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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Some of you agree with this and some don't. I've been thinking about this lately and my first answer would be "No, that's not true. Some are made to cheat and some others are not.."
I've been discussing it privately with another member here but I'd like to discuss it with the rest of you and I'll ask you the same question that I asked him:

If you were in a deserted island with an opposite sex human but nobody [including your SO] knows about it and nobody will ever know that you are there...
If the opposite sex person is extremely attractive to you, enough to make you consider cheating...would you actually cheat?
I repeat, NOBODY will EVER know about where you are and with who.

This is the right circumstance and opportunity to cheat.

*****
Some of you have already been in situations where you could cheat but chose not to...
Deep down inside...were you afraid someone would find out that's why you didn't cheat?
Or maybe you weren't attracted enough to cheat so you decided it wasn't worth it?


I know this is very hypothetical and we don't know what we'd do unless we're in that very situation.
I wonder what we'd do if we were in the exact same situations and felt the same way like the WS...

Personally...what I know now is that I would never want to put my SO in the situation where he would be clueless about what happened in the island. It would hurt to play him and look at him in the eye pretending like nothing happened. It would simply be unfair. I say this because it never happened to me to be extremely attracted to someone else other than my (ex) partner (back then)...

..but are people conscious and have a clear mind around other /bigger temptations?
Do you wonder?
 

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I'd like to think that I wouldn't.

Two reasons,

A. I love my wife.
B. As you mention, how on earth could you look them in the face and tell them that you love them if you had done that.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I'd like to think that I wouldn't.

Two reasons,

A. I love my wife.
B. As you mention, how on earth could you look them in the face and tell them that you love them if you had done that.
So, if you didn't love your wife you would cheat?
 

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I think it's how the risk vs reward balances against your moral character.

If your morals are high against cheating, then it will take very high reward and near zero risk for you to cheat. A situation that is not likely.

If your moral values say cheating is not that bad, then you might cheat with random strange in the men's room through a glory hole while on a date with your spouse. Then when you get caught you will turn it all around onto your spouse saying its Their fault for taking you places with men's rooms and strangers.

Okay, wild exaggerations, but it illustrates my concept.
 

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Love for your spouse factors into the risk. The more committed and loving the relationship, the higher the risk of losing it would be.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
If he didn't love his wife, one would assume he wouldn't be with her:scratchhead:
Why assume he simply wouldn't be with her when hundreds of marriages still exist because of the kids or because of the security they provide?
 

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My story may be a bit dull but...

For me, I've always been faithful to all women throughout my life except to one -> and ironically this woman is my wife. I never thought it was possible until it happened. Years ago before I got married my wife/gf at the time, we had an extremely rough patch - the start of all our problems together - due to religious issues. We had fights and STs for long periods of time, suspicions of betrayal and breakups/get back together/breakups during this time of turmoil.

What kept us from simply moving on was the fact that for the first 2 years of our relationship, we were really something and we both knew that. However, it reached the point when I didn't feel like it was a relationship at all, that we were holding onto nothing. After one major fight I got myself drunk, went out to a party, flirted with a woman who struck my fancy, slept with her, and although I was filled with remorse and regret straight after - the damage was done. It was the dealbreaker. I broke. I can't blame anyone for it but myself, and we had to split, I had to lose her, otherwise I would have never learnt.

To this day I am still uncertain if it even happened, and with what little I do remember, kissing did definitely happen and I can consciously recall it, but regardless - I couldn't downplay it, I cheated, end of story. Her giving me another chance was difficult, but I'm glad she did as I know that I will never do it again. I've been loyal to her since marriage as well - like I had a choice though, she pretty much sucked me dry for 4 years I could barely keep up with her let alone cheat on her.

I never thought I could do it, but I did. So yes, I agree that everybody is capable. I also believe everyone should learn what they can here when it comes to infidelity - the red flags, the ways to prevent it, understanding what causes it, etc etc. Prevention is much better than cure in this case, and one shouldn't be too proud to deny the fact that we are all human and we all have our breaking points.
 

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Bullsh!t.

I have something called morals. A lot of people may say they have them when its convenient but mine actually mean something to me.

I've never taken powder in my nose or a needle in my arm, and I know damn well thats not happening in my lifetime.

This whole 'everyone can cheat if they have opportunity' is a load of bullsh!t, and usually framed around illogical circumstances inside or regularity.

One of my single neighbors leaves his backdoor unlocked and usually works 12 hours a day. I'd have the perfect opportunity to rob him blind and make a quick buck pawning his stuff if I so wished, but I don't see myself doing that anytime soon, especially since I myself was robbed in the past.
 

