Talk About Marriage banner
41 - 50 of 50 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #41 ·
How'd it go?
Exactly as I expected. She blew up. She chased me down to my other home, and I endured 2+ hours of her emotions. Basically telling me all the things that are wrong with me. I just sat there as cool as a cucumber, being very careful with my words. She finally wore herself out and left. She wanted me to go back with her, but I didn't. Next day she cashed out her 401K without my prior knowledge to pay off her remaining credit card debt. She said she wanted to start with a clean slate financially and be transparent about her saving going forward. She seems to think it's all about the debt she acrued without my knowledge, but that is just a small part of it. She's still trying to get me back. I'd be lying if I said I haven't been second-guessing myself at times.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,332 Posts
Only because I don't want it to seem like I think I'm blameless. It takes two. I'm sure most if not all people reading this forum understand this already. While she's taken advantage of me, I've enabled it.
you can only allow others to take advantage of you until realize they are after that it's on you...you have finally woken up and said enough is enough....this is your first day of freedom. You can't go back and correct the past, you can only fix who you are today and what you really want out of life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
249 Posts
Exactly as I expected. She blew up. She chased me down to my other home, and I endured 2+ hours of her emotions. Basically telling me all the things that are wrong with me. I just sat there as cool as a cucumber, being very careful with my words. She finally wore herself out and left. She wanted me to go back with her, but I didn't. Next day she cashed out her 401K without my prior knowledge to pay off her remaining credit card debt. She said she wanted to start with a clean slate financially and be transparent about her saving going forward. She seems to think it's all about the debt she acrued without my knowledge, but that is just a small part of it. She's still trying to get me back. I'd be lying if I said I haven't been second-guessing myself at times.
Was the 401k cash out a loan or an early withdrawal? If it was an early withdrawal (ie - she has no intention of paying it back) that will trigger a significant tax event. Make sure you consider this when negotiating the divorce settlement, because you could also be on the hook for the early withdrawal taxes. You may even want to get it in writing that she will be solely responsible for that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
I know this post is from a couple weeks ago but I just wanted to say I feel you. If only it was so easy to shut our feelings down and just walk away.
Im in kind of similar situation. Our shop is over an hour away because my husband chose that. He does come home every night but most nights not before 8 pm. Ive told him I want to sell the house and move closer to the shop but he has always got an excuse why we shouldn’t do that.
Im sorry your dealing with this and its easy to say walk away. Doing and living it is two very different things.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,162 Posts
Thank goodness no minor children are involved. Another good thing is North Carolina is an equitable distribution state. How equitable things will be remains to be seen! I'll be fine if we divorce, though. I'm very ambitious.
The main thing you need to look up for your state is whether you share her debt. If not, I'd sever this relationship just to end the financial carnage. I sure hope you are not on any of her credit cards as a cosigner or anything at all. And there may be some states that would still hold all the assets as one to be debted and divided, so you better just google that about debt in your state or ask the attorney before deciding.
 
41 - 50 of 50 Posts
Top