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Emotionally cheating with ex

13030 Views 70 Replies 24 Participants Last post by  tug
This is going to be long but I'll give the shortened version.

Im not married but have been living with my g/f for 4 years, were in our mid 50's so were by no means spring chickens.

I met my g/f within weeks of her getting a divorce but because they couldnt sell their house her and her ex continued to live together. Our problems started about 3 years ago when I found out what she was doing on FB. She was flat out flirting with other guys, telling them how wonderful they were and treating them better than she was treating me. She was asking these "old friends" for their phone numbers abut never told me what she was doing. When I found out about FB I gave her an ultimatum FB or me!

She chose me and gave me her word she'd never get on FB but during that time I knew something wasn't right so I checked out our cell phone bill and apparently she was spending allot of time texting and calling her ex and never said a thing to me about it. She lied one day and said she was going to go the gym and ended up talking to her ex for 90 minutes instead.

A couple of months later I saw she had sent him a text by than I had enough so I told her to send him a text telling him their friendship was over and its time to move on. When I asked her to see the text she said she deleted it, when I looked at our phone records one was never sent. She said she didnt want to hurt him again and wanted to do it by phone while she was at work the following day. I made her send the text right than and there.

I just recently found out that her and her ex have been going behind my back texting and calling each other for at least 3 years and she was the one that would ALWAYS call him. All I ever asked this woman to do is to be open and honest with me and her response would be "Im not doing anything I cant do in front of you" or "Im being completely honest" but shes been anything but.

When I found out how long they were in contact I was extremely hurt. For 3 years I begged her to be honest with me and she said she was. Now Im mad as hell because she intentionally deceived me and did everything possible to hide her emotional affair with her ex and intentionally hurt me in the process. Now that the damage is done and cats out of the bag she says she's sorry and wants to work it out but how can I ever think she's going to be honest with me when she hasnt been able to when thats all i was asking her to do?

Her and her ex have no reason to stay in contact, if they had kids together or had business related matters I would completely understand, her excuse for constantly contacting him without telling me is she wanted to try to ease his pain. Are you kidding me?
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My wife made me dinner, had sex with me, spent countless hours looking for a new house so we could be together instead of me living apart from her during the week, paid the bills, etc, etc, etc. All the while cheating on me.

The sacrifices are pointless if she is still involved with other men or another man (IMO).

And the fact that what her ex said on the speaker phone did not bother her in the least. WTH. I told my wife many things about the XOM and she even called him an as*ho*e, after D-day 1 in 2011. Yet she was still seeing him. In the military we call it a feint. It is an action to mislead, to distract, to fake, to draw the opponent into thinking something otherwise.
In May my wif stopped lying. But as I look back on all the lies, big and small it is all a sign of disrespect. Why be truthful about anything if you don't respect the person? Why stay in contact with the ex if she wanted to leave him so badly over his drinking? What stay in contact for over 3 years behind your back?

Don't you think that the socks belonged to someone who left them in your house?

This woman beneath the surfice is very cold and cunning (IMO).

I believe you are being played big time.
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We met at the gym, because I asked her if I could work in with her she thought I was interested. After that we'd seen each other around town which is very odd when you consider the size of town we live in. We'd see each other at the gym and she pursued me even though she was married. We spent time talking in her truck but it never advanced into a sexual relationship because she was married, that went on for about a month than she told me she told her soon to be ex she wanted a divorce. She told him that she couldn't deal with his drinking anymore but she knew the real reason why she was leaving him it was because of me, she tries to justify it saying she told him two years before that she wanted a divorce unless he stopped drinking and he never did. Before we had sex I made her show me the divorce papers, I didnt want to think that I was the one that broke up their marriage. They lived together for 10 months after the divorce was final but he knew about me within days of her telling him she wanted a divorce.

For the life of me I cant figure why a man would want to stay in contact with his ex knowing she had emotionally bonded with another man, sex or not. She gave me emotions she wasnt willing to give to her ex and he still took her calls and answered her texts for at least 3 years after they were divorced.
I told her now that I leave to lose my number and never call or text me. Why would I allow someone who completely disregarded my feelings back into my life even as a friend? Besides what kind of "friend" does that?
Why aren't you asking this, "Why for the life of me I cant figure out why a woman would want to stay in contact with her ex knowing she left him due to his drinking, after she had emotionally bonded with another man, sex or not?"

You state that he still took her calls and answered her text for at least 3 years after they D. Why would I allow someone who completely disregarded my feelings back into my life even as a friend?

The answer= she never ended it with him. She never left him other then legally divorce him and moved in with you. You have her tell you how bad her ex was, and you have the ex telling you how bad she is. Yet for all this badness they have been in communication for over 3 years since the D.

Now you have years of texts, etc. a pair of socks that don't belong to you. Hel* she does not even know your socks and you have been living together for how long? I rarely do the laundry and I know my socks, my son's socks and my wife's socks.

Like I said before, the two of them are playing you for some reason and playing you big time.
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You are so right, just because they were divorced by no means they stopped caring about each other.

When I first found out about their "friendship" I sent him a private message on FB. I dont quite remember what it said but it wasnt nasty or threatening. When I told my g/f about it the first thing she said was "you didnt hurt his feelings did you?" My jaw hit the ground. His feelings, what about my feelings? She said she didnt want to drag him into this and hurt him more than he's been hurt. I told her she was the one that brought him into this and if he got hurt it was on her not me.

The day he sent a text after he was told to let it go I was irate. I called him and said some choice words to him thats when he talked trash about her and she heard how he really felt about her. She wasnt upset about what he said about her she was upset because of what I told him. Unbelievable.When it came between him and I she always chose to protect his feelings over mine

Just admitting to this on an open forum even though no one here knows me I feel like a spineless, pathetic fool. Who allows anyone to treat them like that knowing that person cares for someone else?
She was not upset by what he said because she knew the truth. And of course she protected the one she loves.

So you realize that you are a pathetic fool and are spineless. Now that you had your little pity party, move on. She has been fooling you for years. She never gave a mouse turd about you. If she had, she would never have continued with the ex. No one who really cares about a person would behave in such an immature way.

She is a cheating lying idiot and is not worth your time.

At least you are not married. And her ex is right about her. That is more than likely one truth he has told you.
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