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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is going to be long but I'll give the shortened version.

Im not married but have been living with my g/f for 4 years, were in our mid 50's so were by no means spring chickens.

I met my g/f within weeks of her getting a divorce but because they couldnt sell their house her and her ex continued to live together. Our problems started about 3 years ago when I found out what she was doing on FB. She was flat out flirting with other guys, telling them how wonderful they were and treating them better than she was treating me. She was asking these "old friends" for their phone numbers abut never told me what she was doing. When I found out about FB I gave her an ultimatum FB or me!

She chose me and gave me her word she'd never get on FB but during that time I knew something wasn't right so I checked out our cell phone bill and apparently she was spending allot of time texting and calling her ex and never said a thing to me about it. She lied one day and said she was going to go the gym and ended up talking to her ex for 90 minutes instead.

A couple of months later I saw she had sent him a text by than I had enough so I told her to send him a text telling him their friendship was over and its time to move on. When I asked her to see the text she said she deleted it, when I looked at our phone records one was never sent. She said she didnt want to hurt him again and wanted to do it by phone while she was at work the following day. I made her send the text right than and there.

I just recently found out that her and her ex have been going behind my back texting and calling each other for at least 3 years and she was the one that would ALWAYS call him. All I ever asked this woman to do is to be open and honest with me and her response would be "Im not doing anything I cant do in front of you" or "Im being completely honest" but shes been anything but.

When I found out how long they were in contact I was extremely hurt. For 3 years I begged her to be honest with me and she said she was. Now Im mad as hell because she intentionally deceived me and did everything possible to hide her emotional affair with her ex and intentionally hurt me in the process. Now that the damage is done and cats out of the bag she says she's sorry and wants to work it out but how can I ever think she's going to be honest with me when she hasnt been able to when thats all i was asking her to do?

Her and her ex have no reason to stay in contact, if they had kids together or had business related matters I would completely understand, her excuse for constantly contacting him without telling me is she wanted to try to ease his pain. Are you kidding me?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
First off, do you know why they divorced? Was she doing the same type of stuff to him, perhaps?

Second, I'm with Will_Kane: how do you know that they weren't still sleeping together?
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Thats just it I dont know if they has sex, she swears they didnt. She stayed home from work one day so WE could call him and I could verify they never had a sexual relationship but I told her a call wasnt necessary.

One time her ex sent her a text after she told him it had to come to a stop. I was irate so I called him and laid into him. After I calmed down he and I started talking like adults he told me exactly how he felt, he said he didnt want to be with her and that "she's always had a need to attract the attention of other men and I should "dump her a** and let some other sorry SOB deal with her crap. He didnt know it but I had the speaker phone on and she could hear everything he said. What he said never phased her. She said what he thinks about her doesnt bother her in the least.

They were married for 10 years and during that 10 years she told him he needed to stop his drinking but he didnt. He would only drink on the weekend but whenever they went to a family function or on vacation he would end up getting drunk off beer. After 10 years she had enough and told him she wanted a divorce. What upset her the most is he would drink and drive and due to the nature of his job if he got a dui he'd get fired and they'd lose everything and she was tired of seeing him passed out on their bed on the weekend.

She's trying very hard to right a wrong and I believe she's sincere but how long can she be someone she's not? She was married for 10 years and never stopped flirting regardless if her husband knew about it and he did know about it. She says she was wrong hiding their friendship and keeping a friendship with any man isnt worth our relationship and is willing to do what she has to make me see how much she loves me and how much she cares.

She's beautiful, easy to talk to, takes extremely good care of herself has a well paying job and is still a catch at 51. She can do much better than me but insists that Im the one she wants and wants to prove it to me. What reason would she have to lie at this point?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
After reading some of the posts on the infidelity topic Im not really sure what to do. My g/f seems sincere, I think if she really wanted to get back with her ex she could. Knowing how this has effected me why would she continue to lie about keeping in contact w/her ex? All she would have to do is tell me she's not willing to give him up and let me decided if thats acceptable to me or not. I have health issues and she can be with someone who can contribute more to a relationship but she insists Im the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
He meets some of her needs, you meet the remainder of her needs. Which one of you provides the majority of this split? Only she knows.

