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Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.
 

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It sounds like he was not being up front with more people than just you. Hanging around a crowd who hates your home country, ethnicity and religion while having sex with the women in that group requires a lot of hiding one's true feelings, whether for survival or for strategic reasons.

The only thing I fault him with is that he didn't find a different group of friends and girlfriends around whom he could be authentic, and not have to worry about being attacked.

The two of you were extremely incompatable. You think that you loved him so much, even though you hated everything about his heritage, genetics, home country, etc. Your group went so far as to support other groups that would literally destroy his family and home country. Do you really think think that you would have had a good marriage?

I totally understand his wedding speech. A person wants to be married to, be vulnerable to, a person who feels "safe" and who accepts you for who you are.

I'm not Jewish or Israeli BTW. I just don't believe that entire groups of people should be targeted for distruction.
 

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Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.

When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?
Yeah but we didnt know that. He used to hide it. Or rarely spoke about it. We knew he was a Jewish guy with Israeli roots but he acted like he wasnt so much into that culture or anything. And was very much included into this group. So never thought of it and felt he is like us.
Ok, so you never thought of him being Jewish/Israeli and thought he was like you.

But what did he really think? Since you two had arguments about it, it's pretty clear that the anti-Israeli and anti-Semitism attitudes held by you and your friends bothered him a lot.

Of course he hid his true feelings. He wanted to fit in. He liked you on many levels, so he wanted to fit in. But how could he? It sounds like he came to a realization that he cannot go through life hiding who he is and pretending to be something else. He learned that lesson and matured. He found and married a woman who accepts his for who he is. Isn't that the basic foundation of any good relationship/marriage?

Apparently the fact that his wife is not anti whatever his genetics are is a big deal to him. It would be a big deal to most people.
 

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I already wrote he said it was "love at first sight" for him the first time he saw her as he explained and that's how he spent 1 year trying to get her but failed.

Hmm ok

Ironically he married her on the exact same date he first saw her
Oh, my mistake. Your story is hard to keep track of.

I don't believe in love at first sight, however I do believe in attraction at first sight.

So he couldn't follow through immediately for whatever reason. He found her attractive, and later on he was able to actually meet her and start a relationship with her.

It's not that complicated.

Your're just upset that he met her before you and then married her after you. But the two of you fought over very serious things, and agreed to not date each other. What he did after that is none of your business. End of story.
 

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Discussion Starter #47
It sounds like he was not being up front with more people than just you. Hanging around a crowd who hates your home country, ethnicity and religion while having sex with the women in that group requires a lot of hiding one's true feelings, whether for survival or for strategic reasons.

The only thing I fault him with is that he didn't find a different group of friends and girlfriends around whom he could be authentic, and not have to worry about being attacked.

The two of you were extremely incompatable. You think that you loved him so much, even though you hated everything about his heritage, genetics, home country, etc. Your group went so far as to support other groups that would literally destroy his family and home country. Do you really think think that you would have had a good marriage?

I totally understand his wedding speech. A person wants to be married to, be vulnerable to, a person who feels "safe" and who accepts you for who you are.

I'm not Jewish or Israeli BTW. I just don't believe that entire groups of people should be targeted for distruction.
@Adelais

But we didnt know this. We just knew that he faced antisemitic abuse when he first joined university. We never said anything when he said he was going to synagogues.

This university was extremely left wing with a large portion of students being arabs or Muslim. It was extremely strong on boycott Israel and supporting anti israel groups.

I now know that this girl he married is not Jewish or Israeli but she actually completed most of her courses on Judaism including her final thesis being on hate against jews . And on her facebook, she has liked pages like visit israel, campaign against antisemitism etc. So clearly her views seem like she is not anti israel
 

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Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.
Yes it signifies something. It signifies that he and his wife are romantic thinkers. That's all.

You are looking at the silly stuff and not acknowledging the elephant in the room. (that means the ugly truth)

He was 24 at the time, a young man. Men's brains do not fully mature until about age 26. So he was still learning about life and himself. He tried to fit in with you and your friends. There is no way that he could. So he moved on.

There is no way that you and he could ever have a good, long term relationship. That's it.
 

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Discussion Starter #49
Oh, my mistake. Your story is hard to keep track of.

I don't believe in love at first sight, however I do believe in attraction at first sight.

So he couldn't follow through immediately for whatever reason. He found her attractive, and later on he was able to actually meet her and start a relationship with her.

It's not that complicated.

Your're just upset that he met her before you and then married her after you. But the two of you fought over very serious things, and agreed to not date each other. What he did after that is none of your business. End of story.
Yeah attraction at first sight but he chased her after that and ended up being a failure. Then moved away and got with me.
 

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Discussion Starter #50
Yes it signifies something. It signifies that he and his wife are romantic thinkers. That's it.

You are looking at the silly stuff and not acknowledging the elephant in the room. (that means the ugly truth)

He was 24 at the time, a young man. Men's brains do not fully mature until about age 26. So he was still learning about life and himself. He tried to fit in with your and your friends. There is no way that he could. So he moved on.

There is no way that you and he could ever have a good, long term relationship. That's it.
@EleGirl

We thought he was like us. Socialist and leftist. We could never know what his true intentions were.
I just know he was radically different with her and me/us.

He was more outgoing, funny and upfront with me/us. While with her, he was completely different. He described it in the video that he was nervous and couldn't be himself around her initially because of his nervousness , felt like he couldn't stop staring into her eyes etc

Why we couldn't have a good long term one?
 

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Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.
They get to choose their wedding date. If they chose the same day as the first time they met, it means something special to them. Not a coincidence and nothing for them to be judged for. It is rather romantic of them to choose that date.
 

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Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.

Oh, don't get King Brian started on his astrological explanations on dates.

