We are married getting close to 30 years. He was a 36 yr old bachelor when we met. i had two children. He was a good stepfather to them, although checked out a lot (adrift as he calls it). Even though I had health issues at the time, i had my tubes repaired and tried to get pregnant. It didn't happen. Now at 65, (I'm 56) with our children grown, he is just realizing that he should have moved heaven and earth to have children of his own. He wants us to adopt/foster/in vitro/surrogate and I am adamantly opposed to this. I've been raising children and helping a lot with grandchildren since I was 21. We have worked hard and I thought we were ready for a nice life as retired people. After 2 years of counseling, he is not much better. I know he is bitter that I won't fall in with his plan for starting a new family, but he SAYS he understands. He won't leave and get on with this fantasy life he has in his head. I have tried to prepare myself for a very different future. One problem we have is that we don't have many hobbies and he doesn't have friends. We both have the same "love languages" and both enjoy sex very much, but I have gotten so upset about our future that I either cry after sex or shut down and numb myself emotionally. It hurts too much to know that our future won't be together and maybe I'll never be happy with anyone again. I have lost so much respect for him because the therapists/counselors he has been to have tried hard to get him through these issues, but he doesn't follow their advise very often. He won't do the "hard work" of getting past his pain of not having his own children. It needs to be said that he very much loves my children and OUR grandchildren. They are awesome and something to be proud of. He just feels like he was "sleepwalking" through most of his life and didn't realize what would be important later. I'm planning on pulling the plug on this very soon. He knows I am planning this and tries hard to change my mind. I just can't live with someone who won't work at getting better. He appears to enjoy being miserable, ruminating about past mistakes, resenting others for the things he feels he doesn't have and deserves. We could have a wonderful life together. We are both healthy and financially prepared for retirement. It also has to be said that he HATES his job, but because of the paycheck, he won't leave and do something different. I have given him full support to downsize our life, move, start a business, etc. but he is too "lazy" I believe. It is easier to do nothing and complain that the divine answer hasn't fallen into his lap.