She is using both of you to get her emotional needs fulfilled. She is the type of person who cannot be satisfied by one partner alone. She is emotionaly greedy and immature.

Do not marry this woman. She is not going to stop contacting him, or if she does, she will just find another OM or several others to take his place. You are her steady unsinkable island, but she needs a sea of validation from others 360 degrees around her to feel complete. It is, at the core, a profound character flaw.
Moving Ahead and Lost Viking I believe you are both correct BUT..... she doesnt need me or the health issues that come along with being with me. I have certain health issues that cause her to make HUGE sacrifices to be with me. One of my health issues is I have multiple chemical sensitivities and because of these sensitivities it means no perfume, no fabric softeners of any kind and the list goes on and on. She has spent literally thousands of dollars to make her house tolerable for me. I need constant fresh air so that means windows open nearly all year, in the summer time it gets HOT and we dont use the a/c and in the winter time it's freezing and we use portable heaters rather than hvac but she hangs in there and does what she has to so we can be together. On the other hand she does all the things that has shown me she doesnt care and cant let go of her ex.

Who makes those kind of sacrifices for someone only to spend time with some another man? For the past month she has worked extremely hard to show me her hearts in the right place but because she's lied about so many things Im still having a hard time believing her. Thanks again, Tug
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
All I can say is never marry her. If you can keep her around for companionship and learn to live with sharing her then that's what you will have to do. Or you will have to boot her.

You do not have the threat of divorce to hold over her head like most of the betrayeds here do. And she has already proven through her actions she will not stop talking to the OM.

I don't see where you have many options.
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Thank you Bandit but I found out she lied again. This time it was a password to her iTunes account. The password had little meaning and has no access to her personal life but I needed it to upgrade the software on our Mac. She told me she hadnt changed it when in fact she did. This at a time when she needed to be honest with me even about what she had to eat for breakfast, trust starts somewhere apparently to her telling the truth with even the most insignificant details in her life is impossible and is never going to happen. I can understand her not wanting to give me her password to her email account but this password as I said is only used to update the software on our Mac. Im in my mid 50's and at no time have I ever known a woman to lie as much as the one Im currently with. Thanks to all that have taken the time to point me in the right direction and make me see who this person really is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
You have to decide what your future is to be----you obviously are not gonna get it to go both ways

Your biggest problem, is one that her last H of 10 yrs couldn't overcome---she likes to and does flirt

All cheaters lie this woman lies, and it doesn't even phase her

She gets put down, it doesn't even phase her

She does things for you---maybe she wants to be Florence Nightingale, to balance her cheating

Whether she has sex with others---who knows---it seems like that didn't come up as a problem in her prior mge
This is absolutely killing me, she didnt have to lie to me. What makes it worst is she kept lying to me even at this very moment she's lying to me. On several occasions I told her if she wanted out this is her chance. All she had to say the words and I'd be gone no questions asked and she said she didnt want to end it.

I forgot to mention the mens socks that she put on my dresser thinking they were mine. When I saw them I asked her who they belonged to, she said she didnt know. When I put a pair of my socks up to the pair she put on my dresser it was obvious the socks didnt belong to me. Two people live here and one of us knows nothing about the socks while the other refuses to tell the truth.

Everyone that has posted in the thread I created has been right on the money. Like I said I'm in my mid 50's and have had more relationships than I can remember and should be able to see that she's been unfaithful to me but how could I miss it? Thank you all
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
jnj Whether she has sex with others---who knows---it seems like that didn't come up as a problem in her prior mge [/QUOTE said:
We met at the gym, because I asked her if I could work in with her she thought I was interested. After that we'd seen each other around town which is very odd when you consider the size of town we live in. We'd see each other at the gym and she pursued me even though she was married. We spent time talking in her truck but it never advanced into a sexual relationship because she was married, that went on for about a month than she told me she told her soon to be ex she wanted a divorce. She told him that she couldn't deal with his drinking anymore but she knew the real reason why she was leaving him it was because of me, she tries to justify it saying she told him two years before that she wanted a divorce unless he stopped drinking and he never did. Before we had sex I made her show me the divorce papers, I didnt want to think that I was the one that broke up their marriage. They lived together for 10 months after the divorce was final but he knew about me within days of her telling him she wanted a divorce.

