seriously don't know, I switched off from all this last weekend but now back to our usual routines this is driving me nuts. Right now I feel like just giving up on the whole damn thing, even thinking of divorce again but no... I can never do that to her for something like this, nor do I want to even think of when we seperated due to inter-religious issues.

I just want to fking love her without feeling as if I can't even express my love because all she wants from me is bloody sex

@Maricha

It was this year when I made serious progress with the changes, forgot which month when I quit alcohol, feels like a lifetime already, can't remember. Too focused on present issues like this one. However the changes began a long while back.

As for the "real her", 3x a day... I don't know. I sure as hell don't want to believe it because I'll never feel adequate enough for her. I don't even know the real her anymore. She has improved but at the back of my mind I know she still wants it 3x a day and it sh-ts me...

 

[Mavash.]

I've tried on numerous occasions to explain your wife to you. In fact I was here last year with a different name and LOTS of us explained it to you.

Its YOU who can't or won't see it.

 

[RandomDude]

If you are right Mavash then she has been lying to everyone including herself and how can I possibly even deal with that?

I don't sense much insecurity with her nowadays except for her fear that we may seperate again (that seperation was necessary)

 

[Memento]

If she is in fact a nymphomaniac, what did you expect? Once she got married, it would go away? It is highly illogical. Most likely she uses sex to compensate for all the emotional pain she feels. She is trying the fill the void inside of her. That did not worked in the past and, apparently, it's still not working in the present either.

Eventhough your wife is not an escort anymore, this is an experience that no one can take away from her. From time to time, it will come back to haunt her. The same applies to her insecurities and the emotional chaos she has fallen victim of.

 

[Mavash.]

I've told you how to do that too. You must STOP enabling her.

And of course she's lying to herself. Heck she's so good at it that even she believes those lies.

 

[Mavash.]

Once she got married, it would go away?

She wasn't like this with him before she got married but the rest of your post is spot on.

 

[RandomDude]

The nymphomania began AFTER marriage, almost as if she went "yay! I have a willy I can milk 3x a day forever!" or something. Before marriage she was HD like me but it was never like this. When asked she has all sorts of "reasons" from inflating my ego to simply telling me she just enjoys sex like "everyone else" (erm, no)

My wife once told me that she wanted to help others who went through the same thing as she did. Right now I'm hoping someone who went through what she did can help HER or at least help me help her! Unfortunately she also considers her past a closed chapter in her life and hates it whenever I bring it up, it's like she's buried it, but it still contains all the demons.

You must STOP enabling her.

We have established fresh boundaries in this and have stuck to it so far hence she's no longer demanding it and more accepting towards rejections but it still doesn't change the fact that she still wants it and constantly tries to get it from me as much as possible. No, she's not happy about it, nor about MC, or about us, until we go back to "her way"

 

[Memento]

She wasn't like this with him before she got married but the rest of your post is spot on.

What I am trying to say is, the "beast" was always there. It was just dormant. It explains her former line of work and why she admittedly enjoyed it.

I believe this woman needs help ASAP!

 

[Mavash.]

it still doesn't change the fact that she still wants it and constantly tries to get it from me as much as possible. No, she's not happy about it, nor about MC, or about us, until we go back to "her way"

Not your problem.

There are two people in this marriage not just one.

The sooner she learns that the better.