[diwali123]

How do you deal with it when you are embarrassed by them? You know when they show up at the kids' school events or dance recitals and you just don't want anyone to know that you married this idiot?
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[Mavash.]

Realize it's all in your head. Most people don't give a second thought to who you once were married to. Even if he's awful I'd assume you were young, stupid, he was different then, etc. We all make mistakes and I for one would not judge you for this one.

Something about glass houses and stones comes to mind.

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

I don't go to some events because it's awkward as he tries to hang with me and because of how he acts, people assume we're a couple, then he doesn't correct them! It's especially creepy when he comes late to dance recitals and sits to the back and side of me and then watches me rather than the kids. Or when I come out of the ladies room and he is waiting there outside the door because he wants to talk to me about something, especially when I didn't see him when I went in there. Makes me feel as though I'm being stalked. I usually just invite someone to go with me like a friend, or if I end up going alone, I will sit with a group of parents I know. I don't mean to exclude my kids' dad, but honestly, it is not a date and he treats it like one. It's like he will think of inane questions to ask me just so he can talk to me. Sorry, buddy you had your chance to have a normal relationship with me and you blew it. It's great your kids want you to come to their stuff, but it's not a date, and it will never be a date! As for having been with him and having people see him in public, no I don't have a problem with that, knowing who I was with in my past...but I don't want people thinking that we are together now, which is what he would like them to think, and sometimes, it seems as though that's what he would like too. That is just never going to happen. No way, no how. I never married him, and when people call him my ex-husband, I do correct them and say we had kids together but not ever married.

 

[Jellybeans]

How do you deal with it when you are embarrassed by them? You know when they show up at the kids' school events or dance recitals and you just don't want anyone to know that you married this idiot?

:rofl:

So funny.

Just stay away from them at these events if you can. Be cordial but don't go out of you way to talk to them.

Kinda reminds me of mine. He started posting all this really icky stuff publically on his FB page about men and their erections and how he wants two women and etc and my friend was telling me about these postings I felt so embarassed for him (and for myself that this is someone I married--though he was not like that when we were together).

I just laughed it off and said "He's probably going through a crisis" and changed the subject.



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[diwali123]

Here's the deal. He looks horrible. He wears over sized T shirts inside out, sometimes with holes. Wears over sized khaki pants with the cuffs rolled up. He has crazy hair, refuses to get it cut by a pro, it either looks dirty and greasy or fluffy and messy. He rarely shaves and has stubble that isn't cool. I don't know why bit a lot of times he has sores on his face. He isn't using neth because he is too over weight for that.
My daughter's brownie troop is having events that he has to take her to and I just don't want the other parents to know I was married to this weird slobby dirty idiot. Sigh.
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[diwali123]

Homemaker that is odd. Mine has done stuff like that whole his gf is with him and with my h and parents. I think he just wants everyone to think that we get along and that he's a great person and a great dad. I just don't really feel like I have to hang out with him at her events at all.
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[norajane]

Here's the deal. He looks horrible. He wears over sized T shirts inside out, sometimes with holes. Wears over sized khaki pants with the cuffs rolled up. He has crazy hair, refuses to get it cut by a pro, it either looks dirty and greasy or fluffy and messy. He rarely shaves and has stubble that isn't cool. I don't know why bit a lot of times he has sores on his face. He isn't using neth because he is too over weight for that.
My daughter's brownie troop is having events that he has to take her to and I just don't want the other parents to know I was married to this weird slobby dirty idiot. Sigh.
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Maybe they'll think, "wow, look how he fell apart after his divorce...", or "huh, I can see why she divorced him..." or "oh, I need to do the laundry..."

It really doesn't matter what anyone is thinking. It's good for your daughter that he is an involved parent, and that's the most important thing. Hold your head high - you married a man who cares about his daughter...that's what matters in the end.

