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OP,
I believe your psychologist to be mostly accurate. The way the brain is hardwired is impossible to change. You made a comparison using racism. Think about that for a moment. How does one become racist? I was raised in a very racially biased household. By all accounts I should have turned out to be a racist. However, as I matured and my thoughts became my own I saw no basis for racism. I saw people of varying ethnic backgrounds based on ability rather than color.

How one arrives at their opinions and the views they form indeed vary widely from individual to individual and that basic thought process changes very little, if at all. If it were possible to change then their would be no racism, no cheaters, murderers, drug addicts nor any other form of deviant behavior. There would be only one political party and the world would be a much better place to live.

Sadly that is not the case. Now it is possible to place facts in front of someone, irrefutable evidence, and have that person deny those facts because they cannot process the information in a way that brings the obvious conclusion. Take the poster that shared their story regarding their sick H. He is only mid thirties and yet is facing a terminal illness that will slowly, painfully kill him and yet she indicated his thoughts never went to infidelity because his thought process put his wife and her needs above his own. Yours did not and what you must see and understand is why.

Your thought process was able to put you above your W, your kids, your family, all of that, why? It is because that as the intellect develops it brings the realization that we are not the center of the universe. The world was not made for us and the people in it are not there as filler material to our life. Some reach this level of development, many more do not. Now it is possible, unlikely, but possible that you acted completely out of character. The reason this is unlikely is because usually when someone is faced with adversity their true character comes out.

If this incident is far and away not your normal behavior then it is possible that you were overwhelmed and acted irrationally however, if that were the case then your own guilt and angst over the situation would be more than sufficient to insure that it would never happen again. Counseling would be of little to no use in regard to your ability to repeat that behavior. So then what you must accept is that if your behavior was/is indicative of your normal response then you will need to be vigilant and mindful going forward to prevent a repeat of this occurrence.

If this is not indicative of your normal behavior then there is little chance it can happen again because of the overwhelming anguish this has caused you. I have heard of this occurring a scant few times on this board but I am only personally familiar with one instance. The poster's name is "Losinghim" and her thread is "Under a Microscope". She was also the WS and it may benefit you to see her journey after her betrayal and the way she beat herself up for her misdeed. Her event has changed her life forever, not so much because of what someone else did to her but rather because of what she has done to herself. Her contrition was/is deep and heartfelt.

You are the only one who knows how you truly feel inside and therefore the only one qualified to acknowledge which category this falls into. It is promising that you have come here seeking help and if you are truly sincere you will find it.
 
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