He would say something about the EXBF's Sun returning to the same (significant spot) in his Natal horoscope.

That date being a hot spot for EXBF.



Lilith-
 

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Discussion Starter #53
They get to choose their wedding date. If they chose the same day as the first time they met, it means something special to them. Not a coincidence and nothing for them to be judged for. It is rather romantic of them to choose that date.
Ok
 

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@Adelais

But we didnt know this. We just knew that he faced antisemitic abuse when he first joined university. We never said anything when he said he was going to synagogues.

This university was extremely left wing with a large portion of students being arabs or Muslim. It was extremely strong on boycott Israel and supporting anti israel groups.

I now know that this girl he married is not Jewish or Israeli but she actually completed most of her courses on Judaism including her final thesis being on hate against jews . And on her facebook, she has liked pages like visit israel, campaign against antisemitism etc. So clearly her views seem like she is not anti israel
Are you seriously thinking that because you and your friends didn't actively go against him personally that he felt safe with you? He knew you hated everything about his homeland, ethnicity and religion, but that you liked "him." He was wise enough to understand that if push ever came to shove, that you wouldn't like him either. His life could be at stake, literally.

If I knew a group of people who hated America and everything American, but that they liked me, because they thought I was "different" from the other Americans they hated, I'd still never feel safe. But then again, I would find a different group of people to hang out with who didn't hate everything about my country.
 

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Discussion Starter #55
Are you seriously thinking that because you and your friends didn't actively go against him personally that he felt safe with you? He knew you hated everything about his homeland, ethnicity and religion, but that you liked "him." He was wise enough to understand that if push ever came to shove, that you wouldn't like him either. His life could be at stake, literally.

If I knew a group of people who hated America and everything American, but that they liked me, because they thought I was "different" from the other Americans they hated, I'd still never feel safe. But then again, I would find a different group of people to hang out with who didn't hate everything about my country.
I ll admit he was the only Jewish student who was in our group. The other jewish students had actually complained of hostility at our uni.
I mean I agree he wouldn't be our friend or be in our group if his attitude was different but pretending so strategically and then going on in a video of your wedding day saying this girl accepts him for who he is and how she may not be Jewish but knows about it extensively seems disrespectful idk
 

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I ll admit he was the only Jewish student who was in our group. The other jewish students had actually complained of hostility at our uni.
I mean I agree he wouldn't be our friend or be in our group if his attitude was different but pretending so strategically and then going on in a video of your wedding day saying this girl accepts him for who he is and how she may not be Jewish but knows about it extensively seems disrespectful idk
You need to read what you wrote that I have in bold.

It was you and your group who were disrespectful to him. You spoke hateful words about his home country, culture, religion, etc. and yet he didn't punch your lights out because he was outnumbered. He was a young man in his early 20's and didn't have enough life experience to know how to handle it, so he just held back, swallowed his words, took the blows and waited it out.

Then he found someone who loved him for who he was, actually appreciated his culture, even though she wasn't from it, and he married her.

It all makes complete sense.

It is YOU who don't make sense.
 

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Discussion Starter #57
You need to read what you wrote that I have in bold.

It was you and your group who were disrespectful to him. You spoke hateful words about his home country, culture, religion, etc. and yet he didn't punch your lights out because he was outnumbered. He was a young man in his early 20's and didn't have enough life experience to know how to handle it, so he just held back, swallowed his words, took the blows and waited it out.

Then he found someone who loved him for who he was, actually appreciated his culture, even though she wasn't from it, and he married her.

It all makes complete sense.

It is YOU who don't make sense.
We were just following political news about Israel and Palestine and favored palestine instead of israel.
But if he didnt like us why stay with us and why date me ? He clearly knew my view so it's his problem if he was so insecure.

Do you really think that the girl does? How does completing courses on Judaism or hate against them or not sharing our views make her more accepting?
 

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Which should be all the more motivation for you to let it go. You dodged a bullet.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
She wants to develop tools to help her assess these situations better in the future.

If you don't see that as a worthy pursuit, then you don't have to respond to this thread.
 

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We were just following political news about Israel and Palestine and favored palestine instead of israel.
But if he didnt like us why stay with us and why date me ? He clearly knew my view so it's his problem if he was so insecure.

Do you really think that the girl does? How does completing courses on Judaism or hate against them or not sharing our views make her more accepting?
No, he wasn't "insecure." He was just trying to keep safe. He knew who he was, went to synagogue, was friendly and was low key about his religion and nationality. He didn't feed the lions. He was just being a young man who wanted friends and a little sex on the side. (not that I think premarital sex is right, because I don't, but you both were OK with it.)

His wife took courses to learn about and respect his culture, while you were part of group who didn't study Judaism, you just hated it. Huge difference. You really can't see it?
 

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No, he wasn't "insecure." He was just trying to keep safe. He knew who he was, went to synagogue, was friendly and was low key about his religion and nationality. He didn't feed the lions. He was just being a young man who wanted friends and a little sex on the side. (not that I think premarital sex is right, because I don't, but you both were OK with it.)

His wife took courses to learn about and respect his culture, while you were part of group who didn't study Judaism, you just hated it. Huge difference. You really can't see it?
I mean we didnt nor I didnt hate it. I do agree we all had strong views and just believed the people we supported were not antisemitic. We just refuted it saying these people are the ones who can help the country. And believed Israel was a bad country trying to oppress Palestinians. I mean criticism of it can be antisemitic at times but we didnt think so much of it as it was never on our list.

This girl might have studied history/geography of the country/religion but he knew that later on didnt he cos he was dating me that time.

I mean I find it weird that she had such views and studied them. Maybe she just took them to trap him ? Or to look cute?
 
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