For the life of me I cant figure why a man would want to stay in contact with his ex knowing she had emotionally bonded with another man, sex or not. She gave me emotions she wasnt willing to give to her ex and he still took her calls and answered her texts for at least 3 years after they were divorced.

I told her now that I leave to lose my number and never call or text me. Why would I allow someone who completely disregarded my feelings back into my life even as a friend? Besides what kind of "friend" does that?
 

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Discussion Starter · #22 · (Edited)
I appreciate everyones honesty but I had no intentions to break up her marriage she told me it was over between her and her H long before it turned emotional. She was talking to some other guy about leaving him long before she met me because she wasnt sure who else talk to. A couple of months later I walked into the picture. I gave her the screen name and password to this site so she could read the responses,she could have posted her side of the story. I just got off the phone with her and she was upset with all the negative replies, the only thing she commented on where I misrepresented the truth is he drank ALLOT more than I was aware of and his drinking wasn't only limited to the weekend. She had been telling him for years to stop drinking and he didnt. He knew there was a problem and if he didn't fix the problem he was going to lose his wife which is exactly what happened.

I believe in the golden rule, I believe in Karma. I was married for 13 years and my wife told me she wanted a divorce because she was homesick and wanted to be with her family that was 1300 mikes away. I didnt have to deal with infidelity but it still hurt and there is no way I would want someone else to feel that kind of pain because of me.

I just told her she needs to go back to her ex, sure it hurts but anytime you have two people who keep saying they want nothing to do with the other but cant stop calling and texting each other speaks volumes. He went as far as saying she was the reason why he drank more and she'd still text him back if he were to text her tells me regardless of what he says about her she'll give him the attention he needs regardless of how it effects me and will do everything possible to hide their relationship. At least she was honest with him, thats more than I got.

Do I deserve this? Yeah I guess I do to a certain degree but what I deserved more was the truth. What's even more upsetting is I was actually begging for the truth for such a long time and I was given anything but. Had she told me 3 years ago that she was still in contact with her ex as much as she was I would have bowed out of the picture and moved on with my life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #23 ·
You state that he still took her calls and answered her text for at least 3 years after they D. Why would I allow someone who completely disregarded my feelings back into my life even as a friend?

The answer= she never ended it with him. She never left him other then legally divorce him and moved in with you. You have her tell you how bad her ex was, and you have the ex telling you how bad she is. Yet for all this badness they have been in communication for over 3 years since the D.

Now you have years of texts, etc. a pair of socks that don't belong to you. Hel* she does not even know your socks and you have been living together for how long? I rarely do the laundry and I know my socks, my son's socks and my wife's socks.
You are so right, just because they were divorced by no means they stopped caring about each other.

When I first found out about their "friendship" I sent him a private message on FB. I dont quite remember what it said but it wasnt nasty or threatening. When I told my g/f about it the first thing she said was "you didnt hurt his feelings did you?" My jaw hit the ground. His feelings, what about my feelings? She said she didnt want to drag him into this and hurt him more than he's been hurt. I told her she was the one that brought him into this and if he got hurt it was on her not me.

The day he sent a text after he was told to let it go I was irate. I called him and said some choice words to him thats when he talked trash about her and she heard how he really felt about her. She wasnt upset about what he said about her she was upset because of what I told him. Unbelievable.When it came between him and I she always chose to protect his feelings over mine

Just admitting to this on an open forum even though no one here knows me I feel like a spineless, pathetic fool. Who allows anyone to treat them like that knowing that person cares for someone else?
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
OP,

What I presume by reading your story is this:

She's not the type to be without a man. I doubt she'd ever leave you before she has another one the hook. But you can count on her planning another exit. Perhaps it's the ex, but if not it will be someone else.