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Like the joke goes " would you make love to me for a million dollars?'

That was when a million dollars was a lot.
 

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Believe it or not there are people in the world that have a little thing inside of them called INTEGRITY.

Like Kasler...I've never done any kind of illegal drug ever. Does that mean if I was on a deserted island and there was a line of coke and I knew no one would ever know about it.......No. I wouldn't. Same with the hypothetical OP. No. I wouldn't.

Kasler...you could be my next door neighbor, man! LOL I leave the keys in my car and in my motorcycle and never lock my front door until going to bed.
 

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Bullsh!t.

I have something called morals. A lot of people may say they have them when its convenient but mine actually mean something to me.

I've never taken powder in my nose or a needle in my arm, and I know damn well thats not happening in my lifetime.

This whole 'everyone can cheat if they have opportunity' is a load of bullsh!t, and usually framed around illogical circumstances inside or regularity.

One of my single neighbors leaves his backdoor unlocked and usually works 12 hours a day. I'd have the perfect opportunity to rob him blind and make a quick buck pawning his stuff if I so wished, but I don't see myself doing that anytime soon, especially since I myself was robbed in the past.
You know, that's the thing about people getting into affairs, you never really expected that they would do it. They're all men and women of such integrity, well at least they'd like to tell the world that they are saints.

I don't ever know what I'll do when faced with such a situation like the one described. I'm pretty sure I'm capable of cheating on someone, that I haven't done so far in my marriage and my past relationships(short as they were) surprises me as well. Or perhaps that is the only reason I haven't cheated on someone, the fact that I've acknowledged to myself that I'm capable of doing it and have gone out of my way to avoid the temptation of it all.
 

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I don't think i could cheat. I feel guilty even being hit on by girls. Doesn't happen very often but it happens.

That's why i don't understand a lot of it. I am fully capable of being intoxicated, horny and alone with an attractive woman, and its a no brainer. I don't cheat. I pride myself on my ability to say no to sex. Why is it so hard for other people?
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Bullsh!t.

I have something called morals. A lot of people may say they have them when its convenient but mine actually mean something to me.

I've never taken powder in my nose or a needle in my arm, and I know damn well thats not happening in my lifetime.

This whole 'everyone can cheat if they have opportunity' is a load of bullsh!t, and usually framed around illogical circumstances inside or regularity.

One of my single neighbors leaves his backdoor unlocked and usually works 12 hours a day. I'd have the perfect opportunity to rob him blind and make a quick buck pawning his stuff if I so wished, but I don't see myself doing that anytime soon, especially since I myself was robbed in the past.
I appreciate your sentiments, but I believe you are mistaken.

Just from a quick reading on these forums for the last 3 months or so, I can't tell you how many times I read 'I/She/He is a very upright person. This is TOTALLY out of character for them/I can't believe I did this HELP!/If you had asked me to bet that X would happen, I'd never have believed it.'

So this is a 'True Scotsman' fallacy. That means that all the people who stated they had integrity were wrong or lying. It totally dismisses the idea that they fell in a single area.

In North Korea, they had a famine in the '90s. Weather was bad, the government ran into trade embargos with the East and West. The system of government wasn't the most efficient. Things got very bad. People were picking pieces of undigested corn out of animal excrement to eat it got so bad. They had this saying "All the good ones died first"

So...at some point, it's been suggested, though never documented (certainly not by the 'Perfect' Government there) that some of the dead...well, they didn't exactly get buried intact. Major muscle groups and organs missing. Am I painting a clear enough picture?

Do Koreans have 'cannibal' genes? Are there 'cheater' genes? Or are some people put into circumstances where right and wrong get a little gray? Would a Kasler, faced with starving dying children, one night pull out a long knife if he was in Korea, or would he allow his kids to die? Would a Kasler, with a wife who has cancer of the uterus, but loving his wife, live a life of celibacy because she could no longer mate due to illness? For how many years? Forever?

I don't know the answer to these questions. Maybe it's true that morals and integrity are bulwarks which make them immune to such enticements. OR...some people have never faced the acid test, though they don't realize it.

I've never been particularly tempted by drugs either. But I've never TRIED drugs. So does that make me 'moral' or inexperienced?

I won't say there aren't people who will never succumb (from what I understand, Mrs. McCain waited 7 years for her husband the POW to return). Would she have waited 10?

I think that easy answers are suspect, is all I'm saying.
 
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