I’ve been in a relationship for just over 4 years and got engaged 1 year ago. Around 9 months ago the passion towards my OH has dwindled seriously to the point where I don’t want to sleep with him/kiss him etc. We had a very happy relationship previously and I knew engagement would be the next step we’d take as a couple and I thought I felt I’d prepared for it. I was excited at the time he proposed but now the future scares me and I'm struggling to admit this to myself. Something has changed in me and I feel numb. I find myself wanting to be alone most of the time and wishing my OH would go out or go away with work so I can be alone. I feel a sense of relief when he leaves even though he hasn't done anything wrong. We also live together and I find we don’t speak or interact much in the evenings and due to my depressed feelings I just cant be bothered making the effort even though I acknowledge the issue. We’ve developed an unhealthy routine. I feel guilty about the way I feel and put it down to a phase that will go away, but it just doesn’t seem to leave. (I know I’m not trying though so what do I expect?) I guess I’ve just been hoping that one day I’ll wake up and feel differently. It feels like a bitter cycle. I know how I feel is wrong, but I don’t feel like I want to or have the energy to try and make things better. My other half has never done anything wrong to me and is a really kind person …he has everything you’d want but I don’t feel phased by it. This worries me.
As of late another spanner has been added to the works. Around 4 months ago I added a comment to a forum I’m part of and had a response from a guy who was really helpful and we somehow strangely kept in touch since. We’ve been speaking since but it was never in THAT way - always just as friends. The thing that I’m finding really difficult now is that as time has gone on I really connect with this friend of mine on a more intimate level. We have a lot in common, more than anyone I’ve met in a really long time, to be honest more than any other guy I’ve ever met and sometimes its actually quite weird thinking about it. We have a lot of shared interests and conversation between us flows so naturally and easily. Considering we haven't known each other all that long, we open up to each other about a lot of random stuff and it feels like I’ve known him for years. He gets me and I get him …it sounds ridiculous but he gives me some kind of unfound energy I didn’t know I had in me. He makes me feel good! I feel like I go to a different place when we speak. We talk for hours sometimes and the time just floats by. Just recently he’s told me he felt this connection too. Common sense tells me I should stop talking to him and focus on my relationship but I can’t switch it off. Now I feel awful about this and it’s making me question myself as a person let alone my relationship with my OH.
I have spoken to my OH about my lack of passion/love towards him and he was naturally upset and said he couldn’t imagine life without me and wants to work through it. My OH would be devastated to hear everything that’s running through my head. I know he doesn’t deserve to be with a person who feels like this.
Has anyone ever felt like this before? What did you do? Is it saveable? Any advice appreciated.
As of late another spanner has been added to the works. Around 4 months ago I added a comment to a forum I’m part of and had a response from a guy who was really helpful and we somehow strangely kept in touch since. We’ve been speaking since but it was never in THAT way - always just as friends. The thing that I’m finding really difficult now is that as time has gone on I really connect with this friend of mine on a more intimate level. We have a lot in common, more than anyone I’ve met in a really long time, to be honest more than any other guy I’ve ever met and sometimes its actually quite weird thinking about it. We have a lot of shared interests and conversation between us flows so naturally and easily. Considering we haven't known each other all that long, we open up to each other about a lot of random stuff and it feels like I’ve known him for years. He gets me and I get him …it sounds ridiculous but he gives me some kind of unfound energy I didn’t know I had in me. He makes me feel good! I feel like I go to a different place when we speak. We talk for hours sometimes and the time just floats by. Just recently he’s told me he felt this connection too. Common sense tells me I should stop talking to him and focus on my relationship but I can’t switch it off. Now I feel awful about this and it’s making me question myself as a person let alone my relationship with my OH.
I have spoken to my OH about my lack of passion/love towards him and he was naturally upset and said he couldn’t imagine life without me and wants to work through it. My OH would be devastated to hear everything that’s running through my head. I know he doesn’t deserve to be with a person who feels like this.
Has anyone ever felt like this before? What did you do? Is it saveable? Any advice appreciated.