She is a compulsive liar and an attention seeker.

She not only had a EA with her ex, but a PA. I mean really, what's in it for her ex otherwise.

She may be 51, but she has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.

Be thankful you didn't marry her. You deserve better.
Your presumptions are spot on.

She read the replies to this entire thread and is now saying theres nothing left for us to talk about. Rather than coming home she went to watch her grandsons football practice so she wouldnt have to deal with the problems she created. She sent me a text telling me she'd be home but she had to run an errand first. I know her well enough to know that when she's being vague she's up to no good. Why Im I hanging on so tightly to someone that doesnt give a shi*t about me? I know its over, who takes 3 years to make their ex feel better but only 2 months to fix the problems shes created for me in my life? Thank you all
 

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Discussion Starter · #29 ·
You're not a fool. Just a guy who loves a woman. A bad woman. Move on and next time choose more carefully.
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Bandit in all honesty when it comes to making a commitment with a woman Im the last person that you can count on. I was married twice and never strayed but dating was different.

3 years ago I thought I met someone who was worth changing my ways and making the commitment I hadnt been able to make before. Had I known this woman who calls herself a Christian, listens to or reads the bible everyday would be the biggest lair I've ever hooked up with there is no way I would have mad such a commitment. Hell, she was a deconess at her church, I mean how can you go wrong with someone who believes so strongly in the lord?
 

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Discussion Starter · #33 ·
The divorce rate among "Christians" in the U.S. is the same as for the general population. "Evangelical Christians" have an even higher divorce rate. If you want to know why, click the link below:

Christian denial and institutional resistance to change. | Dalrock
Thank you for the link but the only thing that matters is she's not willing to put the work in to make what she's done to me right. All I can see is she was willing to give her ex 3 years of her live to ease his pain and gave me 2 months of lying and going behind my back and more than likely cheating on me. All I ever asked for was the truth and to be treated like a human being and I got none of that. When she had a the chance to let me go she didnt and made me believe she was sincere so I held on to that. Truth is she doesnt care and never did. Thank you all for taking the time to help me through the most difficult time in my life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #35 ·
Tug, your story sounds eerily familiar to me... and I know the heartbreak you may be going through.

I'd suggest you have a peek at Borderline Personality Disorder; some of what you describe could meet that criteria in your gf's behaviour.

Oddly enough, my ex broke up with me under bizarre conditions, and two years later, was still sending me text messages that ranged from "still loving you" to outright utter crazed bizarreness.. and I know that during our relationship, she regularly kept in touch with her ex (as well as other men from her past).

It's called "triangulation." The odd thing was it was behaviour she would accuse me of, which was absolutely not what I did at all. The odd time I would talk to my ex-wife because of some issue with our children, my ex would suddenly accuse me of secretly planning on getting back together - even though my ex-wife and I have been separated/divorced since 1997.

The advice given to you is what I wish I heard, five years ago... being with someone like what you describe can utterly change and destroy you.
Race car man this woman has been sexually molested from the ages of 4 years old to 9 years old. Does she have issues? Im sure she does unfortnetly when I didnt know how severe they were till it was to late.
 

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Discussion Starter · #39 ·
Tug, I feel your pain. She's a attention seeker / co-dependent can't belone. If she didn't have you there, I bet she has many ships ready to come into port. You have to take some blame in this. Sorry to say...you started seeing her when she living with her ex still. Don't be someone rebound. She was only looking for someone to warm her bed.

Tug, four years ago my 26 years marriage ended. He had a affair. Guess what? His relationship is now sour and he started texting me after four years. People like these can't stand alone. Go be with a women who knows what she has when she is with you. Block her number she only using you!
Thank you Here, last night I told her she needed to say it was over and thats exactly what she did. Like an idiot this morning I asked her to stay home from work so we could talk. First she said no than she said she'd only work a half day than she said she'd stay home the entire day. Here telling me she'd go to work half a day makes me believe that theres something going on at work. She cant drive but yet she HAD to go in for half a day. Does that sound suspicious?

