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Discussion Starter #1
I've read a lot of about emotional affairs and how they often follow a script.

F102 posted a great rundown here.

I'm wondering if anyone here has experience with a completely one-sided version, at least at first, where the OM/OW does all the complaining.

We've all had those friends who call you every so often and talk and talk about the bad things in their lives. If you're a good friend, you listen politely and try to offer what feedback you can. You might be annoyed, or playing solitaire while you listen, but you can't be rude and just tell them to get over their problems.

Has anyone here ever seen this type of thing turn into a mutual emotional exchange? Is it used as a tactic for a fishing OM/OW to hook a spouse into an emotional affair? Seems like it's a gamble, unless you're really good at not being annoying.

Premium Member
2,426 Posts
My EA may qualify. My AP complained about her marriage to me a fair amount while I never complained about mine to her because I had nothing to complain about. It's possible my AP was using it as a way to build a quicker emotional connection with me, but I also spent a lot of time telling her that she (we) needed to focus on our marriages and not each other. That if she put the energy into her husband that she was putting into me she might be happier.

My AP didn't really have to work that hard at creating a connection with me - we were old HS flames and chemistry wasn't an issue so my situation may not be what you're looking for.

3,563 Posts
Thanks for referencing my thread. I originally wrote it in response to one poster whose W had reconnected to an ex-BF on Facebook, and it outlined how it can go from "Hey, how's it going?" to "I hate my H's guts and I'm leaving him for you!"

Here's the unabridged version:

Right now, the texts/conversations may very well be just two old friends catching up but soon, if left unchecked, may very well morph into:

Their lives since they parted
Their relationships since they parted
Their families
Their spouses
How you're an excellent father
How you're a great husband
How you're a wonderful guy
Your job
How your job keeps you busy
How your job keeps you away
How she sometimes feels a little lonely when you're away
How she sometimes feels a little overburdened at home
How she sometimes feels a little taken for granted
How she feels that you don't ALWAYS listen to her
How she feels that you don't ALWAYS understand her
How she feels that sometimes you're just "not there" for her
How, okay... you're not ALWAYS such a wonderful guy
How she loved hearing from him again
How she looks forward to his texts/calls/e-mails now
How she feels young again
How she feels appreciated again
How she feels attractive again
How it's so nice to have someone who just LISTENS to her again
How it's been so, so long since you made her feel that way
How her eyes have now been opened
How she now realizes what she truly wants and needs
How she now realizes that you could NEVER give her that
How insensitive you can be some times
How you can be a real jerk sometimes
How she wonders if they would have stayed together
How she now realizes that she never really loved you
How she now realizes that she really loved him all along
How she ever could have fallen for a jerk like you
How you're the biggest a++hole she's ever known
How you're standing in the way of her true happiness
How you ruined her life
How she made a big mistake marrying you
How she made an even bigger mistake letting him go
How now she sees that they were really meant to be together
How she desperately has to get away from you
How she's definitely going to leave you
How she's talking to divorce lawyers
How they're going to live happily ever after...

...get the picture?
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