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Discussion Starter #21
That is the problem with dating, people are not always honest.
Uh, then again, you did know they had a prior relationship with each other.

This should inspire you to pay more attention to what is going on, and to ask questions.
Live and learn.

Oh, some here might suggest that his fiancee be told of your close dating history and you meeting his parents.
What think you, on doing this?

Lilith-
No I didnt know about this girl. When he got with her then I knew because I had seen her around campus. Plenty of our mutual friends had seen her so ot was surprising how he was with her since he had recently moved back.
Until he told a close friend of how they met before and how much he liked/wanted her
 

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Discussion Starter #22
Sorry, I must have got confused by this line:



Thought the other girl had met him first otherwise she couldn't be his crush, but apologies if I misunderstood.
It's ok. He met me first but he wasnt interested. Then he met her and was instantly attracted. That's what he told our friend and at his wedding
 

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I was still around him when we broke up. He didnt know she was at university too at that time until he saw her again.

We both called it quits.

I was 22 and he was 24 that time.
So, you two dated. Over time you both realized that the relationship was not what you wanted. That's what dating is for, to find out if someone is a person you want to spend your life with. Clearly he is not that person for you.

What was your relationship with him like? You say that he did some foolish things that ended his relationship with her. Did he do similar things with you? What were the problems when you were dating him that led to your part of breaking it off with him?
 

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Discussion Starter #24
It seems that he isn't as independent as you think he was. You just weren't someone he wanted hang around with that much, or look at with "in love" eyes.

You were just a friend with benefits, or an in-between girlfriend.

The one he married is the one who had his heart. You were never that one.

Regarding his wedding speech: Why are you upset? That speech if about him and her, not all the ones who were not the right one. Are you thinking he should have mentioned you in his wedding speech? "Oh, I love you much, and I also loved Miss Catalan who I dated in between dating you."

For your sake and theirs, you need to move on. Block him, stop using your friends to find out about him. Watching his wedding video was a bit stalkerish IMO, and not healthy for you.

You were not the one for him. He's married to someone else. Accept that, train your mind to not think about him or seek him out anymore.
Thanks for your input.

But tell me why do you think he met my family, we met each others family and used couple pics on our social media. We also hung out a lot together, did couple things etc.

So I don't know how he still had her in his heart. Was it because it was left unfinished and he was at fault?
 

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Oh, so he had at least two other sexual partners after leaving her?

His old gf, new fiancee should be told of this.

His 'using' of you and 'others' is newsworthy. It would be better for his fiancee to know this sooner than later.
I use the word, 'using' because he claimed exclusivity and he had you meet his parents.
Sorry...

Then again, maybe that is why she broke up with him.
Not merely, fate, as he mentioned.

He sounds like a player.
And, not ready for marriage.



Lilith-
 

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Discussion Starter #26
So, you two dated. Over time you both realized that the relationship was not what you wanted. That's what dating is for, to find out if someone is a person you want to spend your life with. Clearly he is not that person for you.

What was your relationship with him like? You say that he did some foolish things that ended his relationship with her. Did he do similar things with you? What were the problems when you were dating him that led to your part of breaking it off with him?
Well we were extreme leftists at university. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds.

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.

We had arguments but it wasnt bad until we broke up. And he would get aggressive which I couldn't tolerate so we ended up fighting and just deciding to quit.
 

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Discussion Starter #27
Oh, so he had at least two other sexual partners after leaving her?

His old gf, new fiancee should be told of this.

His 'using' of you and 'others' is newsworthy. It would be better for his fiancee to know this sooner than later.
I use the word, 'using' because he claimed exclusivity and he had you meet his parents.
Sorry...

Then again, maybe that is why she broke up with him.
Not merely, fate, as he mentioned.

He sounds like a player.
And, not ready for marriage.



Lilith-
No no. I think you misunderstood. Before he met her, he was FWB with another good friend of mine. He knew me that time but wasnt interested.

Then he met her. Then they fell out because he said due to misunderstandings and he moved away and got together with me.
 

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@Mayfair2018 you can spend the rest of your life dissecting every minute of your relationship with your ex, dissecting every word in his wedding speech and every word he writes on social media.
And it isn’t going to make any difference.
He’s married to someone else. Someone who he apparently had a crush on for a long time. What did you expect him to say at his wedding, that he wished he could marry you instead?
Calling you the “runner up” or “second choice” may sound cruel but in almost every marriage there are bound to be ex partners and in some cases numerous ex partners.
All of these people are runners up.
It’s called life.
Start living it.
 