She has seizures, here lately she's had 2 grand mal seizures the first time she had one they made her stop driving for 30 days she had the second one 45 days after the first and she told her Dr she wasnt going to drive for 3 months which is the standard rule and the Dr said thats what she was going to recommend. A week later she was behind the wheel and driving as if she never had a seizure. I told her she needs to get a release from her Dr, if she has a seizure while she's driving she could kill someone. She naturally thinks Im trying to make her life hard on her but none of this is my doing. She lied to the Dr and led her to believe she wasnt going to drive for 3 months and the DR concurred. Had she been honest with the Dr and the Dr didnt see a problem with her driving than its out of my hands.

She's actually mad at me because she feels she cant depend on me to give her a ride to and from work. I told her I actually enjoy taking her and picking her up, it gives us one on one time together without any distractions but if she cant keep her word for more than a day than I'll be damed if Im going to do anything to make her life any easier. Now her daughter picks her up 2 hours early because of her schedule and she has to take the bus home. Once she gets off the bus its a 5 mile walk home.I could pick her up at the bus stop but again she's completely destroyed my life I see no reason in helping someone who disrespects me as much as she does. She's essentially turned an 8 hour day into a 12 -13 hour day. If she needs someone to give her a ride Im sure he ex will be more than happy to donate his services.

The relationship is over not because I want it to be but because she feels that she has tried for nearly 2 months to show me she's sincere and according to her nothings worked but when it came to her ex she gave him 3 years of her life and sacrificed my feelings and our relationship to make him feel better. Whats wrong with this picture?
 

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Discussion Starter · #41 · (Edited)
Update; She cant drive because her grand mal seizures so in order for her to see that my heart was in the right place I offered to get up at 4:30 and give her a ride home at 2"30. The entire time she was questioning my integrity so I finally said "fine walk". I have just got off her Verizon account and opened a t-mobile account. She doesn't know it yet but she will soon be hit with a 300.00 early termination fee.
 

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Discussion Starter · #44 · (Edited)
I'm going to be harsher than most.

I've read this whole thread, and before I even came to her post, I already concluded as did Antheia; I think you are highly controlling, and that's why she doesn't care what you think. She's wanted an out for a long time. All the controlling and invasive phone calls and calling the ex etc, I mean, where's your dignity?


Metta
Ms Metta, Im going to lay it on the line. I have mold hypersensitiveness which means I am extremely sensitivity to something that is everywhere but I cant see. Her house is/was moldy, in order for me to stay here I have to inject my thigh with a supplement called glutathione it has to be frozen, it cost $180.00/month. Because of mold I have had to move 13 times in the past two years because I couldn't find a safe place to stay and each and everytime I'd move I would have to throw away what few clothes I had and start all over with nothing but the clothes on my back. Last winter the hotel room I was in was making me so sick I had abandon it in the middle of blizzard and sleep in my truck, all I had were the clothes on my back. I was so cold that I thought I would freeze to death and was upset the next morning when I woke up because I didnt freeze to death, thats how hopeless my situations is/was.

I have been hospitalized on several occasions and each time I was hospitalized she came and saw me once. According to our cell phone records she was calling or texting the entire time I was in the hospital.

This is her house and even though I pay rent when she's done watching the tv and Im on the laptop but still watching tv she turns it off. I have to have an air purifier in my bedroom and the living room, one day before she went to work she was upset for God only knows what and unplugged the air purifier making it harder for me to breath. The glutathione I mentioned earlier has to be keept frozen and she has the key to the deep freeze. A couple of weeks ago I called and asked her where the key was, she said she didnt know. I knew she knew where it was so I kept texting her, she finally, responded "why should I tell you?" I had to go the compounding pharmacy and buy more thats how sick i was. When she came home she unlocked the freezer

Im on her cell phone account and we are both administrators, when she gets mad at me for whatever it is and she doesnt like that I've unintentionally done she takes me off the account. The phone still works but I cant see what the bill is or any of my activity. She's not giving me anything I pay 50% of the bill but yet because she gets mad at anything I do she makes it impossible for me to access an account I pay for. Why would I stay on an account that I pay for but cant access?