 

[Holland]

Wow that is awful, he sounds like he is in a mess. Just keep away from him at events and know that he is not a reflection of you, don't worry about what you think other people are thinking.

My ex and I get along well (haha better now than when we were married) and we go to functions together, Christmas together with the kids etc. Sometimes people think we are married when we are at school functions with the kids as we sit as a family. We have had a couple of awkward moments when we have had to say "we are divorced" and people give us that look of "then why are you sitting together and being nice to each other?"

You can't help what others are thinking and it really doesn't matter.

 

[Nsweet]

Can you find a better looking and better dressed man, and just pass that guy off as your husband? I mean if no one knows then you can introduce your best friend as your husband and make your stbx look crazy for claming other wise. "Yeah, llike I'd be married to you.".

 

[ScarletBegonias]

i feel rude saying this but i feel it needs to be said..

who cares what everyone else thinks of you and your ex? You aren't with him anymore and the reasons are plain to see...I don't think people go around looking at you and your ex thinking 'omg something is wrong with her,look what she married and divorced!!'

people are usually too self absorbed in their own world/issues/thoughts to concern themselves with the mess you aren't married to anymore.

 

[In_The_Wind]

i feel rude saying this but i feel it needs to be said..

who cares what everyone else thinks of you and your ex? You aren't with him anymore and the reasons are plain to see...I don't think people go around looking at you and your ex thinking 'omg something is wrong with her,look what she married and divorced!!'

people are usually too self absorbed in their own world/issues/thoughts to concern themselves with the mess you aren't married to anymore.

Sometime people are so embarrased about their ex and how they turned out to be At one time i know i was My ex turned out to have a major drug addiction and would not step up and become a parent when our daughter was born anyway i ended up divorcing her when our daughter was 2 and recieved full custody of her at 3 and she is know 21 and doing great her mother through out the years and been bouncing in and out of jail due to drugs at times i felt like i was embarrased about marring her and what not however i love my daughter to death
and would not change that aspect I also feel like at the time i was suffering from low self esteem based on my exes behaviors anyway this last june / july she got out of jail and my daughter has talked to her a few times i have never tried to keep her away from her mother nor have i said anything about her mother other than she is a real piece of work, my daughter has had the opportunity to know her and has made her own decision about her she came to me this past summer and said how come you never told me about my mom I said well you probably would not have believed me and would have felt that it was just sour grapes on my part and plus i wanted you to have your experience with her anyway thats my take on this topic

 

[ScarletBegonias]

i just don't understand why people get embarrassed over it.That person fell apart...it isn't your fault or your problem that they're a mess of a human being.

It's bizarre to think people even care about what you married.People have their own problems to worry about.

 

[Dollystanford]

happily I don't have this problem as we have managed to split our lives so perfectly that we never have to see each other unless it's to sort out legal stuff and we certainly never go to the same social functions. He never came to D's school things anyway as he was always working

which I suppose says it all, no?

 

[Sbrown]

I feel sorry for who my ex became. When I see the oozing sores from the meth use and the rotted teeth and just total lack of hygiene I can't help but feel some empathy for her.

Oh and to the OP I have known LOTS of fat meth heads. Sometimes they still eat out of habit.

 

[diwali123]

Honestly I was thinking about it and it's not me, it's my daughter. I feel sorry her. I just hope and pray that none of the kids say anything to her about how bad he looks.
He was like this when we started dating but he was in college, we had no money and it was the grunge era. I thought at some point he would grow up but he never did.
I hate that she had to be seen with him. Maybe that is horrible. I just can't believe it sometimes that he thinks this is ok.
Whatever, there is nothing I can do about it if he wants to look like a crazy homeless person.
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[EnjoliWoman]

You'd think he'd want to step up his game just to date if nothing else. At some point your daughter will guide him in his wardrobe I bet. Let her get him a nice golf shirt for Father's Day. Then she can ask him to wear that shirt she gave him.

