Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
61 - 71 of 71 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Discussion Starter · #61 ·
I moved out Friday evening when she wasnt home. I was in a rush so I left most of my stuff behind. What hurts the most is I had to leave my two shih tzus behind. Daisy and Bo were my life they helped me when I was sitting there all alone and she wasnt home. Daisy is a year older then Bo so he naturally depends on her, wherever Daisy goes Bo follows. I would lay on the sofa on my side and Daisy would lay up against my chest, Bo would lay behind my legs right were my knees bent. We would sleep like that all night and not move. Im living with my sister, she uses allot of chemicals so Im affected by it. Im thinking that its the fabric softner she uses that creates the problem so if I stay out of the bedrooms where the closets are I should be ok. I just had a thought, Im going to ask my sister if I can bring bo and daisy with me. There my life and right now I need all the support I can get.

I was laying downstairs and thinking of all the things I'd seen her doing behind my back and all the signs that she didnt love me were there but I ignored them. She said she loved me but showed me that she preferred to spend time with her ex. Knowing that it still hurts that a life that meant so much to me no longer exists
 

· Registered
Joined
·
131 Posts
Well done. Did she know you were going to move? You might find she chases after you. Despite that fact that she does not love you (you can also take comfort in the fact that she didn't really love H1 and H2 either, from what your story says). She will only chase after you not because she loves you, but because things have changed, the ball's in the other court. Don't fool yourself if you think she's going to 'suddenly realise what she's lost', it sounds to me that's not going to work in this situation. If you get back together, guaranteed it will happen again. If she couldn't keep promises before, then it's unlikely she will do again.

I don't think it would be rude to ask your sister if she could try and use natural products for her cleaning - you could even do some research and suggest some to her, gently, of course. By doing this, you are not just lumping her with the problem of your allergies, but also offering a solution at the same time. I.e, "Sis, I have this problem, would you be open to trying some non chemical cleaners, such as x and x and x?". She may well prefer the non-chemical items. You could also offer to do some of the cleaning/washing yourself, using non-chemical cleaners. That way, she can see that they do work. I do have an inkling of what you experience - though not allergic to mould, I detest the smell of chemicals, perfumes, room sprays, cleaners...yuk! They bother me. White vinegar, lemon juice and bicarb. soda (not the same as baking soda) and borax powder do some amazing cleaning - I use them myself. You can also buy commercially prepared natural, or low allergy cleaners. Health food stores have them, but really, you can make your own very cheaply.

Animals are such a great comfort, aren't they? And dogs in particular seem to know when their human is going through a tough time. I think it important for their psychological welfare, and yours, that if at all possible, they be with you.

And yes, it does hurt, and will do for a while. Stay strong. This shouldn't be a move to 'win her back'. If she plays abandoned, it's not because she loves you, but because the game's changed and she's insecure without her 'base' (that is, you). If you return to her, it's really unlikely she'll change. I say this because her prior behaviour indicates that she didn't care and didn't regret what she was doing either to you, nor her former H's. If she wheedles her way back, it's only because she's now left insecure. I think she is incapable of real love, which is sad. She said herself that she had 'issues' and 'anger' that she needed to see a therapist about, if I read one of your previous posts correctly. Do you really want to stay with someone who is perpetually angry at the world?
Think others here would also applaud your move,
cheers
Metta

I moved out Friday evening when she wasnt home. I was in a rush so I left most of my stuff behind. What hurts the most is I had to leave my two shih tzus behind. Daisy and Bo were my life they helped me when I was sitting there all alone and she wasnt home. Daisy is a year older then Bo so he naturally depends on her, wherever Daisy goes Bo follows. I would lay on the sofa on my side and Daisy would lay up against my chest, Bo would lay behind my legs right were my knees bent. We would sleep like that all night and not move. Im living with my sister, she uses allot of chemicals so Im affected by it. Im thinking that its the fabric softner she uses that creates the problem so if I stay out of the bedrooms where the closets are I should be ok. I just had a thought, Im going to ask my sister if I can bring bo and daisy with me. There my life and right now I need all the support I can get.

I was laying downstairs and thinking of all the things I'd seen her doing behind my back and all the signs that she didnt love me were there but I ignored them. She said she loved me but showed me that she preferred to spend time with her ex. Knowing that it still hurts that a life that meant so much to me no longer exists
 

· Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Discussion Starter · #63 ·
I dont think she'll be chasing me she knows that I cant be with someone whose lied so much. She told me that this is the last relationship shes going to be in and I told her she was kidding herself. She's always needed the attention of other men, even when she was married her need to be with another man was so strong she cheated on her husbands. When she was with me that drive she has is so strong she lied to me for 3 years and it ended our relationship. Now that I've moved I obviously stopped looking for the lies she told me but what I did find was some text messages she sent me, they were pictures of a female co-worker that my g/f took and she was making fun of her boobs and her stomach. She sent me a recording of this woman saying the word "stop" 4 times within a matter of minutes and how much it annoyed her. One of the pictures shows the woman close up from the neck down. She comments on how this lady things the men love her for her boobs but doesnt say anything about her huge stomach, my ex g/f was actually making fun about how this lady looked. Her co-worker didnt deserve this, I met her a few times and shes a little different but she's a very nice lady. My G/F just doesnt like her and ridicules her every chance she get.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
131 Posts
Not sure what your g/fs comments about co-worker have any meaning other than to suggest or convince you that she is immature. If, at middle age, she is picking on other women's bodies, then she's very insecure. That's the sort of thing 14 year olds do...and even then it's nasty, nasty, nasty.