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Discussion Starter #31
@Mayfair2018 you can spend the rest of your life dissecting every minute of your relationship with your ex, dissecting every word in his wedding speech and every word he writes on social media.
And it isn’t going to make any difference.
He’s married to someone else. Someone who he apparently had a crush on for a long time. What did you expect him to say at his wedding, that he wished he could marry you instead?
Calling you the “runner up” or “second choice” may sound cruel but in almost every marriage there are bound to be ex partners and in some cases numerous ex partners.
All of these people are runners up.
It’s called life.
Start living it.
It makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't be so bothered if I didnt know he already had somebody he fancied but was unable to be with. I did not know that.
I thought I'm the one he liked out of all the girls.

Now I just feel like I was a second option because he apparently wanted her even though we were friends when he met me.
 

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It makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't be so bothered if I didnt know he already had somebody he fancied but was unable to be with. I did not know that.

I thought I'm the one he liked out of all the girls.



Now I just feel like I was a second option because he apparently wanted her even though we were friends when he met me.


Which should be all the more motivation for you to let it go. You dodged a bullet.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter #33
Unfortunately, no one knows the answer to this but him. Your best choice is to let go and move on.
I agree. Just one quick clarification. He said she accepts him for who he is.
Is it related to this situation? I'm copy pasting the response I gave to Elegirl.

Well we were extreme leftists at university who were very involved with administration, management, workers rights. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds.

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.
 

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How was he a bullet?


What if you had been years into marriage with possibly a couple of kids and then found all of this out? Or, heaven forbid, found out he had an affair with her?

Those are the bullets I’m talking about.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Edit: New iPad
 

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Well we were extreme leftists at university. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds.

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.
Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.

We had arguments but it wasnt bad until we broke up. And he would get aggressive which I couldn't tolerate so we ended up fighting and just deciding to quit.
When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?
 

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Thanks for your input.

But tell me why do you think he met my family, we met each others family and used couple pics on our social media. We also hung out a lot together, did couple things etc.

So I don't know how he still had her in his heart. Was it because it was left unfinished and he was at fault?
Some people believe that meeting the family, whether theirs or their date's, is a big things. Others not so much. They don't care if their social media ends up archiving a long list of paramours, or if their friends and family know they have one love interest after another.

As to your second paragraph, he probably didn't think much of her the first time they met, like he said to your friend. Then after more life experiences, he saw her in a different light the next time they met. People's tastes and desires change after time.

You're tryng to understand everything about him, when what you should be doing is learning how you will conduct yourself and what red flags you will watch out for in the future. Move on, make yourself stop thinking about him. Imagine a huge "STOP" sign when he comes to mind.
 

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Discussion Starter #38
Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.



When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?
Yeah but we didnt know that. He used to hide it. Or rarely spoke about it. We knew he was a Jewish guy with Israeli roots but he acted like he wasnt so much into that culture or anything. And was very much included into this group. So never thought of it and felt he is like us.

Aggressive like shouting or getting angry. I shout too so we had arguments.
 

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Discussion Starter #39
Some people believe that meeting the family, whether theirs or their date's, is a big things. Others not so much. They don't care if their social media ends up archiving a long list of paramours, or if their friends and family know they have one love interest after another.

As to your second paragraph, he probably didn't think much of her the first time they met, like he said to your friend. Then after more life experiences, he saw her in a different light the next time they met. People's tastes and desires change after time.

You're tryng to understand everything about him, when what you should be doing is learning how you will conduct yourself and what red flags you will watch out for in the future. Move on, make yourself stop thinking about him. Imagine a huge "STOP" sign when he comes to mind.
I already wrote he said it was "love at first sight" for him the first time he saw her as he explained and that's how he spent 1 year trying to get her but failed.

Hmm ok

Ironically he married her on the exact same date he first saw her
 

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I don't know why, @Mayfair2018's thread has triggered me.

The thread triggered was by @weltschmerz, where his wife never got over her rejection by some EXBF jerk and she met up with him years later. She subsequently cheated on her husband, Weltschmerz, a good man.
 
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