If Im controlling as you say than why was I the one begging/crying for her to treat me like she treats everyone else or just give me what she demanded, the truth? She thought I was talking to some woman on my phone not to long ago, when she went on break I didnt take her call was outraged. When we finally did talk she called me every name in the book and broke up with me. When I told her it was my mom she actually made me swear on my mothers soul (which I wouldnt do) that it was my mom and MADE me give her my moms phone number to verify I was talking to her. In the meantime she's calling and texting her ex, calling and texting another male co-worker and someone she met on FB and until recently I knew none of it.

Regardless I love this woman but I have given her dozens of opportunities to end the relationship and I swore I wouldn't beg or cry if she broke up with me. I'd get what few things mold hasnt taken away from me and I'd leave. She chose to be with me, no one forced or manipulated her. She made the decision to work on the relationship on her own free will. How am I controlling?

SHE HAS GRAND MAL SEIZURES that can strike at anytime. She lied to her Dr and said she wouldnt drive and her Dr said she wouldnt recommend getting behind the wheel. How would you feel if you lost a family member because someone was driving who had a history of Grand Mal seizures, was told not to drive but drove anyway? I told her yesterday it doesnt matter to me if she drives or not, if she kills someone thats on her not me. She saw my point of view and is having someone take her to work and is catching the bus home. Again, thats her decision not mine


I would be very curious to know what her response would be to my post. Or, if you are controlling, perhaps this is one you would make sure she doesn't see? And if so, would you be afraid that she might agree with some of it? A person who is not a bully or abusive or overly controlling would feel totally confident in showing my post to their partner. A person who does exhibit those behaviours, however, would not want to show it for fear of being confirmed. And if this is you, then you might need to get some help to enact some behaviour and attitude changes yourself if you are ever to sustain a healthy relationship.
She has the screen name and the password to this account and even though I encouraged her to respond to any of this she chose not to. She'll tell her family and friends what an evil monster I am but refuses to allow me equal time so I can explain how she has completely broke me down and Im not anything like the person she's made me out to be. I want her to post but she refuses, thats how controlling I am.
 

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Discussion Starter · #45 · (Edited)
If you have to get her to stop emotionally cheating by force, then it's not really her doing the deciding. She wants to cheat. You cannot change that with threats.
Sick, she constantly reminds me that she hasn't talked to her ex since I told him to let go and move on. My reply is that had i not found out and made her stop texting him it would have never stopped. I told her because she was basically forced to stop texting him and didnt want to stop that it's just a matter of time till she starts up again. He'll find a reason to text her and she'll justify replying and it wont stop.

She's wised up and realized that we shared cell phone accounts and could see whose calling her or texting her. She can control who she calls but cant control who calls her. It looks suspicious when she gets a call from the same number on numerous occasions during the course of the day, she talks to that person for no more than a few minutes and hangs up. She's got her work phone and can call that number from there. She knows that if I saw her talking on her cell phone for an extended period of time to the same number I'd ask her about it. Liars cheat and cheaters lie, she's all that and more.


I'm going to catch heat for this but....

Never look for a wife in church. I'm a Christian, I've got nothing against Christian women, but I have been around enough to know that about 50% of the single or divorced women in church are screwed up beyond belief, and most of them are hypocrites like your old lady.

Nah, ditch this chick.
Bandit you are wise beyond your years. I have told my ex for years that IMO Christians are some of the biggest hypocrites around. We were going to a Christian church and there was something about the Pastor I didnt like. Come to find out after going to that church for a couple of months that very pastor was fired because he was having an affair with a woman he was counseling to help her fix her marriage. Please understand I dont think all Christians are like this just the preacher of a church we were going to and my ex
 

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Discussion Starter · #47 ·
I just found a text message that my EX girlfriend sent to her snake in the grass daughter. She has apperently been using her daughters iCould email address to post on Craigs list. My g/f created her own craigslist account when she sold her iPhone so why she would need her daughters iCloud account is beyond me. Something tells me she's posting on the personals
 

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Discussion Starter · #49 ·
Your girlfriend is slime. Sorry Tug but its the truth.

