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Discussion Starter #1
So i want to try and be as simple as possible to start and any questions i can answer along the way. For atleast almost two yearrs my wife has carried on an affair without truly hiding it. i know all about it and doesnt do anything to hide it now for atleast a year. she says i was to distant, never put enough into the family as far as planning things for us to do, taking control and involving my family that is very upset with her about her choice. they have yelled and argued with her and her back about her choice and said hurtful things. I did not stand up and stop the arguments other than try to civilize them so it was not yelling and screaming.( she is angry i wouldnt defend her or step in). Also that i dont show enough of affection( hugs, telling ehr she is beautiful, doing things out of blue for her) i have attempted to show all the love i can, be there for her as much as possible. She has said she stopped seeing and barely talking to him for lengths of times but i havent trully noticed it or felt i could belive it. I have done some things that were wrong and very bad and ive appoligized for my wrongs.

She still says she wants me and shows it with gestures and words and actions of thinging of me first and so on. But things like saying shes thinking of me and showing her love by calling me when she is with him and infront of him or thinking about my wants while she is with him(found a truck i would really want while out with him and called to tell me about it) should show her love and how she puts me first. I was not attentive to her talking and didnt seem to care she said which i cared but didnt really care to listen because i was upset about where she was and who she was with.

Last thing she will have him over and sleep with him in our home in our bed and not hide it.

I am lost in my feelings because i cant attempt to show full love and caring with that going on and unless i show her i do care and love her fully for a long time to show it wont fade like it does time and time again (because i can only push so hard for so long and this still going on) she wont stop and cant because he cares and makes her feel beautiful and lvoed.

any input at all?
 

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I believe that someone who treats you like sh!t is saying that they don't care about you. Unless you and she have agreed to an open marriage, it seems to me that she doesn't care whether you stay or go.
 

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This woman is a ho.

Separate your finances, file for divorce, and tell her if she dares to bring her lover into your home and fvck him in your bed that you'll call the police to have him removed.

Regain your own self-respect.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
So i do understand your responces but here is my delema is that i have been neglectful not to the exstent i belive and affair is the answer and not as much as she belives i have been( there are actions she has done that i dont feel are to blame me for and have sacrafices she made to save us.. and stopped seeing him and barely talking to him after as a show of im trying to make it better) Am i crazy for staying and trying to show her what i have neglected to show and what she needs? Should she be able to be angry with me for not showing/being able to fully show those feelings. Her words " doesnt matter about the affair if i truly loved her like i say i do you should be able to show me you love me and hug me and comfort me when im crying my eyes out sad" Also she has told me time and time again she knows its wrong and shes sorry she went to someone else but i pushed her to go to him and i made her feel unwanted and unloved. I feel like i have done so wrong that i just need to change myself to make her stop.

Trying to avoid putting it in here but it is relivante we do have a almost 3 year old daughter together.
 

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Her response is absolute BS. You may have been neglectful but SHE chose to cheat on you, SHE chose to go to another man. That is HER, not you. She is using the typical cheater's excuse to make you feel guilty. it's been seen on here 1,000,000 times. Surf the infidelity boards and you will see your story written over and over again.

And every single time it's when the BS finally realizes that what the cheating spouse is saying is a lie just to keep justifying what they're doing, then things will begin to change.
 

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Um.. why are you still married?:scratchhead::confused:

I still don't get it?
 
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Tell you what to do. Look in the mirror and wave at that guy whose waving back at you. See him?

He's the one whose at fault. You know about her affair. She waves it under your nose. She even brings the bum home and screws him IN YOUR FU--ING BED!

Now you wonder why your still in a funk? Come on man, you need to find your balls and do something rather than let this woman kick the snot out of you.

You know what you need to do. Just file and get her the hell out of your house. Let her go with the guy and tell her that you'll find your own truck without her help and while you at it, burn the mattress and buy a new one and have her sleep someplace else.

What you wrote is pathetic and why you let yourself be walked over like that is inexcusable. Don't you think that you deserve something better than what your getting?

Man up and bounce her ass out then you can clear your head and find a good woman.
 

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My god. Why do you put up with this for.

I mean...... SLEEPING IN YOUR MARITAL BED.....:mad:.

Why are you still married and not filed for divorce, Please do not say its because you love her because you may love her, but she certainty does not love you.

Her behaviour is disgusting, I really think you need to seriously have a think about things because you deserve better.... a lot better.
 

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any input at all?
I just can't beleive what I am reading. :scratchhead: My input...man up and kick her a** out. Anything else I would like to say will either get me censored or banned.
 

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Hi Jarhead ~ As I read your posts I could understand where you're coming from. As bad as things have gotten, you still have hope for your marriage, and you want to save your family. I admire that! While there is always hope for any marriage, it may not be an easy road ahead since drastic changes are likely going to have to be made.

First off, I would strongly suggest that you read Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. It's for marriages facing crisis, and he has even written about a situation similar to yours -- a spouse bringing their lover into the marriage bed. The book contains practical guidance on how to respond and what you should do. It's about exercising tough love so that your wife will have to make changes on her part as well. It is sometimes scary, but it's a necessary process. Also, you would likely benefit from counseling. Do you think your wife would be willing to join you? Here's a link that might be helpful if you decide to pursue this. Feel free to PM me if you'd like more info.

I've said a prayer for your family. I truly hope you find healing in your marriage.
 

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jarhead, what YOU have done in this marriage has NOTHING to do with her being a cheating POS. Please stop accepting blame. Start acting like a man. And start removing the affair from YOUR HOME.

Does she work or do you pay all the bills?
 
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