My ex embarrasses me by being a know-it-all so I just stand to the side acting nonplussed and fortunately he always makes a point of saying we're divorced.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

Honestly I was thinking about it and it's not me, it's my daughter. I feel sorry her.
I hate that she had to be seen with him. Maybe that is horrible. I just can't believe it sometimes that he thinks this is ok.
Whatever, there is nothing I can do about it if he wants to look like a crazy homeless person.
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this i can totally understand.I feel sorry for my child bc of how his father behaves in front of people.It sucks growing up with a parent you're ashamed of

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

Well, I don't like it that he sits and stares at me. I'm not worried what other people think. It's just that he's creepy. He's the kind of guy that pulls up in front of the house and will not call on cell or knock to let us know he's here for the kids. Instead he'll look through the windows and stare in at us while we're unaware. It's just weird. And creepy. He always sits in back and to the side of me, so that he can see my face but I can't see his unless I turn around. I usually move after he's seated but hey he comes in late so that I can't now. I usually get someone to sit next to me to block the view. Then he waits for me outside the ladies room, in order to talk to me and be seen talking to me. It's gross, creepy, and unnerving. I never said I cared what other people thought! lol.

Oh, and he has gone to stuff when he had the kids, and I was there too, and my daughter had soiled her diaper and he wasn't going to go and change her, and he had sat next to me and there was a huge stench, and people looked at me like I should do something. Well, I didn't have a diaper bag. Finally I had to tell him, look, people came for the Kindergartener's graduation and you're really spoiling it, she smells real bad, you need to change her. He said he didn't have a diaper bag with him, I was like wtf, you have a 1 year old and no diaper bag. So he had to leave and go to the truck to get stuff and then to change her...at the reception he had the kids on his picnic blanket and both kids were having huge tantrums and I could do nothing because he didn't want me to interfere with his visitation/custody rights. It was really awkward for everyone, I finally took my kids and took them out into the garden to calm them down. My friends had to console me.

 

[SomeDamagedGoods]

Honestly I was thinking about it and it's not me, it's my daughter. I feel sorry her. I just hope and pray that none of the kids say anything to her about how bad he looks.
He was like this when we started dating but he was in college, we had no money and it was the grunge era. I thought at some point he would grow up but he never did.
I hate that she had to be seen with him. Maybe that is horrible. I just can't believe it sometimes that he thinks this is ok.
Whatever, there is nothing I can do about it if he wants to look like a crazy homeless person.
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Devils advocate here.

Has your daughter said anything about his looks or feeling embarrassed about him? Perhaps she really doesn't care but might be happy that dad is there. Is it possible that you are extraordinarily sensitive to his looks (you are his ex - you can be hyper-critical) while everyone else is just looking past it?

 

[diwali123]

Ha no. She hasn't said anything except that he wears his shirts inside our and that she doesn't have to wear matching clothes at his house.
When she graduated from preschool one of my coworkers had a daughter in the same class. When he showed up she looked at me like "is that HIM???" I just nodded and she started laughing. her sister actually took pictures of him and his gf because they were so bizarre.
BTW he is living with my ex good friend and they have been together for four years.
He had on a sweater that had a black background and then big horizontal stripes in weird ugly colors, with nothing underneath. It was 70 degrees. He was wearing pants that were at least three sizes too big with huge cargo pockets. He had old beat up wrestling shoes on.
His gf looked like Minnie mouse. She had a polka dotted dress with a huge bow, flesh colored fish nets and shoes that looked like bowling shoes. She has shown up to dance recitals with three fourths of her huge pasty boobs out.
It's not just me. I didn't say a word and when my husband saw then
them the first time he couldn't believe we had ever been together and says he was blinded by her boobs.
Pretty much anyone who meets him says something about it to me later.
I mean if you saw a 40 year old man with crazy wild hair, his shirt inside out, pants that were huge and weird shoes, all scruffy faced looking dirty what would you think?
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