Get out of there.
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Bandit you are so right and it hurts like hell. She keeps saying how much she loves me and cares for me but keeps lying. Im not sure if she's telling me how much she cares to spare my feelings, if thats the case why cant she see making me believe something that isnt is only going to make it worst on me.

Because of my illness I cant just go to any hotel or apartment. Finding a safe place to live is a very complicated procedure. I know quite a few people who live in tents in the desert because of their mold hypersensitivity. I met someone on a mold forum, her and I became very good close friends because we felt each others pain. Ultimately she felt like she had run out of options and couldn't find a safe place to live so she took her own life. She sent me an email right after she took the phenobarbitol (sp) telling me she was sorry but she just couldn't take running from mold anymore. The reason why we became so close is we both knew we were running out of options due to mold and felt suicide was the only way out. PLEASE understand I AM NOT suicidal I just have a long hard road ahead of me and doing it with a broken heart only makes it worst.
 

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Discussion Starter · #52 ·
Tug,

1. Health - sorry... Frankly speaking, don't know what to suggest...

2. GF: You told that your GF invested a lot to make her house good for you so, obviously, she cared about you and your needs.

3. Regarding future place for living - you lived somewhere before you moved in with your current GF... So, it's possible to find such a place again - you did it before. I am just thinking that probably your best option would be to have your own place and your GF moves in with you?

4. The other thing - you developed online close friendship with a woman who committed suicide. It hurts badly to lose such a close friend. TAM would classify that as EA I guess... I also assume (maybe wrongly) that your GF didn't know about that woman...

I would suggest that you re-evaluate your current situation and all the factors on a rational level and then make your decision.
I have to admit Im pretty desperate but not so desperate to do anything foolish enough to harm myself others please understand that. I've been kicked to the curb before I survived the heartache than I'll survive it now.

We'll call my friend who took her life Carla. Carla lived in Australia so we never met and I only saw a picture she sent me via email. When I met Carla I had just moved from the 4 or 5th ****roach motel in less than 3 months ( I had to rent by the month since it was cheaper, 2 years I had to move 14 times due to mold). Everytime I moved it was because there was a water leak and mold was allowed to grow or the HVAC in the motel became moldy so when I moved into the hotel I'd have new clothes (cant used clothes from Goodwill) and within days would start to feel sick again so I'd have to leave that hotel and find another one, discard all my newly purchased clothes and start the process all over again which is exactly what happened to Carla.

Anyway, my g/f broke up with me and I ran out of money and places to move to so I moved into my sisters house but after a couple of weeks started getting sick again which is when Carla and I started emailing one another even though my sisters house was making me sick I had no choice but to stay there. One night I went back to my g/f's house to talk and I started feeling better. I ended groveling my way back into her life and its been one fight after another since. We were either fighting that I was spending to much time on the internet trying to regain my health after my mold exposure or the men my g/f was flirting with (her words) on FB, she never even mentioned her ex. At the time sadly the only thing Carla and I talked about was suicide, we both knew time was running out and we had no other options and yes i told my g/f about my friendship with Carla when I moved back in with her.

I dont want my relationship to end with my g/f and I know for a fact she's not talking to her ex. He called my g/f's daughter and told her to tell her mom (my g/f) he wants absolutely nothing to do with her. The problem Im having is for the last 3 years my g/f would put me through hell if I talked or even looked at another woman but she was calling or texting not just her ex but according to her phone records several men. I asked her last night if she was going to make an appointment for couples therapy and she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to go only because she knows I'll keep looking for more things that happened 2-3 years ago and she'll have to answer for them and shes right to a degree. I told her that if she loved me and cared for me as much as she says she does than she wouldnt hesitate calling a therapist.

She said I could continue to live with her but watching her move on with her life while Im still trying to put my life back together due to her cheating and lying would be more than I could handle.
 
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