I'm wondering if you just need more evidence that she's unstable. At this point perhaps you can count your blessings and what is good about this situation rather than focusing all the time on what's bad and how horrible she treated you? This is not to take away from the fact that youv'e been through a hard time and been betrayed, but that from where I'm sitting, I can see a lot of things that are in your favour. For example, the fact that she's been unable to be faithful to any man shows you are not the only one, which means it wasn't personal. That's a plus - you get to keep more self-esteem that way. Plenty of people on these boards don't get that-they're the only person that their spouse has cheated on, which causes a lot of self-doubt and lowered self-esteem. Secondly, you found a place to be, at least temporarily. That too is something to be grateful for. What else can you think of is good about this, or could be good about it if you allowed yourself to think that way? Sure, you're feeling burned and betrayed, but do try to think a little of what is working for you right now, what you can be grateful for. It will pick your mood up and give you a bit more energy. Good luck
miss metta
 

· Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Discussion Starter · #65 ·
I keep asking myself why? She broke up with me more times than I can remember but she always let me back in. All she had to do is stick to her word and tell me I had to move on with my life and stick to it.

People with my illness have an extremely difficult time finding a safe place to live and her house was perfect for me. Everything that I had left after my exposure was in that house and she knew it. Im starting to become symptomatic at my sisters house, as time goes by my immune system will weaken and my health will continue to get worst. It'll get to the point that I'll have to leave and will have no place to go.

I remember sleeping in a hotel room and it was getting me so sick in the middle of blizzard I had leave the the hotel room and sleep in my truck. I was so tired of running from mold or chemicals that I remember praying to God to put an end to my pain and let me freeze to death. When I woke up the following morning I was actually upset because my prayers werent answered. These are the obstacles I am facing
 

· Registered
Joined
·
131 Posts
okay, so what's your next step? What's the next thing you need to do? It sounds like you need to look after your health first, and worry about left-over feelings for her, later. That is your priority.
You say where you are is making you sick. I think your sister would want to know about that. In her shoes, I would want to know - I would feel awful if my brother came to stay and something about the way I lived was making him sick, and it was something I could change and he said nothing about it...I would feel awful and bad..and also angry and resentful at him for not speaking up. I think that's your most immediate step that will have the most immediate impact on your health. Get that under control, then you have a bit of time to look around for something that is suitable for you.
Metta
 

· Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Discussion Starter · #69 ·
Miss the changes my sister would need to make would be drastic. One of the reasons why I stayed with my ex g/f for so long was she was willing to make those changes. Her daughters house and mold and the mold spores would get on her clothes and in her hair, because I am so sensitive to mold when she came home I would get sick. When she would come home from her daughters she would wash her clothes and take a shower thats what made me stay there and deal with the crap that I did. But after awhile the cons outweighed the pros and it was obvious what I had to do
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,859 Posts
I dont think she'll be chasing me she knows that I cant be with someone whose lied so much. She told me that this is the last relationship shes going to be in and I told her she was kidding herself. She's always needed the attention of other men, even when she was married her need to be with another man was so strong she cheated on her husbands. When she was with me that drive she has is so strong she lied to me for 3 years and it ended our relationship. Now that I've moved I obviously stopped looking for the lies she told me but what I did find was some text messages she sent me, they were pictures of a female co-worker that my g/f took and she was making fun of her boobs and her stomach. She sent me a recording of this woman saying the word "stop" 4 times within a matter of minutes and how much it annoyed her. One of the pictures shows the woman close up from the neck down. She comments on how this lady things the men love her for her boobs but doesnt say anything about her huge stomach, my ex g/f was actually making fun about how this lady looked. Her co-worker didnt deserve this, I met her a few times and shes a little different but she's a very nice lady. My G/F just doesnt like her and ridicules her every chance she get.


She sounds like a complete a$$. If she did this to her coworker, she probably has done the same to you. You are better off without her.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Discussion Starter · #71 ·
I was a fool for believing half the crap she told me like how she didnt know how the socks got into our bedroom. I just thought that a woman who believes so strongly in the Lord would never lie as much as she did. Im still in awe of the number of lies she told me, she lied so much that I dont think theres one day in that relationship that she didnt lie. Now that Im out of that house I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I dont have to worry about whose she's talking to or texting. I dont have to worry about if she's actually where she says is. Her ex husband the drunk that he was, was so right when he said "dump her azz and let some other sorry SOB deal with her crap". He's probably with her right now lol
 
61 - 71 of 71 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top